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Is my copywriter doing a good job? Should I give him another one?

by jimisan
87 replies
Hello,

I'm not good at writing so, I hired a copywriter to do the salescopy for me. I did all the contents uploading by myself. I don't know whether it's a good salescopy or not. I wish to know the weakness so that I could improve my website.

I hope you guys could assist me to review this salescopy and give me your honest opinions whether it'll convert sales or not. This is my first commercial product online, I hope to make an extra living out of it.

Should I give this copywriter another project?

Here is the link

Thank you.
#copywriter #copywriting #give #good #job #reviews
  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    The headline is silly. It means nothing because it has no reference to your product.

    You're also wasting a lot of valuable space above the fold with that group shot graphic of the medical types. That isn't necessarily the copywriter's fault but any copywriter worth hiring should have clued you in.

    I'll leave it there and let the others weigh in...
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  • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
    Originally Posted by jimisan View Post

    Should I give this copywriter another project?
    No.

    The header's too big, no need for the Copyscape and social media bit, the headline's not good and the facts aren't credible. And that's only above the fold!
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    It's from The School of No Idea. Not even Peruvian Viagra will get that page up.

    "Oprah's Jaw Will Drop When She Finds This". WTF. Oprah will run screaming from the room, more likely.

    Once again "Invest in a real copywriter" not somebody who doesn't have a bloody clue.
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  • Profile picture of the author RogozRazvan
    I think that the copy can be a lot better.
    1)The headline should enter a conversation that is already going in the prospect's mind. He is not doing this. Instead, he tries to go the "National Enquirer" style which may work in articles but not in copy. Trust me, people are very worried about their nutrition and how this affects their lives. They think about it kind of often ... and you should take full advantage of this.
    2) The headline (or pre-head) should get the attention of the target market or/and show your USP.
    Even "Attention: All male over 25 suffering from ..." is better than this version.
    3)You should have a clear and appealing offer.
    4)The picture is confusing.
    5)The sub-heads should tell a story of themselves. The reader usually reads the headline and skips around the page. The sub-heads must convey attention in such a way that he'll start reading from the start or at least that section.
    6)Your core benefit (only one) could be conveyed better.
    7)It's a little to hype up. You should insert enthusiasm, not hype.
    8)You should develop a clear voice that resonates with your target market, someone who was just like them but now found the solution/ authority figure.
    9)The flow of your copy can be improved dramatically.
    10)You should include some results based testimonials (that are quantifiable). If you don't have any, don't. The FTC is very dangerous these days.
    11)Traditional blue links convert better than huge "Buy Now" buttons.
    12)You should include more proof elements, like studies, facts, third party research.
    13)Where's your guarantee?
    14)You could make your premium offers more appealing.
    15)Include a clearer call to action with an added sense of urgency.
    16)Include a real signature at the end of the page.
    17)Use more white space, I'm overwhelmed by the page and this kills readership.
    18)Future pace your prospect by showing him how his life will be after he uses your product.
    19)Create a powerful analogy for what is the difference between owning and not owning your product (good/bad outcome).
    20)Remove the header.

    In other words, with all due respect, your copy sucks. But it can be improved.
    As a fact, if you want, I can improve it without fully rewriting it.
    Either PM with your contact data or please visit www dot razvanrogoz dot com or mail me at razvan @ razvan Rogoz dot com.
    (Can't post direct links).

    Thanks!
    Razvan
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  • Profile picture of the author NetWorth
    The header is off but almost more that the actually copy itself the font needs to be larger and the layout needs to be more reader friendly. People on the internet don't read then skim looking for the information that they want. Make that easy for them to find.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kevin-VirtualProfitCenter
    [Note: this post is about a sexual aid product. As such it uses strong language. Please do not let the kiddies read this or they may end up with nightmares about huge, angry man-parts...]

    I won't comment on the skill or lack of skill from your copywriter. Occasionally I write crappy copy. I do it on purpose just to piss off my clients because I already make far too much money.

    But enough about me...here are some thoughts on your copy:

    Why are people going to buy? Are they buying to "revitalize"? I doubt it. They are buying to get...

    "A Longer, Firmer Erection that Lasts All Night"
    (...and leaves your partner completely satisfied.)

    In my opinion you need to be much more up front about the sexual potency your product promises. I would go into detail about the powerful man-tool they can posses again--just like they did when they were 16.

    I would put in the added health benefits as an additional sales point, but the main thrust (get it? Thrust?) needs to be selling the most powerful, fulfilling sex they've had in years.

    I would be happy to give you some additional free pointers on this copy if you want them. Drop me an email:

    Kevin [at] VirtualProfitCenter.com
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    • Profile picture of the author dorothydot
      Hi there,

      I think you need to know who your actual purchasing prospect is. Although the sex angle is important to men, do you want this supplement to come up only when sex search-terms are entered?

      Your product is much more. Your copywriter needs to hammer home the benefits. I think most of your visitors would be female, likely middle-aged. And married or unmarried.

      Sure, these ladies may not mind having a way to, let's say make the men in their lives happy. Certainly a nice benefit. But there is more to this Tricajus than just sex.

      "Whatever your need, Tricajus helps improve not only your intimate desires, but your overall health and do any and all of the above-listed remedies to various systems in your body - both physical and mental. More Energy? Better Sex? No Side Effect? Sign Me Up!"

      Hit the more energy key harder - mix it in with sex. Middle-aged folks are running out of steam in more ways than one!

      I'd reword the above to read more like, "Better health = more energy = lots more fun in your free time - gardening, hiking, shopping, visiting, whatever. Okay, you'll also get a lot more accomplished at your work as well. And happy boss means better paychecks, maybe?"

      See what I'm doing? I'm trying to paint a picture for the readers of what your supplement can do for them - without the words getting in the way of the message.

      Hope this helps,
      Dot
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      • Profile picture of the author jimisan
        Originally Posted by dorothydot View Post

        Hi there,
        I'd reword the above to read more like, "Better health = more energy = lots more fun in your free time - gardening, hiking, shopping, visiting, whatever. Okay, you'll also get a lot more accomplished at your work as well. And happy boss means better paychecks, maybe?"

        See what I'm doing? I'm trying to paint a picture for the readers of what your supplement can do for them - without the words getting in the way of the message.

        Hope this helps,
        Dot
        Thanks for the rewording idea. It's a very interesting indeed. Should you be interested to try out Tricajus, plse PM me your postal address, I'll send you a free sample direct to your doorsteps. :-)
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    • Profile picture of the author jimisan
      Originally Posted by Kevin-VirtualProfitCenter View Post

      "A Longer, Firmer Erection that Lasts All Night"
      (...and leaves your partner completely satisfied.)

      I would be happy to give you some additional free pointers on this copy if you want them. Drop me an email:

      Kevin [at] VirtualProfitCenter.com
      Thank you for the quote. It's a great idea. Should you be interested to test out plse PM me your postal address, I'll send you trial order FOC to your doorsteps.
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  • Profile picture of the author BizzyUK
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    • Profile picture of the author Kay King
      Not familiar with Tricajus? Men and women of all origins and ages will embark upon its immediate effects within just 3-5 days of use.
      I'm not going to tear your copy apart - you have some good suggestions above - and some not so good ones. However, the line copied above tells me "English as a second language". That needs to be addressed if you are going to market in the U.S.

      It's surprising how many will offer "advice" that includes offering to do the work (for pay, I assume).

      kay
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      • Profile picture of the author David Babineau
        Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

        I'm not going to tear your copy apart - you have some good suggestions above - and some not so good ones. However, the line copied above tells me "English as a second language". That needs to be addressed if you are going to market in the U.S.
        I have to agree with Kay.

        Here's another example in your P.S. - one of the most read parts in any piece of copy...

        You keep feeling tired, fatigue and lethargy at all times, keep pilling up on your doctor's bills, keep popping pills, etc, etc, etc

        Cheers,
        Dave
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  • Profile picture of the author MarkAndrews IMCopywriting
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    • Profile picture of the author Kay King
      At my house, M&M's (and Butterfingers) are a food group!
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      Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world changes forever for that one dog
      ***
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      • Profile picture of the author Collette
        Sorry, dude, as Mal said,

        Not even Peruvian Viagra will get that page up.
        The entire thing - design and copy - is a confused mess. There is no clear idea of what this page is about.

        The copy throws every possible benefit against the wall with equal vigor - and none of them stick. You need to decide on a primary benefit for this product, and use the others as secondary benefits. For example:

        A multi-vitamin supplement gives your body all the vitamins and minerals it would get from a balanced diet. (Primary Benefit)

        When your body has all the vitamins and minerals it needs, you will have more energy, catch fewer colds, sleep better, and feel more alert and focused. (Secondary Benefits)

        But the unfocused copy isn't your only problem. Just going through the first scroll (which was as far as I got):

        - icky word images ("excess vitamins leave your body in sweat & urine" sounds as though you're covered in sweat and urine).

        - Hideous color chart that - in no way - conveys the concept of "health"

        - Bullshyt "facts" backed by nada a shred of proof (100% of sexual dysfunctions are NOT related to cardiovascular or hormonal problems),

        - Equally bullshyt claim in the header that a herbal remedy no one has ever heard of is "the #1 doctor recommended supplement for over 40 years". (This is a pretty sophistacted market of buyers. They will bust you on this in about .05 seconds)

        - The use of function claims that will bring the FTC down on your ass like a charging hippo,

        - The open invitation to Oprah's (extensive) cadre of lawyers to sue your behind into the next century for the unauthorized use of her name,

        - and, Oh, So Much More...

        *** Note to those wishing to sell supplements or other health-related products:

        FOR THE LOVE OF GOD spend some money to hire a copywriter who knows WTF they're doing.

        a) You're dealing with people's health. It's immoral to sell them crap.

        b) You do not - repeat - do not want to attract the attention of the FTC. They will eviscerate your guts and leave only sun-bleached bones for the vultures to perch on.
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        • Profile picture of the author jimisan
          Originally Posted by Collette View Post

          Sorry, dude, as Mal said,

          a) You're dealing with people's health. It's immoral to sell them crap.

          b) You do not - repeat - do not want to attract the attention of the FTC. They will eviscerate your guts and leave only sun-bleached bones for the vultures to perch on.
          I'm not selling crap products here. Should you be interested to test it out PM me your postal address.
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          • Profile picture of the author Collette
            Originally Posted by jimisan View Post

            I'm not selling crap products here. Should you be interested to test it out PM me your postal address.
            Sorry, I didn't mean to state that you, specifically, were selling crap. I've written for the supplement market, and I know that there are many natural health alternatives that work as well as, if not better than, some drugs.

            That said - there is a LOT of crap being peddled to people as a "cure" for one thing or another.
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    Originally Posted by Ken_Caudill View Post

    Your sales letter is not the disaster that people here say it is.

    It could use a final re-write, but it hits the points it needs to hit, and that is better than half the battle.

    I would ask your copywriter to come up with some alternative headlines and test the copy in the real world.
    With respect to my learned colleague...you must be kidding. A "final re-write"? More like "the last rites". "Hits the points it needs to hit" - and what would they be I wonder? And "Alternative headlines" aren't gonna do a thing for this sucker. It needs a complete rebuild from the chassis up. Go back and read Collette's excellent post-mortem of this dead duck. She's spot on.
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    • Profile picture of the author prettyboy
      I agree with everyone else here.....This copy needs a lot of work from the headline all the way down. I'm hoping this was a first draft that the writer happened to let you see. If this is suppose to be the finished product then no I would not give the writer more work....Unless, for some odd reason, this copy makes you money some kind of way.
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      • Profile picture of the author eflo
        it sucks. but I've seen worse actually work. test it - if it magically converts a/b split test and tweak. but don't hire that guy ever again
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    • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
      Banned
      Originally Posted by Ken_Caudill View Post

      Just read it again. There are a few syntax problems. The headline is dated. The graphics could use some work, but the medical angle is right on.

      On the plus side, it states from the gitgo what it does and is not unbelievable. I don't see the fact that it is written by someone who does not have English as their first language as a major drawback.

      It is a foreign product, and that might even add an element of believability to it.

      It would be interesting to see what happens if the product went to market as is -- especially if the OP advertised on adult sites and set up an 800 number to take orders. Classified ads would work, too.

      Sorry, but I'm not in the mood to join PiranhaFest today.
      "The medical angle is right on"???? Right on the FTC's radar maybe. With that spurious and unsubstantiated claim of "Tricajus is the #1 Doctor Recommended Supplement for Over 40 Years!" . No actually it's more than that - its complete Bullsh*t. What Doctors? Witch Doctors maybe.

      Oh and let's not forget this crock of S**t either - "100% of Sexual Dysfunctions Are Related To Your Cardiovascular System Or Hormones!" (I'm married to a Specialist and My father-in law is an eminent Medical Professor and my Mother-in-law a Skin Specialist- they all just laughed at this claim). "The medical angle is right on" huh? Sorry...you're way off.

      Maybe we should ask Perry Belcher's opinion on this. I believe he's a specialist in this field now. His training recently cost him a Million in assets. http://www.shelby-sheriff.org/press_...anarrested.asp

      http://mikeyounglaw.com/wp/2008/10/1...rfeits-assets/
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      • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
        Banned
        Originally Posted by Ken_Caudill View Post

        Oddly,the market for this product is not eminent medical professors, or even their relatives.

        Also, the fact that this is a foreign product will allow them to avoid the FTC, the FDA, and probably Pfizer.

        Does the stuff work?

        Yeah, it probably does. Even if it doesn't, the placebo effect will kick in and many people will be happy with the product.

        Is this ethical?

        Hell no.

        Will it sell?

        Hell yes.

        The medical angle gives them an excuse to buy. The OP is selling hope.

        It's not all that different from selling the dream, is it?
        Nope. That won't wash. IF they are targeting the US market. Might be a different situation for the Malaysian or Sabah markets but if they are targeting the US they can still be held accountable by the US authorities. I've asked Bob Silber - (the Attorney who specialises in FTC and other I.M. practices) about this before.

        You can't do this kind of stuff anymore. Rightly so. Every copywriter has a "duty of care", as it were, to their clients, to be up on the latest FTC rulings.

        The crack about "eminent medical professors or even their relatives" is pretty pathetic. I don't make this stuff up. I can't afford to.

        You can't "sell hope" as you put it. You have to be super careful what you're claiming - especially in this field.
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  • Profile picture of the author SEOExpert104
    Nice pic lol
    Btw... sorry it's not looking "PRO".. you got the reasons ... so many
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  • Profile picture of the author Hugh Thyer
    I won't comment because I don't like critiquing another writer's work without their permission. Its not professional in my opinion.

    Besides, this thread is pointless unless you ask the only question that's relevant...

    How much money is it making?
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    • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
      Banned
      Originally Posted by Hugh Thyer View Post

      I won't comment because I don't like critiquing another writer's work without their permission. Its not professional in my opinion.

      Besides, this thread is pointless unless you ask the only question that's relevant...

      How much money is it making?
      That's irrelevant. If it's targeting the US market its gonna get slammed by the FTC. No question about it.
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      • Profile picture of the author jimisan
        Originally Posted by Metronicity View Post

        That's irrelevant. If it's targeting the US market its gonna get slammed by the FTC. No question about it.
        What"s your suggestion to avoid being slammed by FTC?
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        • Profile picture of the author Hugh Thyer
          No, you misunderstood me.

          How much money is YOUR sales page making?

          If its making lots of money then its probably a good page.

          If its not making any money then it probably needs work. If your group leader is making more money, or at least getting a higher conversion then you've got some meaningful figures to compare yours to. If he's doing the same thing as you but getting 5% conversion and you're getting 1%, then yes, your page needs work.

          Only your target audience will tell you if your page is OK.

          Glad to hear your erections are going so strongly BTW.
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    • Profile picture of the author jimisan
      Originally Posted by Hugh Thyer View Post


      How much money is it making?
      Honestly speaking, my group leader is earning more than RM25,000 last month, his superior is earning more than RM50,000 (average) per month. :-)
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    • Profile picture of the author MikeHumphreys
      Originally Posted by Hugh Thyer View Post

      I won't comment because I don't like critiquing another writer's work without their permission. Its not professional in my opinion.

      Besides, this thread is pointless unless you ask the only question that's relevant...

      How much money is it making?
      I agree with Hugh. Frankly, you should be talking to your copywriter about the salesletter's performance... especially if you're talking about potentially rehiring them.

      If it's not converting well, then your copywriter should be reworking the copy so that it does convert better.

      Take care,

      Mike
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      • Profile picture of the author jimisan
        Originally Posted by MikeHumphreys View Post

        I agree with Hugh. Frankly, you should be talking to your copywriter about the salesletter's performance... especially if you're talking about potentially rehiring them.

        If it's not converting well, then your copywriter should be reworking the copy so that it does convert better.

        Take care,

        Mike
        Hugh and MikeH, thanks for the advice. FYI, my website is barely one week old. I was thinking...... before promoting it using methods like article writing, forum posting, social media, etc...I've to see how effective is my salescopy, right? That's why I posted for reviews over here. Why should I start promote if I got a crap copy, right? Now that I've tested the waters I can feel the tidal waves already. :-)

        Hugh,
        My sales page is not making me money at the moment since it's so new. In fact my Group Leader and his Superior made their money using the conventional methods. Seminars, talks, roadshows - from states to states, city to city, district to district in my country. I can't follow them, I got a 5-8 hours job to take care of. I don't like their methods, I prefer to use Internet as my marketing source. There're windows of opportunities out there. Only if I found the right method. Of course GL is skeptical but I want to prove them wrong!
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        • Profile picture of the author Collette
          The fact that this product is being sold from a country other than the U.S. does not exempt the seller when the product is being sold to, or in (as in affiliates), the U.S.

          In December 2006, HerbalKing was shut down by the FTC for making claims very similar to the ones being made in this sales copy. And the fact that some of the people involved lived in New Zealand didn't help them, either. The New Zealand government worked with the U.S. authorities to freeze their bank accounts and assets.

          HerbalKing spam operation goes limp after FTC injunction

          It wasn't pretty. And the FTC has gotten stricter since then; not more lax.

          If you are going to sell herbal "health" products in the United States, there are very specific guidelines to what you can and cannot say. The FTC works closely with the FDA to regulate manufacturers and promotors of herbal products.

          And they WILL come after you. One wrong word, one missing statement, one mistake or complaint may be all it takes to devastate you and bring your life crashing down around you.

          If you wish to sell this product in the U.S. you need to protect yourself by seeking the consult of a lawyer qualified to counsel on Internet law and the FTC. Because, as far as the FTC is concerned - it is YOUR job to know the law and to be compliant.

          Your product may do everything you say it does. It may be the greatest thing since sliced bread. But if it has not been passed by the FDA (which requires extensive documented testing) and your sales claims are not FTC compliant - you are asking for trouble.

          You can sell herbal supplements that have not been approved by the FDA, and be compliant. However, to avoid the landmines, you really do need a copywriter who knows this field.
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          • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
            Banned
            Originally Posted by Collette View Post

            The fact that this product is being sold from a country other than the U.S. does not exempt the seller when the product is being sold to, or in (as in affiliates), the U.S.

            In December 2006, HerbalKing was shut down by the FTC for making claims very similar to the ones being made in this sales copy. And the fact that some of the people involved lived in New Zealand didn't help them, either. The New Zealand government worked with the U.S. authorities to freeze their bank accounts and assets.

            HerbalKing spam operation goes limp after FTC injunction

            It wasn't pretty. And the FTC has gotten stricter since then; not more lax.

            If you are going to sell herbal "health" products in the United States, there are very specific guidelines to what you can and cannot say. The FTC works closely with the FDA to regulate manufacturers and promotors of herbal products.

            And they WILL come after you. One wrong word, one missing statement, one mistake or complaint may be all it takes to devastate you and bring your life crashing down around you.

            If you wish to sell this product in the U.S. you need to protect yourself by seeking the consult of a lawyer qualified to counsel on Internet law and the FTC. Because, as far as the FTC is concerned - it is YOUR job to know the law and to be compliant.

            Your product may do everything you say it does. It may be the greatest thing since sliced bread. But if it has not been passed by the FDA (which requires extensive documented testing) and your sales claims are not FTC compliant - you are asking for trouble.

            You can sell herbal supplements that have not been approved by the FDA, and be compliant. However, to avoid the landmines, you really do need a copywriter who knows this field.
            Exactly. I've notified Bob Silber about this thread and I hope he chimes in. But this nonsense about "how much money is it making?" is exactly that - nonsense. And irrelevant. And you copywriters should know that. Otherwise the OP is just getting a bumsteer. (I think you mentioned this HerbalKing bust in an earlier unrelated post, did you not, Collette?) Its one thing for something like this to be compliant in countries like Malaysia, Indonesia and even parts of Europe. Its a whole other ballgame in the US/Canada/Britain/Australia/NZ.

            The writer doesn't necessarily have to be cognizant of all relevant laws - but he better make damn sure he has someone like Bob Silber vetting it before it goes live.

            Here's his site. He'll give you some free disclaimers and stuff for your site. Recommended by Warrior Forum owner Allen Says and a bunch of other well-known I.Mers. http://www.internetmarketinglawproducts.com/
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            • Profile picture of the author wordwizard
              A thought that occurred to me as I was reading this thread...

              How about creating two (or more) separate letters -- one aimed at men who are looking to improve their "performance," one aimed at an audience looking for improved all-over vitality, and maybe another one aimed at women looking for a more fulfilling love life...

              That way, the copy as well as the ads getting people to the copy can be more targeted, which should help conversion all around.

              Elisabeth
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              • Profile picture of the author ElGatito
                I see a couple flaws with the target as well with the copy

                Segmentation

                Like Elisabeth said, you are targeting the world, both men and women. I'd repeat what she said, do two sites, with two salescopy targeting the two populations.

                Choose what ailment you want to cure. Is it sex? Or cardiac problem? Right now, there are too many claims to be credible.

                Offer/Pricing

                If you can change it and give it a trial, do so. Because right nw you're telling me "Fork over 20 bucks for a couple packs of powder I'm supposed to believe it will help me." It's called "Trial Pack", but its not really.

                Or at least, if you are keeping this price, justify it with "Normally Viagra would cost you this much, but this product which is doing the same is cost that much less". Any type of dollar at a discount should do.

                Worse still, I had to read three times in order to find the money back guarantee. This is a HUGE strength. You have to Sell the Guarantee, because it shows you have confidence in your product.

                Story

                Non-existent. The copy is bland. That copywriter should've found how they were discovered, and put it within the story. Right now the copy is fine, straight to the point. But the facts are unbelievable. Therefore I won't bother reading it through. Look at Gary Halbert's Diet Pills saleletters, he weaves a story to explain everything that happened in the development of the pill, and the copy is simply interesting and exciting. Your copy need to be similar.

                Proof

                Right now, I don't believe your copy. It's more of a trust me, fork over the cash...

                Righto. The only facts cited are not introduced well, and have no sources...

                There are no testimonials at all. Those videos you have, put them in. Or find some on better sex, PUT THEM IN. You Need some.

                Scarcity

                Right now I can't see why I should buy today instead of tomorrow. Put a countdown timer. Or a way that will just get them to act.

                It can be either time sensitive, or quantity sensitive. A bonus, or a limited time offer.


                I would scrap the header. Sometimes, they interfere with sales. I would rather have you with a great headline which will get them to read.

                The headline is okay but not great. Here's why. When I saw it, I was wondering "What the hell is this?" Then I soon as I saw it was a herbal product, I was thinking "another one." If you're going for the sexual benefit, maybe put something like (not refined at all)

                The Dirty Little Secret on Viagra, and what they've been hiding from you

                Then start with the different problems people had with viagra, and what they wanted to hide from you : natural solutions are working just as fine and have no side effect.

                Anyway, with all of that, you should have a thing or two to change.

                Hope this full on critique helps,

                Alex
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                • Profile picture of the author jimisan
                  Originally Posted by ElGatito View Post

                  Hope this full on critique helps,
                  Alex
                  Thank you very much for taking the time to drop a full on critique. :-) Very interesting tips you've pinpointed. This shall serve as my guideline for seeking future copywriting services.
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              • Profile picture of the author jimisan
                Originally Posted by wordwizard View Post

                A thought that occurred to me as I was reading this thread...

                How about creating two (or more) separate letters -- one aimed at men who are looking to improve their "performance," one aimed at an audience looking for improved all-over vitality, and maybe another one aimed at women looking for a more fulfilling love life...

                That way, the copy as well as the ads getting people to the copy can be more targeted, which should help conversion all around.

                Elisabeth
                Hi Eli,

                Thanks a wonderful idea. I've asked my copywriter to do a rewrite. Waiting for his response. I've told him about our conversations here too. He should know what to do. :-)
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          • Profile picture of the author jimisan
            Originally Posted by Collette View Post

            The fact that this product is being sold from a country other than the U.S. does not exempt the seller when the product is being sold to, or in (as in affiliates), the U.S.

            If you wish to sell this product in the U.S. you need to protect yourself by seeking the consult of a lawyer qualified to counsel on Internet law and the FTC. Because, as far as the FTC is concerned - it is YOUR job to know the law and to be compliant.

            Your product may do everything you say it does. It may be the greatest thing since sliced bread. But if it has not been passed by the FDA (which requires extensive documented testing) and your sales claims are not FTC compliant - you are asking for trouble.

            You can sell herbal supplements that have not been approved by the FDA, and be compliant. However, to avoid the landmines, you really do need a copywriter who knows this field.
            Originally Posted by Metronicity View Post

            The writer doesn't necessarily have to be cognizant of all relevant laws - but he better make damn sure he has someone like Bob Silber vetting it before it goes live.
            Collette, Metronicity: Thanks for the strong reminder to be compliant to FTC, FDA requirements else I'm asking for trouble. If my GL can help me to food the bill of $3,000(MYR10,500 my currency) utilising the products from http://www.internetmarketinglawproducts.com I would be very glad indeed! What more another $3,000 for a professional copywriter. Honestly, I can afford this much.....my children education needs my support and I can't deny them this responsibility.

            Will getting a lab test in USA agency helps in tackling the FDA/FTC issues?
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            • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
              Banned
              Originally Posted by jimisan View Post

              Collette, Metronicity: Thanks for the strong reminder to be compliant to FTC, FDA requirements else I'm asking for trouble. If my GL can help me to food the bill of $3,000(MYR10,500 my currency) utilising the products from http://www.internetmarketinglawproducts.com I would be very glad indeed! What more another $3,000 for a professional copywriter. Honestly, I can afford this much.....my children education needs my support and I can't deny them this responsibility.

              Will getting a lab test in USA agency helps in tackling the FDA/FTC issues?
              If you opt-in to Bob Silber's list he'll send you some stuff on FTC & Compliance - FTC New Rules I think he also has some free Disclaimers for your Website. They were available in the War Room at one stage.
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  • Profile picture of the author jimisan
    Thank you so much for all the inputs given thus far. I really appreciate it. At least I dare to face criticism which are beneficial for improvement. I like this forum very much and obviously they're plenty of good and helpful people around here. :-) There're many good points which I got to take note of especially FTC, Oprah thingy. I've to admit that this salescopy is not good enough. I'll strive to improve it based on recommendations here. Keep them coming, thanks again for taking the time.

    Just to clear some air here. This is not a crappy product as some of us here might think. Below are some of the credentials that this product(tricajus) carries:-

    i) It has an Product Liability Insurance Policy for RM1,000,000 issued by one of our local insurance agency namely, Hong Leong Assurance(Tel: 03-76501288) under policy no: 062665803-04 for period of insurance from 01-04-2009 - 31-03-2010

    ii)Certificate of Halal Products by Halal Food Council International(Malaysia & Asia region)

    iii)Undergone Lab Test by Health Sciences Authority, Singapore (Lab.no: PH-0911-00878-001) on 17-03-2009

    (iv)Independent European Certificate no: 601351 for ISO 9001:2000 from 10-05-2008 until 10-05-2011

    (v)Independent European Certificate no: 601351-H for Hazard Analysis and Critical Control Point (HACCP) MS 1480: 2007 System from 22-04-2008 until 22-04-2011

    (vi)It carries a Free Sale Certificate no: 105357/FSC07 dd 23-09-2007 issued by Food Safety & Quality Division, Mininstry of Health, Malaysia where Tricajus is a product that can be freely sold in Malaysia subject to compliance with The Food Act 1983 & Food Regulations 1985.

    (vii)There're lots of testimonials given by local consumers in Malaysia which are mostly in Malay and Chinese language.

    I've taken Tricajus since 16-12-2009 and it's helped to improve my health condition (low blood pressure). I'm having a good sex life with my wife lately. Tricajus gives me a solid hard on - it's still hard eventhough you've ejacculated. :-) Besides giving you a good and healthy sex life it does provide many other health benefits as well such as constipation, high blood pressure, gout, PMS, etc.

    It even has helped some stroke victims:-

    I see there're lots of potential with this product, that's why I'm eager to promote to USA, UK, AUS.....

    Hope to hear more comments from you guys....
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    • Profile picture of the author DonFinch
      Originally Posted by jimisan View Post

      i) It has an Product Liability Insurance Policy for RM1,000,000 issued by one of our local insurance agency namely, Hong Leong Assurance(Tel: 03-76501288) under policy no: 062665803-04 for period of insurance from 01-04-2009 - 31-03-2010

      ii)Certificate of Halal Products by Halal Food Council International(Malaysia & Asia region)

      iii)Undergone Lab Test by Health Sciences Authority, Singapore (Lab.no: PH-0911-00878-001) on 17-03-2009

      (iv)Independent European Certificate no: 601351 for ISO 9001:2000 from 10-05-2008 until 10-05-2011

      (v)Independent European Certificate no: 601351-H for Hazard Analysis and Critical Control Point (HACCP) MS 1480: 2007 System from 22-04-2008 until 22-04-2011

      (vi)It carries a Free Sale Certificate no: 105357/FSC07 dd 23-09-2007 issued by Food Safety & Quality Division, Mininstry of Health, Malaysia where Tricajus is a product that can be freely sold in Malaysia subject to compliance with The Food Act 1983 & Food Regulations 1985.

      (vii)There're lots of testimonials given by local consumers in Malaysia which are mostly in Malay and Chinese language.

      I've taken Tricajus since 16-12-2009 and it's helped to improve my health condition (low blood pressure). I'm having a good sex life with my wife lately. Tricajus gives me a solid hard on - it's still hard eventhough you've ejacculated. :-) Besides giving you a good and healthy sex life it does provide many other health benefits as well such as constipation, high blood pressure, gout, PMS, etc.

      It even has helped some stroke victims:-
      YouTube - Tricajus (darah tinggi,strok)
      YouTube - Tricajus (stro 5 thn)

      I see there're lots of potential with this product, that's why I'm eager to promote to USA, UK, AUS.....

      Hope to hear more comments from you guys....

      "Why is there no mention of all this good stuff in the sales page?"


      There have been some really good points given on this thread, a lot of advice offered and by the sound of it... a lot of the points will be taken on board!

      However, when provoked a little we find some quantifiable facts that are not even mentioned in the sales copy at all!

      I find this amazing after reading all that loosely related stuff... (and as mentioned, some points that sail close to the edge! - Well, over it actually!) ...that cold hard facts like these are not included!

      And reading through some of those accreditations and the fact that most of the testimonials are from Asia way on, there is an angle there to sell it to the rest of the world that maybe your copywriter over looked!

      If you tidy up the FTC issues... oh, and the little issue with Oprah[?], and ask your copywriter to revisit the page with a renewed vigour and maybe suggest another angle... get some proven facts in there...etc...(Heck, you get the idea...) then there is no reason why this product should not sell!

      I agree with the comments about testing, testing is very important and is often over looked, I would go along the idea of a page for men and another for women but I would also do a split test on those too.

      Fine tune this, market it right and the sales will flood in...

      Looks like this could be a great sales product - Good luck

      Anyway, these are just my thoughts...

      Don Finch
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      • Profile picture of the author jimisan
        Originally Posted by DonFinch View Post

        “Why is there no mention of all this good stuff in the sales page?”

        Fine tune this, market it right and the sales will flood in…

        Looks like this could be a great sales product - Good luck

        Anyway, these are just my thoughts…

        Don Finch
        Thanks for the encouragement. You're right, Don. I should include those accreditation and testimonials in the salescopy. Let's see whether my copywriter will help me with the revision otherwise I got to do it on my own this weekend.
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  • Profile picture of the author DougHughes
    Wow...yikes!

    If you have the money I would recommend spending it on a good copywriter.
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    I write copy. Learn More.>>

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  • Profile picture of the author jimisan
    I've already replaced the header designed by my copywriter with the one designed by my daughter ( a month ago which I used on another website). It's a bit smaller in size, I hope my daughter will be able to help me fix that problem this weekend when she's back from college.

    I've also dropped my first slogan "Oprah's Jaw Will Drop When She Finds This!" with this one "You'll Kick Yourself For Not Trying Tricajus Sooner!" I've reworded the 3rd fact concerning the sexual dyfunction statement that doesn't sound good.

    I've also got rid of my navigation bar at the top to make more space for the top part to be more visible. I've also done something about the P.S at the bottom which is one of the most read part in any piece of every copy as suggested by David Babineau. (Thanks again for the important tips) I've taken off the testimonial part and the slogan "You can put centuries of ancient Peru herbalogy to your benefit now".

    Besides that everything else is the same. I know, it's still not good yet. But I'm on a shoe string budget and I didn't pay much to my copywriter. I can't afford to pay usd3000 for a good copy writer as proposed by some warriors here. To me I guess it's better to start off with something rather than nothing at all.
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    Found this testimonial on Bob Silber's site -
    When I returned from the Internet Marketing Super Conference IV, where I had heard Bob Silber speak, I had a letter from the FTC waiting for me. The FTC had reviewed my alternative health website and found areas of non-compliance with their regulations. They threatened to fine me $11,000 per infraction and jail time, not to speak of shutting down my site, if I didn't comply.
    Interestingly enough, they didn't mention any specific phrase or sentence that was out-of-compliance. They expected me to figure that out. I called Bob and talked to him about it. His advice was a big help."
    Rufina James

    therealessentials.com
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  • Profile picture of the author ChrisChoiSEO
    A better headline just off the top of my head could be "An All Natural Peruvian Secret That's As Effective As Viagra But Without The Side Effects"
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    • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
      Banned
      Originally Posted by ChrisChoiSEO View Post

      A better headline just off the top of my head could be "An All Natural Peruvian Secret That's As Effective As Viagra But Without The Side Effects"
      Or -

      "Drop Some Peruvian - Go All Night With a Brazilian"
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      • Profile picture of the author CopyMonster
        Originally Posted by Metronicity View Post

        Or -

        "Drop Some Peruvian - Go All Night With a Brazilian"
        Nice!

        But why stop there?

        "Drop Some Peruvian - Go All Night With a Couple of Brazilians..."
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        Scary good...
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        • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
          Banned
          Originally Posted by bf68 View Post

          Nice!

          But why stop there?

          "Drop Some Peruvian - Go All Night With a Couple of Brazilians..."
          You do know what a "Brazilian" is?
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    • Profile picture of the author Christopher_Stella
      look at your bullets then take a look at some like john cartlons.

      there's no curiosity and creates little to no emotion when reading.

      the feature/benefits aren't strong when they could be super powerful.

      The headline is weak, your better off creating one yourself using a "How To", "If...Then" or a proven formula. (News,Curiousity, Self Interest, Quick and Easy).

      My advice is always every area of your business so you know what to look for and decide whats good and whats not. I advise you read a copywriting book by one of the pro's even if its just one, or read a classic to get the basics. You'll be able to pick this apart
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      • Profile picture of the author jimisan
        Originally Posted by Christopher_Stella View Post

        My advice is always every area of your business so you know what to look for and decide whats good and whats not. I advise you read a copywriting book by one of the pro's even if its just one, or read a classic to get the basics. You'll be able to pick this apart
        You're right, it's hightime to learn some basic copywriting. I'm googling for copywriting guides. If you've any good sites to share, I'll be delighted. Thanks for the input.
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        • Profile picture of the author Ashley Gable
          Originally Posted by jimisan View Post

          You're right, it's hightime to learn some basic copywriting. I'm googling for copywriting guides. If you've any good sites to share, I'll be delighted. Thanks for the input.
          Can I just say that is very refreshing to see someone stick with their thread, all the way through!

          And to boot you are graciously taking the advice and putting it to use.

          I myself sometimes have been guilty of abandoning threads and unintentionally ignoring the replies.

          So good on you, it seems you have what it takes to make it a successful letter, taking constructive criticism and moving forward.

          Ashley
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          • Profile picture of the author jimisan
            Originally Posted by AshleyAA View Post

            Can I just say that is very refreshing to see someone stick with their thread, all the way through!

            And to boot you are graciously taking the advice and putting it to use.

            I myself sometimes have been guilty of abandoning threads and unintentionally ignoring the replies.

            So good on you, it seems you have what it takes to make it a successful letter, taking constructive criticism and moving forward.

            Ashley
            It's not good to abandon and ignore replies. We've to be appreciate of people taking the time going through your conversation and giving their 2 cents. Regardless of whether the comments are crude/harsh, take it with an open heart. Afterall life is a learning process. I don't feel shy admitting being a rookie. Learn from the experts as the sayings go. Thank you for listening.

            Originally Posted by zenmarketing View Post

            I couldn't bring myself to read past the first fold.
            I admit it's not good. I promise myself to revamp the copy and come back with a better one. Give a week or two. BTW thanks for dropping by.
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    How about -

    "Drop Some Peruvian - Go Hard With A Brazilian"

    Not sure if this works for the US market. In Australian slang, to "go hard" means to do something really well or with vigor (vigour). Especially in sport.
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  • Profile picture of the author jimisan
    Thanks for the entertainment guys. I just barely survived the piranha feast!
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  • Profile picture of the author fasteasysuccess
    Headline needs to express major benefit or concern and No proof my friend. There's tons of products, how's yours really different and why choose you. No wow or really big benefits expressed and if there in there need to stand out more and like I said no testimonials, or anything to prove this works but some stats you threw up. Just some quick tips hope that helps and just a quick tip you're not capturing leads for browsers.
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    • Profile picture of the author jimisan
      Originally Posted by fasteasysuccess View Post

      Headline needs to express major benefit or concern and No proof my friend. There's tons of products, how's yours really different and why choose you. No wow or really big benefits expressed and if there in there need to stand out more and like I said no testimonials, or anything to prove this works but some stats you threw up. Just some quick tips hope that helps and just a quick tip you're not capturing leads for browsers.
      Tricajus is not only GOOD in enhancing your sexlife but it has many MORE medicinal benefits as well. The proofs are here: (www.TricaJus.com.my - Tricajus Malaysia !).

      In fact, my selling point is supposed to focus on MEDICINAL BENEFITS not sexual! Unfortunately, when my copywriter submitted the draft copy I didn't reject it. I guess it's too late to ask for a rewrite. He's stated that he won't do a rewrite since I didn't object when he first submitted the draft copy in the first place. What a bloody mistake!

      You see, I'm in a fixed now! I've to leave it like this now at the moment. I'm considering saving up some $ then seek another writer to do a new copy focusing on the other health benefits of Tricajus such as low/high blood pressure, PMS, constipation, gout, skin rashes/disorder, etc.
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      • Profile picture of the author ElGatito
        Because you didn't reject in the first place? Where did you find that guy? That seems to be the behavior of a 97$ copywriter. Without forgetting his copy skills...

        Anyway do you have Skype? I'd like to talk to you.
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        • Profile picture of the author jimisan
          Originally Posted by ElGatito View Post

          Because you didn't reject in the first place? Where did you find that guy? That seems to be the behavior of a 97$ copywriter. Without forgetting his copy skills...

          Anyway do you have Skype? I'd like to talk to you.
          I got his services from another forum. Maybe he's also a warrior member I don't know. I've requested a rewrite but he doesn't seem to agree since I didn't reject the draft copy. Maybe I could ask him to revise part of it. Keeping my fingers crossed.

          It's not nice of me to expose his identity UNLESS he collected my money and didn't deliver anything.

          Sorry EL, I don't use skype.
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          • Profile picture of the author ElGatito
            I agree don't reveal his identity. I was just curious where did he come from.

            Let's just say met him, I would love to ask him how he arrived at this draft.

            And let's add its unprofessional to say "you didn't reject my draft, I'm fleeing with the money," while you haven't done anything with it. If anything, he's not so much a copywriter as a writer who has done his article, and can run away.
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            • Profile picture of the author jimisan
              Originally Posted by ElGatito View Post

              I agree don't reveal his identity. I was just curious where did he come from.

              Let's just say met him, I would love to ask him how he arrived at this draft.

              And let's add its unprofessional to say "you didn't reject my draft, I'm fleeing with the money," while you haven't done anything with it. If anything, he's not so much a copywriter as a writer who has done his article, and can run away.
              No, he's not fleeing with the money. He objected to doing the salescopy into an entirely new theme from scratch. I think he doesn't mind doing specific revisions. He has good rating at that forum, that's why I choose him.
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              • Profile picture of the author ElGatito
                Sorry, I literally talked out of my ass.

                If it's understandable, I was insulted for you, in a way, because I really think the copy could be SO much better.
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          • Profile picture of the author Ken Strong
            Originally Posted by jimisan View Post

            It's not nice of me to expose his identity UNLESS he collected my money and didn't deliver anything.
            No, even then it's against Warrior Rule #1 to talk about it publicly here. Even if he deserves it.

            The main overriding rule for this forum is this:

            If you have a problem with another Warrior, a Guru, or God, take it up with them directly. Not here. No exceptions.
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            • Profile picture of the author jimisan
              Originally Posted by KenStrong View Post

              No, even then it's against Warrior Rule #1 to talk about it publicly here. Even if he deserves it.
              Pardon me, I've gone against Warrior Rule #1! BTW, he's from DP. Besides that I didn't put up this salescopy for critique without his knowledge. I've given him the link to this thread. He knows about it and has acknowledge his weaknesses. He didn't even complain my actions at all.

              I must have committed a great sin here. OMG.
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              • Profile picture of the author Ken Strong
                Originally Posted by jimisan View Post

                Pardon me, I've gone against Warrior Rule #1! BTW, he's from DP. Besides that I didn't put up this salescopy for critique without his knowledge. I've given him the link to this thread. He knows about it and has acknowledge his weaknesses. He didn't even complain my actions at all.

                I must have committed a great sin here. OMG.
                No, no, the rule says you can't reveal his identity publicly -- you're welcome to talk about the situation as long as you don't reveal his identity.
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  • Profile picture of the author jimisan
    I wish to extend my utmost appreciation to all warriors who've taken valueable time to critique my copy. I understand some of you are well established Internet Entreprenuers and I felt so honoured to have your attention. It has been a great experience for me. :-)

    For those aspiring Copywriters, I wish to share some of my personal experience with you. Your greatest assets is your skills in writing. You don't have to pay for it neither do you have to stockpile it. Unlike doing a retailing business, like selling computers. You've to spent money to stock it at your shelves, if not sold within 3 months....it's consider old stock henceforth you might have to sell at a loss to recover your money. Unlike skills, it's an inborn talents that you don't need money to stockpile. If you provide good and excellent services, more business will be coming looking for you. If you don't then you're doing yourself a disservice.

    I didn't wait for my copywriter to do any revision for me. I've taken the initiative myself to do it alone thus far. I've done some research and added a new sub "Still Not Convinced? Take A Look At These Facts!" I do hope I've done the correct thing. As I've said earlier, I'm no writer (but my father was!) I'll strive to revise the copy myself (should my copywriter doesn't offer any help) at my own pace.

    Thank you again for the time. Cheers!
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  • Profile picture of the author Daniel Scott
    If the guy you hired can't write... asking him to do a re-write won't help.

    It's obvious he doesn't have the skills needed to create compelling copy... and frankly... he shouldn't be charging anyone anything for that crap.

    If I were you I'd spend a hundred bucks on Amazon.com and get some great copywriting books. Study hard for a year and you'll probably be able to knock out something decent.

    If you've got the cash, you can always hire a pro, but I'm guessing you don't (hence the DP writer).

    Your other alternative is to find an affiliate program selling this stuff and drive traffic to it... that way you can get your traffic generation skills happening and make money (if it's a good page).

    Kind regards,

    -Dan
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    Always looking for badass direct-response copywriters. PM me if we don't know each other and you're looking for work.

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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    And set up a facebook page. You can now embed videos on the page - with opt-in and clickable links. PM me for (unaffiliated details).
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    • Profile picture of the author jimisan
      Originally Posted by Metronicity View Post

      And set up a facebook page. You can now embed videos on the page - with opt-in and clickable links. PM me for (unaffiliated details).
      PM already sent.
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  • Profile picture of the author Cryp
    Well what does the numbers say? I can take an educated guess that its not pulling very well - at all.

    Headline is weak. Try:

    "Siamese twin splits in two - one becomes a stud after a secret dose of herbal magic - the other twin, well

    He wasn't so lucky. Blah Blah Blah

    Okay I just made that up. But anything newsworthy and intriguing - your ad is clearly that - an ad. No offense.

    The formatting + web design is bad. It screams at a prospect to hit that back button. Insert some easy to read paragraphs for starters. Throw away the yellow!! It repels rather than attracts.

    Peace
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    • Profile picture of the author jimisan
      Originally Posted by Cryp View Post

      Well what does the numbers say? I can take an educated guess that its not pulling very well - at all.

      Headline is weak. Try:

      "Siamese twin splits in two - one becomes a stud after a secret dose of herbal magic - the other twin, well

      He wasn't so lucky. Blah Blah Blah

      Okay I just made that up. But anything newsworthy and intriguing - your ad is clearly that - an ad. No offense.

      The formatting + web design is bad. It screams at a prospect to hit that back button. Insert some easy to read paragraphs for starters. Throw away the yellow!! It repels rather than attracts.

      Peace
      Yes, numbers are lackluster at the moment. Website is done by myself a 50 year-old -bloke. I know I've do to something about the copy. Thanks for the visit and comments.
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  • Profile picture of the author zenmarketing
    I couldn't bring myself to read past the first fold.

    Layout is a huge part of successful copy. People will not read it if it doesn't look interesting.

    Just study some copy from the top selling products and see the difference for yourself.

    If the copy does not make you want to buy the product on the spot then it is not working as well as it could.
    Since you are not sure about it, then I think that you have answered your own question.
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  • Profile picture of the author NicheHunter
    Originally Posted by jimisan View Post

    Hello,
    I hope you guys could assist me to review this salescopy and give me your honest opinions whether it'll convert sales or not. This is my first commercial product online, I hope to make an extra living out of it.

    Should I give this copywriter another project?

    Thank you.
    Jimisan,

    Honestly, if I had gone to the website I would not have bought anything. It is not because the sales copy is bad, it's because the website itself does not hold my attention. It's laid out in a confusing way. A few things that would pull ME in are:

    1.) A good graphic header
    2.) Things are repeated and waste my time: i.e. what id does for men, women and both are detailed in the graphic. Why do you also need them all detailed again with bullets <the checkmarks>
    3.) There is a lot of highlighting in yellow which is distracting. Only highlight the MOST important things.
    4.) All the doctors testimonials should be put into a box <one for each testimonial> and shortened. They are too long and I didn't even want to read them.
    5.) If you are trying to sell something on your site, why would you post a link to another store front. Store p.s. take a look at that website. It is very pleasing to the eye and draw you right in and the graphic is product specific. You website made me feel manic.

    For me, and this is only for me, the page is way to long. Websites with 5 or more pages in sales copy are starting fizzle just a little. People are starting to become immune to all the copy. I know I have. I read a few lines that get my attention and scroll to the bottom for the price.

    Under the peruverian viagra heading, the last sentence is

    The list goes on and on. The pharmaceutical industry is very tricky: they'll tell you the joy of having fun sex again, but they'll make an effort to hide the side effects! So why's Tricajus so much better?

    Then go right on to:

    "Still Not Convinced?
    Take A Look At These FACTS!


    Without answering "why it is better": I like the statement "So why's Tricajus so much better?" But I don't think that is the best spot for it. It makes me stop and wonder why the question wasn't answered, making me lose my train of thought and when that happens, the sale is usually gone.

    The website should first grab attention with a great headline and a graphic, then slowly build up to the end to a "I got to have this".

    Another thing I would do is take the highliting off the the prices for trial, 1 box and 3 boxes. Then change the wording from USD120 to just $120.00 with smaller fonts. The way it is now, all I see is someone screaming at me the price is $120.00, so I run.

    One other thing I would do is not have your website go straight to the sales page. I would have it go to an opt in page forst so you can capture emails to market to. Follow up every opt in with an auto response welcome email with another mini sales pitch.

    Well, that my .02 cents. I hope I wasn't offensive.

    Gary
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  • Profile picture of the author dorim
    Originally Posted by jimisan View Post

    Hello,

    Should I give this copywriter another project?
    No, run as far away from this copywriter as you can.
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  • Profile picture of the author Rezbi
    Originally Posted by jimisan View Post

    Hello,

    I'm not good at writing so, I hired a copywriter to do the salescopy for me. I did all the contents uploading by myself. I don't know whether it's a good salescopy or not. I wish to know the weakness so that I could improve my website.

    I hope you guys could assist me to review this salescopy and give me your honest opinions whether it'll convert sales or not. This is my first commercial product online, I hope to make an extra living out of it.

    Should I give this copywriter another project?

    Here is the link

    Thank you.
    An excellent reason to learn to write copy... even if you don't want to be a copywriter.
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  • Profile picture of the author jimisan
    Good evening to all warriors,

    I've done some remodelling with my website here : revision

    Can someone please tell me, am I doing the right thing? I need your views about how to better improve it.

    Have a nice and productive weekends. Happy Easter Holiday.


    Jimi
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    Healthy Walking Exercise
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    • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
      Banned
      Originally Posted by jimisan View Post

      Good evening to all warriors,

      I've done some remodelling with my website here : revision

      Can someone please tell me, am I doing the right thing? I need your views about how to better improve it.

      Have a nice and productive weekends. Happy Easter Holiday.


      Jimi
      Oh my God. File that one under "B" for boring. Or "W" for "who died?". Bite the bullet and get a writer. This is probably even worse than the last horror-show. :p
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      • Profile picture of the author Matt_L
        Can you tell me what the "DP" in "DP writer" stands for? I assume it's a ref to a jobs board or message board or the like ...
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        • Profile picture of the author jimisan
          Originally Posted by Matt_L View Post

          Can you tell me what the "DP" in "DP writer" stands for? I assume it's a ref to a jobs board or message board or the like ...
          This is my first time using Wordpress, can you plse pinpoint to me the exact location of the "DP"?

          Yes, I do have a conversation with my editor through message board. Can you guide me how to erase that "DP" thing?

          Thanks for dropping by.
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        • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
          Banned
          Originally Posted by Matt_L View Post

          Can you tell me what the "DP" in "DP writer" stands for? I assume it's a ref to a jobs board or message board or the like ...
          This pit of spammers here - Digital Point Forums
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      • Profile picture of the author jimisan
        Originally Posted by Metronicity View Post

        Oh my God. File that one under "B" for boring. Or "W" for "who died?". Bite the bullet and get a writer. This is probably even worse than the last horror-show. :p
        Hello Sir,

        I admire your sense of humour. Your reviews are "B" and "W". I would appreciate some constructive advice as how to make it not "B" and "D". For people who has big pockets or successful IMers then I suppose "Bite the bullet and get a writer" is simply not a problem at all. As for me, I'm sad 'cause I'm not in the category yet. The sayings "The rich will be richer and the poor, poorer" sounds true indeed.
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  • Profile picture of the author FeatherTouchMarketings
    Must comply with FTC new rule to live happy IM life
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    "Attract Carefully, In case, It becomes a Reality" - Ankur Sancheti
    Learn Now!!!
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