Title Madness!

by JesseT

Posted: 14 years ago 13 replies

COPY WRITING

Hey guys, lots and lots of hours spent writing articles and content since the last time I've posted! Plenty of learning between now and then! Anyways I have been wracking my brain on writing a killer headline for our squeeze page. Everything was written locally so I don't have an actual link to submit, but I will try to be as descriptive as possible. The subject is about Obama's new HAFA plan. For those of you who are fortunate enough to not have to worry about foreclosure, it's suppose to help speed up short sale. In reality, it just helps the banks kick people out of their houses faster. Anyways, part of our opt-in strategy is to offer an ebook explaining the pitfalls of the new HAFA plan and I am looking to write a headline similar to the following:

You MUST read this book before you end up homeless and helpless!

Angry with the Banks? Just Wait Until You've Read Their New Guidelines...
Angry with the Banks? Then HAFA will make your head explode!
Angry with the banks? Find out why HAFA is not going to ease your pain!
Angry with the banks? Then you must read this book!
Banks giving you the run around? Find out if HAFA will relieve stress.
If you think that HAFA is your answer to stop foreclosure then you MUST read this book!
Before you sign up with HAFA, READ this book!
Avoid the pifalls of HAFA, READ this book!

Think HAFA will save you? 8 things that can leave you homeless and helpless!
Angry with your lender? HAFA introduces 8 clauses that can leave you homeless and helpless!
HAFA is a ticking time bomb just waiting to leave you homeless and helpless!

HAFA is a ticking time bomb. Be prepared before it leaves you homeless and helpless!

Do you feel like your life has spun out of control? With the release of HAFA you're heading for a nose dive! Read this book before you're left homeless and helpless!

Anyways, I hope you guys can give me a little inspiration on crafting a killer title!

Thanks,

Jesse T

#madness #title

Nicola Lane 14 years ago

A few questions spring to mind:-

Who are your prospects?
Will your prospect immediately understand what HAFA stands for?
What is your main product?
What are the benefits of your main product?
What are the benefits of the free report?
Is the dominant emotion here going to be anger?
Or is it more likely that when facing foreclosure being scared will be dominant?

It seems to me that if a person is facing foreclosure of their home then their main concerns are:

Can they stop it - in the short term and the long term
Where will they live if they can't stop it

Will either your product - or your freebie address these concerns?
- Thanks
- 1 reply
Signature

I like to keep an open mind, but not so open that my brains fall out
{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1993743].message }}
- JesseT 14 years ago
  
  Nicola, thanks for the reply. In answer to your questions.
  
  What do we do? We are a real estate company located in South Florida (Miami Area) who specializes in localized short sales. A short sale is basically when you negotiate with the bank to release you from your mortgage for less than you owe and sometimes without having to pay the bank back.
  
  Who is our target audience? People who are close to or in foreclosure who were unable to get loan mods/refinance and would otherwise have their homes repo'd.
  
  Do they know what HAFA is? This varies honestly. We have designed our site to be informational. We are trying to attract on the site are people who are looking for solutions outside of refinancing/restructuring their mortgage. Whether it be because they were unable to refi or they did and are moving back to foreclosure. They should be somewhat familiar with the new Home Mod systems released by the current administration. If not from other resources, then by the resources offered by our site.
  
  Emotions, etc? They have many emotions, we are targeting the anger because the new laws directly effect them and benefit the banks greatly. Playing on that emotion if you will. Foreclosures are so common in Miami that the emotion is no longer fear, it's more of hopelessness and a loss of control. Most of our clients no longer want the stress of having their house foreclosed.
  
  Benefits? Outside of our services, we beakdown what HAFA is and how it benefits the bank more than the homeowner. Most importantly it can cause the homeowner to willingly give the bank the deed to their house instead of the alternatives.
  
  The main concerns are these:
  
  Can I stop a foreclosure?
  If I can't what happens to the remaining balance on the loan? IE Can the banks come after me for the left overs.
  
  HAFA is being pushed as a solution to foreclosure. It is supposed to streamline the Short Sale process but in reality it just helps save the banks on legal costs by having the homeowners willingly sign a deed-in-lieu of foreclosure. People need to know this information because if you look at the HAMP website it sugar coats the process or is written in legalese so it's hard for anyone not in the industry to understand it.
  
  Hope that helps.
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  
  Short Sale Extraordinaire!
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1994167].message }}
Nicola Lane 14 years ago

The reason I asked these questions is to get inside your prospects head. Then you can write something that appeals to the emotions they are feeling and offers solutions to the problems they are having.

This leads to a few points:

Asking if the prospect is angry with the bank is going to have them say "no", they will then leave your page.

If your prospect does not know what HAFA is then they are unlikely to want to know how bad it is, so they will leave your page.

I can see how having your prospect read this report will benefit you. I am less sure how it will benefit your prospect.

How will reading this report make your prospect feel less helpless and less stressed? (I can see how it will make them feel more helpless and more stressed - which is not the effect you want!)

How will reading this report stop a foreclosure or stop the bank chasing them for the shortfall?

If your prospect had the knowledge that you do - then they would see the value of reading this report and avoiding HAFA. But then if they had that knowledge then they wouldn't need to read your report!

I think that you really need to find a good marketing professional - this report is likely to be tougher to sell than your business, and it should be making it easier.
- [ 1 ] Thanks
- 1 reply
Signature

I like to keep an open mind, but not so open that my brains fall out
{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1995038].message }}
- Kevin-VirtualProfitCenter 14 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Nicola Lane
  
  How will reading this report stop a foreclosure or stop the bank chasing them for the shortfall?
  
  Nicola asked and said many smart things, but this is key.
  
  If you are in the threat of foreclosure this is all that matters.
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  
  The Miracle Squeeze Page: Scientifically Proven to Convert 84.1% of Visitors into Subscribers
  
  Works for Anybody, Any niche - It's so simple you'll wonder why everyone isn't using it
  Click Here Now to Download It!
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1996483].message }}
JesseT 14 years ago

Nicola, that was almost poetic! I appreciate your insight and it indeed puts me back to the drawing board.

To summarize the book:
Explain HAFA
Explain Shortfalls of HAFA
Close the book with why having a professional help you with your foreclosure is much better than trying to go alone. Sell the Short Sale in no less words. I don't really like using the words sale/sell because I am trying to help people get out of underwater houses and not sell them something to make a quick buck.

[EDIT]

To touch on what you said about the person not being angry with the bank. A majority of our clients do not feel that they were at fault, but more along the lines of victims of unfortunate circumstances. They believe that they were set up for failure by the banks and not that they actually purchased a house that was outside of their means. So one of the most common emotions is frustration and anger with the bank.. The other is a feeling of helplessness/unable to control the situation.

[EDIT x2]

The reason we chose hafa is we expected the government and news channels to hype this up over the next few months and would expect it to start trending, but I'm not sure if that will happen considering the fact the program launched on the 5th and I'm sure most people outside of foreclosure don't even know about it. Also it should be noted that the banks are required to inform the homeowner about HAFA so that would be where they initially hear about it.
- Thanks
Signature

Short Sale Extraordinaire!
{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1995838].message }}
JesseT 14 years ago

Indeed. She made many good points, but your quote is where my focus is currently! Thanks for the advice!
- Thanks
- 1 reply
Signature

Short Sale Extraordinaire!
{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1997396].message }}
- JesseT 14 years ago
  
  Tell me how this sounds:
  
  Are you ready to willingly sign your house over to the banks?
  On April 5th 2010, the Obama administration launched a new program aimed at stopping foreclosures. In reality, the only thing this program offers is a fast track to being homeless and helpless. With the banks treating this as your only alternative to a foreclosure, you must be prepared. Just enter your name and email address below to instantly receive the information you need to stop the banks from stealing your home.
  
  Thanks again for trying to help me understand the anatomy of the pitch!
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  
  Short Sale Extraordinaire!
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2005831].message }}
Nicola Lane 14 years ago

Is your home in Foreclosure - or close to it?
Your bank doesn't want you to know the alternatives!

Just enter your name and email address below to instantly receive the information you need to stop the banks from stealing your home.
- Thanks
- 1 reply
Signature

I like to keep an open mind, but not so open that my brains fall out
{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2005908].message }}
- JesseT 14 years ago
  
  Once again, Nicola. You are amazing. I hate to admit it, but I spent a lot of time thinking about that throughout the day Sunday and literally in seconds you wrote something 10 times more powerful than me on my dreary Sunday!
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
  Signature
  
  Short Sale Extraordinaire!
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2006367].message }}
  
  Kay King 14 years ago
  
  Jesse -
  
  Nicola nailed it. I know quite a bit about that niche and have written on it.
  You aren't writing titles for "hype in marketing" - you need attention FAST.
  You are addressing a market that is stressed, frightened and distrustful.
  
  Obama's LATEST Foreclosure Bailout Attempt
  (name of program)
  High Risk for Homeowners Facing Foreclosure - Huge Profits for Big Banks?
  
  Hit the risk angle and capitalize on the foreclosure/obama/bailout keywords.
  
  One good focus might be on this as the "latest" idea - and the failure of previous plans which banks sabotaged and profited from.
  
  kay
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  
  Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world changes forever for that one dog
  ***
  Live life like someone left the gate open
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2006894].message }}
The Copy Nazi Banned 14 years ago

threatened with foreclosure?

♥ Your bank is your best friend ♥

(yeah right)

Read this eye-opening report - before HAFA and your bank nab your home

[where's Mr Subtle when you need him?]
- Thanks
- 1 reply
{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2007205].message }}
- David Chung 14 years ago
  
  Gene Schwartz Style Headline:
  
  Don't Pay A Penny More Off Your Mortgage Till Your Home Is Safe...
  
  Conspiracy Style Headline:
  
  The Banks Want To Kick You Out Of Your Home... Don't Let Them!
  
  (Substitute Bank with Gov't, 'Obama', 'They', the Men In Black....)
  
  Questionable WSO Style Headline:
  
  High School Kid Discovers the Secret To Making $150,000 Overnight and Paying Off His Parents' Home Loan! HURRY, LIMITED COPIES!
  
  Copy Nazi Style Headline:
  
  No Home For You!
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
  Signature
  Ghostwriters: Easily Manage Your Writing Business (Windows Only)
  WF Junkies: Dimesale - WF Thread, Post, PM, and WSO Organizer Software (Windows Only)
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2007500].message }}
  
  The Copy Nazi Banned 14 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by David Chung
  
  Copy Nazi Style Headline:
  
  No Home For You!
  
  LOL. Looks better like this, David -
  
  The Bank Nazi says
  
  Get Out! No Home for You!
  
  Thanks
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2007624].message }}

Title Madness!

Trending Topics

Any thoughts on golf's latest phenom...Scottie Scheffler??

The Twilight Zone

Should i Index Author pages?

What's the Best IM-Related Skill to Learn Today That Can Help in the Future?

best high quality crypto traffic.