Need Some Feedback On A Salespage

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#feedback #salespage
  • Profile picture of the author Paul Hancox
    Hey Jason

    My initial impressions / thoughts / ideas:

    (1) You mention "7 minutes" in the subheadline... why not put it into the HEADLINE? It's a powerful benefit.

    (2) I like the copy, there are some powerful phrases in there... but overall, it seems a little disjointed... like it's two sales letters. What normally starts off a sales letter...

    Dear Listbuilding Top Gun,

    ... is half way down the page

    Mind you, for this kind of price point, your strategy may work!

    (3) I think you could also strengthen this with some more powerful bullet points. I'm willing to bet you could create at least TEN juicy bullet points from the product material.

    My overall impression... pretty good, although it feels a little disjointed.
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    • Profile picture of the author JasonParker
      Originally Posted by Paul Hancox View Post

      Hey Jason

      My initial impressions / thoughts / ideas:

      (1) You mention "7 minutes" in the subheadline... why not put it into the HEADLINE? It's a powerful benefit.

      (2) I like the copy, there are some powerful phrases in there... but overall, it seems a little disjointed... like it's two sales letters. What normally starts off a sales letter...

      Dear Listbuilding Top Gun,

      ... is half way down the page

      Mind you, for this kind of price point, your strategy may work!

      (3) I think you could also strengthen this with some more powerful bullet points. I'm willing to bet you could create at least TEN juicy bullet points from the product material.

      My overall impression... pretty good, although it feels a little disjointed.
      Thanks for the tips Paul.

      That's a good idea to turn the sub-head benefit into the headline.

      Also, thanks for the tip on the bullet points.

      As for the format, this crazy little bugger has worked before really well for me for a $17 product.
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  • Profile picture of the author DougBarger
    Lookin' great man and since it's from You and Lee, everyone already knows
    it's quality training, a steal @ only 17.

    Let me see if I can offer any quick edit suggestions to test:

    -When I was reading it, the 101,500 Subscribers Fast
    seemed to almost get lost in the dark blue.

    What if you put List of 101,517 (*or whatever the most ultra specific # to date is now for even more believability) Subscribers Fast

    in Red?

    This would definitely grab my attention fast and compel me to scroll down.

    Now watch this.

    In the deck copy/sub-head immediately below,

    I'd like to see the results of tying the benefit above
    *directly* to your reader.

    How so?

    By putting the word "You" where it occurs twice
    in the same color red as the List of 101,517 Subscribers Fast.

    See how it "Anchors" the useful and specific benefit
    to the reader this way instantly, albeit subconsciously?

    In essence, just by making them the same, anchoring them that way,

    You transfer Lee's and Your accomplishments
    immediately and directly to the reader,

    ...compelling him to read more for
    the answer on exactly how he can
    obtain this newly acquired benefit
    he's gained sub-consciously for himself,
    consciously.

    Make sense so far?

    Just between you and me,

    when I read "Dear Listbuilding Top Gun"

    I thought, Is this Bencivenga?! :-)

    Smart money says Eric L. likes that one too?

    Might also increase your scroll rate (and readership) a bit if you test using
    the code to make your page's scroll bar red too.

    To keep the reader's interest, you may also feel like testing

    alternating the colors of your sub-heads so they don't go ad blind and stay even
    more engaged.

    Great work! (But then again I've known you've possessed killer persuasive copy chops for at least a few years now, so no surprise here.)

    So in the words of Jason Parker,

    Now, Go Get 'Em! :-)
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  • Profile picture of the author JasonParker
    Thanks Doug! Appreciate the tips bro!
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    • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
      Hi Jason,

      I like the letter.

      How fast is "fast?" That was the question going through my head as I read the headline.

      You could either resolve in the headline or the body copy.

      Sure, it could be better, but it's a great start.

      - Rick Duris
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  • Profile picture of the author maximus242
    İts a good piece of copy. I would say discuss what kind of quality the list subscribers are, talk about how much money he made off the list and provide more proof. Your biggest problem is being believed, id actually tone it down a little and go for ultra credible. You need a killer testimonial right at the start as your pre-head. One with results in it. Also answer the objections, maybe its just stuff İ already know thats been repackaged, and maybe he just got a lot of traffic?
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  • Profile picture of the author davemiz
    copy needs to be more specific.... its vague in areas... its like the thing is halfway done.... you're missing the most important thing.... PROOF. show proof of results.

    needs a few rounds of editing and then test everything on the page... to see what works and what doesnt.

    i'm amazed at the amount of marketers that dont test or have no clue what testing is.

    offer is interesting.... how to build a list....
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  • Profile picture of the author Aj Wilson
    Hey Jason,

    PM and "your" version of my new copywriting software sent.

    @Doug has some kool tips on colours for the headline and sub-heads,
    I've tested with Maroon headlines

    How To Build A List Of 101,500
    Subscribers FAST!

    and Navy Blue subs

    Who Else Wants A Guru Sized List?


    and it works really well.

    @Rick's also on the ball;

    How fast is "fast?" That was the question going through my head as I read the headline.
    If you can give a solution time frame you can leverage
    that and add it into your headline, subs and bullet points.

    e.g.

    How To Build A List Of 101,500
    Subscribers in just 2 weeks!

    However,

    If your product does it in 12 months (is right?)
    Then ideally you'd want to mention something else in your headline...

    e.g.

    Without [frustrating problems]!

    Just some simple, quick ideas... but hopefully the software
    will give you even more of a helping hand.

    let us know how you go!

    - aj


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