I would appreciate your critiques

It's too abstract a notion ...and a stigmatized subject many readers would deny having.

You want to ease into acceptance. That means specific symptoms the reader can identify with before you start talking mental health. List those early warning signs in a way that leads into your subject.

Then the benefit becomes clear. Right now there's no specific benefit other than the abstract notion of mental health -- something most readers will assume they already have. In all the letter has a long road to improvement.

Hi Alex
You have a copy of the book with title and sub title at the top of the page so there's no need to also have it written in text at the top. Your actual headline reads:

"Did You Know that a Whopping 83.4% of Ordinary Americans do NOT Enjoy Complete Mental Health?"

And to this I say, "so what." I'd create a headline with a compelling statement about how the reader will benefit. The same goes for the body of your copy. Very general stuff with virtually no specifics on how the book will help the reader.

What is the advantage of this book? How will the reader benefit from reading it and using the techniques? Why not identify one or two common mental health problems and demonstrate how people can overcome them using your methods?

I like to use stories to sell. It's a simple yet very powerful formula. Introduce a character with a problem and show readers how your product, in this case a book, solved his problem using your methods.

Perhaps you could create a sales page where an individual was suffering from a common ailment such as bipolar disorder, for example. Identify the frustration and challenges the person had, how they found your book, used the methods, and came out feeling better.

Once you've done this, list some or all of the common mental health problems addressed in the book with a brief, yet compelling explanation of how these problems can be conquered. Bullet points work well for such an illustration. A simple formula for sure, but when done well, very powerful. Of course, legitimate testimonials would help make the case as well.

And finally, you mention Americans in the headline yet you have European spellings for word like, recognised. If your market is in the US, use US spelling. Otherwise people might think the spelling is wrong and wonder what else might be. Am I splitting hairs? Not really. It's about consistency. With so many choices on the market for every imaginable product many people will click away from anything they sense might not be right. A good thing to remember is this: A confused mind always says no. Good luck!

Some Suggestion:

1. Benefit, benefit, benefit! - You should use the greatest benefits to your prospect as your title, subtitle to lead them into your sales page.

2. Write for scan - Your page has too many words and not clearly outline, use list like I did.

3. More problem + solution - Do more in depth research on problems and solution in your market using forums, write down the problems and solutions as your topic in your ebook, then use them in your sales letter as well.

4. Free this ebook to some of your friends or forums members, get their testimonial on your work.

5. Consider creating some videos for up sales at your back end, when the customer purchase your ebook, ask them if they want the videos for a double price of your ebook...!

Alex you can keep working it on your own, but hire a copywriter to do it for you.

The intro might capture some attention, but I'm sure most of your prospects could care less about what percentage of Americans are mentally fit.

That area is like a billboard along a major highway, but most drivers would totally ignore what you wrote. This means you lose sales right from the get-go and people close out of your page...immediately.

Also this is a major turn-off: "So buy this e-book now."

Who wants to be told what to do?

Best of luck

You might also consider taking that headline into the "You are not alone" type of thinking. I've seen that used before and suspect it taps into some primal fear of not being part of a group.

- Russ