Please Punch My Copy In the Face, $ Reward

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17
$25 Reward to the best revised version, with me being the judge. I will award the $25 tomorrow (June 23rd) at 5 p.m. central. I know $25 is nothing...but I can't buy you dinner so maybe this will do.


First I want to say how great this forum is because of the awesome contributors. It is great to even be a small part of this community. Now, punch my copy in the face.

I own a startup internet marketing company that is focused on marketing local insurance agencies advertise online. I am putting together a flash marketing presentation and below is the script that will be used in the voice over. My target audience is successful insurance agents who are generally over the age of 35 (Median age is 50+).

________________________________________________

What do 85% of insurance shoppers have in common? They go online first.

In fact, 45% of all new auto insurance purchases are completed online.

Isn't it time to focus your marketing where your clients already are?

National insurance carriers know that the internet is where you find prospects that are ready to buy now.

Geico knows this, so does Progressive, Esurance, State Farm and Allstate.

Do you have a strategy to compete against top Carriers across the country who are spending millions of dollars every week to reach local prospects before you do.

We are in the midst of a great internet land grab and the foundations for future success online are being built today.

You know your agency should be growing its influence on Google, Yahoo, Bing, Facebook, Twitter, Youtube and more...

But how do you choose the right marketing company that will get you ahead if your competition and in front of your prospects and clients?

That's the question that led to the creation of X Marketing

X Marketing is founded on the belief that your marketing company's sole purpose should be to help your agency become and remain the number one agency in your area. But, No marketing agency can equally represent competing clients.

That's why X Marketing enters into an Exclusive Partnership with your agency, guaranteeing to solely represent you in your city. All of our effort is focused on your agency and one goal: To see you dominate all competition online, including the national carriers.

We spend over 20 hours every month directly promoting your agency, propelling you to the top positions on the web, and every month you will receive a detailed report showing how your marketing hours were spent.

Are you ready join the winning team?

No Mandatory Long-Term Contracts
No Down Payments
No Hassles

Just proactive solutions to keep your agency at the top

Click below to see if your city is still available

_____________________________________

Thanks again for the abuse, I mean help.
#copywriting #copy #face #punch
  • Banned
    Copy in red is new. Still rough but you get the idea?
    • [ 1 ] Thanks
    • [1] reply
  • Did you know that 85% of Insurance Shoppers look online first? 45% of them, actually convert to!

    Why are you marketing with your old ways, when its clear where your clients are? Why risk losing over 45% of your clients by not using the online market.

    The top insurance guys are already ahead of the game, and leave you falling behind. Did you know that Geico, Statefarm, Allstate and Progressive have already moved online. Soon enough you won't have a chance against the "big guys".

    Do you have a strategy to take-down the "big-guys" or are you just going to fall down in their path like always?

    There's an internet land grab going on, isn't it time you got your slice of the pizza before someone takes it.

    Haven't you realized that you need your company name on sites like Google, Yahoo, Twitter, Facebook, Bing and so many more places?

    But how do you choose the right marketing company that will get you ahead if your competition and in front of your prospects and clients?

    X Marketing is founded on the belief that your marketing company's sole purpose should be to help your agency become and remain the number one agency in your area. But, No marketing agency can equally represent competing clients.

    That's why X Marketing enters into an Exclusive Partnership with your agency, guaranteeing to solely represent you in your city. All of our effort is focused on your agency and one goal: To see you dominate all competition online, including the national carriers.

    We spend over 20 hours every month directly promoting your agency, propelling you to the top positions on the web, and every month you will receive a detailed report showing how your marketing hours were spent.

    Are you ready join the winning team?

    No Mandatory Long-Term Contracts
    No Down Payments
    No Hassles

    Just proactive solutions to keep your agency at the top

    Click below to see if your city is still available
    • [ 1 ] Thanks
    • [1] reply
    • Changed most of the script to fit my style. The tone is pretty formal and I've gone the safe route without being too original. Had fun doing it. Looking forward to going out for sushi! Haha. MMmmmm tempura... :p

      Any questions let me know I don't mind breaking down the script for you.


      Hope it helps,

      Kris,
      • [ 1 ] Thanks
  • Hey dude,

    I gotta tell you... I like it.

    Benefit-rich without being overhyped (which is good for the B2B market you're going after).

    One thing I'll point out is that it could do with something to grab attention before you launch into what you've already got... beefing up WHERE you got these figures... etc.

    You know... polish.

    But apart from that it's good.

    I don't know the context of the page so I'll just say make sure you back it up with sources and maybe some images.

    -Dan

    P.S. I really hope your company isn't called "X Marketing"
    • [ 1 ] Thanks
  • One benefit about using the internet you may not have addressed is the fact you can easily filter out bad risk drivers. Geico actually does this by increasing their quote for the cheapest rate so the driver will go somewhere else. They only want the top 15% of drivers if I remember right. Insurance companies dont want ALL the business, they want their target customers just like anyone else. You can help them with that.
  • Thanks for all the input. This thing is coming together for me.
  • A little over an hour left, any last minute entries? $25 to put toward that WSO you've been wanting.
  • cjp - I can add to mine, if you like the start of it.. Cause I didn't finish it up.
    • [1] reply
  • Did you know that 85% of Insurance Shoppers look online first? 45% of them, actually convert to!

    Why are you marketing with your old ways, when its clear where your clients are? Why risk losing over 45% of your clients by not using the online market.

    The top insurance guys are already ahead of the game, and leave you falling behind. Did you know that Geico, Statefarm, Allstate and Progressive have already moved online. Soon enough you won't have a chance against the "big guys".

    Do you have a strategy to take-down the "big-guys" or are you just going to fall down in their path like always?

    There's an internet land grab going on, isn't it time you got your slice of the pizza before someone takes it.

    Haven't you realized that you need your company name on sites like Google, Yahoo, Twitter, Facebook, Bing and so many more places?

    But how do you choose the right marketing company that will get you ahead if your competition and in front of your prospects and clients?

    X Marketing is founded on the belief that your marketing company's sole purpose should be to help you become the top in your field. That's why we don't represent anyone else in your field, we focus solidly on you and your goals.

    When X marketing enters into an agreement with you, it's sole, you're the only one we work with in your town. All of our effort is focused on your agency and one goal: To see you dominate all competition online, including the national carriers.

    Every month 20 hours will be spent promoting your company, so it can skyrocket in the rankings. We'll even provide you with a report, about all of what we did for you the last month.

    Are you ready to change your companies marketing potential? Are you ready to join our team.

    No Mandatory Long-Term Contracts
    No Down Payments
    No Hassles

    Just a clean simple solution to propel your company to the top.

    Click below to see if your city is still available
  • Thanks a bunch for your insight and suggestions. I have chosen Kris as the winner. I liked is different take on the message I gave. Everyone that contributed was helpful and that I why I like this forum so much. Special thanks to Metronicity for contributing just to be helpful and Bozzonessinc for putting so much thought into his.

    Kris email me your pay pal info
    • [1] reply
    • Awesome, thanks cjp231. The article spinning was fun, glad you liked it!

      Mmmmmm, sushi bar, here I come! :p

      Kris,
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