Critique My Sales Copy Please - Thanks So Much For Your Time

You don't really give away anything that is of value that people can try then come back to you once they see that you know what you are talking about.

I think the headline could do with being reworded as well, there is a disconnect "uncover profitable buying keywords" - be straight to the point, this is what i came up with in about 30 seconds:

"In Just 4 Minutes I'll Show You My Secret-Ninja Keyword Secrets to Get A Truckload Of Cash In Your Bank Account On Autopilot!"

Please read on if you want to know more...

Apart from that its a great start!

Here is a headline you can try.

-------Start Headline-------

Suck Your Niche Dry -- How to Squeeze Out & Exploit 100% of The Highly Profitable and Low Competition Keywords For Any Niche in 6 Minutes or Less!

-------END-------

I got the 6 minutes from the testimonial above your first add to cart button.

From the testimonials, the product sounds great.

Mike

The biggest problem is you're selling keyword research software.

You should be selling the sizzle - not the steak.

In other words, you really have to hammer how important and lucrative keyword research is... how it separates the winners from the losers... how without it, your online business is SCREWED.

At the moment, your copy doesn't sell that idea.

You also need more credibility - why is your software best? What does it do Market Samurai or KE2 doesn't? How did it come about? Etc.

I can tell you've put work into this but it needs a lot more beefing up before it's ready for launch.

-Dan

^^^ What he said.

Hi Derek, here are my opinions and suggestions:

Change the name of your system. Sell the outcome, not the process. Sizzle not steak as pointed out above.

The benefit of your system involves Google, Traffic, Profits, and Shortcut. The name of the product, and the URL for the web site, would be more powerful if they included those benefit words. Keyword research is the implementation technique, not the outcome.

It's as though, instead of having HotSportsCar.com or TwistyBackroadsFunDriving.com, you had used MagnesiumHeatTreatedBallBearingSteeringColumn.com. That may be the reason why the sports car has hot handling. But it's not a beneficial outcome in itself.

You go through a lot of verbiage before you get to the big benefit, which should be your headline: "I'm #1 and #2 on Google in my chosen niches. Now it's your turn to learn how to get these ratings and the success that comes with them..."

Then mention that keyword selection is the key to this level of success, and you've cracked the code.

Otherwise, you're limiting your audience to those who already know how important keyword research is and already hope for a shortcut. By selling the benefit rather than the process, you can also attract people who want more online marketing success but are not savvy yet about the importance of keywords.

It doesn't matter that the system suddenly came to you as a revelation after you used to be stumped. What matters is that it works, you've used it repeatedly, and others have replicated your success. In other words, as long as the recipe leads to a tasty dinner, I don't care how you came up with it.

What's up with the change to really small type for the WF review screenshots? If the testimonial authors agree, you could capture the top line with the picture, then quote the text of the review in regular html text. This would also let the text of the testimonials get indexed by Google, which could only help your sales page.

It's ludicrous to claim that a classic long form sales letter is not a sales pitch. It is a sales pitch. Don't undermine your credibility by claiming, in your sales pitch, that you are not offering a sales pitch.

I love the idea of a step by step system. Your teaser bullets are tantalizing. Everything seems fine from there on down. The order form, P.S. and so on all look good. So my concerns are only with the top half of the letter.

Chris

P.S. If you don't like these opinions, you can exchange them for further opinions at no additional charge.

Thanks for the helpful critique.

You know, I've actually considered split testing my sales page with just the standard white background (like this Turbocharge Your Website's Sales With Copy That is Guaranteed to Get Results!)

Any experience or thoughts there?

All the best,
Derek

I think you did a pretty great job mate! Not perfect but then again no copy will ever see the light of day on this forum and not get beat up.

Sizzle not steak...great advice. Thank Daniel Scott up there.

I would add a couple of other things.

Add a video of you scrollig through and reading the reviews of your technique. If you have that much proof then use and demonstrate it.

30 pages - 47$...you need to justify that price big time. Either lower it and start coming up with a lot of bonuses. I see 30 page report, not ebook...and that a lot for a report.

Also "how does this compare to other software and services" really nail this. If this is going to smart IMers, then they know the big names and thinkin' "yeah right! Like this is would be better than _____"?

Your guarantee is sooo smallll...and it's a GREAT guarantee! Make that bigger. Take the fear out of investing in your product. Make sure no one can miss it!

Maybe add some more bullet points of benefits and maybe space out or bullet the "what you'll get in chapter 4" section...little hard to read.

Maybe add in the story about how you came about your technique. Connect with me.

If this is for average shmoe, then, man you need a lot more sizzle...

Explain in detail what happens when someone gets on the first page of google.

Might be me, but I love the format if that sales letter. Where did you get that template? PM me. Simple, clean...my favorite kind.

Otherwise, decent job mate!