15 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}
15 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}

Weak Landing page - Looking for some Reviews

by staffjam
13 replies
I was hoping a few of the members here would be kind enough to take a quick look at my site and the landing page and critique what i have done with the landing page.

I have just launched a membership site for geopolitical news and intelligence (i know it sounds a little dull)

The site has been live for 10 days and there are now 60 subscribers, but i think the landing page is pretty poor. The copy you see on there is what i have picked up from a book i read a while back and by looking at other member sites out there.

This is the main landing page I have:

http://www.globalintelligencereport....sional-Level-1

Also the homepage really doesn't sell much. It lists all 3 of our services and i think we should just focus on the main and cheapest one (which is the only one people are signing up for) - then we upsell to subscribers. Here is a link to the homepage:
http://www.globalintelligencereport.com/

We will be adding video shortly and a 7 day free trial.

The problem is that this audience is pretty sophisticated - we can't promise sensational things like 10,000% gains - we are basically a very sophisticated news service - similar to Stratfor, but without the US bias and dodgy analysis.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated as I really want to get this site rolling.
#landing #page #reviews #weak
  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    You've couched your features in terms of benefits -
    but they're boring and lack emotional drivers.

    The trick is to turn your offer into an emotion-driven
    proposition. As it is, it seems pretty dry to me.

    One way of doing it is following the benefit to the
    end benefit. The benefit you have on top:

    "• Stay on top of important global issues "

    Doesn't tell me what that really does for me. Why
    would I want to use your source to do that? What
    makes it better? What is the real payoff for me
    if I "Stay on top of important global issues"?

    Will it make me rich?
    smart?
    will it convey status?
    will in give me more time with my family?
    will it further my career?

    ...and so forth.

    I'll warn you though, that just saying something like:

    "Now you'll have the news at your fingertips and have
    more family time" is unlikely to be persuasive either - there's
    an art to presenting a very function-driven product like
    yours and using the underlying emotions that drive all
    our actions to sell it, without appearing to veer from the
    topic or blatantly selling.

    After the research is done and the offer is defined, that
    elusive art is what copywriting is all about.
    Signature
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2676222].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Hi,

      Can you clarify who your target audience is please.

      Is it individual investors...

      ...or

      fund managers.

      I do have a strategy for individual investors and the one for fund
      managers will take some time.

      All the best,
      Ewen
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2676477].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
        staffjam, the page needs an overhaul.

        It's rare I say this, but you really need a full-time copywriter to dial it in. Implementing a few tweaks here and there just isn't going to cut it on this one.

        I see the opportunity your service provides, but as you say it's communicated weakly.

        Assuming you've got the goods in terms of the service and content, you have an incredible opportunity.

        - Rick Duris

        PS: I will give you one tweak. Drop the Tyler Durden testimonial. Tyler Durden is a pen name and the fact that he's "faking" his name rubs off negatively on you and your offer. I instantly smelled "BS."

        If you don't know what I'm talking about, go watch "Fight Club."

        PPS: One more idea: Consider what you are doing as unique. Like NO ONE has access to the information or analysis you have. That would be the basis of the piece.
        Signature
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2677557].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author colmodwyer
    It lists all 3 of our services and i think we should just focus on the main and cheapest one (which is the only one people are signing up for)
    That's probably a good idea to start with.

    Design could maybe do with an overhaul too. It takes me a little while to get my bearings.

    I will give you one tweak. Drop the Tyler Durden testimonial. Tyler Durden is a pen name and the fact that he's "faking" his name rubs off negatively on you and your offer. I instantly smelled "BS."
    That's unlikely to be an issue as Zerohedge.com and "Tyler" should be well-known to this market. I think it adds plenty of credibility.

    Colm
    Signature
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2677814].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
      Originally Posted by colmodwyer View Post

      That's probably a good idea to start with.

      Design could maybe do with an overhaul too. It takes me a little while to get my bearings.



      That's unlikely to be an issue as Zerohedge.com and "Tyler" should be well-known to this market. I think it adds plenty of credibility.

      Colm
      Wow, that's amazing to me. Because there's also a Tyler Durden in the dating/pickup artist niche.

      I didn't know and stand corrected if the person (or a different with the same pen name) has that kind credibility/influence in this market.

      - Rick Duris
      Signature
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2677934].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author staffjam
    Thanks for all of the feedback guys – this is exactly what I needed to have.
    I agree with all of your points – the damn thing needs a complete overhaul.

    Does anyone know of a designer that specialises in this type of thing – as I think we need to make some changes FAST.
    I’ve actually got a call lined up with a copywriter tomorrow who is pretty well known in the business – but he focuses more on sales letters and not landing pages.

    Can anyone recommend a superb landing page writer?? As I mentioned above this is a sophisticated private intelligence news service – so we can’t be making extravagant claims. Even though our material is superb.

    Loren Woirhaye – You make some great points and thanks for taking the time to do so – but do you think this approach would work with the audience I’m trying to connect to?
    The audience are: News Consumers, executives, investors (small & large) politicians, journalists – basically anyone who wants to get good news and intelligence that isn’t biased and normally before the papers pick up on it.

    Ewenmack – I’m interested – can you tell me more.

    RidkDuris – Thanks for your comments – I’ve tried really selling this – but my experience is limited as to copy.
    Tyler Durden is the pen name of the editor of Zerohedge.com – one of the fastest growing financial blogs – these guys have the inside on the going ons in Wall Street – great info. It’s his pen name – but no-one would recognize his real name.

    Colmodwyer – Thanks for the suggestions – do you know any designers.
    Signature

    “Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig.” Robert Heinlein

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2678254].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
      Originally Posted by staffjam View Post

      Loren Woirhaye – You make some great points and thanks for taking the time to do so – but do you think this approach would work with the audience I’m trying to connect to?
      The audience are: News Consumers, executives, investors (small & large) politicians, journalists – basically anyone who wants to get good news and intelligence that isn’t biased and normally before the papers pick up on it.
      Even if it's not blatant or even obvious in the way the copy is
      written, the emotional criteria of the buyer must be met. It
      goes very deep sometimes when on the surface it appears
      as if the buy is a very logical business investment, but underneath
      there are always hot buttons to be pushed.

      The famous wall street journal letter promoted a financial
      paper. Dry topic right? well, the letter is not dry at all and
      sold something like 2 billion in subscriptions. So there's
      your king example for using emotion to sell a left brain
      type of product.

      There's a lot to it. The question is not whether you can sell
      this service, since you're already having some sales, but
      how giant you want to grow your business and your personal
      wealth by selling your service to more people, at higher prices,
      and keeping them as customers for longer. The right emotion-
      driven copy can do that for you.
      Signature
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2678412].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author Cataclysm1987
        The copy looks rather average to me. I can't say to the effectiveness of the market.

        Are there other people in this market selling similar services on your target keywords and audiences, or are you the first and only one?

        It might just be a weak market that won't respond no matter how good the copy is.

        One time, the CEO of McDonald's asked a couple of Ivy League graduates what the best advantage they could have is when selling hot dogs at a hot dog stand.

        The answers were varied.

        Some said the best hot dogs. Others said competitive prices. Some said hard working employees. Others said the best branding and marketing.

        But they were all wrong. Ray Kroc only wanted one thing to succeed.

        A hungry crowd.

        That's always your number one advantage.

        Sorry to be so long winded. But is your crowd hungry?

        Other than that, just target people emotionally. The sale is never about your service, it's about the person buying it.

        So it's about some guy who LOVES weird news and is like. OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS CRAP! And wants to write about how it changed his life.

        Kinda like on IM sales pages it's always about giving your boss the finger and peeing on his desk.

        That's really all I can say.
        Signature

        No signature here today!

        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2678493].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author goosexxx
    and shouldn't the subscribe box, button, whatever... be above the fold?
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2678273].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author staffjam
    Loren – I’ve just read the Wall Street Journal Letter and see what you mean. But would this approach work nowadays? As that style of writing has been flogged to death by just about every salesman out there. Still I understand where you are going with this. Could you send me a PM as due to my low post count i'm not able.
    Signature

    “Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig.” Robert Heinlein

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2678964].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Hi staffjam,

      "The audience are: News Consumers, executives, investors (small & large) politicians, journalists - basically anyone who wants to get good news and intelligence that isn't biased and normally before the papers pick up on it."

      Your list of target audience seems too broad.

      However, not to say others won't be interested in buying when your message is targeted to one group

      Moving on.

      Your landing page is only one piece of the bigger jigsaw puzzle.

      What works best for Weiss Research is timely information
      that has a deadline attached.

      This is done by getting people to sign up for a webinar
      which is preceeded by selling on the importance of
      what is to be revealed.

      The biggest attendance rates are when there is bad news about to hit
      investors.

      The spokesperson is positioned as their saviour.

      This works best in the over 50's investors.

      At the end of the webinar is a limited time offer.

      There is a ongoing follow up on that offer to
      those who enrolled in webinar.

      What you have now is a marketing plan...not a random tactic.

      The plan can be broken down to stages which can be measured
      and improved on.

      Hope this gives you a clearer picture to move forward with more certainty.

      All the best,
      Ewen
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2679199].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author VyctorB_10
        Very great points addressed... from an average simpleton perspective, as soon as 1 would dial into your landing page, they would be hit with "cluelessness" and confused would dial out right away. But similarly I have subscribed to a similar name as yours, it's called the G.I.N. Global information network, from the famous Kevin Trudeau, so I can get a glimpse of what it is you are offering and prescribing. But again I don't know about your rate of turnover and converted subscriptions though, I'd recommend tying the fish in emotionally and where it hits the hardest, What's in it for them eternally...

        other than that, a few grammar errors, as you have yourself as the Global Wealth Database of information, having actual spelling mistakes makes it like i am actually an indiot who just shot myself in the foot with a nail gun and now my foot is in my mouth, kinda donkey language.. but good choice reproofing.




        Good luck & cheers! !




        Victor~
        Signature
        "To learn is to unlearn, to know is to unknow, rediscover & remaster everything...then relearn it ALL again!"
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2680028].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author staffjam
    Guys your comments have been invaluable.
    I have now re-worded the page - to list benefits and also make it less newslettery and a little bit higher brow.
    What do you think:
    Level 1 Landing - Geopolitics, Business Intelligence and World News. Geopolitical Intelligence Experts
    Signature

    “Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig.” Robert Heinlein

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2686942].message }}

Trending Topics