Please Help me with my headline dilema

by 5 replies
6

Any ideas would be very welcomed.

Thanks for your time

JPB
#copywriting #dilema #headline
  • Are you sick and tired of struggling every day in a job you hate? Would you love to be making thousands of dollars every month doing something you love?

    If you answered yes then you HAVE to read this letter right now...
  • You need to address a specific problem your target market is having and offer a solution within specific time frame.

    You mention a "a hobbly you love" why ? At first glance Im confused. 1 minute you talk about a hobby the next your talking about a business. Now I know what your trying to get at but it does not work at all. Get rid of the hobby idea and talk about it later if you need to. I will take a further look and try to come up with something for you.
  • Discover the SECRETS to sacking your boss and starting a 6 figure business within 24 hours GUARANTEED !

    How to ditch your dead end job and start your own $10,000 a month business within 7 days.

    How would like an extra $10,000 a month starting tomorrow ?

    Discover how a former [job title] escaped the rat race and earned $10,543 last month working only 4 hours a day from home and how you can join him !

    I just came up with those headlines quickly to give you start. They are by no means perfect and will need a bit of fleshing out but it should give you something to work with and obviously the numbers will need re-working to reflect the truth.
    • [1] reply
    • Six figures in just minutes a day? Within 7 days! Yay!!!

      I want that program now!!! (provided it delivers...)

      Seriously, it seems a bit hypey to me...

      And I agree with Dave that the hobby gets in the way.

      The only way you can incorporate the hobby and make it work is by making it the focal point:

      Turn your hobby into a business! Give me a week (month?) and I'll show you step by step how you can get paid thousands doing something you love.

      OR:

      Hate your job? Why not turn your hobby into a business! Give me a week (month?) and I'll show you step by step how you can get paid thousands doing something you love.

      Note that the (month?) would be an alternate for "week", so either use week or month, but not both.

      As an alternative, you can use their reading the sales letter as the time frame wher eyou tell them how they can make money with their hobby, so it's just minutes...

      But that could be seen as misleading since this is apparently a fixed term membership program, so it will take them a few months until they actually get their business off the ground... unless I"m missing something.

      Good luck!

      Elisabeth
      • [1] reply
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