Kindly Critique This Sales Pitch

by 4 replies
5
Hello Guys
Kindly help me with some ideas here.
This is one of my ads running here but not been doing so well. The service is very reliable with 100% success rate but I expected it to convert better. I will relist it again today, but I do need some objective critique and guidance before doing so. What should I add, remove or change?
Thanks.
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#copywriting #critique #kindly #pitch #sales
  • Most marketers are looking for targeted traffic. Since your traffic is not targeted, you'll need an otherwise compelling benefit to make sales.

    If you have a compelling benefit, it should be explained fully in the copy.

    Alex
  • I'm sorry but I stopped reading after the first 100% Guaranteed. I know you want to sound enthusiastic about your product but the blatant hypeyness of it was a major turn off for me, especially so soon in the sales pitch.

    Scrolling over the top of it it looks like you went into lots of lists with very little explanation or "fleshing out."
    • [1] reply
  • Thanks guys for the perspectives you brought into my sales pitch. Perhaps I'll ask a copywriter to re write the sales pitch, in order to compare and contrast both presentations. I'd really like to write better copy.
    I don't feel hurt at all by the views advanced because I asked for unbiased critique.
    I'll take the points raised and try again.
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    Kindly Critique This Sales Pitch

    Hello Guys Kindly help me with some ideas here. This is one of my ads running here but not been doing so well. The service is very reliable with 100% success rate but I expected it to convert better. I will relist it again today, but I do need some objective critique and guidance before doing so. What should I add, remove or change?