Pick The BEST Headline - Or Give Me A Good One And WIN!

by Dennis Cheesman

Posted: 15 years ago 27 replies

COPY WRITING

Hello Warriors,

I have had a time with my headlines

I have had several people tell me their just not good enough

So I was hopeing to get ome help and opinions..

I have a couple of examples..

If they are not good enough I will give whoever can write me a winning headline and subheadline a free lifetime membership in the site mentioned..

Here is what I have right now:

Headline #1

"Discover An Amazing Breakthrough
Way To Force Google, Yahoo, MSN &
Other Search Engines To Rank ALL Your
Sites On Page "ONE" - Fast, Easy &
Totally Risk-Free - Guaranteed!!"

Headline#2:

"Discover An Amazing Breakthrough Way To
Force The Search Engines To Rank Your Sites
On Page ONE - Fast, Easy & Totally Risk-Free - Guaranteed!!"

Headline#3

"Discover The Fast, Easy & Totally
Risk-Free Way To Transform Your
"Deserted Island" Of A Website Into
A High-Ranking Online Money Magnet!"

I appreciate ALL your help!!

Dennis

#headline #pick

janet444

15 years ago

Do you have any proof? The reason I ask is that the claim just seems too good to be true. It seems like the same stuff everyone is promising. Yet it's hard to believe you can actually come through on this claim.

What if you had some kind of proof? Something more like this (just brainstorming, not an actual headline idea):

Discover how I got all 14 of my websites on page 1 of Google, Yahoo, MSN, and five other search engines within two weeks. My technique is fast and easy and I'm making it available to you - completely risk free!

Again, it's not the actual headline, but the idea is to use proof and specificity so that it doesn't set off the bs meter.

Hope this is helpful.

Janet

Thanks
2 replies

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Karen Blundell 15 years ago

If I may make a suggestion: I think you may need to make the headline a little shorter...

What's your most important keywords? You need to use those keywords in your titles.

here's a heading that's a little shorter:

Discover A Secret Method To Getting A Top 10 Listing In The Major Search Engines In As Little As 2 Weeks - Guaranteed!
- Thanks
Signature
---------------
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Money on the Side

15 years ago

Originally Posted by janet444

What if you had some kind of proof? Something more like this (just brainstorming, not an actual headline idea):

Discover how I got all 14 of my websites on page 1 of Google, Yahoo, MSN, and five other search engines within two weeks. My technique is fast and easy and I'm making it available to you - completely risk free!

I agree...the specificity is good. You could easily take hers and make a headline:

Discover how I got all 14 of my websites on page 1 of Google, Yahoo, MSN, and five other search engines within two weeks

Then a subhead:

My technique is fast and easy and I'm making it available to you - completely risk free!

And right under that, put in your biggest and best testimonial to give proof right up front and the rest will be easy.

Thanks

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lenlatimer 15 years ago

Hi:
I agree with Janet on the proof. The word "way" is weak and "force" suggest something illegal. Off the top of my head this reads a little better:

"Discover the Amazing Breakthrough Secret of
Seducing Search Engines Into Ranking Your Sites
On Page ONE - Fast, Easy & Totally Risk-Free - Guaranteed!!"

I sure others can improve it more.
- Thanks
- 1 reply
Signature

Len Latimer
Copy-In-A-Box, an amazing Word Add-in Tool that adds Dazzle & Personality to your copy. My WSO
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- Dennis Cheesman 15 years ago
  
  I have been brainstorming and I really like what I have come up with but would like your thoughts on it..
  
  Sick of Being Stuck On Page 10 In Google? Stop Settling For The Trickle Of Traffic Your Getting Now And...
  
  "Annihilate Your Competition With This Amazing
  Breakthrough System That Will Skyrocket Your Website
  To A Top 10 Ranking - in Record Time - Guaranteed!!"
  
  Powerful System That "Average Joes and Janes" Are Using To - Quickly
  and Easily Blow up Their Servers With Targeted Traffic, While Increasing Their Sales - With Little Or No Extra Work...
  
  ... At Traffic Institution, We Won't Just Tell You or Show You How
  It's Done - We'll Automate the Whole Process for You - for FREE!
  
  Let me know what you think
  
  Dennis
  
  Thanks
  
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davetdgs 15 years ago

Try the main headline in red, leave size as is, and shorten it. The mini headline on top could be a bit shorter too.

"Stuck On Google's Last Page? Your Solution..."

"To Annihilate Your Competition - This Amazing Breakthrough System Will Skyrocket Your Website To The Top 10 In Record Time!"

Hope this is of some use. Good Luck!
Dave T
- Thanks
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davetdgs 15 years ago

Try the main headline in red, leave size as is, and shorten it. The mini headline on top could be a bit shorter too.

"Stuck On Google's Last Page? Your Solution..."

"To Annihilate Your Competition - This Amazing Breakthrough System Will Skyrocket Your Website To The Top 10 In Record Time!"

Hope this is of some use. Good Luck!
Dave T
- Thanks
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Dennis Cheesman 15 years ago

Ok, I put up two headlines on the site..

Which one pulls the best?

Headline #1
Headline #1!

Headline #2
Headline #2!

Dennis
- Thanks
- 1 reply
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- Irmscher 15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Dennis Cheesman
  
  Ok, I put up two headlines on the site..
  
  Which one pulls the best?
  
  Dennis
  
  As for me Headline #1 was far way more eye-catchy but if I were you I'd make it in dark red colours.
  
  Also I love to put my age in the headlines cause I am pretty young and everyone thinks that this guy is smart enough with his achievements .
  
  Something like : Discover How 23-years old Internet/affiliate Marketer "tames" all Major Search Engines to Rank his websites to be in the most top listings !
  
  hehe not perfect ofcaurse but you can work it out
  cheers
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  
  XEUQ.com for sale, $105 current price
  
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rapidshare 15 years ago

What if you replace "Guaranteed"? Like this:

I challenge you

or

I'll teach you

or something else

to Force Google, Yahoo, MSN &
Other Search Engines To Rank ALL Your
Sites On Page "ONE"
or I will give you $XX right from my pocket.

With XX being the price of your offer.

How's that say?

Hope it helps.
- Thanks
- 1 reply
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- janet444 15 years ago
  
  I just want to add that my headline suggestion was to point out the importance of specificity. But you need to use your own actual specifics. How many websites did you get to page one on these search engines? How long did it take?
  
  Also keep in mind that I pulled that headline off the top of my head to make a point. I'm sure you could come up with a much better one based on your deeper knowledge of the benefits of your product.
  
  Janet
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  DavidJohnson 15 years ago
  
  Tired of Being Shunned by the Search Engines...
  
  Finally, a Fool Proof way to Receive First Page Blessings from the Search Engine Gods, Guaranteed
  
  Learn the Powerful System that will Put you on the First Page for Good!
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  janet444 15 years ago
  
  Never mind my last post, Dennis. I see that you were using it as a sort of placeholder.
  
  Janet
  
  Thanks
  
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George Montagu Brown 15 years ago

Sick of Being Stuck On Page 10 In Google? Stop Settling For The Trickle Of Traffic Your Getting Now And...

"Annihilate Your Competition With This Amazing
Breakthrough System That Will Skyrocket Your Website
To A Top 10 Ranking - in Record Time - Guaranteed!!"

A fantastic headline Dennis if I might say, I'd go with that one, it really captures your attention.
- Thanks
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MaskedMarketer 15 years ago

Your first headline is not that bad, besides the believablity part.

You can over come that by showing proof. Can you show some video proof? At the bottom of the headline or subheadline- I would suggest you say "See Proof Below" or something similiar so peope will believe your statement.
- Thanks
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Scott_Thomas 15 years ago

The revised heading you came up with is much better than the original 3.
- Thanks
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ecoverartist 15 years ago

Hey Dennis,

Those don't sound like headlines I've ever written for you... so just in case, here is a suggestion to make it more believable:

Let Me Show You an Easy, Proven Way to Get Your Site Listed on
Page 1 of Google, Yahoo and MSN - GUARANTEED!

No Black Hat, No Covert Junk - Just Real Search Engine Results!
Try it Now - Risk Free!
- [ 1 ] Thanks
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Sherice Jacob - Conversion Expert & Copywriter
BIG BRAND Copywriting WSO! 6+ Years Running!
101 Blog Writing Prompts for Your Business
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J.Knight 15 years ago

Can anyone say, 'hype'?

I've never known any server to be 'slammed' by organic traffic.

Anyway, I thought I'd throw in my two cents...

Is Your Site Lost in the Search Engines? Finally, a system just for you which cuts through the crap, and gives REAL results...

Discover How I Soared to the First Page In Google
Using Secrets the Guru's Won't Tell You!

As You Unearth These Underground Techniques, You'll Easily Begin to
Drive Thousands of Targeted Visitors to YOUR Site
Using My Fool-Proof System -- GUARANTEED!

I think 'first page' works better than 'page 1'
- Thanks
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David Maschke 15 years ago

I'd go with ECOVERARTISTS's headline. It's direct, simple and to the point, and it'll get the attention of anyone interested in website traffic.

And it doesn't use the most over used word in internet marketing,"Discover."

Dave
- Thanks
Signature

I
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J.Knight 15 years ago

Hey David M,

You would need to split test it, but there are reasons why certain phrases are over used... they simply work.

You have a point, but it's like the "Who Else Wants..." headlines that have been used so much over the years in DM and IM. Even though we may get tired of them, some things just keep working when it comes to testing.

JK
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kusumo 15 years ago

My vote goes to ecoverartist also. Pretty simple and to the point. It's also attention getting.
- Thanks
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Dennis Cheesman 15 years ago

Ok I added Sherice's headline what do you think? Which would you choose?

New Headline!

Old Headline!

Also, how do you think the green looks?

Dennis
- Thanks
- 1 reply
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- mjbmedia 15 years ago
  
  Lets just change the angle a bit here.
  what are the benefits of getting onto the top pages of those Se's?
  
  isnt that better to focus on than the facts?
  
  so:-
  
  To save money, time and a whole load of hassle you just have to read this
  
  While others are paying hundreds/thousands of dollars on pay per click costs, this (put in your age and some history ) 27 yr old texan ex shop assistant is driving quality targetted traffic to his site for zero costs and only 3 (optional) hours easy work a week.
  
  Would you love to able to do the same...............
  
  ''Put a picture there with you taking it easy but looking like youve made it big and tell your story.''
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  
  Mike
  
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Rob Canyon 15 years ago

Dennis,

Great sales letter, but your signature twice is a little too much..

I'd pull it out of the headline area... I'd also consider just signing the
letter at the bottom with your first name as if you're writing to a friend...

And finally because you have so many Google snapshots (awesome proof)
this headline may pull better...

Want TRAFFIC...

"Websites That RANK #1 on the First
Page of Google Get 'Tons of Traffic'... So
Says Everyone... See My Results Below
Then Learn My Secrets... in Minutes..."

Reason for this kind of headline is twofold... not everyone knows the
value of a first page listing on Google, it gives them an idea that you
know what you're talking about and then encourages them to look for
your results by using their scroll bar...

They should be pleasantly surprised by seeing that Google snapshots are
your proof...

oooops I guess that's threefold...

Cheers,

Rob
- Thanks
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tailrunner 15 years ago

Cut the fluff - short and simple

TOP 10 RANKING IN ALL MAJOR SEARCH ENGINES - 2 WEEKS - GUARANTEED

It's short, powerful, and projects confidence.

If nothing else - you'll get clicks just from curiosity, Then sell 'em.
- Thanks
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SabrinaH 15 years ago

How about this:

Ever Wonder How To Get Mega Traffic While Steering Clear of SEO
Tactics That Will Land You In Google's Doghouse In A Heartbeat?
Don't Use Brute Force! Instead...

Learn My Step-By-Step Formula For Seducing Google
Into Handing You The 1st Page Rankings You Want -
On A Silver Platter!

Sabrina
- Thanks
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Sig on holiday
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jisern 15 years ago

Your headlines all score fairly well in Glyphius... but I'll throw my hat in the ring with:

Page One Google Ranking Guaranteed... Or Money Back
- Thanks
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Pick The BEST Headline - Or Give Me A Good One And WIN!

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