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Please critique the copy for my year long product project

by joethewebmaster
8 replies
Thank you for your time.
#copy #critique #long #product #project #year
  • Profile picture of the author Sparklesperson
    Wow, "Dummy" and "murder" in the first 2 seconds on the page... seems unhealthy to me. Makes me want to LEAVE. The rest of it's fine, once I get into it, but gosh, that first step's a looo-looo.
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    Happy Trails!
    Patricia Reszetylo
    http://FreeHorseGifts.com

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  • Profile picture of the author John_S
    The word murder really doesn't apply. It's not quite nonsensical, but rather awkward.

    Next, this idea is fifteen years old. My real criticism is reserved for those who keep repeating it over and over without adding anything new. It doesn't pass the "so what" test.

    What you need are templates tested and refined for superior response ...(pre) researched niches ... a working marketing plan to step the user through.

    This concentrates on building a site when people want to build a successful site. The HTML isn't the hard part. The marketing, copywriting, and system are the hard part. Why not get a wizard based system for that.
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    • Profile picture of the author joethewebmaster
      Thank you sparklesperson, at first I didn't go with murder in the headline but I came across some info and I have to admit it really slaps you in the face for attention. Maybe it's not so good a slap.

      John S I'm not quite getting what you are saying...

      "so what" test? The copy doesn't get the so what from someone wanting to create a website?
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      • Profile picture of the author joethewebmaster
        After re-reading your post John, I see what you are saying. I do have 71 pre-set niches with content. I do plan on creating a step-by-step marketing plan for users. However, at the moment I am trying to get it launched. Thank you for the input.

        No one likes the murder headline huh. Gotta admit it's a shocker, maybe in the wrong way. Is there anyone that agrees with the headline? So far its 3 out of 3 for no murder... :p
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  • Profile picture of the author yourseomentor
    I would have to agree with the folks above. Murder needs to go.
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  • Profile picture of the author indexphp
    The headline sucks. Your headline should communicate...

    What the Product Is
    and
    What The product Can Do For Them

    If you haven't read the Irresistible Offer by Mark Joyner... it is a really good one. You can pick it up at any local book store you might have around you.
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    www.TrafficPlusConversion.com
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    • Profile picture of the author joethewebmaster
      The old headline: Murder The Recession & Make Extra Money Every Month

      How about: Rake In Extra Cash Every Month With Your Own Network of Websites

      Or maybe

      Rake In Extra Cash Every Month With Your Own Network of High Performance Websites
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  • Profile picture of the author Steve Faber
    How about
    Laugh at the Recession as You Sit Back and Watch the Money Roll In From Your Huge Network of Profit Pulling Websites -
    You Don't Have Any Websites? Don't Worry You Will, and I'll Walk You Through Every Step of the Way.
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    For Killer Marketing Tips that Will Grow Your Business Follow Me on Twitter Now
    After all, you're probably following a few hundred people already that aren't doing squat for you.....
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