9 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}
9 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}

PLease review my headline copy

by Kent Hopkins
7 replies
Warriors,

A while back I started a thread to ask opinions from you of my sales copy on my pitch page. I listened to your comments and made many changes, particularly to backing up claims and to the headline being to "hypy".

If you don't mind, can you please let me know your honest opinions of the copy in general and the page look/feel. I have a customer making me a killer video testimonial soon so what I will do is use because I think it will be more powerful. Than just a bunch of quotes from industry experts and statistics.


Let me know what you think guys and gals.

Thanks in advance.

The web url for the pitch page is at www.videogamegodfather.com. It is regarding finding good video game suppliers and wholesale dropshippers plus solid proven techniques about marketing these products via an online video game business. (home console games like wii, 360, ps3, etc, etc)...eg not arcade games and such lol
#copy #headline #review
  • Profile picture of the author RentItNow
    Very good but I would consider going higher on the price and offering a few other freebies that are not labor intense (personal couching should NOT be included but later sold as an upgrade.) My opinion from experience. Never sold an extra copy of an ebook because of couching or price reductions but have sold due to other related content included. Consider some content on maybe selling iphone apps or something similar that the buyer can use his/her new skills you taught them to profit from.
    Signature
    I have no agenda but to help those in the same situation. This I feel will pay the bills.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2314879].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author jukeboxhero
      As a prospect why do I care about a "Cartel"...

      Do your prospects want a "Cartel" or an auto-pilot income?

      Are there alot of people "Thinking about making money selling video games? Because your opener will leave everyone out.

      I would consider reframing to something like this to open up your prospect funnel beyond where you're limiting it too with your copy...

      If you've ever dreamed a 6 figure income and you enjoy video games then you and I need to become fast friends because I'm about to show you how I [your story]

      the rest of you opener further narrows your market which is cool if you dealing with laser targeted traffic but...

      Change your proof... Lay that envelope over a copier cross out the account numbers and show the da#n things. Zoom in on the big number and don't make me click a cheesy button to leave your sales page where I will be further distracted and you'll lose me.

      That's all I have time for ... hope this helps
      Signature
      If Copywriting Legends Like John Carlton, Gary Halbert and Even Franky Kern Recommend

      >>>> This <<<<

      Shouldn't You Pay Attention
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2318074].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author Kent Hopkins
        Wow, that was one of the most informative responses I have had to date. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I have actually already implemented a few of your advices.

        Originally Posted by jukeboxhero View Post

        As a prospect why do I care about a "Cartel"...

        Do your prospects want a "Cartel" or an auto-pilot income?

        Are there alot of people "Thinking about making money selling video games? Because your opener will leave everyone out.

        I would consider reframing to something like this to open up your prospect funnel beyond where you're limiting it too with your copy...

        If you've ever dreamed a 6 figure income and you enjoy video games then you and I need to become fast friends because I'm about to show you how I [your story]

        the rest of you opener further narrows your market which is cool if you dealing with laser targeted traffic but...

        Change your proof... Lay that envelope over a copier cross out the account numbers and show the da#n things. Zoom in on the big number and don't make me click a cheesy button to leave your sales page where I will be further distracted and you'll lose me.

        That's all I have time for ... hope this helps
        Signature
        Rockbit Media, LLC
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2319726].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Kent Hopkins
      Originally Posted by RentItNow View Post

      Very good but I would consider going higher on the price and offering a few other freebies that are not labor intense (personal couching should NOT be included but later sold as an upgrade.) My opinion from experience. Never sold an extra copy of an ebook because of couching or price reductions but have sold due to other related content included. Consider some content on maybe selling iphone apps or something similar that the buyer can use his/her new skills you taught them to profit from.

      THat is excellent advice and I have already given that some thought over the last couple weeks. What I was thinking is offering personal coaching or perhaps even a member only forum that I could charge something for so people can have discussions amongst themselves, taking me mostly out of the equation. I was thinking also in regards to replacing the coaching with bonuses, I could perhaps offer sources, or wholesale dropshippers on things like droid, iphone, itouch and other consumer electronics. I'm not sure if it would be too much to ask to sell the entire frontend package for $97. Personally I know it's worth it since I know it works because I lived it, but would the average consumer think it would be too much?
      Signature
      Rockbit Media, LLC
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2319743].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author RentItNow
        Originally Posted by ebraininc View Post

        THat is excellent advice and I have already given that some thought over the last couple weeks. What I was thinking is offering personal coaching or perhaps even a member only forum that I could charge something for so people can have discussions amongst themselves, taking me mostly out of the equation. I was thinking also in regards to replacing the coaching with bonuses, I could perhaps offer sources, or wholesale dropshippers on things like droid, iphone, itouch and other consumer electronics. I'm not sure if it would be too much to ask to sell the entire frontend package for $97. Personally I know it's worth it since I know it works because I lived it, but would the average consumer think it would be too much?
        There is no harm in testing the price. If there was enough add-ons to make it a no-brainer for the customer, people may pay that. I have never sold stuff by lowering the price, only raising it and making it more valuable -- go figure!

        The message board is a good idea. It will give you a following so you can more easily step each customer up to your next offering.

        Good luck! Interesting product.
        Signature
        I have no agenda but to help those in the same situation. This I feel will pay the bills.
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2319786].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author AylaPress
    I really like it. But your page seems to take forever to load, better figure that out.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2333837].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Kent Hopkins
      Originally Posted by cntntwrtr View Post

      I really like it. But your page seems to take forever to load, better figure that out.

      Thanks for the heads up. Can you see if its still doing that? What part is it hanging on?


      www.videogamegodfather.com
      Signature
      Rockbit Media, LLC
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2342311].message }}

Trending Topics