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Critique my very first sales page ever......

by ceyefly
13 replies
Hi everyone,

Taking the plunge.....

This is my very first sales page ever and I'm looking for any feedback you can give me before I start testing it on my list. Too new for including links , but you can view it on

http www talk-mania.com/mega-pack-offer/

Thanks
Chris
#critique #page #sales
  • Profile picture of the author Vendor-Lock
    looks cool man. I would recommend adding some opt in forms/popups though and start building your list. Not many people buy stuff like that first visit.
    you have to get them on your list and bug them four times to sell $100 packages.

    cheers
    Jeff Noyes
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  • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
    Here's the link:

    Vector Tutorials and Mega Talk-Mania Vector Pack ?

    And here's my thoughts:

    You want to have a proper headline not just the product name.

    Your first picture's too big.

    The caption for it says 'Here's how' but then you don't explain how.

    I'd have the 'what you get' graphics on the same page.

    The 'You won't pay' section goes on a little too long. And in your close mention again everything they get.

    I don't know how much this type of thing usually sells for but $99 seems expensive to me. You need to do a better job justifying the price. For example you could explain how much it'd cost to get the same shapes custom designed, mention that because they're vectors they'll be fine for screen and print, go through what tutorials you're offering. You need to make sure the prospect knows exactly what they're getting and what 'what' they're getting will do for them.

    What would I use them for?

    You say there's a 100% guarantee and then you say there's a 200% guarantee but don't explain it.

    Have your text order links go straight to the Paypal order page.

    If this is just going to a list, especially one of previous customers of the same type of product you'll probably do alright. Bt for anyone else you need to sell them more, really explain what they're getting, what they're used for, play up the tutorials and VIP membership. Consider doing a list only half-price offer for the first 24-48hrs.

    Hope some of this helps.
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    Andrew Gould

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  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    if I were you, trying to mount a selling argument for this
    sort of product at this price, I would look for a way to
    identify competing products in my copy and show why
    my product is a better value or or superior quality.

    This is not always easy to do, and not always appropriate
    in sales copy. But with parity products it's a critical
    skill to have in your selling skills arsenal.
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  • Profile picture of the author Rezbi
    Although it does need work doing to it, what I like about your copy is that it comes across as very unpretentious. I get the impression you're someone I would do business with, if I needed your product.

    Sorry I don't really have the time to actually critique it right now, but good luck with it.
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  • Profile picture of the author nadia712
    I second the need for a dedicated, attention-grabbing headline.

    I do think your copy is very refreshing an "un-sales-y," though.
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  • Profile picture of the author Revolves
    I've been in a situation wherein I was too looking for some vector stuff like you offer. So let's see if I can use that experience...

    Now, your headline should talk about your offer and it's affordability. It should also mention that vectors are royalty free (if they actually are). I see that you mentioned the amount of images I get in the fag end, while it's a good thing to add to the headline.

    As a potential customer, I'd immediately like to see the sample artwork. What I'd recommend (from what I've seen on some sites) is to create a collage kind of thing of your various "packs." That reminds me, your sub-headline should mention the packs you're offering.

    A good continuation would be an immediate set of bullets that present the additional things you're offering. For e.g., I see that you've kept the bonuses quite below the page. This is what most IM sales letters are like, but here, it's not quite appropriate.

    The price thing was a little awkward. I don't care about the price you've sold your packs for. And the "Not $XX, Not $XX" doesn't suit.

    I'd immediately like a comparison showing why the price is good. There are several places where vector packs cost more. Talk about the diversity of your pack and why trying to obtain the same elsewhere would cost more.

    Well, that should be all for now.

    Regards,
    Revolves
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  • Profile picture of the author CrispyDuck
    I'm reading from a standoff point of view and my first impression is that you have to persuade me more to part with my money (not a cheap product). More stuff on justifying the price would make it a lot schweeter.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dave d
    I had a quick look at your sales page. I agree with above, your headline is very weak and really needs to grab people and force them to read the rest of your copy. For some ideas and inspiration head over to copyblogger(dot)com.

    I also found it a little strange to see the testimonial so early on in the copy. I would also recommend you have some bullet points clearly outlining the benefits of what you have to offer.

    I hope those few pointers help you out and I think your on the right track.
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  • Profile picture of the author maximus242
    Layouts confusing, headline is barely visible, because of how you formatted this I find it very hard to read.

    Go look at some of john carltons formatting and copy it! Everything from bolding to spacing to colors. Then we might actually read your letter because right now its hard to read and I have no idea what your selling or why I should read your letter
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    • Profile picture of the author ceyefly
      Hey everyone.

      Thanks very much for your comments. These are very helpful to me and I'll do my best to implement as many of them as possible.

      Cheers
      Chris
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  • Profile picture of the author AllyAshantiBrown
    Great Post!Thanx for sharing
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    • Profile picture of the author dtendrich
      Hey,

      The main benefit you describe here is "get more compliments and the feeling that comes with them."

      I'd either drive this home even further - and paint some word images of situations people would find themselves in where they feel that pride and sense of accomplishment... or add in more benefits and drive those home too.

      It's not quite enough copy to get my sale. I was intrigued, and I liked the examples, but I felt it ended abruptly. Went from examples to price. I feel like there was a bunch of copy missing in between.

      Also - a key objection I had was sites like vecteezy. Why should I buy this when I can just go there and get great vectors for free? I'd definitely answer that objection.

      Also... I didn't feel like you sold me at the $99 price point. Give a story about how you spent hours and hours perfecting your vectors... Or how after years of not creating good stuff you finally showed your design to someone and blew them away... Or how you were frustrated by the fact that no one out there had an easy-to-follow program so you spent months crafting one yourself...

      You can throw all of your key benefits into that story, engage your readers, connect to them on a deep, personal level, and up your perceived value.

      Oh, one other big thing that bugged me...

      Since you're a professional designer - I'd expect your website to reflect it. I'm just being honest here when I say the design of the site is pretty harsh on the eyes. My first objection was... "If this guy's a great designer, and wants me to purchase a design product from him, why's his site look so bad?"

      Hope you don't take offense to that - just how I feel.

      Here's a site that sells tools for Photoshop also. Notice how sleek and clean it is: Cover Action Pro® - eBook Cover Software

      Well, that's a pretty long review, but I hope you get the time to look through it and get some helpful stuff for your site

      Best,
      David
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