Took Advice and Redesigned - New Thoughts?

On first appearance, it's dry and unexciting.

But... the solution to that is the explanation in the first paragraph. Start with a headline that illustrates how you've given math meaning and made it engaging for your students. You go into that with your copy but you're going to need to set that hook right up front with your headline. Good luck!

I'm saying what you have isn't enough. Consider a preheader that reads something like:

Studies Show That The Vast Majority Of People Learn Best When They Know WHY They Need To Know Something...

Then hit them with a killer headline designed to make this concept really exciting. Then go into the pitch.

I wonder if this is a product that will sell at all.

How many people actively search for a solution for their children? How many teachers care enough to look for a way to engage their students?

And how many of those people will actually pay for an ebook on the subject?

My honest opinion is you're probably wasting your effort on this one... but I could be wrong.

-Dan

Hi Matt,

Have you heard of Lee McIntyre in the UK?

He was a school teacher who moved to selling resources for school teachers online.

He has moved on to bigger things now by coaching other online marketers...anyway, you may want to Google him as he has had the exact experience you are looking for.

All the best,
Ewen

Its a good thought of writing on something you completely know about or something you are good at..

Though in order for you to have massive viewers (which is actually the real goal) you should put a catch on your title or put something that interests the trendy crowds nowadays .. And bit by bit introducing what you really have instore...




Best regards,
Bob

The section "How the Engaging Lessons Came About" is just not a strong lead-in. You need to be showing you know the student's pain (or more accurately, the student's parent's pain).

Also, you are stating a guarantee before your offer? I don't get the idea of that?

Needs work but you are on track.

By the way, do a search for "12-Step Foolproof Sales Letter Template". That can make a huge difference in your writing.

This is bordering on "too clever by half" but how about a "math problem" headline? By this I mean the classic:

"Dan Has 34 Baseball Cards. If He Gets 17 More He Will Have Exactly Half As Many As Sue. How Many Cards Does Sue Have?"

Of course this example is meaningless to your copy but could you devise something like this that expresses your message?

If so, you've got a big curiosity factor going for you. It's a tall order but you should get great results with the right effort.

As for other issues, it's too bland. If you're trying make math exciting you need to make this sparkle a bit more with bolder colors and design.

Also, your opening paragraphs are too dense. It puts people off. Can you bring your bullets up above the fold? If not, at least cut down the verbiage.

Finally, I disagree with the others who think this is a lost cause as a product. It could do very well, but needs improvement to get a fair shot.

Here's what I think :

At first glance , You should the colour of the background to another colour other than white or at least you should an outline for the front page , Coz it looks like an html webpage .

I think that the About,product info bar should be the at the footer of the page rather than up there .

The whole Volume 1 is more fitting to a physical book rather than an online product , You could upsell them later on with another product but you shouldn't use vol.1 .

The colour of the header graphic needs a lot more work , pale blue & gray is too dull , especially gray and the logo could look more appealing by using cool math symbols that are simple , This is MATH , People are already bored , You should add more appealing colours & pics if you can .

Your healine doesn't show any of the benefits , When I read your product info , I really liked the ideas , But I didn't see even ONE of them up there , Headline is your greatest benefit fitted in with your clients greatest problem or need , For example :

Extremely EASY , Fun & Engaging Games To Learn Simple Math(Put sth in particular) & Ace your Exams with Super As in 10 Minutes A Day


and then get in with a subtitle that gives more detail and targets your audience , Like whats the age of people you're going after with this , Put this in mind , What you said never showed the complexity of the material , And this is an issue for most people , Math can get really complex .

Finally check this book called "The Manga Guide To Calculus" as an example of doing what you're doing with TONS of success , It's really a HIT with people , And it's so easy to grasp .

This is why if you could use animation or even do this as a video course you've got WAY better chance of making lots of money with it , Coz it's really fun .

Consider putting Math Magic tricks as a bonus that would also add up lots of value .

tbh i like that clean look. looks trust worthy and "real" if u know what i mean. i would just suggest adding more color to the text or some kind of table or list on the side

It doesn't look like you're selling anything.

You should also squeeze first then presell. :-0

With that Calcul-ass ad, you'd have Newton rolling over in his grave.