Can You Please Help Me Fix This Headline?

by msafi

Posted: 15 years ago 18 replies

COPY WRITING

"Discover How By This Time Tomorrow, 100s of Recruiters and Employers Will Have Read Your CV!"

English is not my first language, but I'm trying my best.

The headline above seems to have a problem that I can't put my finger on. Do I have to include the action that's required by the buyer? Like "Discover How, if you use this service, by this time tomorrow, 100s of Recruiters and Employers Will Have Read Your CV!"

Can you help me fix it please?

Thanks,

#fix #headline

trakshun 15 years ago

Sure can, check pm~
- Thanks
{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[229277].message }}
trakshun 15 years ago

Sent you some different variations of the title, along with a few notes. Always remember when writing the main title, it must be an attention grabber.
- [ 1 ] Thanks
{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[229365].message }}
msafi 15 years ago

How about this?

"By This Time Tomorrow, Your CV Could Be Read by 100s of Recruiters and Employers!"
- Thanks
{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[229524].message }}
agoodsaid 15 years ago

Anyone Reading Your CV's? Hundreds Could Be by This Time Tomorrow!

hth,
Andrea
- [ 1 ] Thanks
{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[229766].message }}
msafi 15 years ago

Nice one Andrea, thanks. Why the apostrophe?
- Thanks
{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[229774].message }}
Steve Faber 15 years ago

Here are a few off the top of my head (right where the point is)

Do You Want to Have Your CV Read by Hundreds of Recruiters and Employers in Less Than a Day? or Not?

Revealed! How Hundreds of Recruiters and Employers Can Be Pounding Your Down Your Door By This Time Tomorrow

Special Service Sends An Army of Recruiters and Employers Swarming All Over Your CV Like Bees to Honey

When You Have This Many Opportunities, It's Up to You Which of the Hundreds of Recruiters and Employers You'll Be Talking To By This Time Tomorrow

Got a Great, New CV? Who Cares if No One Sees It. Make Sure You Never Have That Problem Again. In Fact, You'll Probably Be Sick of Answering Your Phone.

Great CV? Make Sure You're Not the Only One Who Sees It.
- [ 1 ] Thanks
Signature

For Killer Marketing Tips that Will Grow Your Business Follow Me on Twitter Now
After all, you're probably following a few hundred people already that aren't doing squat for you.....
{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[230440].message }}
Norma Holt 15 years ago

I would shorten it and make it more dramatic. To give it more impact something like:

Within 24 Hours Your CV Read by Hundreds.

I don't think you need all the other bits.

Godbless
- [ 1 ] Thanks
Signature
Roman Emperor Constantine <> Who wrote the New Testament <> Crimes Against Humanity <>
My reincarnation and spirituality <> The Big Picture <> Save Planet Earth <>
Murder by Plastic <> The Great Roman Conspiracy <>
Twitter with me
{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[230458].message }}
Rob Canyon 15 years ago

How about this...

Imagine... Hundreds of Employers, Banging
at Your Door... Almost Overnight!!

or

How to Create a Feeding Frenzy of Worldwide
Employers Wanting to Hire You... FAST!!

Cheers,

Rob

PM me if you want any other ideas...
- [ 1 ] Thanks
Signature

Contact Me Here
http://incrediblesupportdesk.com
{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[232656].message }}
Cherilyn Woodhouse 15 years ago

How about this (off the top of my head...)

How Would You Like to Discover the Fastest, Easiest, Simplest Way To Get Your CV Read By Hundreds
of Recruiters, Employers &
Hiring Managers...

All Within 24 Hours?

Maybe that helps?

Happy Sales!

- Cherilyn
- [ 1 ] Thanks
Signature

Take your product from idea to profit in less than 90 days! Work with me to develop and implement a step-by-step plan for success!
Coaching & Consulting @ BCWebMedia.com
{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[234758].message }}
Cash Blasters Online 15 years ago

Here's my nickles worth for a headline........but remember a headline still needs high google ranking.....so research keywords first, and aim it right a your target readers
I know this is shorter than your headline, but I believe that readers tend to look more at ads with shorter headline's, that shocks and catches a future customers attention fast.
If I could had made it a few words shorter than this,then I would had....just a hint how I'd do it.
But this is my selling Technique and it works for me,but hey..... other's here on the warrior forum also have many years of selling experiance ,and they may have some real great idea's that are far better than mine......anyways my idea is in the bold red below.....

Also when I sell online I do it in e-book or CD formats, so this might work for me and yet not for you, just depends on who your doing business with....I hope this helps you. Just my thoughts.
BUt I notice others here have great idea's also...good luck !!

SHOCKING 24 Hour Truth Reveals 1000's of Employers Reading Your CV Online !!
- [ 1 ] Thanks
Signature
Rock,Blues Guitarist GW Williams - Free Internet Guitar information on new guitars,top brand strings,Guitar Lessons,tab,chords,lead guitar,hot licks,lead scales,guitar tips,and techniques all Free

Online Christian Blog Living For God Online
{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[235414].message }}
- AnarchyAds Banned 15 years ago
  
  [DELETED]
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[240386].message }}
  
  DavidJohnson 15 years ago
  
  Stop worrying whether or not your CV gets read...
  
  "Finally, A Guaranteed Way to Get your CV Read by 100's of Recruiters and Hiring Managers, but Much more Importantly your Future Employer"
  
  All of this in just 24 hours or less!
  
  [ 1 ] Thanks
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[240600].message }}
SabrinaH 15 years ago

In case another idea will come in handy...

Get The Position You Want:
Groundbreaking Report Shows You
Exactly How To Get Your CV Read By 100s
Of Prospective Employers And Recruiters
By This Time Tomorrow
- Thanks
Signature

Sig on holiday
{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[245906].message }}
Li Weng 15 years ago

"Getting The Job You Want Is A Breeze...
Unlock This Simple Secret And 100s Of Employers Will Read Your CV"
- Thanks
Signature

- Insert backlink here -
{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[246735].message }}
TomLeDree 15 years ago

Here is classic just for the laughs:

"They Laughed When I Sent Out My CV But When I Got The Job!"

BTW - One thing I did notice is that your benefit is "Employers Will Have Read Your CV" - Do people really want their CV read? or do they really want a job?

Just my 2 cents
- Thanks
{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[248301].message }}
msafi 15 years ago

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for all your help.

I ended up testing a few ones from what have been suggested here but settled with Cherilyn Lester's. I altered it to this:

Discover the Easiest and Simplest Way To Get Your CV Read By Hundreds
of Recruiters, Hiring Managers...

All Within 24 Hours!

And I have a conversion rate of 4% so far. Very good considering that my previous conversion rate was 0%, LOL
- Thanks
{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[296439].message }}
Topgunb 15 years ago

Discover the secret to getting your cv read by recruiters within 24 hours!

Give it a shot and see what develops

Brian
- Thanks
- 1 reply
Signature
swdcomputers@gmail.com For the best real deal in town!
{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[302235].message }}
- HallOfWords 15 years ago
  
  How about
  How To Get Your CV Read By Hundreds In 24 Hours, Guaranteed!
  
  Thanks
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[302858].message }}

Can You Please Help Me Fix This Headline?

Trending Topics

Google Ads, landing pages, and Clickbank links

Carry out better target audience research

YouTube gets shopping display tools and affiliate partnership updates

Membership area with multiple income streams

A Very Strange Internet Problem