Salespage Critique [Please]

13 years ago

Aidan,

Nice looking header. One thing I would recommend is to fix it where your name doesn't appear under the content. That is distracting and makes it hard to read. Cut down on the size of the name and have it appear around the content.

Good luck,

Michael

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Brooks

13 years ago

It looks very professional to me, if I were interested in your type of product it would catch my eye. Now, think about how your going to keep visitors there and convert them to sales. So far so good!

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tpw

13 years ago

This should be in the copy writing forum, right?

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AidanKay

13 years ago

Originally Posted by mmcqueen

Aidan,

Nice looking header. One thing I would recommend is to fix it where your name doesn't appear under the content. That is distracting and makes it hard to read. Cut down on the size of the name and have it appear around the content.

Good luck,

Michael

My name is there as a watermark, it won't be included in the final design. And thanks.

.

Originally Posted by Brooks

It looks very professional to me, if I were interested in your type of product it would catch my eye. Now, think about how your going to keep visitors there and convert them to sales. So far so good!

Cheers mate. Yeah that's going to be the biggest problem, I'm not so good at structuring sales pages as it's my first time.

Originally Posted by tpw

This should be in the copy writing forum, right?

I dunno mate, it's not really related to copywriting beyond the fact that it's a sales page. But, if I'm wrong, I'd appreciate if a moderator (or myself, if possible) move this to the correct category.

Cheers,

-Aidan.

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TK1

13 years ago

It looks nice to me, I have just this question as a possible customer, what does this specifically mean "at least 80% guaranteed" - I would feel more comfortable when it was a guarantee that doesn't make me thing about it but just say "100% quality or your money back" :-)

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AidanKay

13 years ago

Originally Posted by TK1

It looks nice to me, I have just this question as a possible customer, what does this specifically mean "at least 80% guaranteed" - I would feel more comfortable when it was a guarantee that doesn't make me thing about it but just say "100% quality or your money back" :-)

What I mean by "Increase conversions by at least 80%" is "we will increase your conversions by 80%, bringing in 1.8 sales to your 1". If you get what I mean. And secondly, and perhaps most importantly, it's just placeholder text. I'm not actually selling a product. I'm considering selling the design in the future.

-Aidan.

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JohnLeonard

13 years ago

What is the sales page address?

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AidanKay 13 years ago

Originally Posted by JohnLeonard

What is the sales page address?

John, there is no address, just the design I'm working on. It's only a photoshop file at the moment.

Cheers,

-Aidan.
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Lucas Adamski

13 years ago

Thats a really nice design. It's not typical to put text on a darker background but for some markets it can work. Very sharp, good call to action and nice icon on the right. I would add some arrow graphics, maybe testimonial boxes, satisfaction guarantee seal and similar elements to enhance your message. But so far, good job!

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AidanKay

13 years ago

Originally Posted by deadastronaut0

Thats a really nice design. It's not typical to put text on a darker background but for some markets it can work. Very sharp, good call to action and nice icon on the right. I would add some arrow graphics, maybe testimonial boxes, satisfaction guarantee seal and similar elements to enhance your message. But so far, good job!

First of all I'd like to say that this is by far the most helpful response I've had, not that the others weren't useful,just misguided.
Anyways to respond, the arrows and testimonials I had planned to add but the guarantee had totally slipped my mind.

Cheers,

-Aidan.

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Ben_R

13 years ago

I can help your graphicsjust give me a shout

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trini

13 years ago

Hi Aidan,

I like that you have a specific benefit- rich headline.

I would suggest that you put the "What's It All About" Video in the centre- by itself-so it gets the viewer's full attention.

You can put the Testimonial video below the 1st order button and put a 2nd order button below the Testimonial Video.

Add some kind of Fast Action Bonus to incentivize- ordering now.

The look is edgy, sharp and professional overall.
Hope this critique was helpful.

Stay Sunny,

Michelle

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JohnMcCabe

13 years ago

Originally Posted by AidanKay

What I mean by "Increase conversions by at least 80%" is "we will increase your conversions by 80%, bringing in 1.8 sales to your 1". If you get what I mean. And secondly, and perhaps most importantly, it's just placeholder text. I'm not actually selling a product. I'm considering selling the design in the future.

-Aidan.

Aidan, I think you might want to think carefully about the wording you use for this guarantee.

You don't mention sales, you say conversions. That could also apply to an opt-in situation.

Either way, as worded, it's possible to find yourself in a situation where it's mathematically impossible to make good on your promise.

It's impossible to have a conversion rate over 100%, right? If you massage the equation, you find out that the maximum current conversion rate you can still make good on is ~56%. At 57%, increasing the conversion percentage 80% is not possible - it would require a conversion rate of ~101%.

Pedantic math aside, guaranteeing 18 sales for every 10 before starting your process is much more powerful. Putting it in money terms, more powerful yet.

"Follow my program, and you'll make $1.80 for every dollar you make now - I guarantee it."

EDIT: Missed this bit...

And secondly, and perhaps most importantly, it's just placeholder text. I'm not actually selling a product. I'm considering selling the design in the future.

In the words of the immortal Emily Litella, "Never mind..."

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LauraJames

13 years ago

I agree with the comments dealing the name placement and the "80 percent" issue. I also appreciate that you took the time to answer these questions, and others, during this process.

Best wishes you with this project.

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AidanKay

13 years ago

Originally Posted by JohnMcCabe

Aidan, I think you might want to think carefully about the wording you use for this guarantee.

You don't mention sales, you say conversions. That could also apply to an opt-in situation.

Either way, as worded, it's possible to find yourself in a situation where it's mathematically impossible to make good on your promise.

It's impossible to have a conversion rate over 100%, right? If you massage the equation, you find out that the maximum current conversion rate you can still make good on is ~56%. At 57%, increasing the conversion percentage 80% is not possible - it would require a conversion rate of ~101%.

Pedantic math aside, guaranteeing 18 sales for every 10 before starting your process is much more powerful. Putting it in money terms, more powerful yet.

"Follow my program, and you'll make $1.80 for every dollar you make now - I guarantee it."

EDIT: Missed this bit...

In the words of the immortal Emily Litella, "Never mind..."

Haha, I was reading your reply and wondering if you had fully read what I had written. It's nice to see that some people fully read a post before sending a response, even if it was late in the reply

.

Originally Posted by LauraJames

I agree with the comments dealing the name placement and the "80 percent" issue. I also appreciate that you took the time to answer these questions, and others, during this process.

Best wishes you with this project.

No worries, I appreciate your response.

Cheers,

-Aidan.

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JohnMcCabe

13 years ago

Originally Posted by AidanKay

Haha, I was reading your reply and wondering if you had fully read what I had written. It's nice to see that some people fully read a post before sending a response, even if it was late in the reply

.

Cheers,

-Aidan.

Yeah, it's one of those embarrassing things, like breaking wind in an elevator and having no dog around to blame it on...

Especially since people jumping in with replies and suggestion to problems that have already been solved is one of my pet peeves.

Normally, I would have just killed the post, but I thought the advice might help someone else who missed the same thing I did and was tempted to copy you.

On to your original question, then...

It's definitely an eye-catching design, though I think it may be better suited to a squeeze page unless the visitor has been pre-sold and this is just for taking orders.

If you hunt around on this forum, and you won't have to look too hard, you'll find several heated debates over videos vs. sales letters on sales pages. Whichever side you come down on, one point is clear...

Choosing one or the other will exclude a fair percentage of your potential buyers.

So you may want to provide two iterations of your design. One for videos, like the one you presented here. And one formatted to insert a sales letter. Both would link to the other for visitors with a strong preference for one medium or the other.

Does that help more...?

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AidanKay

13 years ago

Originally Posted by JohnMcCabe

Yeah, it's one of those embarrassing things, like breaking wind in an elevator and having no dog around to blame it on...

Especially since people jumping in with replies and suggestion to problems that have already been solved is one of my pet peeves.

Normally, I would have just killed the post, but I thought the advice might help someone else who missed the same thing I did and was tempted to copy you.

Yeah I have to agree with the peeve, it annoys me to see a thread with plenty of posts being clogged up by repetitions of the same thing.

Originally Posted by JohnMcCabe

On to your original question, then...

It's definitely an eye-catching design, though I think it may be better suited to a squeeze page unless the visitor has been pre-sold and this is just for taking orders.

If you hunt around on this forum, and you won't have to look too hard, you'll find several heated debates over videos vs. sales letters on sales pages. Whichever side you come down on, one point is clear...

Choosing one or the other will exclude a fair percentage of your potential buyers.

So you may want to provide two iterations of your design. One for videos, like the one you presented here. And one formatted to insert a sales letter. Both would link to the other for visitors with a strong preference for one medium or the other.

Does that help more...?

Yeah I was thinking of a squeeze page as I started creating it, mainly because it doesn't follow that ol' school sales page with the black and red text on a white background.

Though, I had intended for it to be converted into both a wordpress and plain Xhtml file to cover most areas, but also add variations as you said. Like the text page vs. the video page, just an opt-in form with basic info vs. 12-foot long copy.

When I do get around to selling the bundle, I'd be adding custom buttons and various images made by myself. And maybe as an exclusive offer to the first 10-or-so buyers, an 'SEO pack' that consists of me doing all the on-site SEO and setting up link-wheels, providing hand-written articles etc.

I may be getting a bit ahead of myself here (and sorry for getting off-track ;P) but I would genuinely like yours and others opinions on what I'm going to be offering.

Thanks for your follow-up reply, I look forward to hearing from you again soon.

Cheers,

-Aidan.

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AidanKay

13 years ago

G'day everyone,

Here's the latest update to the design. Please tell me your thoughts. Please keep in mind that the opt-in box at the top left is just there for show. It's going to part of a bonus package including buttons, opt-in forms, icons etc.

Cheers,

-Aidan.

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DelorseBSkow

13 years ago

Looks professional

Nice design.

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AidanKay 13 years ago

Originally Posted by DelorseBSkow

Looks professional Nice design.

Thanks Delorse, if I may call you that .

-Aidan.
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MarkWidawer

13 years ago

Hi Aidan.

I think your page suffers a bit from a common problem...And that's with hyperbole.

On the one hand, it's good to tell your customer that you're going to help them make money. It's another to show them a treasure chest full of gold and jewels, as though you're promising as much.

I dunno...something about that makes me instantly think "This guy is so full of BS, there's no way I can believe him." (Don't take that personally, btw.)

The king's crown hanging on "Money" doesn't help much, either.

If you want me to believe you, talk to me more like I'm a buddy you're meeting at Starbucks, rather than a pitchman trying to sell me at a tradeshow.

As for the general look of the site, I'd say white-text-on-black backgrounds generally convert less well than white-text-on-black backgrounds. It's because people are used to seeing text that way. We know how to read it easily. (that's not a hard and fast rule, of course).

About the videos, I'd make them bigger, and feature them one after the other on the page, rather than side by side.

I could go on, but let me encourage you instead to post your page at the Optimizers Club. It's a website all about getting and giving landing page critiques like this. Oh, and it's free.
URL is in my sig, below.

Good luck with your site!

--Mark

p.s. Don't believe a word I say! Instead, Split Test everything. -M

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MarkWidawer

13 years ago

I just now saw your update (a few posts up from my last one).

...and I'll reiterate that white on black (or dark blue, etc) is hard to read. What's even harder are your red headlines on the black.

Yes, the design is "attractive" but I think it won't convert as well.

--Mark

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AidanKay

13 years ago

Originally Posted by MarkWidawer

Hi Aidan.

I think your page suffers a bit from a common problem...And that's with hyperbole.

On the one hand, it's good to tell your customer that you're going to help them make money. It's another to show them a treasure chest full of gold and jewels, as though you're promising as much.

I dunno...something about that makes me instantly think "This guy is so full of BS, there's no way I can believe him." (Don't take that personally, btw.)

The king's crown hanging on "Money" doesn't help much, either.

If you want me to believe you, talk to me more like I'm a buddy you're meeting at Starbucks, rather than a pitchman trying to sell me at a tradeshow.

As for the general look of the site, I'd say white-text-on-black backgrounds generally convert less well than white-text-on-black backgrounds. It's because people are used to seeing text that way. We know how to read it easily. (that's not a hard and fast rule, of course).

About the videos, I'd make them bigger, and feature them one after the other on the page, rather than side by side.

I could go on, but let me encourage you instead to post your page at the Optimizers Club. It's a website all about getting and giving landing page critiques like this. Oh, and it's free.
URL is in my sig, below.

Good luck with your site!

--Mark

p.s. Don't believe a word I say! Instead, Split Test everything. -M

Hey Mark, when I read the first few lines of your comment I had to smile, because I love when someone isn't afraid to tell what they really feel. Instead of saying how great the design is, or something to that effect.

.

About the header, that's more of a dynamic header. See I'm looking to sell this theme along with other graphics (and variations of the theme), so anyone would be able to use the design for whatever product they're selling. I have to say not much thought was put into the header beyond the design benefits, purely because it's just there as a placeholder (just like the Lorem ipsum text) to illustrate what the design could potentially look like if you chose to go this way.

I understand this thread is posted in the copywriting forum, but, the design contains nothing about copy beyond the layout a squeeze/salespage might have (the header without text, background, formatting style, design behind videos etc.). Please just consider all texts and images as placeholders. And I'm not offended at all, I love being told the truth

.

The white text on dark background is something I've definetely thought about. In the second version I'll add some sort of white background just for the text. I'f not for the main text, at least for the red text.

I'll definetely check out the site, been pondering whether I should try my hand at copy writing, rather then just the design.

Originally Posted by MarkWidawer

I just now saw your update (a few posts up from my last one).

...and I'll reiterate that white on black (or dark blue, etc) is hard to read. What's even harder are your red headlines on the black.

Yes, the design is "attractive" but I think it won't convert as well.

--Mark

Thanks for giving another response after noticing, I know most would just leave it. I'll get back to work on the design, utilizing the information you've given me, then see where we're at.

Cheers,

-Aidan.

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MarkWidawer

13 years ago

Hello Aidan.
I think that pulling punches (and inflating someone's ego) is conterproductive to change.
In any case...
I think a white box around red text is not going to look good AT ALL.
So maybe do one version that is dark like this, and then another in the reverse.
Good luck!
-Mark

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Salespage Critique [Please]

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