17 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}
17 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}

Comment And Review Of My site. Thanks.

by Johnny
14 replies
Hi Warrior,

Here is my site for review at Explosive Marketer ? The private files of a millionaire marketer that no one was ever supposed to see

What do you think of the about the overall color scheme?

Do you think breaking sale copy in a few pages work? Or I should just display all pages in 1 single big page?

I don't like my header logo
Any suggestion will be good. Or do you think I should just remove it totally?

Any improvement and suggestion are welcome.

Thanks a lot
#comment #review #site
  • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
    Hi Johnny,

    I stopped reading it as soon as I saw the misspelling "Rutless".

    All the best,
    Ewen
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2352950].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Hi Johnny,

      Are you serious about wanting to improve your Sales Letter?

      I ask because I,ve looked at it again and you haven't yet corrected the spelling error I mentioned before.

      I skimmed down the page and you mentioned 3 things to improve one's profitability...namely if I recall correctly...

      1 Get more customers
      2 Get customers to buy more often
      3 Get customers to spend more at each transaction

      Unfortunatly this was widely published information back in the 90's and you haven't done a good job to repackage it.

      So coming up with a shinnier object, which you are trying to do, doesn't mean you will have it saleable.

      Their stands the fatal flaw in what you are trying to sell.

      All the best,
      Ewen
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2353050].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author Johnny
        Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

        I skimmed down the page and you mentioned 3 things to improve one's profitably...namely if I recall correctly...

        1 Get more customers
        2 Get customers to buy more often
        3 Get customers to spend more at each transaction

        Unfortunatly this was widely published information back in the 90's and you haven't done a good job to repackage it.
        I am not so sure about these points. Personally I beleive that these are still valid, as it is ever green marketing principle. Be it 90's or even 20th century, these will still be true. These prinicples are still being taught around by many gurus.

        Anyway thanks for this point, I will dig into my swip files on how the gurus phrases their words

        So do you think breaking a long sale page into multiple smaller section works ?
        Signature

        ________________________________________

        >>> Johnny <<<

        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2353373].message }}
        • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
          Hi Johnny,

          Coming up with new words and phrases still is creating fancier packaging for the object the buyer gets, which isn't very usefull.

          If you leave out the three points I mentioned in your sales letter and the buyer sees that it is old stuff they have seen before, you have a very dissapointed customer which creates lots of refunds and lost ability to sell to them again.

          If you are re-working the subject matter the buyer is recieving, then you are on the right track.

          All the best,
          Ewen




          [QUOTE=Johnny;2353373]I am not so sure about these points. Personally I beleive that these are still valid, as it is ever green marketing principle. Be it 90's or even 20th century, these will still be true. These prinicples are still being taught around by many gurus.

          Anyway thanks for this point, I will dig into my swip files on how the gurus phrases their words /QUOTE]
          {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2354362].message }}
        • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
          Hi Johnny,

          About the product you are selling...I am presuming it is about ...
          1 Getting more customers
          2 Getting them to buy more often
          3 Getting them to buy larger sums at each transaction

          As stated in your sales letter...

          Then the market has moved on to more advanced stuff, but still does include those three.

          People are being taught to add...
          1 Lower aquisition costs
          2 Conversion
          3 Retention
          4 Lower overall costs

          By working on all areas at once they lead to exponential growth.

          It has been written about before, with dozens of ways to improve each area, and is widely available. It is in book stores by Brad Sugars.

          It is used by business growth consultants and coaches around the world. One firm is Action International.

          Johnny, what you are proposing to sell is one step behind the market. Business owners don't want what they have used or seen before when it comes to improving their business.

          Sorry to be the one to rain on your parade.

          A small one off hurt now is better than ongoing agony.

          All the best,
          Ewen




          Originally Posted by Johnny View Post

          I am not so sure about these points. Personally I beleive that these are still valid, as it is ever green marketing principle. Be it 90's or even 20th century, these will still be true. These prinicples are still being taught around by many gurus.

          Anyway thanks for this point, I will dig into my swip files on how the gurus phrases their words
          {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2354653].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Johnny
      Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

      Hi Johnny,
      Are you serious about wanting to improve your Sales Letter?

      I ask because I,ve looked at it again and you haven't yet corrected the spelling error I mentioned before.
      It's just 1 hour between posts Give me some time to react It's a weekend, so have to accompany my family lor.

      Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

      Hi Johnny,
      Are you serious about wanting to improve your Sales Letter?

      I ask because I,ve looked at it again and you haven't yet corrected the spelling error I mentioned before.

      ...


      I stopped reading it as soon as I saw the misspelling "Rutless".

      All the best,
      Ewen
      Thanks

      I will check that out.
      Signature

      ________________________________________

      >>> Johnny <<<

      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2353351].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    Okay, a couple of comments. Most of the stuff above the fold is nonsense and hype. For example, "Hidden beneath the surface, far from the watchful eyes of your competitors... yadda yadda yadda..." You're wasting valuable space with this and it sounds like you're setting up a spy novel. I'd get rid of it.

    Once you clean up the opening stuff you're going to need a smart, catchy headline that draws attention. You don't have one now.

    The copy does however, start to warm up and get interesting around the point where you use the metaphor of the giant safe. I'd dump most of the stuff above that and go right into the pitch from there.

    Whoever wrote this apparently feels that s/he has forever and a day to screw around with flowery prose. Your readers aren't interested. They want to know what you have and what it's going to do for them so get right to it.

    And... I have no idea why you'd want to break this copy up. Keep it simple and leave it all on one page unless you have a damned good reason for creating multiple pages. Good luck.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2353461].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author gjabiz
    First thing, it is off balance. My eye immediately noticed the right side margin was wider than the left.

    As a marketer, I'm not out to be RUTHLESS, I want to be profitable honestly. Ruthless implies a "do anything" approach. The second turn off for my eyes.

    Too many font changes and colors, there is no rhyme or reason for it and since you asked about the color scheme...I find it extremely hard to read.

    Then there is "consistency" of message...you lead off with the "be ruthless" concept, then you get all wishy washy a few paragraphs down, and put in a weasel paragraph that says "Oh golly, I'm not really ruthless, I'd never be that."

    I found it totally destroyed the message for me. Incongruent.

    It is full of hype, difficult to understand...and the whole "hidden identity" is a big turn off, sounds like a "Rich Jerk" wannabe. Why is "Terrance" so terrified of being known?

    Where are the testimonials?

    I'm sorry Johnny, I'm going to have to give you an F on this effort. Now, you could prove us wrong, go ahead and open up and track sales.

    Breaking the "copy" into pages just doesn't work here. I think you'll find people leave pretty quickly right after hitting the page.

    So, the critique you asked for:

    Overall Color Scheme F Too many colors and different fonts, not centered overall.

    Breaking the pages into "continue here" F Doesn't work. In fact, in my case, it made me sort of angry.

    If YOU don't like your header logo, why should we?

    I suggest you come up with something else altogether.

    As for suggestions for Improvements? I think you need to start over. But, this is just my opinion, which you did ask for. I can't see (but I could be wrong) this copy ever making a single sale of this product.

    Is this an affiliate product for you?

    Also, is there a 30 day or a 60 day money back guarantee? I can't really tell.

    Is this all Terrance? I couldn't figure out where the 7 other gurus came into the story.

    Now, if this copy is pulling in like gangbusters for you, please ignore my opinion, OK?

    I had a hard time with it Johnny, but, good luck to you.

    gjabiz

    Originally Posted by Johnny View Post

    Hi Warrior,

    Here is my site for review at Explosive Marketer ? The private files of a millionaire marketer that no one was ever supposed to see

    What do you think of the about the overall color scheme?

    Do you think breaking sale copy in a few pages work? Or I should just display all pages in 1 single big page?

    I don't like my header logo
    Any suggestion will be good. Or do you think I should just remove it totally?

    Any improvement and suggestion are welcome.

    Thanks a lot
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2353529].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Johnny
    Looks like I have enough points to digest.

    travlinguy: Thanks for the advise. Will work that out.

    gjabiz: Wow, a lot of pointers Thanks. It's not an affiliate product, but a product that I have resell rights. I have listened to the audio program a few times. Personally, I feel that this program is great and decided to sell it then. Find an existing domain and setup the whole thing, at the same times testing out my new wp theme and membership script. I am weak at writing, might just get someone to help me in this

    Thanks all, cheers
    Signature

    ________________________________________

    >>> Johnny <<<

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2353661].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author gjabiz
      Originally Posted by Johnny View Post


      I have listened to the audio program a few times. Personally, I feel that this program is great and decided to sell it then.

      I would guarantee, if you just wrote this, and put a order button under it, you'd do better than what you've written.

      It IS the most powerful "copy" technique you could use. And it is tested, proven and works.

      "I liked this razor so much, I bought the company." Famous TV ad that ran for years.

      The copy goes like this:

      I found this great audio program. I bought it. I listened to it. It changed my life. It can change your's too.

      Because your EMOTIONAL attachment to the product, feeling it is great, is going to come through without the need for hype.

      Give it a try.

      gjabiz
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2353693].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Johnny
    Hi gjabiz

    Lesson learn
    Signature

    ________________________________________

    >>> Johnny <<<

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2353829].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author RentItNow
    I would cut EVERYTHING above "Now You Have The Chance Of A Lifetime
    To Discover Killer Marketing Secrets From 7 Of The World’s Greatest Online And Offline Marketers…" (especially the graphics header) Website Graphics - Website Headers Suck!

    And right below list the 7 marketers you speak of as social proof.

    There is no call to action. Splitting the page up will decrease your visitors to alternate pages exponentially. So you may have 1000 visitors to page 1, 100 to page 2, 10 to page 3 and 1 to page 4. So if only 1 person is reaching your call to action and you can convert 1% that is 100,000 visitors to sell one copy. Ack!
    Signature
    I have no agenda but to help those in the same situation. This I feel will pay the bills.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2354516].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author WilliamBerg
    Frankly I think the coor is of and it sounds ay to new age in the beginning for my taste. More anti business than big business.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2355022].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author AmyKz
      Hey Johnny,
      You've gotten very good advice here that I heartily agree with. I just wanted to say one more thing and I'm curious to see if others agree. I personally hate being told there are 10+ hours of audio or, god forbid, 20 or 30.

      I know it seems that you're giving lots of value that way - and justifying the price - but I'd actually pay MORE for someone to boil things down for me so I don't have to spend so much time finding the jewels in the hay.

      We all know that 10 hours of audio contains maybe a hour at most of pure gold. Focus on the value of the information and the problems that will be solved, and not how many hours it will take you to get through it.

      I think Mark Joyner has done well with his cash maps for that reason - less is actually more. So I'm not saying change the product - just don't assume that 10+ hours is a "benefit" you should be touting so prominently.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2374190].message }}

Trending Topics