Need help with a one line service description.

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I need to boil down the benefits of my computer service into a one or two line description for inclusion in a directory of service providers for a networking group. I've got to get it down to about half the size of what it is now (and hopefully about twice as compelling)...

#copywriting #description #line #service
  • Job Security is your concept. Not to put too fine a point on it, "What we really do is keep you from getting fired."

    A more specific, abbreviated USP might be "We provide the top [number] computer network intelligence factors that make (or break) a career."

    Copy would be something like "After studying 87 top publications on network integrity, we identified the [whatever number you got above] factors that got [specific position/ job title] fired .... then we ....

    And you do the stuff companies need to do to get a foothold -- like "stealth invoices," all geared to avoid threatening the manager's position by dealing with an outside firm, and thus implying they can't do their job. (A major political hurdle keeping your kind of business getting the lucrative gigs you need to stay in business).

    In other words, don't subvert your marketing with suicidal company policies.
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    • Sorry John. I wasn't clear (which tells me my current description needs a lot of work...)

      This is to promote a computer support service directed at small business owners who are looking to outsource the management and maintenance of their computer network.

      -Rob
  • Ah.

    Well then I'm going to cheat and replace the stuff about "career" with "cause the business to fail"

    I think stuff like employee pilferage might be a factor. Not sure.

    Sorry, I make it a policy not to deal with small businesses. That is, unless I'm crushing the life out of them and stealing their market position and customers. The basic concept is completely applicable with some rejiggering.
  • "
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    • That helps a lot, Dot!

      Thank you so much.
      -Robert
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  • Just a shot here:

    "Keep your network at 100% in both safety and performance, while receiving dedicated, one-on-one network monitoring and support 24/7!

    Robert's Proactive Maintenance Plan"
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    Need help with a one line service description.

    I need to boil down the benefits of my computer service into a one or two line description for inclusion in a directory of service providers for a networking group. I've got to get it down to about half the size of what it is now (and hopefully about twice as compelling)... Give yourself the confidence that your computer network is 100% safe, secure and operating at peak performance with Robert's Proactive Maintenance Plan.