I can write for my clients, but for me?

16 years ago

"What direction should I go with MY sales page?

how does one describe SEO so a client know WTF it is?
Should I use text like my competitor?
I'm favoring screen shots of serps pages... keep or trash? "

I suspect your competitor is clobbering you because your copy is terrible.

Compare:

His: Suggests a benefit in his headline "#1 choice for building brand recognition"

Yours: ?? Do you have a headline? If so, it's not obvious that you do. Headlines are important because that's how you let your prospect know - immediately - that they've made a good choice by picking your page, and they're about to benefit from their action.

His body copy: Presents a generic problem that small businesses have. Immediately suggests a solution which only he can provide. Follows with a paragraph of "It's not your fault,I feel your pain, and I know exactly where you're coming from." Result is that he immediately builds empathy with the prospect.

Then he explains why AreaGuides is and why it's great for small businesses. And how AreaGuides is going to eliminate the extra work and confusion from their marketing, and save them money, too. (he's building the case for making the decision a no-brainer)

He follows with the value proposition (less than the cost of high-priced designer) and the rationale for the value (AreaGuides network, etc).

He acknowledges the prospect's unspoken objections ("Just how much is this going to cost, really? It's gotta cost a bundle.") and answers them by suggesting ROI is killer. (NOTE: He doesn't do this very well, actually, but he does make a passing stab at it, so he gets points.)

Then he does a little summary of the benefits to remind the prospect.

If this guy had an actual call-to-action, instead of the mish-mash of "me-stuff" at the bottom of the page, his response rate would skyrocket.

Your body copy: Has a sort of finger-wagging, scolding tone. "You know you need..." (implication: "So why haven't you gotten off your ass and done it?").

Overall, throughout the copy, you talk AT the reader, not TO the reader. To get an idea of how this feels, imagine yourself at a party. You're over by the buffet table, surveying the snacks, and some guy sidles up beside you and immediately says something like, "You know you NEED car insurance, don't you? I know you should have car insurance."

Before you can point out that you do, indeed, have car insurance, he goes barrelling on - suggesting that you don't have the first idea of how to find car insurance, that you have neither the time nor the inclination to sift through the various car insurance possbilities, and that even if you did, you are incapable of making a smart decision unless someone guides you like a baby.

You haven't been able to get a word in edgewise.

Might I suggest that, when this person offers you his business card and suggests that you call him first thing Monday, you will take his card and promptly confine it to the deepest, darkest point of the nearest trash receptacle? And that, it would be a perfectly natural and human reaction for you to do so?

Additionally, your copy points jump all over the place. You talk about valuable information - but where, and what, is this "valuable information" to which you refer? You talk about Fredrick's in its (apparently) various forms - without ever really explaining WHO Fredrick's is and WHY they can help me, the business person.

You have NO call to action - the reader is supposed to intuit that he should fill out the form at the bottom of the page. Worse, the form is preceeded by this line:

"Below is a screen shot of Actual Google Results for the keyword phrase:
Search Engine Expert Frederick Maryland"

and a screen shot of a SERP page that is so tiny, it's useless. Worse, the contact form is so closely aligned with the screen shot, it looks as though it's part of the screen shot.

You don't tell the reader what's going to happen once he does fill out the form. The reader has to scroll up to the top of the page to check out your contact information.

Then you go back to what, with all the different font sizes, colors, bolding, and all-caps (hint: SHOUTING) amounts to you, off in a corner somewhere, ranting to yourself.

Because by this time your reader is long gone. Far, far away.

You've got some good points, but they are way buried in your copy. Here they are, in no particular order:

- a proven track record and verifiable results
- In economic downturns a company needs to advertise more (not less, which is the kneejerk reaction that most small businesses have).
- Where do you go to get New Customers?
- can get your company listed in the top ten Google results for the keywords that make you money
- a web presence that MAKES YOU MONEY!

Consider:
WHO am I talking to? (small businesses that want to attract new clients and increase their profits, but who don't have a separate marketing department or the budget for one)

WHAT am I offering them that is going to solve their problem? (I'm not sure from your existing copy: SEO? web site design? marketing advice? something else? all of the above?)

HOW does my solution work to solve their problem? (determined by what you're offering, ya?)

WHEN does it work? (What's the time frame for the solution, how easy is it to implement, what are the benefits I'll see if I use your solution?)

WHY does it work? (Again, the answer to this depends on what you're offering. And pretend you have to explain it to a 3 year-old.)

HOW does the reader get their sweaty little paws on my wonderful, life-changing solution? (Call-to-action. Call me, click on this link, fill out this form and I'll get back to you in 24 hours.)

Seriously, I would also consider having a professional write this for you. Many people, including writers, often find it MUCH more difficult to write copy that "sells" yourself, than to sell someone else. It's like writing your own resume. Most people suck at that, too. Sometimes, the best person to market you is - not you. And if you do have someone write your copy, now you know the points you need to hit.

Hope this helps.

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David

16 years ago

Wow, thanks I needed that...

The sales copy I write for my clients works, they tell me it works, it actually puts money in their cash registers, but for them I'm selling something very, very specific. Printing services, or auto upholstery, Pony Rides, Airport taxi service.

But I found it a bit difficult to define exactly what I do ??

When I'm out pounding the pavement, cold calling, what the business owners are telling me is that they don't really think a website is going to show up in Google.

Most have already paid someone to create a site for them, and that site made them exactly zero income. Why? Because it was buried in the #62 spot in Google serps.

And another thing, they don't even look at the site, they already know that they've not the slightest idea of what a good site should look like.

When I walk in the door, I hand them a printed out screen shot of depicting numerous top spots in Google for companies that they know of, locally, they get out their check book and pay me.

they thought it would be cost prohibitive to get a website to rank well.

So I figured that I'm in the seo business rather than the web design business

...but if I pitch seo on my personal website, nobody knows what the hell seo is or why they'd want it.

So... what exactly am I selling?

a small busines website that outranks it's competitors?

You gave me precise, specific stuff I have to change and work on

I'm very, very grateful

Thanks
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David Bruce Jr of Frederick Web Promotions
Lawyer Local SEO - |

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Collette

16 years ago

Hi David - Hint: Nobody cares about SEO. They don't know from SEO, and they couldn't care less. What do they care about?

They care about the RESULTS of SEO.

Many of these business owners have dropped (for them) some serious coin or a chunk of their time on getting a web site up and online. And then it does NOTHING for them. And they have no idea why. Thir conclusion is that hte Internet doesn't work for them. They figure they are wasting money on a web site that they feel they "have to have", but which they believe is largely cosmetic.

Their solution? Tah, dah! YOU!

Forget SEO. Forget Google. That stuff means little or nothing to these guys. Tell them instead, how you can help them be the first business people find when they search the Internet. And how that will help them find more customers, sell more stuff, and make more money.

You're trying to sell from your informed perspective of how this works and what these guys need. Meanwhile, they're really not interested in understanding why it doesn't work or does work - they just want it to work. And they want it to work, preferably, with no effort on their part.

THAT'S what you're selling...

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David

16 years ago

Collette, you just helped me more
than anyone else has helped me in the past 2 years!

in the 20 minutes or so it took you to read over my ailing sales page and reply to my post... I owe you big time

The lucid and useful criticisms were exactly what I needed and the reason everyone who wants to make a buck at this belongs right here on this forum.

I couldn't see the forest for the trees... been working so hard at knocking off established ranking sites that I got caught up in my own hype!

I'd hire you in a heart beat

I do just fine with shoe leather, face to face and I can close a sale, my web presence sucked without your constructive criticism

Thanks
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David Bruce Jr of Frederick Web Promotions
Lawyer Local SEO - |

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Collette

16 years ago

You're very welcome, David. I'm glad you found the suggestions useful.

I think it was Thoreau (or was it Scharr?) who said:

"The future is not a result of choices among alternative paths offered by the present, but a place that is created--created first in the mind and will, created next in activity. The future is not some place we are going to, but one we are creating. The paths are not to be found, but made, and the activity of making them, changes both the maker and the destination."

You are taking action to create your place. I wish you the best in your endeavors.

Thanks
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Scott Moody

16 years ago

David,

I definitely know how you feel, I faced this problem in a retail business [that thankfully I no longer own] a few years back. It was always easy for me to write/help/sell with other companies and I can sell face-to-face quite easily.

It's easy to get wrapped-up in our own expertise, that writing about will put even your most loyal supporters to sleep.

The solution to my dilemma was to go to an outside source for my advertising/writing. The fresh perspective did wonders for me and that business.

Scott

Thanks
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Rob Canyon

16 years ago

David,

I'd begin by fixing your picture... Sorry, but the other guy looks like he has
a character worth investigating... Maybe one of the three muskateers
that just so happened to get dropped off in America.

It doesn't look like he has a logical thought in his body... He looks like he's
driven by emotion and has about 1000 stories to tell... by the way people
prefer to make emotional purchases...

To me you're picture looks like everything is logical to you... Sorry, people
don't want that...

My recommendation print a copy of his picture and yours too, find out who
in your town does the head shot photos for real estate agents then go see
that person... (why because they usually crack off excellent photos web
ready photos for less than $100)

Then basically tell the photographer you need to compete and you what
something to use on the web, get the pictures done and use that to begin
with on your page. If he or she tells you what to wear for the photo
shoot, then follow their advice too.

Cheers,

Rob

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http://incrediblesupportdesk.com

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Jassa

16 years ago

1. Just scrolling down to add my 2p's worth and see it's already been beautifully dealt with ...your mug shot!

His is an 'action' photo, '...he's on the move and people will be lucky if they can take some of his valuable time' sort of photo.
In yours, you're 'just sitting there, and just maybe someone will come and talk to you...' (reminds me of excruciating parties I was forced to go to when I was about 13 ...ugh!)

Just before you go and get your photo done, psyche yourself up somehow - affirmations, visualisations, play a sport you love with friends - anything that makes you feel strong as a lion and confidant ...and it will show in the photo.

2. His first image isn't himself, it's a picture of A CUSTOMER BEING HELPED by him - how about putting an inspiring picture of some delighted customer being helped by YOU?
(sorry this is so badly written - I hope the content is of some good though

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"Life is a lot like jazz... it's best when you improvise" - George Gershwin

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David

16 years ago

Originally Posted by Jassa

1. Just scrolling down to add my 2p's worth and see it's already been beautifully dealt with ...your mug shot!

His is an 'action' photo, '...he's on the move and people will be lucky if they can take some of his valuable time' sort of photo.
In yours, you're 'just sitting there, and just maybe someone will come and talk to you...' (reminds me of excruciating parties I was forced to go to when I was about 13 ...ugh!)

Just before you go and get your photo done, psyche yourself up somehow - affirmations, visualisations, play a sport you love with friends - anything that makes you feel strong as a lion and confidant ...and it will show in the photo.

2. His first image isn't himself, it's a picture of A CUSTOMER BEING HELPED by him - how about putting an inspiring picture of some delighted customer being helped by YOU?
(sorry this is so badly written - I hope the content is of some good though

Now THAT'S an IDEA!!!!!

I hadn't thought of that... <scrambling for my camera>

Thanks!!

Thanks

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David Bruce Jr of Frederick Web Promotions
Lawyer Local SEO - |

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KathyK

16 years ago

1) On the writing problem... pretend you are your own client, (or make an imaginary client who needs what you need). Distance yourself, it's easier sometimes. Look at Wikipedia for a definition of SEO, then rewrite it so a 6 year old would get the idea.

2) If you are wondering how to explain SEO, your target market is regular businesses, not other affiliate marketers. Lose the red bold text and the BIG BOLD text. They (and I) associate that with spammers and scammers. You want to look like a legitmate business in your own right, not a used-car salesman.

3) Make your site look like a business site. Stick to one font, and one size font (like your competitor does). Use larger fonts for headlines, not emphasis.

4) Check your grammar. "A fast loading page that outperforms conventional websites will capture and keep your busy prospective customers attention."
should be customers' or customer's (and I wasn't even proofing... there's probably more).

THere will be those who disagree with me, I'm sure. That BIG RED text, scroll forever format seems popular. So do feel free to ignore me. But, I'll just say that the minute I hit a site that looks like that, I hit the back button. :rolleyes:
(I'm not a copyrighter - just a site designer - so listen to the person above me, too.)

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Cheers,
Kathy

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David 16 years ago

Thanks Kathy!

I did look up seo in wikipedia and the actual description would put ME to sleep. so ... hmm

lose the red font... I agree

I spend so much time going thru copy targeted towards IM and affiliate marketing that I lost sight of the fact that MY target market knows nothing of any of this.

Between what you and Collette suggested I've got so many good ideas to incorporate I'll be busy all night

and the contact form was hastily thrown in there, my clients aren't going to have an autoresponder account and I'm experimenting with using the form provided by gmail.

I just found the google provided form and haven't learned to modify it or get it to display in different ways yet.

It's free and it's powered by Google so people should trust it.

thanks, to both of you for taking the time to help me
- Thanks
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David Bruce Jr of Frederick Web Promotions
Lawyer Local SEO - |
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David

16 years ago

Since Collete and you others went out of your way to help me...

I thought I'd post here what the end result of my altered salespage looks like now:

Internet Advertising for Maryland- Local Google Advertising Experts- Frederick Web Promotions

and Thanks again AnarchyAds for this phrase:

People don't pay more for a camera to get a better camera.
They pay more for a camera to get BETTER PICTURES.

Now that's a line I'm most definitely going to incorporate into my face to face sales pitches from now on!!

Oh, and I do SEO and can prove it:

I *pitch* SEO in my small town 30 miles North of Washington DC:
Frederick Maryland. Well I consider the entire county to be my field of battle.

I just checked my ranking in the whole state of Maryland:

keyword phrase: search engine expert Maryland

search engine expert maryland - Google Search

Internet Advertising Maryland

Internet Advertising Maryland - Google Search

Thanks
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David Bruce Jr of Frederick Web Promotions
Lawyer Local SEO - |

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Jassa 16 years ago

Well done, David!

I notice that your page arrived at from the different links you've given us, sometimes has a page rank of 1 and sometime a page rank of 3 but appears to have the same url. How come... ?!
- Thanks
- 1 reply
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"Life is a lot like jazz... it's best when you improvise" - George Gershwin
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- David 16 years ago
  
  Ok, from an SEO stand point... I hear rumblings of a google update so it shouldn't be surprising that a page ranks up and down in terms of PR as opposed to it's placement in organic serps.
  
  And my site, is well it's not *my* site, I'm a free lance commissioned sales rep for Frederick.com I'm also a contributing author for them.
  
  The sites are dynamically generated single page sites- I redirected my domain name to point to my page. I'm thinking that the page ranks differently if spidered from my domain name redirect and again from spidering the parent domain.
  
  I do LOCAL seo, I do not have to compete against the national juggernauts, I'm finding out the the standards to beat at the local level are much, MUCH easier to compete against.
  
  I don't HAVE to be the best in the US, just the best in my area... and I am
  
  Currently I'm coming in at #6
  
  Results 1 - 10 of about 1,120,000 for Internet Advertising Maryland. (0.23 seconds
  
  thanks
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  David Bruce Jr of Frederick Web Promotions
  Lawyer Local SEO - |
  
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  Jassa 16 years ago
  
  Yes I noticed you were on both first pages for the google links you gave us. I wish you all the best (where's the photo on your page of you helping your happy customers...?? )
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  
  "Life is a lot like jazz... it's best when you improvise" - George Gershwin
  
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abigail13

16 years ago

Can you write TYPE 1, TYPE 2, articles for me?... Its just an wikipedia style and blog post./

Thanks

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jensenbelmont

16 years ago

Writing for yourself is tough, especially when your write all day for others. I just discovered this forum today and I love it. Can't wait to dig deeper and learn some new things.

Thanks
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Collette 16 years ago

Happy for you, David. You deserve all the success you get. Go get 'em!
- Thanks
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David

16 years ago

After carefully considering all the valuable input from this part of the forum to improve my sales copy on my main page I've determined that I can't be all things to all people.

Internet Advertising for Maryland- Local Google Advertising Experts- Frederick Web Promotions

I'm spliting up what I offer on multiple sites/blogs.

My heartfelt thanks to all who's input helped craft how my site's sales copy currently looks like. (And with all the text it's performing well in SEO while simultaneously being a sales page!)

Merry Christmas to all of you.

And anarchyads?

I DID take what you suggested and incorporated it into this blog post...
Local Frederick Internet Advertising: Tangible Evidence- Maryland Internet Advertising

Thanks!!!

The incredibly useful suggestions from anarchyads will reverbrate through my bank account for all of 2009

Thanks

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David Bruce Jr of Frederick Web Promotions
Lawyer Local SEO - |

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I can write for my clients, but for me?

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