Am I finally getting the hang of copywriting?

6 replies
I accept that I am a newbie when it comes to writing good copy. I have tried to learn by buying books and practicing what I learn. One complication is that I find it difficult to step back from the detail and try to get a visitors perspective. That's where you can be a great help...

Here's my latest attempt: declaring-bankruptcy.com.au/debt-bankruptcy.php

What suggestions would you make to improve this copy? I look forward to continuing the learning!

Thanks, Chanetsa
#copywriting #finally #hang
  • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
    You have me stumped...with a couple minutes browsing your site, I honestly don't see any obviuos flaws.

    You have...
    a nice layout
    involvement device
    talk in a very sincere and understanding way
    make it easy to contact you
    have articles for those that need more time to work it through

    Without knowing your target market, if you match your message to them in a tighter way, if that is possible, will get you a higher positive response.

    Well done.

    All the best,
    Ewen
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  • Profile picture of the author HowardJackson
    Hello,

    This is a good try. But, if I may, I have a few suggestions:
    a) You are using a few strange expressions like “lose sleep”. Make it more conversational like “can’t sleep at night”.
    b) There are some seriously flow problems. I think you wrote the letter by sections, because some just don’t feel connected.
    c) Your appeals are better suited for a Tony Robbins seminar instead of debt relief.
    d) You should bring more proof. Use the A-B-C principle. Old info – new info – proof for new info.

    Except from that, I guess its fine. I guess there are a few more elements you should tweak, but you are on the right road. If you want, we can take a look at it in particular. PM … but make sure you include your email, as I can’t PM yet.

    Take care,
    Howard J.
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    • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
      The "Trust Support Freedom -- we help you get your life back" I think could be way more compelling.

      1. Look at it this way: Would you name a bestselling book on filing for bankruptcy after a headline like that?

      2. It's just way too ambiguous. It could mean anything from hiring a dog sitter service to hiring a bodyguard.

      3. I appreciate it's a promise. But the "Trust Support Freedom" part? The part you emphasize? What's that got to do with filing for bankruptcy?

      (Hint: If you have to explain the connection, it isn't compelling enough.)

      - Rick Duris
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      • Profile picture of the author chanetsa
        Thanks Rick. I hate to admit it but you caught me out. I didn't think about the words enough. Perhaps I should have written the page first before writing those words than vice versa?

        I have been advertising with Adwords on a site that provides debt help for about 2 years and have evolved the landing page to a point where it converts above 9% on a form submit. I cheated by copying some concepts from that but agree that this is a prime area for review and testing. I really like your book title analogy - that will help me a lot!

        Thanks a lot!
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        • Profile picture of the author Hugh Thyer
          Hi there,

          As you know declaring bankruptcy is very embarrassing and a real no-no here in Australia. What I feel is that your letter doesn't take that sting away. Declaring bankruptcy itself would likely bring a lot of pressure, stress and embarrassment. I'd be looking to take this pain away from it. I'm not (personally) convinced that declaring bankruptcy will see all the storm clouds clear to a bright sunny future.

          It wont be the end to the stress and worry because you still owe people money (not legally but ethically) so you need to address this and explain why bankruptcy is not as bad an option as people may think. For example, are creditors covered by insurance? Is it just a part of doing business for them? I'm not sure what the answer is but I think you need to address it.

          Hugh
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          Ever wondered how copywriters work with their clients? I've answered that very question in detail-> www.salescomefirst.com
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    • Profile picture of the author chanetsa
      Thanks Howard. A couple of questions, if I may?

      What do you mean by the appeals are more suited for a Tony Robins course. I don't know much about Tony Robins except that he is a motivational guy. Would appreciate clarification on this so that I can figure out a better way.

      Thanks for the advice!
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