Please critique

(I added this here after I saw you changed locations from the main warrior forum to the copywriting forum)


Upon first glance I like the look and feel and how fast the site loads.

However, here's what immediately caught my attention. Your headline says stop wasting money on what "gurus" are trying to sell you, then when I click on the link the first thing that popped out was a "click here to order button".

Now, YOU are just another "guru" (in my mind) trying to sell me something.

Before your visitors should know you're trying to sell them something, it should be after the video or at least half way through.

Also, why do you make the video show on the next page? That first page would have been fine (and if you do keep it on the first page don't make the video automatically load. allow your visitors to do that).

You might want to add a script that shows your "buy now" button a little after the video starts.

Just my opinion.

Good luck!!

Thomas,

To me... you're lacking a lot of stuff.

An interesting hook, for example.

Your copy is very cookie-cutter. I get your USP but it needs to be fleshed out more. Where's the story? Who are you? Where's the human interest?

Also... why should I listen to you? There's not a shred of credibility in that video to prove your courses are worth diddly-squat.

Not to mention your close is very, very weak... basically non-existent, in fact.

And why do you make people click to see the video instead of just having it load automatically?

These are just some big issues I see with it.

-Dan

Either squeeze for the video or play it on the landing page...

Clicking through to the video doesn't make sense to me at all.

B

The headline needs work .

Match your GREATEST benefit with your clients GREATEST need , This way you'll have a killer headline that truly intrigues .

Take a different direction , Add controversy , Give them the fish..etc .

Thanks everyone I just finished redoing pretty much everything so let me know what you think. again the link is in the sig box

You're not telling me what I'm getting and how it's going to help me.

You're not telling me why I should buy from you.

You're not telling me much at all. And what you do say, you offer no proof for.

Sorry for the negativity but you need to rethink the whole thing. I'd advise hiring a professional, it'll save you time and money.

Thomas, dude, this is a train wreck. Probably the biggest problem is Credibility. If you were Deiss or Kern or Filsame or some cat like that, the "Warning" BS and the headline might pique my interest. But you start with a cheesy photo of yourself with a beverage in hand and then go on to underwhelm me with the earth-shattering revelation that you're 23 and have been in this racket for a couple of years. You lost me right there. Your audio needs to be cleaned right up too BTW - you're thumping things and dropping things in the background and its distracting.

So here's how you fix it - who do you think would be most likely to take your advice? You got it - someone just like yourself. So piss off the slide show and make a video of yourself as if you were talking to your best bud. And cut to the chase. You might say "Dude...you been ripped off by all the internet marketing sharks out there? Sucks doesn't it? I lost 2 Grand to one when I was just starting out a couple of years ago. This guy - (C.U. of well-known I.M. headshot). This is what I'd like to do to him. (punch headshot). Unfortunately he's long gone with my money. But I'm gonna take my revenge. And you can too. This is what we're gonna do (change location)..."

Then go into your pitch. Be yourself. Have something to offer. Something of real value. "Position yourself". Brand yourself. Like "I'm the idiot that quit my job, spent $10k on I.M. courses, didn't make a brass razoo and ended up throwing myself off the Tallahassee Bridge. But guess what?...I'm back."

Have another go. If you need any help give me a P.M.

cheers, Mal.

I like the quality of the video.

As far as the content of the video - it appears that your target market is people who know nothing about the Internet Marketing and want to learn about it.

With that said, complete newbies won't know what 'affiliate', 'SEO', 'blogging', etc. and all the other terms you are using mean... and how these terms could benefit them...

On the other hand, those who know what these terms mean will see that your product is not suitable for them at all because this is very basic information...

sorry bro. video was really bad.

really bad.

why make someone click to watch the video? that didn't make any sense. have it on the first page.... unless you're collecting optins on that first page.

it was apologetic in the beginning and then talking all about you.

thats a really weak opening....

NO ONE will watch that.... no one gives a F about you or your story... they care about themselves.

tell them whats in it for them right off the bat.

then show them why they should believe you

From the get-go this does not work at all. Video is not good, first photo of you looks like a kid about to get blasted at a party. No believability. No credibility. No proof. No sale.
_____
Bruce