Squeeze Page or Sales Letter... (or a combination?)

9 replies
Hey everyone, I've been reading in the copywriting forum for about a month, and I love the advice you give. So, without personally knowing ANYONE in marketing, I couldn't think of any better place to find advice.


I recently added sales copy (company replicated with a few personalized points) to the supplied capture page of PWS and I'm wondering if it was a good idea...

The reason is... I like the ad copy of the sales page, but I also like the dramatic video :confused: So I wanted the best of both, hoping to increase conversions.

So I added the video to the sales letter, and the sales copy to the squeeze page.

Should I have left it alone (video with no copy, just an opt-in?) Or perhaps some shorter copy?

Or maybe just a sales page?

I would really appreciate your views before I pay to have anything advertised so that I don't waste any money for something that will actually convert less than before...

Here are the two pages:

video capture: www.WealthSystemsPro.com

Edited: took sales page down...

Thanks for the input!
#combination #letter #page #sales #squeeze
  • Profile picture of the author HotDamnShortSales
    im certainly not anything close to a copywriter, but i am close to a consumer, and I like it. love the colors, the video, the happy couple and testimonials. give it a run see what happens.
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  • Profile picture of the author WarriorCoach
    You need to make more appealing titles and subtitles.

    Add more bullets, hire somebody to review your copy and ask for a qoute for potential changes. It will be a cheap investment with great rewards.

    Also, you should try split testing...
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  • Profile picture of the author DanielleLynnCopy
    Hey there Danielle here

    Here's some thoughts -

    Although it is visually dramatic, there's been a lot of discussion about white text on black backgrounds, and how at least in paper copy (like the type you get in the mail) it doesn't convert as well as the exact same text but inverted.

    Your headline text is a little hard to read - when I say a little hard I mean only a teeny tiny bit hard. But you wouldn't believe how lazy most people are when it comes to reading (especially on the internet). That's why most well-converting pages have simple, easy to read large font headlines.

    You really want to make your sales page reader-friendly, so people can easily pick out the highlighted/bolded text that you present to them.

    I really think you have the right Idea: bulleted reasons why people should be interested, headlines, videos, but it's lacking the subtle, powerful touch of a master copywriter. In other words, you have some good information there, however it's a little lost and hidden in the text. It needs improvement to convert imo.

    Look at this a bit from the eyes of a customer - one that will only look at your page and skim it for a few seconds. In those few seconds, were you interested by what you read?
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  • Profile picture of the author DanielleLynnCopy
    Hi Brian,

    It's getting better I laughed a bit at the "spews" money headline. A product so effective that money is thrown-up all over my face was a fun image!

    Here's what I think will make it even better: Improve what your bullets say to list some actual benefits. Right now they're saying waht I wont have to do which is okay - but if you told me things like:

    * Fully Automated - You don't have to lift a finger
    * Easy To Use - Just about anyone can use it!
    * etc
    * etc

    Now, I know you wrote that in the body there of the copy, but telling people how it will benefit them will sell the idea to them more than telling them what they wont have to do (especially when you have such small real estate to work with)

    If you still feel stumped I do offer one-time free critiques on web copy via my signature page

    Talk to you soon,
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  • Profile picture of the author K.Callwood
    I just want to echo the comment about the benefits being clearly stated. Try to make them sensory (look, listen, feel, taste, smell) because people really respond well to that approach.

    I like the phone number slant. I know that nobody pays for long distance anymore, but a 1-800 number will always be subconsciously associated with successful, big business.

    Sorry, but I think you have to lose the background. It really strains my eyes and I work 10-12 hours a day on the computer so you won't find many people more accustomed to looking at a screen. But don't take my word for it (or Danielle's for that matter). Do split testing on the exact same copy against a white background.

    There is a reason that the Warrior Forum chose these colors. If you look around the net you will also notice that the slant is towards white backgrounds where the text goes. Just look at Clickbank and surf the top gravity pages. More light or more dark?
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  • Profile picture of the author BrianDowns
    Thanks everyone! I made some more changes. Unfortunately, I can't lose the background... Since it is a replicated website, all I can do is change the text and add pictures.

    I will have a professionally made site made over the next few months.

    However, the site inside is nice.

    Welcome To Premier Wealth System

    But they gotta opt in to get to it...
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  • Profile picture of the author patsfanxxx
    Good looking page...good job.
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