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Rip up my Squeeze Page copy apart- If you dare!

by Matt Morgan
10 replies
Hey expert copywriters, can you please give some honest feedback on how my squeeze page is looking? Review it please

It is for a Blogging Tips Free report found here:

Blogging Tips- Free Report


How is it?
I am open to positive feedback, can take take improvements with a pinch of salt.

Can you please take some time and give your thoughts on these questions

a) How is it?

b) Do any of the bullets excite you or make you 'buzz' ?
(Put your shoes in that of a blogging who needs help with his blog marketing)

c) Which are your BEST bullets which have a PULLING affect on you, exiting you/ pulling you to want the report? - be honest here!

d) Which are your WORST bullets which have a negative effect on you, which DONT excite you? - be honest here!

e) Is there anything you would change?

f) Has it 'pulled' any of you copywriters/ warriors to want to download it, then why? what is it about the squeeze page that pullet out in?

Please can you take some time to have a look and give some feedback, and answer the questions above.

I am open to feedback, and truly respect your effort for taking the time to do this.

Here it is again-
Blogging Tips- Free Report
#critique #page #squeeze
  • Profile picture of the author colinjoss
    Hey Matt,

    I prefer the second headline - it's got a benefit for the prospect. The first headline doesn't.

    Ain't keen on the pre-head. "Due to public demand, another..." You never back up the claim of public demand.

    You've obviously had people use the report before. Where's the testimonials, where's the proof that the report works.

    Colin
    Signature

    "You're exactly the kind of professional any business owner would be lucky to have writing his copy."

    John Carlton, the most ripped off, respected, and referred-to copywriter alive.

    Colin Joss, Direct Response Copywriter

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  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    I don't care much for either headline. They're both based on stuff that's pretty worn out. I've never liked the dirty tricks or tips phrase and the selfish thingy doesn't work for me either. It lacks credibility. Why not try something like this:

    Isn't It Time You Break Through To Blogging Success?

    Then your sub could be something like:

    You Can't Afford To Go Another Day Without These
    67 Insider Blogging Goodies.

    Those are just off the top of my head but I think together they'd outperform what you've got now.

    You've got some decent bullets and some weenies. Overall I think you need to edit this thing down by about half and get a proofreader to go through it. And get your optin box up above the fold. Good luck.
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    • Profile picture of the author Matt Morgan
      Originally Posted by travlinguy View Post

      I don't care much for either headline. They're both based on stuff that's pretty worn out. I've never liked the dirty tricks or tips phrase and the selfish thingy doesn't work for me either. It lacks credibility. Why not try something like this:

      Isn't It Time You Break Through To Blogging Success?

      Then your sub could be something like:

      You Can't Afford To Go Another Day Without These
      67 Insider Blogging Goodies.

      Those are just off the top of my head but I think together they'd outperform what you've got now.

      You've got some decent bullets and some weenies. Overall I think you need to edit this thing down by about half and get a proofreader to go through it. And get your optin box up above the fold. Good luck.
      Which bullets are ones are the decent ones ? and which ones are the weenies?

      Which bullets would you guys suggest I Definitely keep??
      Signature
      -> [FREE WSO 1] Discover 77 FREE Ways To Generate Traffic!
      -> [FREE WSO 2] Discover 67 Killer Traffic Methods Which Will Crush Your Competition!
      -> [FREE WSO 3] Discover 77 Amazing Blogging Tips To Explode Your Profits!

      ...…..Now LISTEN CAREFULLY! ===> [WSO REPORTS 4, 5, 6 are >> Found Here]
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      • Profile picture of the author RentItNow
        I think you are giving away way too much to fast for just an email address. You will get a much better optin rate with simple video squeeze page on the "Free Video Reveals Top 3 Secrets Successful Bloggers Are Using To Rake In the Traffic." Simplify.

        Example: http://www.howtorentyourhousenow.com/index_video.html

        I went the same direction you did at first but simplified to this and had up to 30% optins at one point.
        Signature
        I have no agenda but to help those in the same situation. This I feel will pay the bills.
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        • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
          I think you need to revisit what you want to achieve here.

          If it's an opt-in, then you are making it too complicated for yourself and the reader. Make it shorter and immediatly understood.

          Then you don't want to be going into detail because that's for the information he's getting for signing up.

          Next point, problems are acted on if it relates to your target audience.

          Titles like "The 7 Deadliest Threats That Lurk In Your Blog" help.

          You have to light a fire under the readers butt to get him to move in the direction you want him to.

          No place for being timid...timid salespeople have skinny kids!

          If you have only got 3 seconds to get the readers attention and fully grasp what is being read, would my headline do that..?

          If your goal is not to get an opt-in, then by all means you have got to sell him on a whole lot of points.

          All the best,
          Ewen
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          • Profile picture of the author Matt Morgan
            Originally Posted by RentItNow View Post

            I think you are giving away way too much to fast for just an email address. You will get a much better optin rate with simple video squeeze page on the "Free Video Reveals Top 3 Secrets Successful Bloggers Are Using To Rake In the Traffic." Simplify.

            Example: FREE Video: How To Rent Your House Now. House For Rent Secrets REVEALED!

            I went the same direction you did at first but simplified to this and had up to 30% optins at one point.
            Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

            I think you need to revisit what you want to achieve here.

            If it's an opt-in, then you are making it too complicated for yourself and the reader. Make it shorter and immediatly understood.

            Then you don't want to be going into detail because that's for the information he's getting for signing up.

            Next point, problems are acted on if it relates to your target audience.

            Titles like "The 7 Deadliest Threats That Lurk In Your Blog" help.

            You have to light a fire under the readers butt to get him to move in the direction you want him to.

            No place for being timid...timid salespeople have skinny kids!

            If you have only got 3 seconds to get the readers attention and fully grasp what is being read, would my headline do that..?

            If your goal is not to get an opt-in, then by all means you have got to sell him on a whole lot of points.

            All the best,
            Ewen
            Thanks

            Which of my many quotes are the hottest sounding ones, which you would suggest I defo keep on there (as it would be best to keep the hottest).
            Signature
            -> [FREE WSO 1] Discover 77 FREE Ways To Generate Traffic!
            -> [FREE WSO 2] Discover 67 Killer Traffic Methods Which Will Crush Your Competition!
            -> [FREE WSO 3] Discover 77 Amazing Blogging Tips To Explode Your Profits!

            ...…..Now LISTEN CAREFULLY! ===> [WSO REPORTS 4, 5, 6 are >> Found Here]
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            • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
              Originally Posted by Matt Morgan View Post

              Thanks

              Which of my many quotes are the hottest sounding ones, which you would suggest I defo keep on there (as it would be best to keep the hottest).
              Hi Matt,

              If you follow my suggestion to go with a problem angle in your report , then my question would be, does any of your bullet points match that criteria?

              All the best,
              Ewen
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  • Profile picture of the author Daniel Scott
    While I get you're trying to play the "rebel insider" card... you're doing it in a way that's clumsy and won't resonate with your readers.

    Also... IMHO you're trying way too hard to sell a free report.

    You could do it with a headline and maybe 3 bullet points (plus an optin box).

    Keep the optin box above the fold and I bet your conversions will be a lot higher.

    -Dan
    Signature

    Always looking for badass direct-response copywriters. PM me if we don't know each other and you're looking for work.

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    • Profile picture of the author writeandreview
      "Hear, hear!" to travlinguy's headline rewrite. It's Grrreeeat! Punchy, easy to comprehend and makes you wanna answer with a "Heck yeah!"

      A few of my revisions:

      Have you ever wondered why some blogs are getting between 300-500 visitors of targeted traffic every day, compared to and (or while) others who are just struggling struggle to get 5-6 measly hits a day?

      What are these blogging 'gurus' who receive 300-500 hits a day doing different compared to the bloggers who are struggling?

      ... and more to the point what are these blogging 'gurus' secret strategies and tricks? which is causing them a flood of daily traffic + Profits?

      What are successful bloggers doing differently than their struggling, unsuccessful counterparts? And ...

      What are the secrets, strategies and tricks they use to open the traffic floodgates and let the profit pour in?

      Since you're using "good news" in the piece, I'd replace "Here's the evil truth!" with "The bad news is ...".

      87% of expert bloggers selfishly keep their 'secrets blog tactics' to themselves!

      Then, use the same heading style for "But, the good news is ..."

      that I am not one of them and I have decided to do something about it let you in on the most well guarded secrets, strategies and tricks that immediately drive more traffic to your blog.

      (This part sorta sounds like you're saying that you aren't an expert blogger. Rework it a bit.)

      Not perfect, but you get the gist.

      And, replace the "have"s as much as you can. (e.g. I have complied -> I compiled)

      - Matt Lashley
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  • Profile picture of the author Absulote
    Make the Headline a different color and a different font as your body text.

    better/ flashy bullet points!
    bigger text..

    some sort of trust building factor near opt in box such as your picture or some reassurance that there info is safe!
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