5 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}
5 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}

Any Suggestions Would Be Greatly Appreciated

by Zabar
4 replies
I am planning a promotion but the wording just doesn't look right. My company has a registration fee of $100.00 that I want to keep in place. We currently credit back the fee if a client uses our service. What I would like to do is offer to give "Double" the registration fee back for clients that use us but the copy just does not look right to me.

This is what I have so far:

"For a limited time only, we are so sure that you will like our service, we are offering to give you double your registration fee credited back to you if you hire from us. You will receive a $200.00 credit toward your referral fee on hiring"

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
#appreciated #greatly #phrase #suggestions #wording
  • Profile picture of the author derekmichael02
    Slightly confused. Do they get double the credit fee if they hire you? Or if they give you a referral?

    Also, what business are you in so we can put it in contect - some type of service offering?
    Signature

    [FREE VIDEO]: Secrets Behind A $16K Month

    [FROM Setmefreeinternetmarketing.com]: Money Making First ($1, $10, $100, $1,000, $10,000)
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2406763].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Zabar
      The business is a small personnel agency specializing in home caregivers. I am trying to entice the few people out there that are hiring to hire from us.

      We charge a $100.00 fee to register with us and then a one time referral fee (varies) when the client hires from us. If they hire from us we credit there registration fee toward the final one time referral fee. All I wanted to do is offer the client an incentive for risking the $100.00 registration fee. If they hire from us I want to give them a $200.00 credit toward the final fee. I guess I am not getting that message across in what I wrote.
      Any suggestions on how to phrase it?
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2407145].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author kcorps
    It is a little bit confusing. You better make separation by full stop instead of comma. So that the reader can understand better what are you trying to offer.

    Wish you a very good luck.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2406991].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Hesster
    I'd probably go with something like:

    Our $100 registration fee is credited towards your first purchase. But for a limited time only, you'll receive a $200 credit instead. We're so sure you'll love our service, we're giving you double your money's worth.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2407182].message }}

Trending Topics