In Your Face Crapping Headline

Hi Rich,

You lost me.

And by the way, if the Client wants this positioning, let HIM give you the headline.

Imagine if you were a doctor and a patient who had cancer came to you and said "Doctor, please don't do surgery. I want you to rub my cancer away."

This post just tells me you haven't done the research and you are letting the Client guide you because you are "out of your element."

Bottomline: I urge you to do the homework. Find out what the market wants.

No offense, I don't know you, but I believe you to be doing the Client as well as yourself a dis-service.

- Rick Duris

Hi Rick,
Thanks for the reply...you are absolutely correct. Only recently just started stretching my wings and the headline is only a favor for a friend and thought I would throw something together and ask for opinions on the forum.

I really appreciate your input, and helpful advice.

If it's one of those newfangled Forex-Porn products I think you have a winner.

Oh...my...God. Are you serious?

Would you buy if you saw that headline?

Hi Rich,

No offense but your headline sounds
like your offering sex advice as
opposed to investment advice.

I agree with Rick in that you need
a better understanding of what the
prospect wants.

Another suggestion would be to
read through his course and write
down anything that can be turned
into a benefit. This will help you
write the headline as well as give
you a list of bullets for your copy.

Mike

I wouldn't want a headline to crap on my face.

Even if it is one of those "kinky" headlines...

I agree, you've lost me on this one completely. What exactly are you sticking where? And I don't even want to know how you got it wrong the first time...

Go for clarity. Not to push my own content, but this blog post may help a bit... 3 Ways Twitter Can Help You Write Better Headlines | BCWebMedia

Good luck!

Sex does sell, but not in every market.

Car ads use models because there is
an indirect implication that women
date guys with nice cars.

However, I have yet to see a mini-van
commercial where a scantly clad coed
is straddling the hood while hosing
herself down.

This is because mini-van buyers want
an economical vehicle that gets the
kids around and has all the creature
comforts they've come to expect.
They don't see their mini-van as a
sex symbol.

The forex market doesn't associate
investment advice with getting laid.

sorry.

What they want is sound usable advice
that can be implemented quickly for fast,
huge profits.

There's your market.

Go fetch.

Mike

Nothing is ever a complete failure...

...it can always serve as a bad example.

It has that in your face quality. I wouldn't bite though. It's too porno.
I feel like I need to wipe my monitor off after viewing.

Rich, I join the chorus of the dismayed.

The first line says that FOREX has not been easy to crack, until now.
Therefore I expect the next line will explain that FOREX has now been cracked.
The expectation is crack as in safecracking, or crack as in cracking an egg to cook breakfast, or crack as in a hidden code.

Suddenly you change to sticking something somewhere so it stays wet and dripping.
I don't understand how something wet and dripping can be used to crack a safe, an egg, or a code. And frankly, I really don't want to know. If there was an X rated movie about it, I'd stay as far away as possible!

Now, what is kept wet and dripping (in order to crack something) is a beast.

And the beast is supposed to go into my pocket, along with what's wet and dripping.
It's not clear if remnants of what cracked will also go into my pocket. Will I have eggshells, code logbooks and shards of the combination lock in my pocket? Won't that make the beast uncomfortable? If something is wet and dripping, can't I keep it out of my wallet, please, where it won't soak my money?

Now in addition to cracking something and dripping into my pocket, there's a risk the beast gets stuck in the wrong place.
I really, really don't want to try to figure that one out.

Even if sex sells, mixed metaphors only confuse people and turn them away.

You have three problems here.
First, you have writing that makes people say WTF. It's not clear just what you want people to imagine. When they try to imagine something, they get grossed out.
Second, your weird vague imagery has nothing to do with forex.
And third, its only connection with sex comes from rather unpleasant imagination.

Now I need to get some bleach to disinfect my web browser after your bizarro headline.

Frankly, I'd rather learn about how Darth Vader was gay. At least he had cool spaceships and magic and stuff.

Chris

Mike - I think appropriate went out the window when the headline started with instructions on where to stick something... LOL

OK, now I know what the sex counterpart to "gratuitous violence" looks like...that was very gratuitous sex.

This one is really bad...

In your face...

That's a loose term.

It's about emotion...

What emotion did it create?

What image did it create?

Where did my mind wonder?

Not on making money that's for sure...

No emotion you are looking for is curious or amazed or anything besides:

Grossed out!

Dripping? Really?

Unless your market is directed to porn addicts, that headline is going to gross most people out.

Rich,

If your client wants a sexy headline, why not try something like this:


It's not nearly as offensive and still slides sex in a penetrating way into the headline.

Perryny - I thanked you for that. Why? Because you said what I was thinking, before I even knew it.

Thanks.

You lost me at "If You Have Ever Wondered Where To Stick It," which my brain immediately completed with "...I Can Tell You Where To Stick It" and I was instantly offended.

Secuality doesn't have to be overt. Use a little euphemism in there.

It is definitely edgy but I think a little too over tho top.

However, why don't you split test it and see how it goes? Everybody here is just another person giving his/her opinion.

interesting headline

although i kinda wonder whether it was actually forex you were talking about?

Good rule of thumb: Headlines are like jokes.

If you have to explain them... they don't work.

-Dan

Hi folks:

I have a doc with almost 100 of the most successful headlines of all times. Email me if you want a copy or if I can figure out how to attach it I can do that. thecoachescoach@gmail.com

Eric

"If You Have Ever Wondered Where To Stick It And Get It Right The First Time, Give Me Just 5 Minutes And I Will Show You My Secret Trick That Will Keep The G-Spot Wet And Dripping Anytime And Every Time"

If I was a virgin and was looking for how to put it on a chick, I would give you my email for that headline. You had some enticing parts for a sex related niche, but not forex. At least you are showing effort and getting feedback. Never give up.

Could be worse...

We could have been talking about "yellow matter custard"...

...dripping from a flaming pie...

Just watch and see how they snide.

I'm cryin'

A 45-word headline is straining on the eye and can be difficult to "get." I'm no copywriter but I read a lot of headlines (and buy a lot of products online). As another Warrior so aptly put it, cut the fat. Also, as has been recommended, think about the frustration of the customer and write the headline promising a solution to his (or her) problem. I don't know a thing about Forex but (please don't take offense at this), based on the headline you have, I would get at least a basic concept of what a Forex investor needs to succeed. Then do a tighter, more clever, solution-oriented (and far less sexual) headline.

Thanks to the Warrior who recommended Copyblogger.com. I think I'll check that site out, myself.

Ina

To be fair Rich2010, I think the client meant he wanted a really bold headline that would shock people. Your headline is so sinful *grins* that it brings other images to the front and I don't think he intended that.

I am just laughing now, imagining what someone will think when they read that. Definitely a shocker!

After reading through all the responses (and I did, because I need an extremely good chuckle and I got that in spades) I've picked up a few good things to take away from this as well. I particularly like the comment about a headline being like a joke from Daniel Scott. Makes perfect sense.

I'm a fan of brevity but with the right copy I know you can lead anyone through a long headline. Especially copy like that. Pity it wasn't specific to Forex. I read it right through. I'm not interested in Forex after reading it but it does elicit a "bowchicawowow".

Would certainly make for some interest split testing.

Part of me loves it .... but it;s not the part of me that is allowed sharp objects ;-)

From someone who actively trades. I would bypass the main headline and think that person has no clue what they are talking about.