Please Review My Alcohol Sales Letter

A couple of quick ideas that spring to mind:

You've got your own story of your problems with drinking further down -- you should start with that so the reader knows you know firsthand what they're going through. Definitely don't start with that poll.

The word "alcohol" in the headline seems redundant. Anyone who's in your target audience already knows what you mean when you say "stop drinking."

Needs quite a bit of work -- some good testimonials in there. What's with all the links at the bottom? Get rid of those.

Sorry, not a very in-depth critique but a few ideas to get started.

Your e-book cover uses a really funky stockphoto. IMHO it's not going to resonate with people. Or give a shorthand message of how your book can help them.

--- Ross

Hi Mate,

A few things:

1. Get rid of the poll at the beginning, it seems a little chessy.
2. Add photos to all your testimonials.
3. Explain why you have dropped the price.
4. Explain why you will increase the price after a little while.
5. Tell a more dramatic story of how your life came tumbling down due to your alcohol problems.
6. Try and appeal more to your target market's emotions (ask yourself, what are they really feeling like such as alone, confused, depressed) and then show how you have the solution.

It's not bad, I just think it needs to be tweaked a little bit. Try checking our Stopwatch Copywriting. It's cheap but very easy to follow and will help you a lot.

Hi Rahul,

a. Switch the headline - not powerful at all.
b. Switch the template - it's dull
c. The pop-up for the opt-in is bland - put some life in it or you will find it hard to build your list
d. You have your highlighting/formatting from the middle -going down but the start of your letter is drag - and you lost me and you will lose others at the start.

In short, your first 5 seconds is not impressive and you will lose the reader.

PS: If I have a problem with alcohol, a real problem - trust me the last thing I want to do is tick a box - 5 in a row, will piss me off big time and I'll go away - speaking from experience

Also - you might want to change up your ORDER NOW button to something more graphic or use a nice killer sales headline mixed with a guarantee - the alcoholic will be impulsive so something like

"Kill your Alcohol Addiction in 30 days with My Alcohol Sobriety Pack" - something around those lines as that just popped into my head....

I would buy it and that's coming from 10 years of having neon in my veins

Hey thanks for some of these comments.

It looks like I have a lot of work to do on the site - especially in the first 5 seconds so any other suggestions on how I can hook people to read will be of real benefit

I did a survey of over 250 people of my e-mail newsletter subscribers and the majority of subscribers are over 45 and the majority are women. The main requests are either to give up alcohol forever or to be able to moderate their drinking. I have always struggled how to address these divergent requests in one sales letter.

@wcmylife

Thanks for this - I changed my approach based on Maria Veloso's 'Web Copy That Sells' book and she explains that it is best to have an article type approach with tick boxes. Perhaps I have too many as you say.

The highlighting/formatting meaning underlining and bold etc.

Also for the template I was thinking of buying the sales letter templates from Jack Duncan which he says he has tested and they increase conversions.

I liked your headline idea and the focus on the first 5 seconds. I have tried to focus on problem drinking rather than alcoholics and so perhaps have been quite reserved in my headlines

Do you have any other suggestions on how to hook people within the first 5 seconds

@ Ross Bowring

That is a really good idea about the e-book image. I had not even considered it. Did any of the other images look good because I can perhaps use one of those instead.

@ Caetano

I actually have another original sales letter page which covers many of the points you mentioned

www.alcoholfreesociallife.com

Please let me know if this covers your ideas

Everyone else please do let me know your ideas on how to increase the conversion rate.

Thanks,

Rahul