Is "Who Else ..." type of headline works nowadays?

activetrader

14 years ago

I've never liked "Who Else Wants..." type headlines. Just my personal opinion.

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GR Marketing

14 years ago

Your bounce rate is going to depend a lot on the source of your traffic too. 75% is not all that bad if you're sending it cold traffic from PPC or articles.

Maybe you should focus on getting up a squeeze page up in front of your offer and doing a little preselling to warm them up first.

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ewenmack

14 years ago

People may not bother reading the rest of your letter because they can't read the headline.

Your pop up comes in too fast...therefore the reader isn't going to stay around to find out what you have to offer.

If your pop up came in a little later or down the page, then you should get a higher response rate.

Haven't looked at the rest of letter to comment.

All the best,
Ewen

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Rezbi

14 years ago

Originally Posted by Raja Kamil

Hi;
I have a salesletter with bounce rate pretty high, >75%
Look at Newbie CPA Profits

I wonder, if my headline, "Who Else.." is not working anymore.
Please advise, thanks.

A couple of observations:

Try changing the 'would like' to 'wants'.

Also, why capitalize WITHOUT - anything you capitalize should mean something on its own.

For example, SECRETS does have some significance. Do you see the difference?

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ewenmack 14 years ago

Where the "Who Else..." breaksdown, in selling stuff to Internet Marketing crowd, is in lack of proof and credibility.

It tends to become a turn off because as soon as the reader sees it, it reminds them of past bad experiences.

First timers will tend to read it though.

To make the "Who Else..." work for the I.M. market, the letter needs to stay on track of the theme which the headline sets...even more so than other markets which haven't been exposed to it.

A marketer who has gained trust from his/her market, in the I.M. field, gets the benefit of doubt.

So swiping a headline that has been successful doesn't neccesarily mean it will work for you, because you need to know what context it was used in.

All the best,
Ewen
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JasonParker

14 years ago

Don't wonder... find out the facts with a split test

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Rezbi 14 years ago

Originally Posted by JasonParker

Don't wonder... find out the facts with a split test

Exactly.

Just because we might be 'sick' of seeing something all the time, don't assume others are.

There are billions of people on the web. And I guarantee you not everyone has even heard of some of the things we take for granted.
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- Ross Bowring 14 years ago
  
  You didn't ask but your sub-heads are very dry and uninspiring. They need to drag people into the letter.
  
  They don't have to be literal summations of what's next in your letter.
  
  You can also give them punch and personality without being hyperbolic or leaning too much on muscle-writing.
  
  And allude to more benefits in them... more about how CPA... and how your CPA course in particular... will make 'em money.
  
  --- Ross
  
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  connorbringas 14 years ago
  
  Who doesnt want to read a how to or tips on..
  ive never written a who else article..i dont think that would work..personally
  
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Rezbi

14 years ago

"You don't have to be frustrated any longer."

If I hadn't read the headline...

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Elion Makkink

14 years ago

Hmm you should experiment with different headlines.
I've found some interesting headlines that may help you out or give you at least some inspiration:

1. This FREE Sample ______ Will Prove That You Can ________
2. How I Improved My ______ In One __________
3. To The _________ Who Wants To _________ Someday!
4. What’s Wrong With This _______?
5. If You ________ You’ll Love Our ________

Hope that helps selling!

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Cheers,
Elion Makkink

Become an SEO Hustler too at seohustlers.com

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PeterMichael

14 years ago

It is not necessarily the headline. If I were you, I would at least integrate Google Website Optimizer and test the following:

1) With or without the "Thanks to the power of CPA" subheadline. Maybe you just say what the solution is too fast.
2) With or without the graphics at the top. Maybe start with the headline only? These graphics also communicate the solution, so there is no need to read the copy, there is no need for headline.

Remember what headline is for? The "attention, interest..." etc. formula? When you put your product in front of their eyes showing them a lead saying it is a course on CPA marketing, they have no need to read further. They instantly know whether to read or not.

The next thing is, how do you promote it? Because, if you say in your ads:
"Learn how to earn money without having your own product"
Then you attract not only people interested in CPA, so when they read that it is CPA, they close the window.

And if you would promote exactly this in your ads - a CPA course - you would attract exactly this - people who want a CPA course, so your bounce rates should drop. But don't know if it would bring more income, many other variables come into play, as we know.

Hope it helped.

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Hans Klein

14 years ago

It is possible that the phrase "who else" is not the most effective phrase you can use.

However... it doesn't really matter. Far more important than HOW you say your sales message... is WHAT you say in it.

Put another away, is if your headline nails your prospects emotional hot buttons... then... chances are... they'll put up with tired phrases even if they've seen them a million times in the past (and I'm not convinced "who else" fits this description).

So here's what to do: Write more headline... a lot more headlines... and as you do this focus on the core benefit your prospects need to know. Then, once you've got 25-50 of them, take your best parts of the headlines and start combining them into far better headlines than what you've got.

I guarantee this hard work will be worth it.

Though, as Ross mentioned, you've got other issues in your copy as well. However, going through this headline creation process helps tell you what needs to go in the rest of your copy as well.

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Raja Kamil

14 years ago

Hi all;
I would like thanks to all replier.
My bounce rate reduce to 62.5%

I just wonder how to increase sale now.

Thanks

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BrianMcLeod

14 years ago

Am I the only one seeing a deck with no headline but a giant call to action and buy button as the deck?

In that case, it's not the headline, it's NO headline...

It's like "header image... BUY NOW!"

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Brian McLeod

Direct Response Copywriting

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Raja Kamil

14 years ago

Originally Posted by BrianMcLeod

Am I the only one seeing a deck with no headline but a giant call to action and buy button as the deck?

In that case, it's not the headline, it's NO headline...

It's like "header image... BUY NOW!"

Hi there, you not wrong. I am testing it.
Before that image, it was a headline you see right before the "Call for action".

Before this, it was more than 75% bounce rate.
And, yesterday, I altered it to what you see now and
the bounce rate lower to 62.5%

Thanks
1 reply

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Harlan

14 years ago

Dude, it aint just the headline.

The copy is pretty weak throughout.

I yawned about the time of the headline and bailed.

And between the opening "BUY ME RIGHT NOW" offer and the popup, I'd bail immediately.

Super scammy.

Thanks
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Harlan D. Kilstein Ed.D.
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Raja Kamil

14 years ago

Originally Posted by Harlan

Dude, it aint just the headline.

The copy is pretty weak throughout.

I yawned about the time of the headline and bailed.

And between the opening "BUY ME RIGHT NOW" offer and the popup, I'd bail immediately.

Super scammy.

Thanks, but how to fix it.
Which part should I skipped?

Thanks
2 replies

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Harlan 14 years ago

Originally Posted by Raja Kamil

Thanks, but how to fix it.
Which part should I skipped?

I think you would save time and aggravation by finding one of the very fine copywriters on this forum or check for WSO's.
- Thanks
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Harlan D. Kilstein Ed.D.
Free NLP Communications Course at http://www.nlpcopywriting.com
http://overnight-copy.com
Get Fit In Four Minuteshttp://just4minutes.com
Learn how to build a Super Site Without SEO http://supersiteformula.com
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Collette 14 years ago

Originally Posted by Raja Kamil

Thanks, but how to fix it.
Which part should I skipped?

Frankly, I'd skip all of it.

There's so much wrong here, it would take a full-fledged consulting session to get through it.

But for now:

- What do you want your visitor to do? Buy the product or sign up for your list? Get rid of the entry popup, and make it an exit popup.

- Who are you talking to? Your product name says, "Newbie". Does a newbie even know what CPA is? Are they 'newbie' to Internet marketing? Or 'newbie' to CPA?

Your body copy suggests your reader is new to Internet marketing, and doesn't know what CPA is. If so, your eyebrow is pissing in the wind. Because the reader has no idea what CPA is and why they should be faintly interested in it getting bigger every day. For all they know, CPA could be some kind of giant tomato.

- "This is your chance to get Newbie CPA at the lowest price!"???

Dude - I don't know that I want NewbieCPA at ANY price, if at all. Particularly when you just blocked my page with the giant popup.

- All the usual stuff applies to the rest: Who are You? Why should I listen to you? Why should I believe you?

- graphics scream "I'm another IM scam site!!!"

- Clean up your testimonials. "Impressive videos"? Who cares? "Masterpiece"? Who cares? (Especially when the very last sentence in this one is the money quote)

- Spell out your guarantee. Sure, I can ask for my money back - to an anonymous email address. Whoop. Dippity. Do. Sign me up. Not.

Overall, the copy is a snooze. I scrolled - fast - through it to grab these points. The little I read made me want to take a nap.

Suggestion: CPA may be your thing, but copywriting is - clearly - not. Save yourself time and frustration and hire a copywriter.
- Thanks
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Rezbi

14 years ago

Originally Posted by BrianMcLeod

Am I the only one seeing a deck with no headline but a giant call to action and buy button as the deck?

In that case, it's not the headline, it's NO headline...

It's like "header image... BUY NOW!"

That wasn't there before.

Thanks

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Dave d

14 years ago

Hi quite frankly I would outright get rid of the "ATTENTION !!!" box. It took me a few re-reads to understand that NEWBIE CPA is the name of your product. If the reader does not get that immediately then it does not make sense and its difficult to get it so early on in the copy.

As well as that combined with the add to cart it looks out of place and it greatly distracts from the headline.

I would like to ask in the politest possible way, at what point did you actually think it was a good idea to yellow highlight the majority of your copy ?

Thanks

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Raja Kamil

14 years ago

Thanks, I took down the sales letter mean while.
I just hired someone to write me a salesletter. Someone from WF too.
Hope everything is good.

Thanks

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Is "Who Else ..." type of headline works nowadays?

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