Review my very first article please!

25 replies
First time writing for sales or anything, would appreciate a nudge in the right direction and any advice on article. It took me about an hour but I had to refer back to my product research and site for details.

Ping Driver - Ping Golf Clubs New K15

For all you Ping Golf Clubs fans out there, it may be time to upgrade some of your clubs. Ping has made some new advancements in their Ping driver with K15 model. Pings newest innovation, SF TECH (Straight Flight Technology), will greatly improve your game and your Ping Driver. You can now drive the ball higher, straighter and longer than ever before.

Ping has made some incredible advances to your Ping Driver in their new K15 model. By thinning the crown, they were able to redistribute that saved weight to SF Techs external weight pad which optimizes the center of gravity and creates a higher MOI. 10% of the head mass in now concentrated towards the heel which helps square the face for consistently razor sharp shots. Combined with the larger profile head that is longer heel to toe, your MOI is sizeable for consistent performance across the hitting surface.

I am sure you'll be as pleased as I was with the results the new K15 Ping driver, When I realized I was consistently hitting the ball straighter and gained significant yardage on my drives, I almost couldn't believe it, except I was seeing it drive after drive. This is coming from someone with a bad slice that was hard to shake. On my home course I always had a hard time on certain par four holes with driving it far enough up the fairway to the point where I could get a clear shot to the green, often I had to play an extra stroke and ended up with a bogey for that hole.

Not anymore, I am pleased to say I hit that mark EVERYTIME now with my new Ping driver, I also shaved a few strokes off my overall par for course, and sometimes get that elusive birdie on those par fours that were troubling me before. I don't have time to golf as much anymore, but these are huge improvements for an amature like myself. I am very happy with my purchase of the new K15 Ping Driver and I can not wait until I see what is next for Ping Golf Clubs.

Ping Golf Clubs just keep getting better and more popular, especially with the 7 European Tour wins by Ping pros this year, the most recent being John Parry's win in France which marks the 4th straight win with a Ping putter in Europe. The sales and searches for Ping products have gone up by as much as 427% lately and it won't stop there.

Don't miss out, you too can make significant yard gains and impress your golf buddies with your new Ping driver. Click one of the links below to get more info on all new Ping Golf Clubs, or to purchase any Ping products.
#article #review
  • Profile picture of the author VyctorB_10
    Not bad for a 1st time article... I also wrote an advertisment article on a golf product too, here I advice you to check it out, and how I did it - although the article was more descriptive then selling, because the client actually had me list all the pros and cons, advantage vs. disadvantage. But I made it a very fun read, with a language that suits any golf-dummy who just started out without a clue of what the heck specialized golf lingo I was spilling out.
    like in your case, if I wasn't into golf, after the 1st 3 lines I would have headed straight for the back button, because all that was said was how it benefitted you, in a somewhat (just being honest you must truthfully admit for critique right) boring way.

    I suggest you use bullet points to breakdown WHAT IS IN IT FOR THE BUYER.

    Be hard hitting and sharp cutting as your club trikes & swings! yet speak in dummy language, and talk as if you're talking to a 3-year-old-kid about golf

    also draw the picture of how they could see themselves in Tiger's shoes or playing in the pros beside him, heck, show how it would embarrass Tiger or even make him retire and resort to writing & signing books on how u made him divorce his "A" game from golf.. you know be creative.. and entertaining...

    Just like no Pepsi mockumentary on Idols and makes fun of them like Britney spears, etc... just to updrive their image as #1 & 1 would be a fool not to join their culture... your golf club PING Culture...




    and last and Largest... close them in, and seal that sucker for the sale...

    yes, that's right after stating all the benefits... tell them how they are just 1 credit card signature and 1 Nike signing away...






    Good luck!





    Victor~
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    "To learn is to unlearn, to know is to unknow, rediscover & remaster everything...then relearn it ALL again!"
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    • Profile picture of the author VyctorB_10
      o & here's the link for that golf article of mine, check it out:

      Ogio Grom Stand Bag the Grand Slamming Ogio Golf Bags | Ogio Grom Stand Bag
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      "To learn is to unlearn, to know is to unknow, rediscover & remaster everything...then relearn it ALL again!"
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    • Profile picture of the author Apollo77
      I think your bang on with some of those suggestions. When i think of a good sales pitch, that's not a sales pitch, that is exactly what you would see (bullet points, making it fun and hyping it up)

      I don't know the market that well but the people who will be reading this, will they not know about the brand themselves? and the more I sound as an authority on the subject the better. Should I really talk dumber? I thought the customer would want the technical specs and be somewhat serious on the subject.

      I tried to draw a picture for them with fictitious personal experiences, but I don't think it was convincing enough either. I will change it to incorporate some of your ideas for sure

      Thank you for the suggestions, I definitely know where to go from here now.
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      • Profile picture of the author VyctorB_10
        thanks apollo, i think i just sold that product for you in like 1 minute of writing that - geez me i gotta keep my creative mouth shut... making Tiger divorce his A game to write & sign a book on your Ping Golf clubs swings, while you write and sign Nike Checks...


        damn I'm good - haha what can i say...l



        Take it and run with it, man! Remember they say always follow your BLISS/FEELING GOOD same applies to Sales... BUT U lead THEM to their BLISS + SWEET OFFERS SHOCK = DYNAMIC SALES!







        v~
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        • Profile picture of the author Apollo77
          Alright here's a revised version. I had to incorporate some of your lines Vyctor, they were just too good to pass on, lol. Thanks

          Any advice on the new article.

          Ping Driver - Ping Golf Clubs New K15

          For all you Ping Golf Clubs fans out there, it may be time to upgrade some of your clubs. Ping has made some new advancements in their Ping driver with K15 model. Pings newest innovation, SF TECH (Straight Flight Technology), will greatly improve your game and your Ping Driver. You can now drive the ball higher, straighter and longer than ever before and be stylish as well, this is one sleek looking baby.

          The K15 Ping driver has a thinner outer edge and larger head making it easier to strike the ball in the clubs sweet zone. The weight saved by thinning the out edge of this new Ping driver is put into SF Techs external weight pad. Now the center of gravty is low and to the back to allow for higher launch and low spin, it also helps square the face for razor like tee shots drive after drive. With your new Ping driver you may just end up making Tiger retire to write "how I once was the best" biographies.

          Ping Golf Clubs just keep getting better and more popular, especially with the 7 European Tour wins by Ping pros this year, the most recent being John Parry's win in France which marks the 4th straight win with a Ping putter in Europe. Ping driver sales are through the roof right now and searches for the Ping golf clubs have gone up by as much as 427% lately and it won't stop there.

          K15 Ping Driver Highlights:

          *Hit sharp, razor like tee shots
          *Drive the ball further
          *Increase you MOI (moment of inertia)
          *Drive the ball straighter
          *Larger profile head for easier strikes
          *Leave your competition in the dust

          Don't miss out, you too can make significant yard gains and impress your golf buddies with your new Ping driver. Be the Tiger Woods in your group and make your friends look like first time golfers out there. Wouldn't it be funny if your friends were left in the dust, or the bush, while you ventured to your ball further up the middle of the fairway, all because of your new Ping driver.

          Go to the links below now, you are just one credit card purchase away from being a pro with a new Ping driver, and maybe even signing your own Nike deal.
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          • Profile picture of the author VyctorB_10
            I SWEAR I SHOULD BE MAKING BILLIONS IN TURNING UGLY SALES LETTERS TO SWANS _ MY GOOODD!!! WE JUST HIT THE GOLDMINE WITH UR LETTER!

            LOLLL!!!! I AM LAUGHING AT YOUR WORDPLAY! MAN THAT IS FUNNY I'M SOLD


            You just gave me a good idea, inspired by well, myself... *LIGHTBULB*!!!!!



            You should sell now bro... but before you do, dooo just 2 more little things..


            tie your bull pointers facts -----> to benefits,how it would fulfill their dream.


            Drive the ball further - get them to the riders cup in less strokes and also 1 billion dollars richer, with new mansion next to HUE HEFFNERS.. etc. u kno..


            2) condense your paragraphs even more, say even less (i know it's a headache strain but easier on the ADD eyes... use 1 line sentences in place of paragraphs. double space them out and you want each line to sell itself in a hook punch, if you can use punch lines and convert them to golf, would be great. remember, you want to say less as possible with MEANING


            But WOW you shook me with sheer POWER, friend...



            AWESOMENESS!







            The 3rd rewrite should seal it!





            v~
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            "To learn is to unlearn, to know is to unknow, rediscover & remaster everything...then relearn it ALL again!"
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            • Profile picture of the author Apollo77
              tie your bull pointers facts -----> to benefits,how it would fulfill their dream.
              2) condense your paragraphs even more, say even less (i know it's a headache strain but easier on the ADD eyes... use 1 line sentences in place of paragraphs. double space them out and you want each line to sell itself in a hook punch, if you can use punch lines and convert them to golf, would be great. remember, you want to say less as possible with MEANING
              More great suggestions. I think I learned more from you than the article writing ebook I read. I pasted these comments into a notepad for my future articles until I get the hang of it.

              I think I might have a hard time saying less cause I haave to keep the article above 300 words at least, but I will see what I can do. Thanks again for all your help Vyctor!
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              • Profile picture of the author VyctorB_10
                No problem friend and bro... it's a MOST DELIGHTFUL PLEASURE working with a fast learning and friend like you, maybe even foreshadowing future partnership but the big blue is the limit... something to wonder on...



                talk to you later and good luck,


                Victor~


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                "To learn is to unlearn, to know is to unknow, rediscover & remaster everything...then relearn it ALL again!"
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                • Profile picture of the author Apollo77
                  I'm all for anything that makes me money, I am very new to this IM though, but have learned a lot in 6 weeks and have 2 niche sites so far. I would definitely do a joint project with someone as pleasurable as yourself though.

                  We'll see what the future holds, nice talking with you.
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                  • Profile picture of the author VyctorB_10
                    o 1 last thing is... you can sweeten the deal offered by throwing in a valued bonus.. i.e.. you can trying linking up with other golf accessories firms through cross promotions, or golf courses etc.. and toss that in as an incentive to buy from you and your brand over the next guy... "Free set of Fitliest Golf balls as a gift with every Quality Ping Golf Club you buy, plus get a whole day of free golfing on Apollo's County Gold Course on us - now you can even drive before you buy - rest assured with a full 3 months trial, if it doesn't improve your game, send it back and keep the golf balls a gift from us


                    You kno... sweeten the deal...



                    That should do it bro,




                    If anything don't hesitate to shout!




                    Yours,



                    Victor~
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                    "To learn is to unlearn, to know is to unknow, rediscover & remaster everything...then relearn it ALL again!"
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                    • Profile picture of the author Apollo77
                      I thought of stuff like that, but wouldn't I have to pay for the gifts from my own pocket, I can easily figure my average commission on a sale and probably would be willing to put 25% of it towards a gift. Is this what you mean.

                      Or are you talking about contacting one of my affiliates and asking them: "If I drive customers to specific products of theirs, would they throw in a small gift"?
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                      • Profile picture of the author VyctorB_10
                        you can do it which ever way you want & can afford. Affliate offer is a good way, cross promotion with company's through affiliate, say for instance, you recommend traffic or advertise for them on their behalf, and they throw in some free bonus in exchange. "Point is, it should be FREE for you" and of not extra cut into your profit. Many corporations do it, and they do it FREELY without any cost to them, through sponsorship promotions or teaming up for customer traffic for both parties benefits. An example I can think of it Pizza Pizza & Pepsi, Pizza throws in a free pack of pepsi with large order, and Pepsi give a coupon for half off a Pizza.



                        You get the point, already... just be creative and inventive, and customers usually rush over to the guy who fattens the deal even if it's with just coupons with something small, can win you BIG Business in the long run.



                        Good Job! Please gimme the link to the finished sales copy, thanks!




                        Victor~
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                        "To learn is to unlearn, to know is to unknow, rediscover & remaster everything...then relearn it ALL again!"
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                        • Profile picture of the author Apollo77
                          I decided to just add the extra facts to the bullet points, and left the content as is. I published it on Article Base and a few others.

                          Here is the link for finished version: Ping Driver - The K15 Will Give You A Killer Drive!

                          I'm going to write 2 more. One will be highly technical and the other with your suggestion of less is more. I want to test which will do best out of the 3.

                          I would like your advice about something else. Do you mass submit to directories. Does it actually help with backlinks?

                          I purchased some credits from DigiXmas, love the tool but very tedious. If this is a viable way to get backlinks, is there a captcha service that works well and does what it is supposed to?
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                          • Profile picture of the author VyctorB_10
                            Apollo, I'm not a geius in SEM with backlinks and such (though I have used them before), but if you'd like an expert advice on that, my business partner can help. Please email me if you are interested on how it works: mr.victor.bo@gmail.com



                            Victor~
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                            "To learn is to unlearn, to know is to unknow, rediscover & remaster everything...then relearn it ALL again!"
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                            • Profile picture of the author Apollo77
                              Sent you a email.
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          • Profile picture of the author CappaG
            Also, don't forget about grammar and spelling. Bad grammar and spelling seems unprofessional and can affect the reader taking you seriously. Here are just two examples I found while skimming through;
            1)their Ping driver with (THE or THEIR) K15 model.
            2)Pings (PING'S) newest innovation
            There are a few more. Some people like to say that this stuff isn't important, and I agree with them in a casual setting (like forum conversations), but in a commercial setting it can turn some customers off of your offer.
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            • Profile picture of the author Apollo77
              Originally Posted by CappaG View Post

              Also, don't forget about grammar and spelling. Bad grammar and spelling seems unprofessional and can affect the reader taking you seriously. Here are just two examples I found while skimming through;
              1)their Ping driver with (THE or THEIR) K15 model.
              2)Pings (PING'S) newest innovation
              There are a few more. Some people like to say that this stuff isn't important, and I agree with them in a casual setting (like forum conversations), but in a commercial setting it can turn some customers off of your offer.

              Thanks, I caught some of those mistakes already, before I submitted luckily. Hard to catch things sometimes when you read your own stuff. I'll take better care in the future.
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  • Profile picture of the author chakara
    HI VYCTORB

    Thanks for the very informative copywriting ebook,its brilliant and i was up till 3am in the morning reading it, now im waiting for your next wso

    regards
    george
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    • Profile picture of the author virginiad
      Hi, Apollo

      If you want to see how an A list copywriter (John Carlton) sells to the golf niche, go to OHP Direct - Golf Instructional - Golf School - Golf Training - Golf Teachers - Golf Tips - Lower Scores - and click on "Products". There are a couple of dozen golf product sales pages.

      I realize you are not writing copy, but if you are interested in marketing to the golf niche, you should be familiar with this site.

      Hope this helps

      Virginia
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      Virginia Drew


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    • Profile picture of the author VyctorB_10
      Originally Posted by chakara View Post

      HI VYCTORB

      Thanks for the very informative copywriting ebook,its brilliant and i was up till 3am in the morning reading it, now im waiting for your next wso

      regards
      george


      Dear Chakara/George... your very welcome I am truly flattered that you thoroughly enjoyed the ebook, and have touched based back to drop a personal written thanks - I am more than happy to help in anyway possible!

      Please, if you can do me a favor and also press that "Thanks" button to the bottom left hand corner of one of my posts (so that your Thanks can officially show up on my status as another "Thanks" under my belt, I WOULD BE MORE THAN GLAD TO HOOK YOU UP WITH MORE WSO'S TO COME!



      To your Good Cheer & Fortune!~





      Victor~
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      "To learn is to unlearn, to know is to unknow, rediscover & remaster everything...then relearn it ALL again!"
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      • Profile picture of the author VyctorB_10
        Dear Apollo, my apologies my friend... I haven't been online much lately due to a Stringent Computer Virus episode that had my Laptop crash & burn to fall victim to multiple re-formatting... Fortunately I have figured out the culprit problem and will resume to take my full fledged business position once again - and I have received your email, as of the moment it is being forwarded to my business partner, who shall get in touch with you shortly on it.



        My sales page will be dropping in the WFH & WSO in a bit so i'll keep y'all posted.






        Thanks,


        Victor~
        Signature
        "To learn is to unlearn, to know is to unknow, rediscover & remaster everything...then relearn it ALL again!"
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        • Profile picture of the author Apollo77
          Dear Apollo, my apologies my friend... I haven't been online much lately due to a Stringent Computer Virus episode that had my Laptop crash & burn to fall victim to multiple re-formatting... Fortunately I have figured out the culprit problem and will resume to take my full fledged business position once again - and I have received your email, as of the moment it is being forwarded to my business partner, who shall get in touch with you shortly on it.
          Thanks Vyctor

          Sorry about your computer problems, I always fear things like that. It is a real pain when you have to reformat and reinstall every program. My main PC is being upgraded right now, I rely on my labtop only these days, So I make sure to back everything up to both my external hard drives.

          Thanks for looking at my email, talk to you soon.
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          • Profile picture of the author VyctorB_10
            Thanks Apollo, my friend...


            It just dawned on me this New Revelation... For all the injustice cause cried out from nuked victims on this Microsoft war on Viruses - HERE'S THE TRUTH

            "IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT"! ---> The P.C. (what I call PEICE of CRAP) Virus is a MULTI-BILLION $ INDUSTRY - & GUESS WHAT, THE P.C. ITSELF IS "A VIRUS"!

            IT IS MADE IN SUCH A WAY TO BE A CATAPULT & HOTBED BREEDING GROUND
            FOR VIRAL ATTACKS!

            SO IF ONE HAD A CHOICE - IN A NON-REALISTIC WORLD WHERE PROGRAMS ARE DIRT CHEAP OR FREE, I WOULD LOSE THE P.IECE of C.RAP FOR A MAC.


            However, I am abit Furious & fuddled for even after speaking to you, I still had to reformat my Laptop 2 more times... SO I have come to conclude that even the so called Antidote P.C. "ANTIVIRUS" doesn't eradicate every virus off your computer, and on top of that actually deletes some key registries to ACTUALLY MAKE IT RUN EVEN SLOWER BEFORE THE ANTIDOTE

            WHAT A PITIFUL MESS OF A SYSTEM -


            So I'm going to SAVE you guys much headaches with this: If you want your P.C. to run at OPTIMAL and Pristine Status, Please don't download ANYTHING - If you do, KEEP A SEPARATE P.C. Just for doing that, and be prepared to REFORMAT IT EVERYDAY (LOL You will catch a VIRUS EVEN IF YOU PAID OUT OF YOUR POCKET FOR A SPECIAL E-BOOK - I HAVE CAUGHT VIRUSES IN THE PAST FROM BUYING EBOOKS & SPECIAL PRODUCT PACKS).


            Don't use your P.C. for Downloading ESPECIALLY MUSIC OR MOVIES. Like every freaking music or video file floating around, even downloading of Youtube through some online Mp3 converter site will be affiliated with "AntiVirus" Programmers, WHO INDEED CREATED THE VIRUS AND PACK IT WITH PUNCH INTO YOUR DOWNLOADS.& AT THE END WHO IS THE CULPRIT
            MICROSOFT.





            So Plain and Simple is KEY, keep a Separate Laptop for Business, and use it only for Word Processing, ZERO DOWNLOADS< OR CHAT FILE TRANSFERS.
            And your P.C. will be running like MAGIC, Remember ANTIVIRUS IS A VIRUS!

            & Always remember & DO NOT forget, to back up EVERYSINGLE THING onto a separate EXTERNAL Hard Drive, asap as you have completed the task - it could be a BIG client order, don't TRUST your P.C. and even speaking of which, if you have caught a virus in my case, it won't even let you recognize the mass external storage drive to back it up, so you are fighting and uphill demise
            so do what I do, BACK things up TWICE with 2 external HARD DRIVES 1 being a Big USB Pen Drive
            You will know this & be thankful (as Apollo mentions) when u must reinstall every program afresh!




            GOOD LUCK, & KEEP YOUR FREAKIN' P.C. VIRUS-FREE & ALKALINE!






            Victor!
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            "To learn is to unlearn, to know is to unknow, rediscover & remaster everything...then relearn it ALL again!"
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            • Profile picture of the author Apollo77
              Good advice,

              I use Nod32, ZoneAlarm, MalwareBites, System Mechanics & Tuneup Utilities, Driver Genius to keep my drivers updated and I have Sandboxie to run new programs and downloads in, This is a great program to find viruses and executable's that are corrupted. It allows you to run the programs in a separate drive sector that is isolated from your main pc registry, until you determine the program is not threat. It has a lot more advantages and features to.

              Check it out here: SandBoxie

              All this and I still have problems sometimes, although I have not had a successful virus attack in months, since setting up Nod32. It's been pretty effective so far.
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