email copy - would you please critique? | Warrior Forum - The #1 Digital Marketing Forum & Marketplace

14 years ago

Originally Posted by perryny

Hi copywriters,

As my first shot at copywriting, I'm working on this email which I intend on sending to a list of 5000+ recipients who recently posted their Network Administrator resumes on a job board.

email |

The intention is to drive the recipients to my squeeze page.

-Robert

Hi Robert,

Here's the challenge:

You are trying to do too many things at once (and some of them you don't even have to do.)

1. You're trying to "sell them" on being a computer consultant (Hint: they are already sold. They just don't know how to do it.)

2. You're trying to sell them on your business model. (You want arouse their curiousity)

3. You're trying to sell them on your information.

In the nicest of ways, basically what you've got is a business opportunity letter. But 90% of it is unnecessary.

Inside of every network administrator is an entrepreneur trying to get out.

Leverage that.

For instance:

----------------------------

Subject: "You... a six-figure computer consultant? Yes, you can."

Hi [name],

If you've ever had the desire to escape the corporate chains, hang out your shingle, and work for yourself, check this out:

[link]

I've developed a proven business model specifically designed for network administrators, which allows people like you to make six figures a year, working 10 to 20 hours a week and rarely have to leave their homes.

Here's the fre* training:

[link]

- Robert

----------------------------

Now, you depending how you normally communicate with the list, you may consider making it more personal...

----------------------------

Subject: "You... a six-figure computer consultant? Yes, you can."

Hi [name],

About a week ago I had an idea.

I decided to share some of the things (no charge) that have given me the ability to write my own ticket when it comes to making six figures as a network administrator/computer consultant.

I'm almost done with it, but you can check it out now...

[link]

I can guarantee--if you have at least one entrepreneurial bone in your body, you are going to see all sorts of possibility for yourself.

Here's the link again:

[link]

- Robert

----------------------------

- Rick Duris

PS: Two more ideas, you have enough material in that email of yours to build out 10 to 20 emails. I'd develop a multi-sequence email campaign.

Also, remember: You have only three goals for an email: 1) get the email delivered, 2) Get the email opened 3) get the reader to click through to your page.

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perryny

14 years ago

Originally Posted by RickDuris

Hi Robert,

Here's the challenge:

You are trying to do too many things at once (and some of them you don't even have to do.)

Hi Rick,

Thanks so much for taking the time.

I guess you can tell that I'm suffering from information overload (AIDA... Take the readers on a Q.U.E.S.T... Problem/Promise/Proof/Proposition...Find my "One-legged Golfer"... Use Stories...etc.)

It was my original plan (before I discovered that copywriting is a skill worth learning) to create an email like you describe by simply emulating something in my inbox from Carlton, Makepeace, Fortin...

But my concern is that my "list" is ice cold. These are resumes I purchased from a job-board database. They have no idea who I am yet. And I have no idea if any of them have an entrepreneurial bone in their bodies.

If I use a standard format email as you describe, won't I potentially get a lower click through because they have no clue who I am and with such limited information, might dismiss me as another money-making spam email?

Thanks so much for your help.
-Robert

P.S. Is it alright for me to use your Subject line and email you've written? Despite my above question, I'm pretty sure I understand that I only have to sell them on clicking the link. If they're entrepreneurial spirited, they'll click. If not, odds are I won't be able to convince them to be.

P.P.S. The Dilbert line made me laugh... but I doubt the 20-somethings in my target audience will get the reference. But who knows... apparently Marmaduke is still relevant.

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RickDuris

14 years ago

Originally Posted by perryny

But my concern is that my "list" is ice cold. These are resumes I purchased from a job-board database. They have no idea who I am yet. And I have no idea if any of them have an entrepreneurial bone in their bodies.

If I use a standard format email as you describe, won't I potentially get a lower click through because they have no clue who I am and with such limited information, might dismiss me as another money-making spam email?

Thanks so much for your help.
-Robert

P.S. Is it alright for me to use your Subject line and email you've written? Despite my above question, I'm pretty sure I understand that I only have to sell them on clicking the link. If they're entrepreneurial spirited, they'll click. If not, odds are I won't be able to convince them to be.

P.P.S. The Dilbert line made me laugh... but I doubt the 20-somethings in my target audience will get the reference. But who knows... apparently Marmaduke is still relevant.

Hi Robert,

Ok, so let me understand.

You bought some online resumes that have emails attached to them.

You are contacting them cold. Like without their approval. (You know that's against CAN-SPAM law, yes?)

Now let's say you say "FU, I am emailing anyway."

While I don't advise it, you want to "heat up" the list.

That means you must send multiple emails. They have to come to trust you. And you have to come at it from every angle.

You have to create a campaign. And it have to be engineered as a "product launch." That would be optimum.

If you're just trying to "cream the list" after one or two emails, you will sub-optimize.

And that means building a pre-launch, launch and post-launch process to extract as many names as possible.

One thing you can do to mitigate:

---------------------------------------------

Subject: About your resume

Dear Rick,

I have been forwarded your resume.

Let's be clear: I don't have a "job" for you at present.

But I was thinking of you, and given the ambitiousness I see, you might be interested in this opportunity.

[link]

I work with entrepreneurial network engineers and administrators every day, helping them build out their business.

If that sounds appealing, feel free to sign-up for the Fre* training. It's worth $97.

[link]

- Robert

-----------------------------------------------

Again, you want to hit them from every angle.

- Rick Duris

PS: Yes, you have my permission. Thank you for asking.

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perryny

14 years ago

Originally Posted by RickDuris

Hi Robert,

Ok, so let me understand.

You bought some online resumes that have emails attached to them.

You are contacting them cold. Like without their approval. (You know that's against CAN-SPAM law, yes?)

I bought a subscription (at a very substantial rate) to a tech job site that grants me access to their resume database. I have permission to email the candidates with job opportunities... so without reading the fine print, I'll assume I have permission to email them with the job-related opportunity I have for them.

My product (which I created myself and fully stand behind) is intended to help Network Administrators to develop a very fulfilling career path. I'm targeting only candidates that specifically entered "Network Administrator" in their list of qualifications.

I think I'm ok... and if anyone knows for certain otherwise... please allow me to remain ignorant on this point for the time being.

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RickDuris

14 years ago

Originally Posted by perryny

I think I'm ok... and if anyone knows for certain otherwise... please allow me to remain ignorant on this point for the time being.

Hi Robert,

When it comes to emailing people... people you don't know, without their permission, especially on a mass basis... you are not "ok".

Unfortunately, it's against the law. It doesn't matter how you acquired the list.

Google CAN-SPAM and you'll see.

- Rick Duris

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perryny

14 years ago

I get you. I'm sure you and Alexa are right.

So when Halbert goes on and on about getting a highly targeted list from a list broker, how is it different? I'm asking sincerely. Does everyone who uses a list broker NOT use email to contact that list?

Halbert might have been talking about contacting prospects exclusively through DM, which I suppose is a different story (no rules against stuffing people's snail-mail boxes). In that case, I suppose it would it be fine to contact my resume list with a DM piece (which actually would probably convert much better if done properly).

If my "starving crowd" are unemployed or otherwise job-seeking network administrators... how else would you suggest I reach out to them? Craigslist? Competing against anything related to "jobs" on google will be a futile effort. I can go back to the keyword research drawing board, but I know it'll be a slow road to ramp up to the traffic levels I'm hoping for.

I thought I was being smart and a little creative with this resume database. I didn't think I'd be breaking any laws. Damn spammers are a pain in my arse in more ways than one apparently. Screwing it up for everyone.

So I guess I won't be sending out this email. Too bad. I'm sure at least a portion of them would be glad to receive my message. And I might have even been able to help a few turn their lives around for the better. I already have a few paying customers that have expressed gratitude for my help.

Of the 5000 potential recipients, I doubt I'd have more than a handful that would read my message and view me as a spamming prick.

Anywho...

If I'm now thinking of making this a DM piece... is the email I've written on the right track? I understand it's got to be cut down considerably, but do I have a foundation that I can shape into something that I can mail?

Thanks,
-Rob

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azombay

14 years ago

Maybe you could get Network Administrators to opt-in to your list? Then warm them up, and THEN hit them with your sales pitch?

My presumption is that they must read certain online publications related to their work and maybe you could take out an ad there and send them to your opt-in page and have them sign up?

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perryny

14 years ago

Originally Posted by azombay

My presumption is that they must read certain online publications related to their work and maybe you could take out an ad there and send them to your opt-in page and have them sign up?

AHHHH!!! Reminds me of something...

I have the 2008 Oxford Standard Periodical Directory sitting on my bookshelf. I've been planning at some point to rent a few lists from applicable computer magazines.

So, now it looks like targeting those lists via email is out too! Foiled again!

I feel like I'm missing something.

And I'm letting myself get way off track...

P.S. Thanks for the solid idea of placing an ad azombay.

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perryny

14 years ago

Originally Posted by RickDuris

When it comes to emailing people... people you don't know, without their permission, especially on a mass basis... you are not "ok".

Unfortunately, it's against the law. It doesn't matter how you acquired the list.

Google CAN-SPAM and you'll see.

I Googled it. Found this page: The CAN-SPAM Act: A Compliance Guide for Business

It's late... I'm tired... but I couldn't find anything that specified that I had to have their permission to send them an email.

I also couldn't see anything of this nature on the Wikipedia page.

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Mr. Enthusiastic

14 years ago

Robert, the letter does a great job of joining the conversation already inside the mind of the prospect.

Take it down to the smallest possible pitch. Maybe just this much:
"Computer network engineers, here's a free opportunity to get basic training by email about how to enjoy wealth and freedom, with fewer hours, all through running your consulting business the right way. Hint: You'll never again need a resume, a suit, or a cubicle. Click here to sign up for free."

Then add back in just enough additional evidence to strengthen your appeal to a network engineer. The letter doesn't have to sell all your training. The letter only has to sell an open-minded visit to the squeeze page.

Address the fear that the move to consulting requires putting on a suit and becoming a vapid player of politics, as any technical expertise oozes out of one's ears until it's all gone.

Relentlessly hammer away at the fact that the prospect is already an expert at network administration. There are countless small businesses who don't know what the prospect knows about networking; and what they don't know can hurt them.

The prospect can save the day for clients who will be relieved, grateful, happy, eager to pay good rates. Clients actually want to get their networking problems solved without having to hire and manage a full-time engineer. And all this may not require a resume, a formal interview or enduring more life in a cubicle!

In the words of Dick Bolles, help the prospect change, in their mind, from being "a job-beggar" to "a resource-person who helps the company make money."

However, to put the prospect's networking expertise to use, that technical expertise is not enough. It must be joined by enough business expertise to present their talent in a way that helps nontechnical business owners to feel comfortable and inspired to buy.

Fortunately, a technical expert can retain their integrity and professionalism while increasing their variety and wealth. This happens by learning just enough of the right way to run their consultancy. Good news is that with help from someone who's already done it, this is actually easier than the technical study the prospect's already done to master network technology. And it's free to get started with a sample of your business training that turns technical experts into wealthy technical experts with career freedom.

The squeeze page is nice. The letter only needs to be just long enough to get people to visit the squeeze page.

Sell benefits, not features. The file system keeps your data safe even if a disk goes bad; here's how to learn more. Don't mention the 128-bit checksums or the copy-on-write algorithm yet. Just get the door open to start the conversation about the importance of data safety. Same principle for the sales letter.

Rick's wording choices help. Think of what you'd say if you met the fellow consultant over a beer. Some more informality will help. The offer is a free gift of hard-won knowledge about how to succeed in a system that appears stacked against experts. But this conspiracy welcomes new members at any time. The feel of the letter should be more personal rapport, less Powerpoint. Bob Bly has some great examples of how a technical geek can build personal rapport.

Chris

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RickDuris 14 years ago

Curious Subject Line?

"Tired of working for Dilberts?"

- Rick Duris
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perryny

14 years ago

Originally Posted by Mr. Enthusiastic

Take it down to the smallest possible pitch.

Then add back in just enough additional evidence to strengthen your appeal to a network engineer.

Address the fear ...

Relentlessly hammer away ...

The prospect can save the day for clients who will be relieved, grateful, happy, eager to pay good rates...

Clients actually want to get their networking problems solved without having to hire and manage a full-time engineer...

And all this may not require a resume, a formal interview or enduring more life in a cubicle!

...help the prospect change, in their mind, from being "a job-beggar" to "a resource-person who helps the company make money."

...to put the prospect's networking expertise to use, that technical expertise is not enough. It must be joined by enough business expertise to present their talent in a way that helps nontechnical business owners to feel comfortable and inspired to buy.

...Good news is that with help from someone who's already done it, this is actually easier than the technical study the prospect's already done to master network technology. And it's free to get started with a sample of your business training that turns technical experts into wealthy technical experts with career freedom.

Chris

Hey Chris,

Thank you too for your help on this. But you kinda lost me a bit.

If I address the fears and hammer away at all these points, aren't I back to just as long, if not longer of an email?

Your points follow very much along the lines of what I've been trying to accomplish, granted addressing some different fears and promises. I'm concerned that if I tried to incorporate these points, I'd be very close to where I am now... a long email trying to convince an entrepreneurial minded computer tech on all the great reasons why he should pursue my recommended career choice.

Am I missing your meaning?
-Robert

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Copydog

14 years ago

Hi Robert

A quick reply (pressed for time).

Your subject line reads, "Network Administrators
are in High Demand."

A few points:

• Need a more intriguing title that will suck the
email recipient into opening the email

• Quite a few people won't even know what a
"Network Administrator" is

• "High Demand" is a subjective phrase --
doesn't evoke a concrete, captivating image
in the mind

• Better to use short, curiosity-evoking words

• Don't use the passive ("are")

• Don't use initial capitals, as if you're writing
a sales letter headline (puts the frighteners on
people that you might actually be selling
something in the email)

Start your email with a story -- people love
stories and want to find out how the story ends.

At the end of your story transition into helping
the reader solve a problem.

Also, your email is far too long. Unlikely anyone
would read to the end (people get hundreds of
emails daily, and have to choose those they
want to open, and read).

So, to summarize:

(1) Give them a reason to open your email
(intriguing subject line, that makes them so
curious they have to find out what your email's
about).

(2) Give them a reason to keep reading (start
with a story that transitions into a solution to
their problem).

Hope this is helpful.

Eldo

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perryny

14 years ago

Originally Posted by Copydog

Hi Robert

A quick reply (pressed for time).

Your subject line reads, "Network Administrators
are in High Demand."

A few points:

• Need a more intriguing title that will suck the
email recipient into opening the email

• Quite a few people won't even know what a
"Network Administrator" is

• "High Demand" is a subjective phrase --
doesn't evoke a concrete, captivating image
in the mind

• Better to use short, curiosity-evoking words

• Don't use the passive ("are")

• Don't use initial capitals, as if you're writing
a sales letter headline (puts the frighteners on
people that you might actually be selling
something in the email)

Start your email with a story -- people love
stories and want to find out how the story ends.

At the end of your story transition into helping
the reader solve a problem.

Also, your email is far too long. Unlikely anyone
would read to the end (people get hundreds of
emails daily, and have to choose those they
want to open, and read).

So, to summarize:

(1) Give them a reason to open your email
(intriguing subject line, that makes them so
curious they have to find out what your email's
about).

(2) Give them a reason to keep reading (start
with a story that transitions into a solution to
their problem).

Hope this is helpful.

Eldo

Thank you Eldo. Your advice is helpful.

I'm sending this email directly to network administrators (it's the job description they used on their resumes), so I'm not too worried about them not knowing who the email is intended for.

Rick offered up a really good subject line that I like a lot.

I tried incorporating a story into the middle of the letter, but it's the longest part of the letter. It's tough for me to figure out how to keep the letter short and still incorporate all of the bare-essential components.

Based on the advice I'm getting in this thread, it looks like the letter is getting scraped and completely re-written.

Thank you for the advice on using shorter, more effective language. With all that I'm trying to absorb, it's hard to keep an eye on all the details.

But hey, I've only started learning copywriting about a month ago. And from what I understand, it could take, like, up to 6 months to become a real pro.

Thanks again,
-Robert

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Copydog 14 years ago

Robert

You wrote:

But hey, I've only started learning
copywriting about a month ago. And from
what I understand, it could take, like, up
to 6 months to become a real pro.

Congratulations on your first effort!

Not bad at all for someone who only
started a month ago.

Keep at it, and I'm sure you'll become an
excellent copywriter.

But I hate to disillusion you on one point --
6 months ain't enough time to "become
a real pro."

Good, yes. But a pro?

If only!

Kind regards

Eldo
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- perryny 14 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Copydog
  
  But I hate to disillusion you on one point --
  6 months ain't enough time to "become
  a real pro."
  
  That was a lame attempt at sarcastic humor. I should have said six weeks and you would have laughed your a** off.
  
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Daniel Scott

14 years ago

Alexa... I think he has permission... like a co-reg lead.

Could be wrong, though...

Anyway... that aside... here's some advice for you Perry.

You've obviously put a lot of work into this... now you gotta do the hard part.

Cut it.

You've gotta cut out anything and everything that isn't 100% necessary.

You've gotta get in the head of you market and ask yourself, "Does this REALLY help me get closer to a sale?"

I wouldn't be surprised if you halved it.

Kind regards,

-Dan

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perryny 14 years ago

Originally Posted by Daniel Scott

Cut it.

-Dan

Man o' man, Dan. Don't I know it.

I've put everything on hold on this project except for getting traffic. I'm converting well. I'm sure that if I could drive the traffic, I'd generate some decent income and will be able to move on to improving the product and getting the membership site off the ground.

So I decided to spend the bucks to buy a list of highly targeted potential customers in the form of network admins actively looking for a job opportunity.

I didn't consider that I might be doing something unethical. I honestly still don't see how this is very different than buying a list from a broker. But at this moment, it's not something that I'm going to concern myself with. I'll look into it before buying a second round of resumes though (assuming this first list works out well enough to have a second go at it).

The only thing I'm focused on now is writing an effective email to convert this list.

I might have gone off track a bit with the plans for the product launch, but it was applicable to what Rick was suggesting.

Thanks Dan.
-Robert
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Daniel Scott

14 years ago

Copywriting is hard... but for what it's worth... you're doing well.

One of the first lessons I learned when I started with Vin was to cut out everything that didn't help me close a prospect.

And sometimes... it hurts.

You have this brilliant, clever line... but you gotta cut it.

Essentially you write then edit it down until it's just muscle... cut out all the fat.

And it's never pretty.

But it gets easier with time (and you have to do less of it).

Kind regards,

-Dan

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perryny 14 years ago

Oh... wait....

When you say "Cut it", you're referring to the long, crappy email I tried to write, aren't you?

I thought you were talking about this massive project I can't seem to get off the ground in general.

I suppose the advice applies to both equally.
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Daniel Scott

14 years ago

Perry,

What I mean by "cut it" is you have to whittle done your writing.

You've got a long, crappy email - crappy largely BECAUSE it's long.

In short... you've included way too much in there.

You need to get inside your reader's head and cut out all the unnecessary stuff... until what you're left with is a lean muscle that makes them want to buy.

If you do that... your email will get a better because you're cutting out all the crappy parts.

Dig?

-Dan

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perryny 14 years ago

Definitely dig.

If this was an attempt at a sales letter rather than an email, would the same advice apply?
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Daniel Scott

14 years ago

Definitely.

Always trim it down as much as you can.

When you're really good you get a feel for where to elaborate and when not to...

But when you're starting out... usually it's best to condense it as much as possible.

Of course... the hard part is knowing what to cut... and what not to.

I know the advice is kind of vague... and I apologize for that.

But it does kind of work on a case-by-case basis.

-Dan

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perryny 14 years ago

It's great advice that I'm glad to be getting on this relatively short letter, where it'll be easier for me to focus on each section individually and see how each can be trimmed down.

Thanks Dan.
-Robert
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Daniel Scott

14 years ago

You're welcome.

Always happy to help out when someone's giving it a fair shot.

Best of luck.

-Dan

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perryny 14 years ago

I'm very relieved that you recognize I'm putting in some real effort. It's a huge motivator... helping me realize that I'm absorbing the material.

Thanks so much for that.
-Rob
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The Copy Nazi

Banned 14 years ago

I think you'll find it boils down to whether the list owner got permission (from the people on the list) to pass their email addresses on. You say -

I bought a subscription (at a very substantial rate) to a tech job site that grants me access to their resume database. I have permission to email the candidates with job opportunities... so without reading the fine print, I'll assume I have permission to email them with the job-related opportunity I have for them.

But looking at your email I'd say you're not really offering a "Job Opportunity" are you? But there could be a way around it - offer a real "job" - or do some research and find some real jobs. And then attach your real offer as a "BTW...this free video series might help you get/find that job - http://SuccessfulComputerConsulting.com."

The law defines an affirmative consent standard: It provides helpful guidance on what constitutes opt-in. "The term 'affirmative consent', when used with respect to a commercial electronic mail message, means that- (A) the recipient expressly consented to receive the message, either in response to a clear and conspicuous request for such consent or at the recipient's own initiative; and (B) if the message is from a party other than the party to which the recipient communicated such consent, the recipient was given clear and conspicuous notice at the time the consent was communicated that the recipient's electronic mail address could be transferred to such other party for the purpose of initiating commercial electronic mail messages."

Once again...it comes down to intent. If you're offering a service or product that the recipients would really get some value from AND you abide by all the other rules and regs - address/name/etc - I'd say you'd be OK.

And yeah - thats the mother of all emails. Hack and slash it. Nobody will read all that. That will just plain irritate people.

Like this -
TITLE - "Have You Smelt the Money Your Buddies Are Making in Independent Computer Consulting?"

...it smells great Dude. These guys aren't making that crazy money charging hourly rates. That's old-school. Thats not where the money is.

To succeed as an Independent Computer Consultant you need to be charging your clients an on-going monthly fee for network monitoring and remote support. That's where the money is.

Wanna know how to set it up and how to have your clients think you're Supergeek? Click here and I'll send you some free videos. You're gonna love this.

BTW here are some JOB OPPORTUNITIES in your area that you might be interested in.

You're welcome,
Robert Peretson
Successful Computer Consulting
New York City

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perryny

14 years ago

Originally Posted by Metronicity

And yeah - thats the mother of all emails. Hack and slash it. Nobody will read all that. That will just plain irritate people.

Like this -
TITLE - "Have You Smelt the Money Your Buddies Are Making in Independent Computer Consulting?"

...it smells great Dude. These guys aren't making that crazy money charging hourly rates. That's old-school. Thats not where the money is.

To succeed as an Independent Computer Consultant you need to be charging your clients an on-going monthly fee for network monitoring and remote support. That's where the money is.

Wanna know how to set it up and how to have your clients think you're Supergeek? Click here and I'll send you some free videos. You're gonna love this.

BTW here are some JOB OPPORTUNITIES in your area that you might be interested in.

You're welcome,
Robert Peretson
Successful Computer Consulting
New York City

This is really great. I'd click the link in a heartbeat.

And I'd probably be pretty irritated reading the email I tried to write too.

Thanks Metronicity.
-Rob

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Jag82

14 years ago

Perry,

Alexa and Rick are right.

You are playing a very dangerous game
here if you are emailing people without
their permission.

While you are emailing them something
that is relevant to them...the fact remains
...you did NOT get their permission to email them!

It's a lose-lose situation and here's why:

1. They have not heard of you before.
They don't know you. You don't have their
trust. At least not yet.

Chances are your response rate is going
to be low.

2. You ran the risk of being labeled as
"spam" by the recipients.

It's so easy to have your email marked
as "spam" nowadays with all the free major
email providers.

In the best case, your email address will
get black-listed by the ISPs. And your
host might suspend you.

And in the worst case, you'll get sued.

Either way I see it...the results and consequences
are not worth your time...effort and hassle.

Tell me...Perry...will it be better for you
if you place a targeted ad on the job site
instead to get your prospects?

Or if you use PPC like Google Adwords?

Or maybe even trying free methods like article marketing?

Get them to come to you. And you
can attract to your list by giving them
some FREE and valuable information.

Now they want in. Now they want to hear
from you. You can then email them as you wish
(but still MUST provide value).

If you really must use email straight out...
find someone who already has a list of your targeted
prospect and pay them to email on your
behalf.

Get an advertisement on their newsletter.
Something like that.

You will get FAR better results.

And you will stay on the right side of the law.

Think about it, Perry.

Originally Posted by perryny

I think I'm ok... and if anyone knows for certain otherwise... please allow me to remain ignorant on this point for the time being.

Lastly, ignorance is not bliss.

Best of luck!

- Jag

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perryny

14 years ago

Originally Posted by Jag82

Perry,

Alexa and Rick are right.

You are playing a very dangerous game
here if you are emailing people without
their permission.

While you are emailing them something
that is relevant to them...the fact remains
...you did NOT get their permission to email them!

Yes, I get it. I will NOT be sending an unsolicited email.

Thank you all for your advice on this.

And thanks, Jag, for your suggestions on placing ads, using adwords or trying article marketing.

I have been using article marketing, but the resulting traffic hasn't been what I need. For it to be effective for me, I either need to dedicate a lot more time to writing articles, or outsource it.

I know placing ads or using adwords to reach prospects in the job-hunting arena will be expensive, but I'll definitely investigate.

Thanks again, Jag.
-Rob

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Jag82

14 years ago

Originally Posted by perryny

Yes, I get it. I will NOT be sending an unsolicited email.

Thank you all for your advice on this.

And thanks, Jag, for your suggestions on placing ads, using adwords or trying article marketing.

I have been using article marketing, but the resulting traffic hasn't been what I need. For it to be effective for me, I either need to dedicate a lot more time to writing articles, or outsource it.

I know placing ads or using adwords to reach prospects in the job-hunting arena will be expensive, but I'll definitely investigate.

Thanks again, Jag.
-Rob

Hi Rob,

Okay. Now I get it that you got it.

Good to see you are back on the right track.

It's good to see you are thinking of
outsourcing article marketing.

You are definitely better off spending
your time on higher value stuff such
as perfecting your sales copy and testing.

As for paid traffic..."expensive" is really
relative.

If you can pay $1 to get $1.50 or $2...
will you continue to spend that $1?

The key is ROI. See your ad spent instead
as an investment.

Don't expect to be immediately profitable though.

Pay to get data first. Know what works,
then scale that up. And dump the keywords/URL
targets that don't.

Optimize accordingly and keep testing.

And you will be fine.

I wish you nothing but great success, Rob!

Warmly,
Jag

P.S Before I forget...if you pay for traffic...use
that data! Find out keywords that are profitable
and get your article writers to write articles based
on those keywords.

That will ensure you stay on the right track.
And not waste time writing articles based on
keywords that won't convert.

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perryny

14 years ago

Originally Posted by Jag82

If you can pay $1 to get $1.50 or $2...
will you continue to spend that $1?

Unfortunately, you can't spend $1, get back $1.50 a few minutes later, rinse and repeat a couple hundred times a day. The barrier to entry is quite a bit higher, so that initial investment to see the return is where the challenge is.

Originally Posted by Jag82

P.S Before I forget...if you pay for traffic...use
that data! Find out keywords that are profitable
and get your article writers to write articles based
on those keywords.

That will ensure you stay on the right track.
And not waste time writing articles based on
keywords that won't convert.

Golden advice. Whether you pay for traffic or shoot for organic, this should be rule #1 in SEO. Guess who's got the #1 spot for "computer consultant", a 70-135K monthly search term.

Guess how many unique visitors that grabs me daily (hint: it's less than 10).

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dtendrich

14 years ago

Hey,

Your e-mail seems to really start here:

"Your talents are in very high demand. In fact, there are few professions available today that are so widely needed by almost every business in almost every sector of every industry across the nation."

I'd start there. Dish the potatoes and start with the meat.

With that said - if this is to drive traffic to a squeeze page - then
keep it short and sweet.

Tell them just enough to make them want to see the squeeze page.

I think this could be your whole e-mail:

"Dear Computer Professional,

Your talents are in very high demand. In fact, there are few professions available today that are so widely needed by almost every business in almost every sector of every industry across the nation.

Think about it... almost any small business that relies on computers for their daily operations (which, let's face it, is just about EVERY small business)... is desperately hunting for more affordable ways to keep their network running reliably and at peak performance.

With your skill set, you can be the knight in shining armor that all these small businesses are looking for.

I've put together a FREE video for you that shows you how to get in touch with these businesses - and how to get them to practically throw money at you for your services! (no joke - these guys need you!)

Just click this link to get the FREE video.

[link]

(And no - there's no catches or hidden charges or anything. Just pure, profitable content)

Best,
name"

I'd shorten the sentences up - and trim this down even further - but you could definitely work with this and have a solid e-mail.

Have a good one,
David

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Copywriting Tips, internet marketing jargon, thoughts, and rants by me.

Atlanta Copywriter, serving clients worldwide.

Write your life.
David Tendrich

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perryny

14 years ago

In just two days, I've gotten THREE, awesome emails written for me... COMPLETELY FREE... by some amazingly talented and highly respected copywriters.

Trying my best to not sound gushy... I really, really appreciate you guys offering your above-and-beyond assistance. I know the value of your time and your talents. I seriously can't thank you enough.

-Rob

Originally Posted by dtendrich

"Dear Computer Professional,

Your talents are in very high demand. In fact, there are few professions available today that are so widely needed by almost every business in almost every sector of every industry across the nation.

Think about it... almost any small business that relies on computers for their daily operations (which, let's face it, is just about EVERY small business)... is desperately hunting for more affordable ways to keep their network running reliably and at peak performance.

With your skill set, you can be the knight in shining armor that all these small businesses are looking for.

I've put together a FREE video for you that shows you how to get in touch with these businesses - and how to get them to practically throw money at you for your services! (no joke - these guys need you!)

Just click this link to get the FREE video.

[link]

(And no - there's no catches or hidden charges or anything. Just pure, profitable content)

Best,
name"

David

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Jag82

14 years ago

Originally Posted by perryny

Unfortunately, you can't spend $1, get back $1.50 a few minutes later, rinse and repeat a couple hundred times a day. The barrier to entry is quite a bit higher, so that initial investment to see the return is where the challenge is.

The barrier to entry for paid traffic is
for sure higher than free traffic.

But what you get in return is speed.

You get data fast. That allows you
to optimize to get your ROI quickly.

With consistent incoming traffic, you
can also test your sales copy and improve
it.

Imagine testing with SEO traffic! It's going
to take you a long time to gather data!

Something to think about.

- Jag

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perryny 14 years ago

Originally Posted by Jag82

The barrier to entry for paid traffic is
for sure higher than free traffic.

Actually, now that I went through the SEO experience, I don't think "free" is cheaper than paid by any stretch. At least not in the short term.

Assuming you don't spend any money on backlink packets or outsourcing your article writing/blog posts/commenting, or purchase any WSO's to help you speed up the process... you still need to factor what your time is worth to do the work necessary to get you to position 1.

If I count ONLY the hours I spent on my SEO efforts and attached a dollar amount to them, it would total way, way, WAY more than what an AdWords campaign would have run me.

But time is time and money is money. So spending time doesn't seem to be as painful as having several hundreds of dollars taken out of my checking account.

Things are so much clearer sometimes when looking at them in retrospect.

-Rob
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- Jag82 14 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by perryny
  
  But time is time and money is money. So spending time doesn't seem to be as painful as having several hundreds of dollars taken out of my checking account.
  
  Hi Rob,
  
  You mean time is not money to you?
  
  What about opportunity cost?
  
  SEO isn't really free. Because time
  and effort are involved.
  
  If your dollar/hour is worth much more
  than what need to pay for outsourcing,
  then outsourcing could be the way to
  go for your SEO efforts.
  
  And as you said yourself...SEO is extremely
  tedious. And depending on how competitive
  your niche is...it may take up to months
  before you can see results (page 1 of Google
  for your high traffic keywords).
  
  It's counter-intuitive to most people
  to pay for traffic.
  
  I mean...who wants to pay for traffic
  for when you can get "FREE" SEO traffic right?
  
  But here's a reminder again:
  nothing is really free if it involves
  time and effort.
  
  With proper optimization and testing, it is
  possible for paid traffic to give you a much
  better ROI at higher volume and at a faster
  time than SEO can probably give you.
  
  You gather data fast. And that's hugely important.
  
  With that...you can quickly scale up on
  your SEO campaign (through outsourcing)
  and other paid channels.
  
  You can spend a lot of time on SEO
  and end up not making money or any
  with sustainability (with volume).
  
  Of course, the same can be said of paid
  traffic.
  
  And the end of the day, it's always a question of
  how to turn an ad spent/time spent into ROI.
  
  Okay, since this is a copywriting forum,
  I will end my input about traffic sources here.
  
  I hope I've given you some food for thought though.
  
  Good luck Rob!
  
  Warmly,
  Jag
  
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  perryny 14 years ago
  
  Hey Jag,
  
  I just didn't make myself clear. Sorry. We are in 100% agreement.
  
  I was trying to express that only now, after 3 months of putting in the SEO work, is it obvious to me that paid traffic would have been the cheaper, faster, smarter, more effective way to go in the first place.
  
  And my "time and money" reference only meant than when funds are tight, it can be tough to remind yourself that time IS money. And so we (I) mistakenly spend a lot of time rather than a little money.
  
  Sorry for the confusion. Gotta take a lesson from Ray and learn to better convey what I'm really trying to say. (Hey look at that... I'm a poet and didn't know that I knew how to do that.)
  
  -Rob
  
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Mr. Enthusiastic

14 years ago

Robert, I apologize for adding confusion.

What I meant was: take your pitch down to one line.

But other people explained it better. I love the way that you're getting an education here.

Then think carefully before you add back any more lines. If the goal is just to get people to visit the squeeze page, is it really essential that you add one more line? Is that really going to attract more people, or just give another chance for them to turn away?

Here is a classic Gary Halbert discussion of mailing lists:
The Gary Halbert Letter

The list brokers Gary talks about here handle lists of postal mail addresses. The lists provide contact addresses for people who had bought something, or deliberately "opted in" to express their interest in a topic.

Notice that in the best cases, there is already an existing customer relationship before the person receives the new sales letter. The spam laws make the email version of options 1 and 2 illegal, and 3 questionable. For possibilities 4 through 10, the prospect already chose to buy something that got them on the list.

Since you're learning about SRDS, how about a trip to the library to learn about mailing lists and magazines for network administrators?

Chris

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perryny 14 years ago

Originally Posted by Mr. Enthusiastic

I love the way that you're getting an education here.

You and me both, Brother... you and me both!

Thanks for clarifying what you meant. I understand perfectly now. Dan Scott also made this crystal clear for me.

Originally Posted by Mr. Enthusiastic

Here is a classic Gary Halbert discussion of mailing lists:
The Gary Halbert Letter

This is exactly what I was referring to when I referenced Halbert in an earlier post. Going back and re-reading, he clearly states that this is for postal mailing. Regardless, I assumed that since he swore by the importance of getting a great list, and that he also marketed via email, then the two worked together. Guess not.

(I absolutely LOVE the Boron Letters. A master in his field teaching his kid how to succeed in that field... and using writing, his greatest talent to do it? While he's got nothing to do all day but think? Priceless stuff.)

Originally Posted by Mr. Enthusiastic

Since you're learning about SRDS, how about a trip to the library to learn about mailing lists and magazines for network administrators?

Well, I own a copy of the 2008 Oxford Standard Periodical Directory that lists every publication available along with subscription numbers and many will rent out their email lists (which of course as I just learned you can't contact anyway, so...:confused
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tswartz

14 years ago

It is a bit long and could deserve a good cut, like other posters have said. Let us know how it ends up.

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email copy - would you please critique?

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