This is my new sales page. I think I am getting better.

20 replies
The sales page is about mock certification papers in QuickTest Pro ( a software automated testing tool from HP)

I am running a beta with some testers at the moment. Before I launch the product, I would love to get feedback from you guys on what you think can be improved.

Here goes the link: QTP Certification
#page #sales
  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    Good effort but the copy is weak. It appears that English is not the writer's first language. For example, the headline says "...Are you planning to appear for HP-QTP certification..." That particular phrase will be confusing to some.

    There's some decent stuff in there but it's poorly expressed. This material would serve as a good outline for a sales page that has some punch. If you want the best possible results go with a professional. Good luck.
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  • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
    Haven't got the time for a more in-depth look but here's some points for you:

    The wording of your headline is awkward.

    The standard of English is low throughout it.

    What if the reader buys your product more than 30 days before the test? Is your guarantee still valid?
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    Andrew Gould

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    • Profile picture of the author geekology
      Originally Posted by travlinguy View Post

      Good effort but the copy is weak. It appears that English is not the writer's first language. For example, the headline says "...Are you planning to appear for HP-QTP certification..." That particular phrase will be confusing to some.

      There's some decent stuff in there but it's poorly expressed. This material would serve as a good outline for a sales page that has some punch. If you want the best possible results go with a professional. Good luck.
      Thanks for your review travlinguy. Do you have any suggestions to make that headline better?

      Originally Posted by Andrew Gould View Post

      Haven't got the time for a more in-depth look but here's some points for you:

      The wording of your headline is awkward.

      The standard of English is low throughout it.

      What if the reader buys your product more than 30 days before the test? Is your guarantee still valid?
      Thanks for your review Andrew. May I know what did you find low with English, was it the grammar, sentence construction or something else. I 'd definitely like to improve upon that area.

      What if the reader buys your product more than 30 days before the test?

      I think 30 can be replaced by any other number and this question will still remain valid. We have to have some baseline number of days to cover our guarantee.

      Thank You Again!
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      • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
        Originally Posted by geekology View Post

        Thanks for your review travlinguy. Do you have any suggestions to make that headline better?
        I don't have a lot of time to fix the headline at the moment. One might sit for an exam or take an exam but appear for an exam, probably not. Yes, someone will appear but that's not common usage at all. But it's not just the headline.

        The awkward language in the headline can be found throughout the entire page. I'm talking about the natural flow and cadence that would come from having English as your first language. It's missing. The page needs to be rewritten. You can't fix it piecemeal.
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        • Profile picture of the author Kevin Rogers
          Hi,

          Aside from tightening up the language, here's more to consider on the headline.

          Ask yourself what the prospect is really after here... and what he has at risk.

          Your current headline:

          "Are you planning to appear for HP-QTP certification and looking for high quality practice Question and Answers?"

          Why is practicing the test important? (the answer is your appeal)

          What is at stake if one fails the test? (the answer is also your appeal)

          You're not THINKING like your prospect yet. Writing another word before you do is whizzin' in the wind.

          Regards,

          Kevin
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          • Profile picture of the author copyassassin
            how about:


            prehead:
            Need to pass your HP-QTP Test?

            Headline:
            Ace Your HP-QTP Certification Examination
            Insider Reveals The Questions & Answers
            You Need To Know, or Money Back!
            [/SIZE]
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          • Profile picture of the author Rezbi
            Originally Posted by Kevin Rogers View Post

            Hi,

            Aside from tightening up the language, here's more to consider on the headline.

            Ask yourself what the prospect is really after here... and what he has at risk.

            Your current headline:

            "Are you planning to appear for HP-QTP certification and looking for high quality practice Question and Answers?"

            Why is practicing the test important? (the answer is your appeal)

            What is at stake if one fails the test? (the answer is also your appeal)

            You're not THINKING like your prospect yet. Writing another word before you do is whizzin' in the wind.

            Regards,

            Kevin
            I like your approach to making him think about it himself rather than giving him the answer. This is what I used to do with my students, and still do with my kids, whenever they ask a question.

            People learn with this approach as opposed to just being spoon-fed and learning nothing.
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            • Profile picture of the author Kevin Rogers
              Thanks, Rez.

              The serious among us appreciate a push in the right direction. (I know I do!)
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              • Profile picture of the author geekology
                Originally Posted by Kevin Rogers View Post

                Hi,

                Aside from tightening up the language, here's more to consider on the headline.

                Ask yourself what the prospect is really after here... and what he has at risk.

                Your current headline:

                "Are you planning to appear for HP-QTP certification and looking for high quality practice Question and Answers?"

                Why is practicing the test important? (the answer is your appeal)

                What is at stake if one fails the test? (the answer is also your appeal)

                You're not THINKING like your prospect yet. Writing another word before you do is whizzin' in the wind.

                Regards,

                Kevin
                Yeah, something to ponder.
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  • Profile picture of the author sainteve21
    Nice, clean page but I think the first couple of paragraphs could be broken up into smaller parts to make them more 'bitesize'

    Readers tend to skip more if there are big block of text

    But like I said, nice and clean

    Best of luck

    Steve
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    PREMIUM DOMAIN NAME FOR SALE Outsource Samurai .COM
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  • Profile picture of the author DonFinch
    The idea of the headline is to get the prospect to read the sub-header...



    The idea of the sub-header is to get the prospect to read the first paragraph...


    The idea of the first paragraph is .... Well I am sure you can guess the rest!

    Your just not selling it with that, you offer nothing but a confusing question really... I was just left thinking
    "So what?"

    Don't get me wrong here, this is not a bad attempt but I just feel it needs to be rewritten with more 'punch'!

    A product like this needs explaining, you need to drive home what the benefits of purchase are, up to now all I am seeing is that I will get 101 Questions to answer... is that it? Again, so what?

    You mention feedback - where is it?

    You say that you are so confident that this will help them pass the exam that you offer a 30 day money back guarantee...
    Really....prove it, offer a money back guarantee if they FAIL!!!


    WHAT BETTER WAY TO GET PEOPLE TO BUY YOUR PRODUCT THAN TO OFFER THEM A FULL MONEY BACK GUARANTEE IF THEY FAIL???


    That would certainly make my mind up, "hey if it does not work...I get my money back...Win-Win!!" So you will get a few chancers who just hook up for a freebie, but hey, you will always get them, and if this is a digital product you will have it guarded anyway!
    Nothing to lose!!

    I could go on, although I have hopefully given you some food for thought, I agree with Kevin Rodgers and Rezbi... doing is learning!

    I hope this helps and that your site is a huge success...

    Anyway, these are just my thoughts...

    Don Finch
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  • Profile picture of the author Sam Mlambo
    Too much highligthing of the features. You should really hit the benefits of your offer. Something I learned from Michel Fortin... From drab to FAB.

    Features = What the offer has

    Advantage = What the offer does

    Benefits = The desired end result

    Take your features and find out what the advantages are. Then see how those advantages benefit your prospect. When you break it down to that level then your bullets/benefits will be more compelling.

    Hope that helps

    - Sam
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  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    There's an area (well there are many) about headlines where
    writers get confused.

    David Ogilvy is widely quoted saying something like, "If your
    headline doesn't sell you're wasting your money"...

    so writers read that and they think the headline has to sell
    the product.

    It doesn't and often it shouldn't. It should, however, sell
    the prospect on the idea of reading the rest of the ad. Sometimes
    the headline, for example, should not be about the product,
    but the problem it solves... or the person who has the
    problem the product solves.

    The more "YOU" (prospect self-interest) you can work into
    your headlines the better. Ie. "Smart women want a whiter
    wash, without all the hard work!" - and off you go selling
    ladies who think they're smart on buying your product.

    Now you could say "Biz Bleach Gives You A Whiter Wash -
    Without The Hard Work!" and that's a good approach too.

    If I were writing your letter, Geekology, I might jot down
    some headlines like:

    "What Would Acing Your QCert Exam Do For Your Career?"

    "If You Aced The QCert, Would You Get A Job Faster?"

    etc...

    Here you've got a very specific mechanism, the QCert test
    the prospect needs to pass, so your laser targeting is taken
    care of for you - which is awesome. Now you've got to sell
    him/her on the idea that passing the test with a better score,
    more easily, will make his or her life better in some very tangible
    way. ie. getting a lucrative job faster.

    I don't think your box-shot is very effective, but that may be
    a minor issue.
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    • Profile picture of the author Kevin Rogers
      Originally Posted by Loren Woirhaye View Post

      There's an area (well there are many) about headlines where
      writers get confused.

      David Ogilvy is widely quoted saying something like, "If your
      headline doesn't sell you're wasting your money"...

      so writers read that and they think the headline has to sell
      the product.

      It doesn't and often it shouldn't. It should, however, sell
      the prospect on the idea of reading the rest of the ad. Sometimes
      the headline, for example, should not be about the product,
      but the problem it solves... or the person who has the
      problem the product solves.

      The more "YOU" (prospect self-interest) you can work into
      your headlines the better. Ie. "Smart women want a whiter
      wash, without all the hard work!" - and off you go selling
      ladies who think they're smart on buying your product.

      Now you could say "Biz Bleach Gives You A Whiter Wash -
      Without The Hard Work!" and that's a good approach too.

      If I were writing your letter, Geekology, I might jot down
      some headlines like:

      "What Would Acing Your QCert Exam Do For Your Career?"

      "If You Aced The QCert, Would You Get A Job Faster?"

      etc...

      Here you've got a very specific mechanism, the QCert test
      the prospect needs to pass, so your laser targeting is taken
      care of for you - which is awesome. Now you've got to sell
      him/her on the idea that passing the test with a better score,
      more easily, will make his or her life better in some very tangible
      way. ie. getting a lucrative job faster.
      Important lesson, well explained. Nice work, Loren.
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      • Profile picture of the author rickstooker
        What are the benefits for your prospects of passing this test?

        More money, more job offers, a promotion? More respect from peers?

        What are the obstacles? You briefly mention that it's hard to find good sample questions online.
        Needs more depth. Is that really true? There's a huge underground supply of sample
        questions/answers for other IT certifications. What makes you the only source for this particular test?

        How hard is to pass the test? What's the flunk out rate? What's the success rate of
        your buyers?

        How did you get these questions? How do you know they'll prepare buyers for the real
        thing?

        You need to address your prospects' dreams and goals, and their frustrations and problems.
        You may include tips on taking the test. You should not assume they already know
        the test's structure. Multiple choice? Give them the time limit, how many questions
        they must answer correctly etc. I know that the test giver has probably already done that,
        but you may be getting people who haven't yet signed up.

        If you can convince your prospects you have something of huge value to them, they
        may ignore lapses in English usage. But IT pros are very detail-oriented,
        analytical people. You must give them more facts, even -- maybe especially -- ones
        they already know.

        I hope you have an effective way of generating targeted traffic. How many people in
        the world are actually taking this test every year?

        I can't help but add, you should have them opt in so you can follow up with them
        by email.

        best, Rick
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  • Profile picture of the author Revolves
    I'm kind of an IT guy. I'm not a person interested in that HP certification you have a product on, but I am interested in some other related stuff. So, I tried to get in to an interested visitor's shoes. I believe that the headline could be more to the point, something like the one below. However, I'm not an expert copywriter, so there's still room for improvement.

    101 Mock Questions and Answers to
    Help You Ace the HP-QTP Certification Exam

    In the first few lines, you immediately started explaining what the user would have to do after ordering (stuff like he'll be redirected to a secure place etc.) I think you should pull the benefits to the top, and keep those types of details near the order section.

    I would also like to know why YOU believe these question and answers are important. Why did you pick these 101 questions? Why not anything else?

    And you also seem to have a story (I'm guessing this from the line "On popular demand by our blog readers..."). You could also tell the visitor in short how this product came about. I want to know more about your interaction with your blog readers. This will surely add credibility.

    Apart from that, I agree with what others said above. You need to convey the importance of passing the certification exam. The more I get excited about the exam, the more I'll be interested in your product.

    Well, that's my 2 cents.

    Regards,
    Revolves
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  • Profile picture of the author BrainCopy
    The heading in my opinion is a bit confusing. Possibly change the font and font color as well... Compacta, Impact, etc..
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  • Profile picture of the author sarahberra
    The copy is okay. It didn't really catch my eye though. The head line needs to be more catchy and some of the writing should be in bold. keep the reader interested rather than adding fluff and sell them.
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  • Profile picture of the author RogozRazvan
    I like it, it's better than most people, but there are some points which can be improved.
    These are:
    1. The headline. Don't ask a question in the headline, because you can receive a "no". Instead, either create a problem or show a benefit in the headline.


    2. The deck copy is weak. Your deck should expand on the headline and bribe him to read further. When you're saying "Your search ends here" ... it really ends here. In the deck, because I would leave the page.



    3. I would go rather with the "If you are ... then" opening copy. Or if you want to present a problem first, do it in the deck and reveal the solution in the opening copy.



    4. Your paragraphs are a little too big. I try to limit mine to maximum of three lines.



    5. Please show me how I will benefit directly, not the features.


    6. Use more day-to-day language. No matter if you are selling a $7 info-product or$1999 software, nobody should read the same text 3 times to understand it.



    7. Make it flow better. Use one word sentences and paragraphs. Limit your sentences to 7 words.


    8. Change the bullets either in benefits or fascinations.


    9. I would move the video under the headline.


    10. Make the guarantee a contract between you and the reader. He must achieve x, y, z or you'll refund his money.


    11. Show the ROI on this investment, how much he'll earn in how long.


    12. Add a scarcity inducing device or premium in the PS.

    Best regards,
    Razvan Rogoz
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  • Profile picture of the author ocmnet
    Needs more Section Headings. I should be able to scan the page and read only the Section headings to understand enough about your product to decide if I want to read more.
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