Looking for an honest review of squeeze page.

12 replies
Hey everyone. I am just getting involved with the internet marketing niche and need a review of my squeeze page.

I'm not a copywrite expert and mostly hire out to do my squeeze and landing pages. I like the internet marketing niche, so I'm 100% involved in this market instead of automating a business like I do in my other niches.

I wrote this squeeze page last night and would like a review of the copy. Any suggestions would be appreciated. I still haven't run any traffic to it and won't be making changes until I get a couple hundred views.

I'm not sure if it's too gaudy with the yellow background to some text. I don't want it to be over board.

My target market is new to intermediate marketers. The systems I teach can be used by the newest newbie, but can be extremely useful for those that have some internet marketing background.

Here is the description of my target market I wrote the other day:

Hi. My name is Steve. I'm 25 years old. I'm 6'0 tall. I have a medium build and like to keep healthy. I'm wearing flip flops, brown cargo shorts, and a loose fit T-shirt. I live in a 2 bedroom apartment with a friend. I've been involved in internet marketing for 6 months and really enjoy working for myself.

I've had small successes here and there but nothing lasting. I'm afraid if I stop working every single day, the money will stop coming in.

I want all the toys like nice clothes, fancy cars, and gourmet dinners. More importantly I want the time to enjoy it.

My family and friends tell me to get a real job and there's no longevity in what I'm doing. I work so hard but it seems I barely make it by. I'm starting to agree with them but I try my best not to. I know I'm close to what I want at times, but I also feel I'm so far.

I'm scared everyone is going to be right about my ventures. I'm scared I will get stuck in a 9-5 job working for someone half as smart as me. I won't let that happen. I won't give up until I've made it in this business, but if things continue like this for so long, I can't see myself being able to make it. I'll never admit my defeat and I will keep my head held high to keep trying.

I have the knowledge to make and internet business work. I just haven't found my stride yet. I know it will come, but I want it now.
The squeeze page is at Ultimate Niche Secrets.

I was just going to make it a 3 minute video and an optin at the bottom, but the weather here in Nashville has been horrible lately. I am shooting the video from my condo balcony that overlooks the city. I need a nice day to shoot this so it looks good. I'm trying to build that sense of success even with my background in the video. Once the weather gets a little nicer, I will be adding that video to the top of the squeeze page, or I might just A/B test the copy and the video.

Also, I made that header graphic. I'm no expert at graphic design but I like doing it. Is it stupid? I went with the sky picture to give the effect of "sky's the limit" type deal.

Once again any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

Travis
#honest #page #review #squeeze
  • Profile picture of the author Jo_Shua
    Put a second opt-in form under your sub-head: Build a long lasting income within 30 days!

    Now, the video would be a nice addition once you can add it AND yes test both the copy alone, the video alone, and then even add the video to the copy and test it then, too.

    When it comes to adding the video you still want to try and have your opt-in above the fold. Some good converting video squeeze pages have the headline, then the video on the left and the opt-in on the right.

    Also, you are doing a little bit of selling to get this opt-in (which is okay)... but, I would test a simple squeeze page as well. One that has the headline, a few bullets, and the squeeze on the right. Most of the squeeze this way will be above the fold.

    But, perhaps in your case the longer squeeze copy is needed? Best way to know is testing.

    Either way, put a second opt-in where I suggested and that should help with some conversions.


    JC
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  • Profile picture of the author petelta
    Thanks JC. I was thinking of doing that. I definitely was going to have another optin right under the video when I put that in.

    I am definitely going to test all three versions.

    It is a little salesy like you said. I have a future line of business packages coming out that I plan on promoting to this list. It's pretty much my exact steps I have outlined in the ecourse already done for them in a buyers niche. So, I was trying to get the excitement early. I will just have to see if I have to dial it down.

    I'm not worried about the size of my list, but I really want them to be a responsive list.

    Thanks for your suggestions. They are definitely going to help.

    Travis
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  • Profile picture of the author petelta
    Just put that form in at the top. That looks so much better.
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  • Profile picture of the author Jo_Shua
    Aye, the size of your list is not the important factor... It's the responsiveness of that list.

    I know of a person that used a 98 person list to bring in a few thousand a month... Everyone on that list was a buyer. And, ultimately that list kept growing & he now has a HUGE list, but that original (small) list was HIGHLY responsive.
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  • Profile picture of the author petelta
    You don't exactly get the point apparently. I create someone to talk to in every market I deal with. I get very responsive lists by doing this.

    Originally Posted by Ken_Caudill View Post

    P. S. How in the hell do you know your target audience is six feet tall?
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    • Profile picture of the author Kevin Rogers
      Originally Posted by petelta View Post

      You don't exactly get the point apparently. I create someone to talk to in every market I deal with. I get very responsive lists by doing this.
      Hi Travis,

      I agree... you've done a smart thing by specifically identifying your prospect for this market. The exercise you've done to give dimension to your prefect prospect is something we teach in the Simple Writing System called "creating your avatar."

      The more specific you can get, the better. The goal is to create a near living image of your best prospect so you can write to them as easily as if you were chatting over a cup of coffee at your local diner.

      For biz owners who've never taken the time to do this, it's a real breakthrough moment. The fact that you did it instinctively says a lot about your dedication.

      That's why I'm surprised that the tone of your copy isn't matching the personal involvement you've clearly achieved in relating to them.

      Right now it feels like when you write you're addressing your readers as a group, instead of an individual.

      Take your opening for example:

      I have something here that I know is going to help a lot of people out there.

      Anyone that gets involved with an online business is after the exact same thing.


      This should be an easy fix for you, however... all you need to do is concentrate on making your pronouns personal.

      Start by changing terms like "a lot of people" and "anyone that" to... "you".

      Look at the difference this quick change makes to the tone:

      I have something here that I know is going to help you.

      See... you and I probably got involved with an online business for the same reason.


      Now, beyond that, I'm not convinced that "more time" is the driving motivation that will inspire the most opt-ins for this.

      While you're testing layout, you might also consider testing appeal. Try a straight ahead "bigger profits" angle... maybe a "dominate the competition" angle and see what wins out.

      Unless I've missed something, this product can easily hook into a number of the Ids. So, why put down your entire stack on time?

      By split-testing different appeals you just might find there are more avatars lurking in your list than you thought.

      I wish you well.

      Kevin
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      • Profile picture of the author petelta
        Originally Posted by Kevin Rogers View Post

        That's why I'm surprised that the tone of your copy isn't matching the personal involvement you've clearly achieved in relating to them.

        Right now it feels like when you write you're addressing your readers as a group, instead of an individual.

        Take your opening for example:

        I have something here that I know is going to help a lot of people out there.

        Anyone that gets involved with an online business is after the exact same thing.


        This should be an easy fix for you, however... all you need to do is concentrate on making your pronouns personal.

        Start by changing terms like "a lot of people" and "anyone that" to... "you".

        Look at the difference this quick change makes to the tone:

        I have something here that I know is going to help you.

        See... you and I probably got involved with an online business for the same reason.
        You're right here. That first couple of lines I wrote before I even made my imaginary buyer.

        Now, beyond that, I'm not convinced that "more time" is the driving motivation that will inspire the most opt-ins for this.

        While you're testing layout, you might also consider testing appeal. Try a straight ahead "bigger profits" angle... maybe a "dominate the competition" angle and see what wins out.

        Unless I've missed something, this product can easily hook into a number of the Ids. So, why put down your entire stack on time?

        By split-testing different appeals you just might find there are more avatars lurking in your list than you thought.

        I wish you well.

        Kevin
        Right again. I was thinking I should probably have multiple squeeze pages for different buyers. This product definitely can help a wide range of people, so I definitely need to try and appeal to them more as well.

        Thanks for your critique.
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  • Profile picture of the author GuerrillaIM
    I think "step away from" might not be clear to everyone. Some might interpret it as you mean a holiday or something similar. I would consider rephrasing it so it so it sounds more like it runs on autopilot.
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    • Profile picture of the author petelta
      Originally Posted by GuerrillaIM View Post

      I think "step away from" might not be clear to everyone. Some might interpret it as you mean a holiday or something similar. I would consider rephrasing it so it so it sounds more like it runs on autopilot.
      Good point. I will think of a better phrase there. Thanks.
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  • Profile picture of the author Bob Conroy
    I have a quick question on the A/B split testing you guys mention in this post. how would you do that for the squeeze page in question? What would the technical procedure be? Don't wanna take it too far off topic, but I was wondering if you guys could explain it.
    Thanks!
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  • Profile picture of the author TimeZone
    more details about the ecourse is required. It's the product after all isn't it ?
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