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Website, sales pitch review

by Zentech
5 replies
Hi all,

New member here. I've been interested in copywriting for some time and have recently launched a business. My splash page is addthebomb.com.

The sales letter for my services is addthebomb.com/copywriting. [Link not active because I don't have enough posts, please cut-n-paste to address bar]. Just wanted to hear some opinions, if anyone has time. I've done a few jobs for clients with very good results.

My main concern is price. I feel like I'm fairly decent for a newbie, and I'm not sure whether I'm selling myself short by doing 1500-2000 word sales letters for $120-160. It sounds about right to me (considering my lack of a strong portfolio), but I'm inexperienced with pricing.

Anyway, comments are welcome, including negative feedback, if it's constructive. I know some aspects of my approach may be a bit unusual, but I do have an eye toward branding myself in a unique way.
#pitch #review #sales #website
  • Profile picture of the author Collette
    IMHO, your main concern right now should be the design and layout of your web site.

    Because your landing page is cluttered and difficult to use. Plus, although you explain your tag line (much, much) later, the landing page doesn't actually give the prospect any reason to continue. Except curiousity.

    I'm assuming you're looking for clients - not gawkers. In which case, this page design is a FAIL.

    Why bury your "Irresistible Offer" on two click-throughs? And why make your portfolio samples so difficult to look at (i.e. why aren't they available from a universal navigation bar)? These are key elements to persuade prospects to get in touch with you and this design makes the prospect work really, really hard to find a reason to hire you.

    Frankly, not many of them will do that.

    We live in an ADD culture. Especially on the Web. Large blocks of text, confusing navigation, making prospects struggle to access key content - all are ways of ensuring your prospects will leave early and often.

    I'm really not trying to bash you, but I'd tear this site down and replace it with something less glamorous and easier to use. I'd also host my domain name on a proper host.

    Re: Ways To Overcome Your Thin Portfolio - Run a WSO. Drop a sig line on your profile. Create sample copy for real or imagined products. Go get a few clients from elance or guru for your first projects. Rewrite Clickbank sales pages.

    Hope this helps.
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  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    I don't recommend you price your sales copy by the word.

    Ghostwriting content is a different story and probably should
    be priced by the word or by the page.

    You won't get inquiries being coy about your pricing, either -
    that's my experience. Most people just won't reach out to
    you at all unless you make a clear offer of what they get and
    how much it will cost them.
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    • Profile picture of the author Ashley Gable
      Let me say this first, once I got down a bit I liked your writing style, not copywriting style, but you held my attention.


      BUT that may be because I was going to read it all anyway.

      I can tell you that if I was searching around for a copywriter and I came across your site, I would have read the headline and left.

      "Add the bomb" just didnt make sense to me. I didnt get it. And I didnt get it in a good way, it didnt make me curious it just made me confused.

      Now I dont know about other people, it may be just the right amount of curiosity, I dont know.

      I also dont think the youtube video at the end is doing anything for you. If you really want that bomb sound why not look into getting some sort of mp3 that plays when they hover over the link?

      I know with the ultimate belcher button Wizard (found here:The UBB Ultimate Belcher Button Wizard | TroyNotes) you can add some sounds to it, and you can even switch out the music file for your own. But I dont think you want that big button for just a quote.

      I dont know I think it is kind of weird to ask for a critique when you are offering copy services. Not that it is bad to ask for feedback whatever your skill level, but your customers sure arent going to get an extra critique for the letters you write for them.

      Good luck though, I hope it all pans out. You seem a genuine enough guy.

      Ashley
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      • Profile picture of the author Zentech
        Hi guys. Thanks for all the feedback.

        Collette,

        I think you're absolutely right and I'll very likely try a re-design for the front page. You bring up good points, and I think I made the mistake of going with what I like rather than what the client will. Don't worry, though - I don't do that in my sales writing.

        Loren,

        I don't price by the word. I just mentioned the length of the typical letters I'm doing as a reference point. I price flat rate, by the job.

        AshleyAA,

        Thanks for your comments. I may eventually drop the "add the bomb" angle at some point, although I'd like to see how it does a while longer.

        I think you're right about the video. It could go. My wife didn't care for it either, lol. Ought to have listened to the wiser half, I guess.

        I think it's a little odd to ask for a critique also, but I felt I might be able to learn something useful, and that has been the case. You're right that clients don't get that opportunity with my writing, but I'm pretty confident that I'm doing good work (and clients so far definitely seem to think so). My copywriting style for clients is not quite the same as for my own pitch. It's less strident, and I may eventually tone down my own pitch, too.

        Again, thanks to everyone for the feedback. It's been helpful.
        Signature
        * Stupid Offer: Killer Sales Letters ***$897*** Just For Warriors. Ethical Clients & Legit Products Only. *
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  • Profile picture of the author Zentech
    Hey guys, just an update - I've incorporated most of your suggestions and have revised my home page substantially. The Flash site has been dropped entirely and the prospect now lands directly on the sales letter. The letter has been re-vamped in accordance with some Warrior suggestions and I think it's looking better. I have a couple more little changes to make, but I'm pretty happy with the result ( addthebomb.com ).
    Signature
    * Stupid Offer: Killer Sales Letters ***$897*** Just For Warriors. Ethical Clients & Legit Products Only. *
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