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Can you please review my headline - All comments appreciated!

by NicoleC
11 replies
Hi, I'm Nicole this is my first post on the Warrior Forum but have been a reader for sometime now.

To give you a bit of a background, I'm an affiliate marketer and setting up a new squeeze page to promote my free video training series on how affiliate marketers can use social media in their business.

I have no copywriting experience but this is the headline I have come up with so far.

Discover The ONE THING That Can Immediately Eliminate The 4 Biggest Problems Faced By Affiliate Marketers!

I'm not sure if I should mention the problems in the heading such as no email list, lack of money, etc.

The rest of the squeeze page will be a video one with an opt in box to the side.

I would really appreciate your comments/suggestions for my headline.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read this, I look forward to the responses.
#appreciated #comments #headline #review
  • Profile picture of the author wayne60618
    What's the benefit of your offer to them? You might try something more like "Learn a simple trick that will make you an expert in your niche and drive tons of traffic to your site in less...With less than one hours worth of work."

    If you want to stay with the mistakes theme, you'll need to detail what those mistakes are costing them. ie. "How this one social media mistake is costing affiliate marketers at least 1,234 vistors to their site every week"
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  • Profile picture of the author BrianMcLeod
    Are You Making These 3 DEADLY Affiliate Marketing Mistakes?
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    Brian McLeod
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    • Profile picture of the author chapdaddy
      Originally Posted by BrianMcLeod View Post

      Are You Making These 3 DEADLY Affiliate Marketing Mistakes?
      that's perfect
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  • Profile picture of the author bluemoon72
    I like Nicole's original version, personally, and would respond well to it if it were my problem. I'd like to see the "four biggest problems" listed under the headline!
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  • Profile picture of the author jtunkelo
    Originally Posted by NicoleC View Post


    To give you a bit of a background, I'm an affiliate marketer and setting up a new squeeze page to promote my free video training series on how affiliate marketers can use social media in their business.

    I have no copywriting experience but this is the headline I have come up with so far.

    Discover The ONE THING That Can Immediately Eliminate The 4 Biggest Problems Faced By Affiliate Marketers!
    It strikes me your headline is kind of beating around the bush, almost written in reverse.

    Consider this revision (making some assumptions about your product as you didn't give away much):

    Affiliate Marketing Breakthrough:
    New Discovery ELIMINATES Every Pre-Selling Problem You Ever Had... No More Tire Kicker Syndrome!

    You need to 'telegraph' it directly to the person you're targeting this to. So begin with that, and follow up with the rest. I'd choose a 'newsy' approach like this because this is a topic where people tend to think they've seen it all, and you really need something to get their attention.

    When you've got their attention, follow up with a powerful subheading right under it, giving some clue as to WHAT the solution is. Then you can expect them to stay interested through the rest of it.

    Ideally, you'd want to give away SOMETHING in the headline other than just hint at a problem and a solution. Give them some reason to believe you're really bringing something NEW to the table.
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  • Profile picture of the author NicoleC
    Thank you all so much for your responses, I really appreciate it!
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  • Profile picture of the author johnyeo90
    People dont seem like to learn from their mistakes now..You might give specific tittle instead og give a common one to your visitor.
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    How to Cure Hemorrhoids Now
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  • Profile picture of the author LandingMatch
    I think that the most important thing in a headline is benefits - what are your benefits? The headline you suggested can serve as sub-headline maybe.
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  • Profile picture of the author iSoftware
    Are You Making These 3 DEADLY Affiliate Marketing Mistakes That Are Costing You an Extra $323/Day in Profits?

    Are You Making These 3 DEADLY Affiliate Marketing Mistakes That Are Costing You an Extra $194.59/Day in Sales?


    ***loved Brian's headline but think adding some specifics would help (of course it more or less $$$ than $100, you have to figure out what you can reasonably and credibly suggest. What I would do is some quick back of the envelop PROJECTIONS to JUSTIFY your assertion in the headline...
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  • Profile picture of the author MarkWidawer
    Hello Nicole.

    Welcome to Warrior. I'm new here, too, though I've been at this a loooong time.
    So here's my two cents for you.

    1) Write a LOT more headlines. At least 25, but as many as 100, all on your own. You'll get a lot of insight into the rest of your sales letter if you take the time to do this. Many 'famous' copywriters (Garfinkel, Carlton, etc) will do this (or teach their students to do this) with great success.

    2) Split test everything. Don't believe for a moment that I, or anyone (even my friend Brian!) can deliver to you a headline that we know, with 100% confidence, will be the best one ever. So, please don't believe us. Use our ideas as seeds for YOUR ideas and write those 100 headlines. Then split test the ones you think will work best.

    Good luck, Nicole.

    --Mark
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    --Mark Widawer
    Want more sales page critiques, headline suggestions, and optimization ideas from hundreds of marketing experts?
    www.OptimizersClub.com

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  • Profile picture of the author green tuesday
    The 4 Biggest Problems Faced By Affiliate Marketers
    Discover The ONE THING That Can Immediately Eliminate Them
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