HELP ME, Please critique my sales letter.

I am beginning a new membership site. I am trying to write a good sales letter for it myself.

I love writing but I have never tried to write sales letter copy before. I really have No idea if I am doing this correctly. I really want to learn how to write copy.

After spending several hours reading threads here and elsewhere, I gave it a shot and wrote out a sales page.

This is my very first attempt. I would appreciate some feedback about my letter.

I am looking mainly for ways to improve it or things I did that are wrong. Of course the more you can give me the better.

I know that the only real way to test any sales letter is to publish it and drive traffic to it. I will be doing that soon. Just wanted some pointers before I launched it.

I want to say thank you to anybody who takes the time to read through this letter and offer any advice they have. It is a long letter and I know that everyone's time is valuable. I really to appreciate any time you are able to give me.

Thank you all so much.

Here it is. (It is pretty long, about 10 pages I think.)

Attention: Frustrated Stay at Home Parent:

“The easiest way to create an online business without a lot of
work, without wasting money on products that just don't work,
and without having to spend hours coming up with original content. In fact…

I’ll be sending you a new lesson and assignment every week to help you grow your fledgling business into a robust and successful money maker.

Date: (add date script)
From: The desk of Jonathan Pitts
Re: Your Own Internet Business

Dear Frustrated Stay at Home Parent

Are you sick and tired of constantly worrying about money?

If you are struggling to find a way to earn an extra paycheck (or the first one), this is just for you. Find out how you can stop spend all you time worry about money.

Imagine for a moment…

• You are sitting outside in the swing just enjoying gazing at your beautiful backyard garden.
  
  
• You are relaxing on a beach in Hawaii, sipping coconut milk (or maybe something stronger.J)
  
  
• You are spending a carefree afternoon playing with your kids in the park.

It’s not too much to ask for.

How can you have this worry free lifestyle? The answer is…


Starting an internet business is probably the BEST home based business model ever. Think about it…

· You can start your business with little or no out of pocket expenses.


· You have the potential to reach millions of customers.


· You are open for business 24 hours a day 365 days a year.
Sounds great. The best part is…

You can start you own business using your HOBBY. Yep, you heard me right. You can make money doing something that you love.

Now, I shouldn’t be telling you…


Perhaps, you too have been guilty of this, too. It doesn’t matter if you are struggling to start your first internet business or trying to make an existing business more profitable…

Web Businessaire will show you what to do. All given to you in simple, easy to follow steps that you can easily follow.


No one is talking about this. Other people selling products never mention that most people are destined to fail. Think about it, out of every 100 people who start an online business only 5 will ever make any money.

Can you be in the minority? Sure, if you know which mistakes to avoid.

Here are the five biggest reasons why many online businesses fail. Later you will discover how to practically guarantee your success.

1. Online businesses fail because of no planning. Not developing a business plan: writing down goals, budgets, target audience, etc is a big factor in causing online businesses to fail. While things change online with lightening speed planning is critical to success. Most failed businesses do not have a six month, one year, or five year plans written down.


2. Online businesses fail because of no training. This is another huge reason businesses fail online. The owners have no training. You have to keep up to date on what is working. Many people buy into a franchise and never receive the training to make it work. Without training the new business owner is just awash in the sea of the internet.


3. Online businesses fail because of trying to do it alone. This is probably the biggest reason why people fail online. You need a mentor or someone who is willing to help you. Someone who has done what you want to do. They will cut hours off your work time and save you a lot of pain and suffering. Without help from other people in the know, it is much tougher for a business to succeed.


4. Online businesses fail because they get no traffic. An online business can be the best ever created. It can look beautiful and offer the best solution to a problem. BUT if no one ever goes to it, it will never make money. So many businesses put in tons of effort to building their website, but don’t do enough to promote it.


5. Online businesses fail because they pick a product that is not in demand. Your product can be perfect. It can solve a problem easily and quickly. However, if no one has this problem, no one is going to look for the solution to it. Many businesses are started without researching the market to find out what problems people have. This is a quick path to failure.

Web Businessaire will show you how to avoid all of these problems?


This is the question you simply must demand an answer to.

I’ll explain the how part in a minute. First, please take a moment to answer this question. Which category are you in?

• I’m totally new. I have never tried to start an online business, but I am very interested in beginning one.

• I’ve already got several websites, but they are not making money like I was promised they would.

Truth is it doesn’t matter. You are about to discover exactly how to start and run an online business with minimal effort that will produce maximum profits.

One of the biggest secrets to making real money online is residual income. This is money your website keeps making even when you aren’t actively working on it. This frees up more time you can spend on expanding your business. We all know the bigger your business the more money you will earn.

The income you will receive after you correctly set up your own online business is money you make while only doing minimum maintenance work on your site.

The emphasis is on CORRECTLY SETTING UP.

You see…


I went ahead and said it. It’s the truth and I stand behind it. If it was so easy to do then everyone would have at least one online business and they would never fail.

You learn how not to fail with Web Businessaire.

Take a look at how you will avoid making these costly mistakes.

• You get a business planner. You get simple worksheets so you can plan your business. You will write down goals, plan your budget, pick a target audience, and much more. By the time you finish the worksheets, you will have a six month, one year, and five year plan written out.
  
  
• You get access to training. You get one full year of training delivered to your inbox weekly. Web Business doesn’t just tell you what to do. It shows you step by step exactly what to do to grow your business. You will never drift aimlessly around cyberspace again.
  
  
• You don’t have to try this alone. With weekly lessons it is like having a teacher looking over your shoulder. You will save hours of your precious time by following proven shortcuts. You also get email support to answer your questions and help you solve your problems.
  
  
• You will learn how to get unstoppable traffic. Your online success hinges on your ability to get traffic. Let’s face it, if no one sees your offer, no one will buy from you. Web Businessaire delivers over 12 methods proven to get traffic. You will also receive over 100 tips and tricks so you can maximize this traffic.
  
  
• You learn how to pick hot and in demand products. You’ll learn how to ensure your products are in demand before you spend time creating them. You will learn how to research your market to find out wha people are willing to spend money on. This is one of the keys to successful. Find out what people want to buy and give it to them.

I know that you are dying to learn what this system is. And I am going to tell you. It is a revolutionary system. This system takes you by the hand and leads you step by step through the entire and often frustrating process of creating your own internet business. I’ll tell you more in a minute.

First, let me tell you a little about myself.

I was in the same boat as you. I had lost my full time job and was supporting my family on just a part time salary. I found out I was about to have my 3rd child. There was no way I could support 3 kids with just a part time gig.

Something had to change and change quickly.

I had heard about making money online. It sounded too good to be true. I could earn enough money to support my family, spend a lot of quality time with my wife and kids, and work anytime and anywhere I chose.

The more I thought about it the more excited I became. I must admit that I tried many different ways to make money but most of them never worked the way they were supposed to.

After more failures than I care to admit and much trial and error I discovered the best way to earn a reliable income from an online business.

I want to share the secret with you.

Start your own business using your HOBBY. You can make money doing something you love.

This program is the closest you can get to having a teacher in the room with you. It really is like having your own “guru” telling you everything to do. Only, lucky for you, I’m not a “guru,” so this program is much more affordable. J

I am dying to tell you more. However, please understand that this system is not for everyone.


I realize your time is valuable. Please take just a moment to answer these questions to find out if this program is right for you.

• Do you have a strong determination to succeed no matter what?
• Are you willing to work at least 2 hours a day?
• Can you follow simple step by step instructions?

If you answered yes to these 3 questions, congratulations…


As a member of Web Businessaire, you receive lessons every week for a year.

Each lesson will be 2 – 5 pages. There is no fluff and no filler, just the info you need at your fingertips.

You will also get access to videos so you can see what to do. Watch over my shoulder as I do everything myself.

Here is a preview of the first ten lessons just for you.

1. Brainstorming To Find Your Perfect Idea.
2. Write Your First Ebook.
3. How to Automate Your Business.
4. Building Trust with Your Customers.
5. Get Their Email Address.
6. Create a Thank You and Download Page.
7. How to Create a List.
8. Editing Your Opt-in Page.
9. Pick Your Domain Name and Hosting.
10. Congratulations You are Live.

Web Businessaire will take you by the hand and explain every step to you, no matter how small.

You will start off quickly and create your first site in 24 hours or less. Then each week you get a new lesson teaching you a new skill.

You’ll learn how to create your products, what products to create, how to get customers, how to explode your profits, and how to expand your business.

After 52 weeks you will have an online business, not just a website. You will have learned all the skills needed to become very successful online.

That is something most make money online programs can’t promise you.



When you try to make money online, you are surrounded by many different systems. (I fell for more than I care to admit.)

Most of these programs just plain don’t work. Here are the three biggest reasons why.

• Some of them are out right scams. The owners of these programs don’t care about you or whether you make money or not. They just want you to send them some money and then forget all about you.

• Some programs will work, if and it is a big IF, you understand how they were supposed to work. These are those businesses in a box programs. You get everything you need to start a business, but no instructions on what to do and when to do it.

• Some programs come with instructions but they are hard to understand if you don’t already understand how internet businesses operate.

Web Businessaire is a totally different kind of system. You get a system that is guaranteed to work.

You get a system that teaches you how and why you do things. When you finish you will understand what you have to do to be successful.

I am so confident that you love this program that I’m offering a hassle free money back guarantee. Try it out for 60 days. If you are not satisfied for any reason, you get your money back. No questions asked. Your satisfaction is 100% guaranteed.

This is not a business in a box program. You will not receive a business. You will receive the absolute best training on the internet to build your own business. It is a business built around your hobby with products you create.

It will be totally unique to you. No one else will ever have it, unless you sell it to them. (I’ll even be showing you how to do that for a HUGE payday.)

Web Businessaire is written for beginners. At any point if you are not sure what to do, the answer is only an email away.


Here is what you get with this system.

• Get paid to do something you are going to do anyway.
  
  
• Lessons jam packed with tips and tricks to rocket your business to the top. To filler or fluff just simple facts presented in a clear and easy to understand manner.

• Simple worksheets to help you complete assignments and ensure you make continual progress.

• Your website will be up and running in under 24 hours.

• Each lesson builds on the previous lesson so you learn the entire process of making money online.

• Weekly assignments to make sure you stay on course and are not distracted

• You learn the basics of internet business like building a list and email marketing

• You find out how to get unstoppable and massive FREE traffic.

• You discover how to determine what people really want and are willing to pay money for.

• You will learn how to create your own ebook. Do it faster than you will ever believe possible using my simple ebook creation system.

• Learn how to double or triple your profits without spending more money or time.

• Learn how to create repeat customers that can’t give you enough money.

• Short assignments free up time to spend with your family. No more slaving away for 8 hours or more at your computer.

• You get someone looking over your shoulder each step of the way. No more guessing at what to do.

• Create in demand products that will literally sell themselves.

Unfortunately, I must limit memberships to this revolutionary program.

This program offers you email support and individual support. For those reasons it cannot be opened to everyone. There has to be a limit on memberships.

There will only be 1000 spots available on a first come first serve basis. These spots will not be available long. I expect them to sell out quickly. Especially at the special introductory price I’m offering.

You will get access to all 52+ lessons, the videos, the bonuses, the worksheets, the business blueprint, and many more unadvertised bonuses.

As a charter member, you get access to all of this for only


Once those charter memberships are full, they are gone. This program will never be sold at this low price again.

If memberships open up again, and there is no guarantee they will, they will be at least at least double this introductory price.

To have access to the best information on starting and growing your business act now.

Once you have missed this opportunity it will be gone forever. It will never be repeated.

When you come back next week this spots will likely be gone. What are you waiting for? Order now.



PS This really is a no brainer. For $17 dollars a month, you get a year’s worth of lessons that teach you how to be successful online.

PPS I am only offer 1000 charter memberships. Once they are sold out, they are gone. When students graduate and new spots open up they will be at least twice the current price.

PPPS I am so confident that I can teach you how to be successful that I am offering a 100% no hassle guarantee. If you aren’t happy for any reason, I’ll refund your purchase price. No questions asked.