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Desperately Need Some Headline Help!

by George Montagu Brown
5 replies
Hey guys,
Basically I'm soon to be releasing a dating e-book for men but am starting to have my doubts about the headline.

Here's the benefits of the book:
Easy to understand, easy to to, step by step strategies to meeting women.
It's a foolproof no nonsense approach to picking up and seducing women.
The promise of having sex with hot women is also another benefit.

Here's what I've been using so far but am having my doubts as to wether its too crude and the product wont be taken seriously:

"Discover Exactly How to Pick Up Any Woman You Want & Have Her Bent Over In Your Bed, Feeling Your Rod the Very Same Night - Guaranteed!"
it then says in small writing 'If this is what you want then..'
and is followed by a second headline:
""Here's a Breakthrough System That Shows You How To Instantly Attract & Seduce Any Woman, Even If You've Got No Game Whatsoever"

Now I like the second headline, its the first one I've got a problem with.

So please guys, I know there's some fantastic copywriters on this forum and I need your help!
#desperately #headline
  • Profile picture of the author George Montagu Brown
    just a thought..
    How about "Discover Exactly How to Pick Up & Seduce ANY Woman You Want With Foolproof Strategies That Deliver REAL Results Everytime - Guaranteed"
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  • Profile picture of the author IM Starter
    George, if you are selling something that is highly emotive (like the ability to pick up women, or perhaps in this case, the ability to avoid rejection AND pick up women) I would go for an emotive headline.

    The "Discover..." just doesn't do it for me in this example.

    You could try something like...

    "Can You Imagine Walking Into Any Bar With The Sure-Fire Knowledge You Can Seduce The Girl Of Your Choice And Having Her Leave With You In 30 Minutes Or Less?"

    Does that help any?

    Cheers

    Johnny
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  • Profile picture of the author Eric Engel
    Here's a good guide to writing great headlines:

    If it's not true, don't write it.

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    • Profile picture of the author George Montagu Brown
      Originally Posted by Eric Engel View Post

      Here's a good guide to writing great headlines:

      If it's not true, don't write it.
      Says the guy with the signature that says 'Outsell everyone in the weight loss industry'.
      Every marketer, nay every salesman, will exagerate a headline to show the best possible outcome.
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      • Profile picture of the author Eric Engel
        Originally Posted by George Montagu Brown View Post

        Says the guy with the signature that says 'Outsell everyone in the weight loss industry'.
        Every marketer, nay every salesman, will exagerate a headline to show the best possible outcome.
        GULP


        Crow Eaten. Sig changed.
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