Headline Help...not sure what will grab!

How does this GRAB you Jenn,

Calling all dedicated followers of hair fashion..
"How To Look Like You Have Just Walked Out Of Hollywood's HOTTEST Hair Salon..
###

Now go in with 3 grabbing bullet points after the headline.

What do you think?

All the best,
Ewen

But you are solving a problem! You're actually helping out people who are stuck for things to do with their hair.

They may be frustrated at having short hair which they might not be able to do much with. Or they may feel like their hair has become routine and might want to switch things up.

Work from that angle. Best thing to do is ask people why they buy bows for their hair. What made them buy it - then work with that.

Jenn, can we take a look at the draft of your sales letter?

I am afraid, a headline is not an afterthought. Headlines grow organically from your offer.

Since we are not on Madison Avenue, tossing around meaningless slogans, it would be silly and irresponsible to be suggesting headlines without knowing the exact benefits of your product and how these benefits are supposed to change the life of your customers.

-Allen

Give us the draft or your existing sales letter and we can help you better....got too little information to give you quality Jenn

Ahh I see! Thanks for all the input! I've included my sales letter below and maybe something will strike you...I'm too close to the project I think...I talk bows 24 hours a day 10 days a week!!


Here is the rough draft of sales letter:


working idea for headline:
Step by Step Video Instructions Guarantee You Learn To Create The Most Unique Bows With Ease



If you’re reading this, it’s because you’re trying to find help making Beautiful and Unique Boutique quality Bows. Maybe you started out looking for a place that sells Boutique Style Hair Bows like online stores or even at the mall but were shocked at the prices they charge and decided to make them yourself.

Maybe you came here because you couldn’t find the instructions you need to create a certain type of bow. Maybe it’s because you’re bored with the plain and basic hair bow designs and want to find some really special bows to create with ribbon.

You may even be here because you've enjoyed one of our other courses or maybe your friends told you about our high-quality easy to understand DVD instructions…our reputation is spreading fast!

Your Search for Fantastic Hair Bow Making Instructions STOPS Here

MORE Secrets to Bow Making Success is THE most comprehensive course with 25 different types of unique and beautiful hair bows. You would have to buy dozens of other courses to get all instructions plus tips and secrets I'm going to share with you.
If you've seen other courses, you know what I mean. Typical hair bow instructions are just boring paragraphs of text with few pictures - And your hair bows never come out the way they are supposed to! Or maybe you've tried to find video instructions so you can learn one-on-one from a professional, but there are none…. Until NOW!

After a lot of frustration, hours of self-help, and MONTHS of practice, I managed to discover the art of Making Boutique Bows that grab compliments and sell for top dollar!

Get ready to receive TONS compliments on your hair bows

Your bows are NOT going to be boring, simple bows…you're going to create bows that DAZZLE and make your little girl smile. Using layering techniques, learning new and trendy bow designs, and adding beautiful embellishments, is only the beginning of the secrets to boutique bow making you are doing to discover.

Whatever your reason for being here, Congratulations – you have just found the Fastest, Easiest, Most Comprehensive Expert Bow Making course anywhere!

Whether you’re looking for Flower Bows, Layered Boutique Bows, or Unique Fabric Flower Bows, you’ll find BEAUTIFUL, Boutique Style Bows on MORE Secrets To Bow Making Success DVD and Manual.

MORE Secrets To Bow Making Success
Easy Step-By-Step Instructions To Making Boutique Hair Bows


Complete DVD and Downloadble Manual 


The fastest, easiest, most comprehensive 
Boutique Bow Making course anywhere, ever!


WHAT PEOPLE SAY….
"I have had several compliments on the bows I have done. People think I have been doing this for years instead of weeks. Trust me, if I can do it anyone can. Thanks again."

-Lyndy


“What Will I Get in this Course?”
That’s a great question, and one I always look forward to answering, because it gives me a chance to boast about all the hundreds of hours of hard work I've done to put this course together for you! Let’s face it – Advanced Bow Making is complicated, and not easy to learn.

In fact, the only way to Make it easy is to break it down into steps, and MORE Secrets To Bow Making Success is the only course I know of that breaks it down into simple, easy to learn steps.

You’re about to get the Most Comprehensive Bow Making course available anywhere. In no time at all you’ll be creating Beautiful Hair Bows and Specialty Bows Quickly and Easily, all without expensive gadgets and gizmos.

Photo of DVD and manual here

First of all, remember that you get both a full high quality downloadable Manual emailed to you within 24 hours of purchase and most importantly, a professional high quality DVD shipped right to your doorstep, so you can choose whatever way you want to learn!

I offer both of these because I find that some people are visual learners and others like to learn through doing, and everyone learns at a different speed – so this fool-proof system lets everyone discover the way they learn best.

Second, I took the time to make sure that you’ll be able to easily follow each and every step of the way, no matter what your level of skill is.

Unlike most competitive products – if you can even find them – you’ll find the Instructions in MORE Secrets To Bow Making Success crystal clear and the Color Pictures bright, detailed, and easy to follow.

EVERYTHING you need to know about making perfect, unique boutique quality hair bows.

"The feeling I had after making my first bow was one of pure joy. It's easy to follow the DVD, and I use the accompanying manual as well. This course is put together well and includes everything you need to know to make bows of all kinds. The bonus materials were icing on the cake. Awesome package!"
-Linda F.

Here's just a FEW of the bows you'll learn to make with step-by-step instructions:

PICTURES OF 6-8 best bows here


Here’s what you’ll get with Secrets To Bow Making Success Manual and DVD:

DVD –Over 2 Hours and 10 Minutes of non-stop, Detailed Bow making shipped right to your doorstep! See it done right in front of your eyes in real time!

Manual –Our high quality Downloadable manual (emailed to you) has over 100 pages of Step-By-Step instructions and over 400+ Very Clear color photos!



Materials – You’ll discover all about different kinds and gauges of ribbons, craft and decorative wire, dowels, alligator and French clips, and all the materials you’ll need to make Beautiful Hair Bows and where to find them!


Ribbons – I’ll suggest the best types of ribbon to use….and the ones you should stay away from when making certain bows! (This will save you a lot of time and headaches!)


Bow Making – Each bow has its own section, chock full of tips like how to avoid buying expensive sealers, how to use scraps of one material to embellish bows made of another material, and how to stop problems like color bleeding with your corker ribbons.

…with MORE Secrets To Bow Making Success you’ll be able to see every step of every single bow in easy-to-see color.


"I bought this program only a couple of months ago and was making hair pretties right away. The instructions are very clear and very easy for everyone to use, see, understand and apply. Emily goes through every step you need at a pace you can follow. I wish all instructions were this clear to use. The service she provides is excellent and she responds quickly to your concerns and continues to help you even after buying it from her, now that just shows she provides not only a product but service as well."
- Tamara.


I've put together WAY more than you’ll find in most guides to bow making, but believe it or not that’s just the beginning of what you’ll discover in Secrets To Bow Making Success DVD and Manual!

You’ll FINALLY get answers to questions like these and MANY more:

How do I make even loops on my bows every time? …(So you can have beautiful symmetrical bows.)

How do I make my hair bows beautiful and unique? …(This way your daughter stands out, and you get complimented.)

What is the best way to layer my bows to keep them secure? (There's a few options and I'll show you all of them!)

How do I keep my bow ends from fraying? …(There is nothing worse than making a beautiful bow and it start fraying apart.)

What are the best bows to make for my boutique bow base? (I'll show you ALL the most popular styles can create for your base bow!)

How can I layer my bows to create full, fluffy, perky, and beautiful bows? …(This is a great way to really spice up your bows.)

What is the best way to create korker bows for a strong hold and beautiful look? (With these secrets, you'll have the best corkers around!)

What type of ribbon should I use for each style bow? …(Having the right type of ribbon allows you to make each bow with precision.)

How do I make perfect sprays/spikes for my hair bows? …(Because ugly and uneven sprays/spikes can really take away from a beautiful bow.)


NO EXPERIENCE NECESSARY. I'll teach you how to make every bow in the course, step by step.

Would you like to make hair bows the fast and easy way?...
　
　




Also, don't forget to break up your copy with subheads and your copy should lead to the next paragraph. And don't forget the P.S.

Take care,

Bill

.

Create Professional Quality Hair Bows...


I'm going to show you the professional tricks, the tools and the materials that make all the difference. Hey... Have you been looking for specialty hair bows that really stand out? Notice how difficult it is to find them... and how expensive they are? My "Boutique Bows" training techniques will change all that... and it only takes minutes of your time. Don't you want the hair fashions eveyone else talks about?

Here's why I ask.

(Now launch into your copy) start with a story if possible.)

Todd Royer

Goiod luck

Okay thanks! Just to be clear, I didn't write this...we actually paid a LOT to have it written...so get as critical as you can, I won't cry!! I'm just tweaking it since we've had it up so long its kind of stale.

Thanks for all the help!!! Your suggestions have been SUPER DUPER awesome!!!

Jenn,

You only have about a half of a sales letter there - there's no offer per se.

Your sales letter, the way it is right now, does not introduce the price, does not explain why the price is fair, does not address objections, does not offer any guarantees ... and ... there's no clear call to action.

This will have to be addressed.

Next,

Your primary selling points seem to be:

1) Your clients will see how to make 25 unique boutique-level bow designs not available anywhere else
2) the instructions are more comprehensive than in any other courses
3) the instructions are simple and a person with no experience will be able to follow them
4) it's an actual high quality professional DVD and not a crappy stuttering online video

Did I understand you correctly?

Assuming that the above is correct, and you'll be able to deliver on the promises, here's what my initial draft would be.

Below is a new headline and the lead copy followed by a fill-in-the-blanks letter outline that also includes an outline of an offer. (I filled in a few blanks from your current letter.)



The best kept secret in the biz !



Ladies,

If you were looking to buy fashionable boutique style hair bows, but were shocked at how much they can cost, and decided to make them yourself...or... you're bored with the basic plain designs, and want simple instructions to create unique custom bows, this is going to be the most exciting message you've ever read.

Here's why:

[Here's who I am and how I came up with this product.. your story told in a dramatic way]

(Hi. My name is Jenn and ... After a lot of frustration, hours of self-help, and MONTHS of practice, I managed to discover the art of Making Boutique Bows that grab compliments and sell for top dollar!)


[Here's what I have for you... Detailed description of the product]

(... Currently this is the most comprehensive step-by-step bow making course available anywhere.
... Using layering techniques, learning new and trendy bow designs, and adding beautiful embellishments, is only the beginning of the secrets to boutique bow making you are doing to discover.)


[Here's what it will do for you ...Benefits of your product...]

(In no time at all you'll be creating charming Specialty Hair Bows quickly and easily, even if you have no prior experience. Yes, the instructions are that clear and easy...
...Your bows are NOT going to be boring, simple bows...you're going to create bows that DAZZLE and make your little girl smile. )


[But there's a catch... Make a damaging admission about a minor flaw. No product is perfect. This will make you sound more credible. End with another benefit.]


[Address possible objections... Here's why it will work for you and why you'll be able to use it ...]


[Here's what you're getting... DVD, e-book and bonuses if any]
(It's a high quality professional DVD shipped right to your doorstep, not some poor quality stuttering online video.)


[Here's how much is it going to cost you... And why the price is a bargain... Here's how much you're going to save or return on this investment it monetary, time and intangible values.]


[Here's why you're not taking any risks ordering from me... your iron clad Guarantee.]


[Here's what I need you to do right now... Call to action.]


[Summarize your offer, benefits and guarantees around the "Buy Button"... for people who'll skip to the bottom of the page to see the price.]

[P.S. Remind of the guarantee]

[P.P.S. I am a real person. Here's my real telephone number. Call me of you have any questions and I'll answer all your question]






Finally and most importantly...



You'll get more bang for your marketing buck by making a more lucrative offer rather than tweaking the copy. The copy is important, but it is the least important element.

Since it's a physical product you will significantly improve conversions by offering a long, no-hassle money back guarantee (60 to 90 days)

You'll improve your conversions even more if on top of that you'll offer a 30-day credit card charge delay. This then will become your best selling point and you should proudly advertise that right into your headline, like this:

"And if you wish you can order this amazing DVD today without sending any money."


Also, it would help if you could sweeten the deal with more premiums (quality bonuses). Especially if you can create a time-sensitive bonus (like a webinar with you, or some additional training videos, or some bow-making supplies, more designs etc) A bonus with built in scarcity adds credible urgency to your offer.


One last point. On hype.

These two sentences are pure hype:

"Congratulations - you have just found the Fastest, Easiest, Most Comprehensive Expert Bow Making course anywhere!" (Anywhere... Really? Prove it!)

"The fastest, easiest, most comprehensive Boutique Bow Making course anywhere, ever!" (Anywhere..ever ... Yeah, sure... Why is it the easiest? Why is it the fastest? Why is it the most comprehensive?)

If you're making such claims you must follow them immediately with the REASON WHY or PROOF. Either cut them, rephrase them, or find reasons or testimonials to back up your claims.

If you want more clarifications on any of the points, please don't hesitate to ask.


-Allen

You have to know your customer.

I'm not reading your letter right now - but I think you would do well
to address who the customer is right up front:

Is your customer a person looking to make money making hair bows?

Is your customer a hobbiest?

Personally, I would focus on the make money angle first. Write to
that market. Your headline would be something like:

"Revealed! Easy Money Making and Selling Hair Bows Online"

That's kind of a lame headline but the idea is there. In my opinion
there's considerably more advantage showing people how they can
profit from a craft skill than in telling them how much fun it is or how
much they can save by making their own.

The hair bow thing as a hobby product would be good for TV maybe...
infomercials. But for an online sales letter I would go after the
make-money angle, definitely.

You can tell customers they can sell their hair bows on Etsy.

Oh, all of you are GOOD. You're inspiring me to write a sales letter about something. But I don't have a product right now. Dang...