please review my squeeze page...

by 4 replies
5
hi guys,
I am working on a squeeze page that I am looking to start promoting and I was wondering if anyone could take the time to review it before I promote it. I am just beginning email marketing and this is my first go at this type of page so any advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks!

Here is the link...

Extra Income Secret
#copywriting #page #review #squeeze
  • Hi Ross,

    I'm going to tell you the truth about this squeeze page, so please do not be offended. None of what I'm going to say is personal or reflects on you as a person in any way, it's just business.

    That being said, this is a pretty lousy page. The problems start right at the page title, in fact. "Extra Income Secret" is very generic, boring, and dime-a-dozen. You really might as well write "Envelope Stuffing Scheme" as the title, for all the good this is doing you. You need to bring the fire in your title and this only brings the tepid muddy water.

    Your headline isn't much better. There's nothing exciting about it and it sounds like it was spat out by an automatic copywriting computer program. Very generic, again. It's also wasting most of the limited space you have to hook the reader. "Sit back and relax?" The reader doesn't need to be told to do that, and may even be put off by it. "Will have you saying why didn't I think of this before?" That's as tired a line as it gets. It was dead in 1990 and is more dead now.

    Also, you have a huge problem here:

    What's wrong with this picture? You just trashed "silly gimmicks" that are "easy" and then turned around in the same sentence and promised me a "SIMPLE" method to make money online. That's inconsistency and self-contradiction. In other words, you just trashed your own product. That's not gonna work.

    You're patroning the audience here. You, me, and the fencepost all know it's YouTube. Find a way to get this across without appearing to insult the reader's intelligence.

    In addition to the grammar problems and clumsy wording here, you've got more consistency issues. If I don't need any of that, what exactly do I need? A heartbeat? Respiratory function? It sounds scammy. I'm sure it's not, but taking the role of the reader, it sounds that way.

    The picture of the girl with money is way too big. You don't need to waste that much visual real estate on such a generic, obviously stock picture. That picture might as well be of a stack of hundred dollar bills or some gold chains, for all the good it's doing.

    Well, I can promise you fried chicken and a pink pogo stick, but that don't make it so. This is a very weak addition to the pitch and should be totally re-worked or dropped entirely.

    Holy cow, are you intentionally trying to steer this Titanic of a squeeze page into the iceberg? Again, I mean no offense and I'm saying all this with the utmost respect, but that's the kiss of death right there, especially for your final paragraph. You're basically telling the prospect straight-out NOT to get involved in this market, so why should they even consider signing up?

    Alltogether, this is a very poor squeeze page. I admire your willingness to seek advice and your entrepreneurial spirit, but this page needs a top-to-bottom refit to have any chance at a decent response rate.

    Hope this has helped, and best of luck to you. Please feel free to PM me if you'd like to discuss more.
  • Banned
    [DELETED]
  • I just PM'd you a link to a squeeze page in the same market niche that does over 80%. Copy it for your product.

    This works because of three foundational principles for a squeeze page:

    1. Make a bold promise.
    2. Prove you can deliver.
    3. Pitch your subscribe form.
    • [1] reply
    • Hi Kevin, I'm not sure i got your PM. Do you think you could resend it? Thanks
      • [1] reply

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  • 5

    hi guys, I am working on a squeeze page that I am looking to start promoting and I was wondering if anyone could take the time to review it before I promote it. I am just beginning email marketing and this is my first go at this type of page so any advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks!