Please review my first press release

24 replies
Hi,

I'm helping to promote a local business with a press release.

Could you please review the attached PDF (re-written once) to see if it's suitable for release. I'm trying prlog first.

What other free release sites would you recommend that are worth submitting to?

Thank you.
#press #release #review
  • Profile picture of the author vision2000
    Here's the attached file..it didn't seem to upload the first time
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    • Profile picture of the author colinjoss
      Hey there,

      It's a regular press release. But sadly it'll be lost among all the other press releases.

      What can you do to make it stand out from the flood of PR thats released every single day? How can you be outrageous?

      Read Outrageous Advertising That's Outrageously Successful by Bill Glazer.

      Or get Joe Vitale's Hypnotic Press Releases (I'm not sure if it's still available though.)

      If you're just wanting this press release to lead to more publicity, radio interviews, etc. you need to be outrageous.

      Colin
      Signature

      "You're exactly the kind of professional any business owner would be lucky to have writing his copy."

      John Carlton, the most ripped off, respected, and referred-to copywriter alive.

      Colin Joss, Direct Response Copywriter

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      • Profile picture of the author offlineprofits
        Banned
        [DELETED]
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        • Profile picture of the author vision2000
          Thanks for the swift feedback and resources..it's back to the drawing board.
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  • Profile picture of the author mccflo99
    Hi Vision. You need to tie the release into something that's already big in the media. Hit Google news and search related keywords to find a story.\

    Chris Elliott
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  • Profile picture of the author RentItNow
    As a news site writer I would pass over the headline in 1 second. It's not about something new, its not about how the company can help customers, it's totally about the company.

    Don't feel bad tho as 95% of PRs follow this same self-serving format.

    Talk about how you can help your customers, what is different about you than other kitchen places, anything that stands out.
    Signature
    I have no agenda but to help those in the same situation. This I feel will pay the bills.
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  • Profile picture of the author marketingstatic
    I m just a newbie but I actually liked it if you read the text books on how to it seems to have most the right elements and the Keyword Kitchen Remodeling is Big! SO I noticed you used that in your opener.
    The one thing that stands out to me as I used to be in sales and its all about is WIIFM-"Whats In It for ME"? Is there a Grand opening Parade, discounts, free hot dogs? I am just starting out to do the same concept from the WSO Private Practice for Profits as a freebie offer to get your foot in the door to get offline clients..
    If I cut something out of this release it would be the about All Seasons LLC section and say for more information about the owner or special project tips visit the website (hook) I don't really care.
    about Bruce and his experience until I'm ready to get serious.
    I have also been told to keep your font the same through out and I notice you have Bold font type in different places. I have also read if you can to add at least 1 photo.
    What if your Headline Said "Kitchen Remodeling Ideas for entertaining home owners"
    just my 2 cents hope it works out for ya
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    Happy new Year 2019

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  • Profile picture of the author John_S
    The PR angle would be "How Homeowners Fight Plunging Home Prices With Kitchen Makeovers"

    Take three examples, interview them, just as if you were writing a story to be published in the newspapers.

    The Release as is suffers from "We-Weing" all over the reader. Start from the point of "You." Go to such lengths as calculating what a kitchen remodel will do to boost the value of the homes you put them in.

    Unless you take a virtual reality rendering of the house and drop various new kitchens in, the only news is you are the very last kitchen installer with a show room.
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  • Profile picture of the author marketingstatic
    John S you were thinking exactly of my other angle I would choose just got to where I was rambling on in my large response above. Also I have to thank everyone for this thread I like it and I looked up that Hypnotic Writing oh my read the first chapter already is it fantastic. Its actually in Google Books so I am reading online. So thanks Colin for the suggestion that we seek it out.
    Signature

    Happy new Year 2019

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  • Profile picture of the author FiverrGuru
    link it to something major that's happening in the world right now.
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  • Profile picture of the author gjabiz
    I used a POST CARD Press Release (5x7) for the golf PR. The story in the paper you'll see in this pdf was almost word for word, maybe you'll get some ideas. Good luck.

    How to Get FREE Press

    gjabiz


    Originally Posted by vision2000 View Post

    Hi,

    I'm helping to promote a local business with a press release.

    Could you please review the attached PDF (re-written once) to see if it's suitable for release. I'm trying prlog first.

    What other free release sites would you recommend that are worth submitting to?

    Thank you.
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  • Profile picture of the author 48dayscoach
    The headline is doesn't capture attention. One of the best resources on writing headlines is Tested Advertising Methods by John Caples. The headline can affect how many people read your press releases and other written pieces by 65-80%.
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    • Profile picture of the author vision2000
      I really appreciate all the feedback.
      Here's my second attempt..see attached.

      I'm not looking for perfection (at this stage) but a release that will expose the business to more potential customers and perhaps procure a few extra backlinks for the website.

      Thank you.
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      • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
        Originally Posted by vision2000 View Post

        I really appreciate all the feedback.
        Here's my second attempt..see attached.

        I'm not looking for perfection (at this stage) but a release that will expose the business to more potential customers and perhaps procure a few extra backlinks for the website.

        Thank you.
        No offsense vision2000, it's a yawn.

        Imagaine, if you got your press release in Home and Gardens magazine. Imagine if you got your Client on the front page of your hometown newspaper. Or Woman's Day magazine.

        Would this be what you want to lead with?

        No. It would not. No self respecting editor would run with it.

        I do not know your Client, but there has to be something unique, special, creatively different than every other kitchen remodeler.

        If there is not, CREATE IT. Make it special. Make it an EVENT.

        ---------------------------

        You also have another problem.

        Your positioning is that of a handyman. People would NEVER entrust their entire kitchen to a "handyman." They want a millwright. A cabinet maker. A finished carpenter. Someone who's going to turn their kitchen into a masterpiece, a work of art.

        Swap all the handyman stuff out.

        ----------------------------

        Again, I hope I am not offending, I want to see you and your Client do well.

        - Rick Duris
        Signature
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  • Profile picture of the author Iconik
    Hi Vision2000,

    I read through your press release and visited the
    company website shown.

    The press release is well written but,
    as others have noted, doesn't provide
    any real reason as to why the reader
    should care about this particular kitchen
    showroom over the hundreds of other
    showrooms available to them.

    So, I took a look at the website to see if I
    could uncover anything unique or newsworthy
    about their operation that could be used as an
    example, and I found...

    nothing.

    mundane. mundane. mundane. Then...

    I noticed that both the site as well as your
    press release focused on the following quote:

    "Each kitchen remodeling project can get a unique design by incorporating our Levant Series Amish Semi-Custom Cabinetry by Mullet Cabinet."
    From this, I realized that a unique selling proposition and headline
    could be derived.

    And while your client may not be comfortable using this
    headline, It is a working example of how to convert a
    mundane detail into a response boosting foundation on
    which you can build your entire copy.

    Tip #1

    Here's the headline...

    "Amish Cabinet Makers Outraged As Homeowners
    Flock to Virginia Business Owner for
    Cabinet Needs"

    Then write your copy around the idea. Tell the customer
    about how they can achieve a unique kitchen design through
    the use of these semi-custom Amish cabinets.

    Unique is a strong selling point in kitchen remodeling, since
    no one wants a "cookie cutter" kitchen (<-- Hey! Use That).

    Tip #2

    The second piece of advice I would give you is not to focus
    your efforts too heavily on national press release sites.

    While I'm sure there are local editors from his area who
    frequent these sites, it's not the best way to use
    your time. what he needs is...

    Local syndication across all of the counties he
    services (He lists them on his site).

    Take the time to send your press release out to
    the editors of all the major newspapers in his area.

    A press release packet sitting on an editors desk
    will get more attention than a random headline
    buried on a PR site.

    Convert your piece into an advertorial and recommend
    that your client use it to advertise in local trade magazines
    and newspapers.

    Good luck with your piece,
    Mike
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  • Profile picture of the author fsirius
    to mike,
    Your advice so kind and detailed. Although I am not vision2000, just newbie here
    thanks a lot
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    • Profile picture of the author Iconik
      Originally Posted by fsirius View Post

      to mike,
      Your advice so kind and detailed. Although I am not vision2000, just newbie here
      thanks a lot
      Thanks fsirius,

      I appreciate it.

      and welcome to the Warrior Forum!

      Mike
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      • Profile picture of the author vision2000
        Thanks very much for all your input
        Please review the attached release

        Thanks again
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    Version 2 is still a dead duck. And I notice you ignored Rick's spot-on advice about not using the word "handyman". Mistake.

    What you need is a hook, not just another boring Press Release for a kitchen reno company.

    Here's one - "Most homeowners over-capitalise on kitchen and bathroom renovations" (fact)

    So your release is going to announce how your firm is specialising in providing quality kitchens and saving people money without their over-capitalising - not getting a return on their investment.

    You need some ballsy quotes - not that yawn-fest corporate talk stuff you have. Get the owner to tell you a yarn about the couple who spent 70 grand putting gold-plated taps, Italian marble benchtops, Miele appliances, rare Bumese teak floor in a sh*tty-looking box in the 'bubs thinking it would help sell the place. (You'd be surprised how many people do this BTW)

    Next you need a catchy title. Something like - "Money Disappearing in Kitchens All Over Northern Virginia" ...perhaps even add "experts baffled" (as in "experts" are baffled why people are dumb enough to drop a lot of money on kitchen renovations on suburban boxes).

    Voila.
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    • Profile picture of the author vision2000
      Thanks for the tips..I can see why you are a copywriter:-)
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    • Profile picture of the author AnneE
      Originally Posted by Metronicity View Post

      Here's one - "Most homeowners over-capitalise on kitchen and bathroom renovations" (fact)

      .....

      Next you need a catchy title. Something like - "Money Disappearing in Kitchens All Over Northern Virginia" ...perhaps even add "experts baffled" (as in "experts" are baffled why people are dumb enough to drop a lot of money on kitchen renovations on suburban boxes).

      Voila.
      Wow... I like these. You know I never thought of asking for feedback on a press release here, even though the press release is 'selling'. Great idea.
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  • Profile picture of the author MillionDollarCopy
    Hey Vision!

    You're getting a lot of great advice here, soak it up like a sponge- these guys are great.

    the headline is what's going to draw people in. Bring it home to your target market. Make it stand out. Instead of touting what it's all about, point out what it can do for THEM. That's what people want to see.

    Mal's idea on the "money disappearing" is great. Something like that would ba hard to pass over without at least skimming through
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    MillionDollarCopy.com
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