Me again!! Different approach now...

32 replies
Hey guys!

So we've now went with a written sales page + a video presentation.

We haven't sent any traffic to the site yet, but I'm just wondering if there is anything fundamentally wrong with our site that will hinder conversion. Things we're not seeing because we're too familiar with it.

Any help/advice appreciated.

Healthy Eating Handbook
#approach
  • Profile picture of the author Stephen Dean
    I love your guys' formatting, looks quite clean. (Except maybe the headline.)

    I'll look over it more closely later, but for now I can say seeing "The Final Solution" in red made me think of something much different than weight loss. I'd google it.

    Cheers,
    Stephen Dean
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  • Profile picture of the author docsulo
    Originally Posted by Dietriffic View Post

    Hey guys!

    So we've now went with a written sales page + a video presentation.

    We haven't sent any traffic to the site yet, but I'm just wondering if there is anything fundamentally wrong with our site that will hinder conversion. Things we're not seeing because we're too familiar with it.

    Any help/advice appreciated.

    Healthy Eating Handbook
    I haven't read the whole thing because the first item that caught my eye had the phrase "THE FINAL SOLUTION" in it.

    The things that are associated with THE FINAL SOLUTION (Final Solution - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) are not good. Of course not every one will make this association but hey - why risk it?
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    • Profile picture of the author docsulo
      "Watch This FREE PRESENTATION To Discover
      The Weird Technique This Dietitian Stumbled Upon
      To Make Her Family Cooking Faster,
      Healthy Eating Easier, And Food Shopping
      Over 30% Cheaper!"
      Putting aside the fact I don't like the headline...

      1. Change "Cooking" to "Cook"

      2. What other verbs could you use besides "make"?

      3. Maybe pick one - Cooking Faster, eating healthier or saving money of food. It's too much to have all three. They are all different appeals and by having them all in the headline they cause confusion.

      Some questions:

      1. Does your market want to cook faster? Why?

      2. Is healthy eating hard and if it's easy why does your market want to make it easier?

      3. Is your market thrifty consumers that are health conscious and don't have time to cook or something else? Please describe.

      Note: I haven't made it further than the headline.
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      • Profile picture of the author Dietriffic
        Originally Posted by Stephen Dean View Post

        I love your guys' formatting, looks quite clean. (Except maybe the headline.)

        I'll look over it more closely later, but for now I can say seeing "The Final Solution" in red made me think of something much different than weight loss. I'd google it.

        Cheers,
        Stephen Dean
        Originally Posted by docsulo View Post

        I haven't read the whole thing because the first item that caught my eye had the phrase "THE FINAL SOLUTION" in it.

        The things that are associated with THE FINAL SOLUTION (Final Solution - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) are not good. Of course not every one will make this association but hey - why risk it?
        Neither of us were aware of that connection. Whether people spot it or not, we don't want to run the risk of having such connotations. Great advice!

        @Stephen
        What do you not particularly like about the formatting of the headline? Any suggestions?

        Originally Posted by docsulo View Post

        Putting aside the fact I don't like the headline...

        1. Change "Cooking" to "Cook"

        2. What other verbs could you use besides "make"?

        3. Maybe pick one - Cooking Faster, eating healthier or saving money of food. It's too much to have all three. They are all different appeals and by having them all in the headline they cause confusion.

        Some questions:

        1. Does your market want to cook faster? Why?

        2. Is healthy eating hard and if it's easy why does your market want to make it easier?

        3. Is your market thrifty consumers that are health conscious and don't have time to cook or something else? Please describe.

        Note: I haven't made it further than the headline.
        @docsulo
        Good points above.

        Along the same lines of what we had, we could change it to:
        "Watch This FREE PRESENTATION To Discover
        The Weird Technique This Dietitian Stumbled Upon
        That Resulted In Less Cooking, A Healthier Diet,
        And A Saving Of Over 30% On Food!"

        In answer to your questions:
        1. For the most part. It'll free up some of their time.
        2. Easy when you know how. They feel like it's hard because for various reasons they keep eating junk and can't get away from it.
        3. It's a recession and food is getting more expensive, while many homes have both parents working, so making this daily task faster and easier appeals to them.
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        • Profile picture of the author docsulo
          Originally Posted by Dietriffic View Post

          In answer to your questions:
          1. For the most part. It'll free up some of their time.
          2. Easy when you know how. They feel like it's hard because for various reasons they keep eating junk and can't get away from it.
          3. It's a recession and food is getting more expensive, while many homes have both parents working, so making this daily task faster and easier appeals to them.
          I think you may have misunderstood.

          I'm not asking about the population in general. I'm asking about the people you are targeting.

          You MUST know the answers to these questions and you must know them in detail.

          Is it URGENT that they free up some time?

          Are they ALREADY MOTIVATED to stop eating junk food and start eating health? Because if they are not then you are selling to the wrong people. I noticed in part of your sales letter that you start to pitch people on why they should want better health and more money. If you need to do that then you're not talking to the right people.

          You want to keep the education to a minimum.

          And yes it's a recession and people want to save money. That's almost a platitude.

          You need to be able to say, "Here's the person who I want to read my ad. She's a working mom who makes under $25k a year. She's HIGHLY cost conscious but also very conscious of health. She's got 20 minutes a day to cook AND eat. etc."

          IN DETAIL.

          You also need to figure out where these people are but that's another problem for another day.

          First, figure out the answers to the questions.

          What are your target market's LIFE-CONSUMING PROBLEMS. The things they talk about every day. The things they say to their friends when they're on the phone...

          You said in the sales letter that you made it work on one paycheck. What went through YOUR mind at that time? What did YOU talk about with YOUR friends?

          That should give you a start.

          Next - what promises can you make to these people that would light them up?

          If it's a cost-conscious, low paid, no-time working mom that wants to eat healthy but can't find the time - then wouldn't a promise like the following be cool...

          Want to have a healthy home-cooked meal in the same time it takes to pick up a bag of junk food at the drive-through of your favorite fast-food restaurant? Page 34 tells you how.

          Make a list of them. Just make a sheet of paper and write at the top PROMISES I CAN MAKE TO (put name of prospect you think most embodies your ideal prospect)..

          Then make a list.
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          • Profile picture of the author Dietriffic
            Originally Posted by docsulo View Post

            I think you may have misunderstood.

            I'm not asking about the population in general. I'm asking about the people you are targeting.

            You MUST know the answers to these questions and you must know them in detail.

            Is it URGENT that they free up some time?

            Are they ALREADY MOTIVATED to stop eating junk food and start eating health? Because if they are not then you are selling to the wrong people. I noticed in part of your sales letter that you start to pitch people on why they should want better health and more money. If you need to do that then you're not talking to the right people.

            You want to keep the education to a minimum.

            And yes it's a recession and people want to save money. That's almost a platitude.

            You need to be able to say, "Here's the person who I want to read my ad. She's a working mom who makes under $25k a year. She's HIGHLY cost conscious but also very conscious of health. She's got 20 minutes a day to cook AND eat. etc."

            IN DETAIL.

            You also need to figure out where these people are but that's another problem for another day.

            First, figure out the answers to the questions.

            What are your target market's LIFE-CONSUMING PROBLEMS. The things they talk about every day. The things they say to their friends when they're on the phone...

            You said in the sales letter that you made it work on one paycheck. What went through YOUR mind at that time? What did YOU talk about with YOUR friends?

            That should give you a start.

            Next - what promises can you make to these people that would light them up?

            If it's a cost-conscious, low paid, no-time working mom that wants to eat healthy but can't find the time - then wouldn't a promise like the following be cool...

            Want to have a healthy home-cooked meal in the same time it takes to pick up a bag of junk food at the drive-through of your favorite fast-food restaurant? Page 34 tells you how.

            Make a list of them. Just make a sheet of paper and write at the top PROMISES I CAN MAKE TO (put name of prospect you think most embodies your ideal prospect)..

            Then make a list.
            That's an enlightening post.

            To be honest, I wrote this book as a general theme of what I write about on Dietriffic.com i.e. I didn't have any detailed sketch of someone in mind.

            Does that make the product useless?

            Basically, I wrote the book, and then my husband went through it all, believed I was aiming primarily at busy mom's, and then wrote the pitch.

            I feel sort of annoyed now. Not at you. I'm annoyed at myself.
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            • Profile picture of the author docsulo
              Originally Posted by Dietriffic View Post

              That's an enlightening post.
              Thank you.

              To be honest, I wrote this book as a general theme of what I write about on Dietriffic.com i.e. I didn't have any detailed sketch of someone in mind.

              Does that make the product useless?
              Not necessarily. Are you familiar with your audience on Dietriffic.com? Who are they? How does this book fit in with what they want?

              Ask yourself a lot of questions. It will save you a bunch of time.

              If you need help with the questions let me know but the questions I asked in the previous post should give you a good head start.
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  • Profile picture of the author docsulo
    “Watch This FREE PRESENTATION To Discover
    The Weird Technique This Dietitian Stumbled Upon
    To Make Her Family Cooking Faster,
    Healthy Eating Easier, And Food Shopping
    Over 30% Cheaper!”
    I'm still on the headline and if I didn't change the premise (except for removing the "dietitian" part which I don't think will help the way it is) - I'd go with something like this...


    Want to Prepare Healthy Meals For Your Family without Breaking the Bank But Can't Find the Time?

    This Single Paycheck Mom Uncovered the Simple System that Allows You To Prepare Healthy Meals In 20 Minutes or Less while Saving More Than 30% At Checkout.

    Watch this FREE PRESENTATION to regain your sanity, time, family's health and your money
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    • Profile picture of the author BrianDowns
      I just read docsulo's "Crash course in NLP" and I have to say that I was amazed! This has opened my eyes to a whole new world of persuasive thinking, and will surely change my life and my business... Thank you very much!
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      • Profile picture of the author docsulo
        Originally Posted by BrianDowns View Post

        I just read docsulo's "Crash course in NLP" and I have to say that I was amazed! This has opened my eyes to a whole new world of persuasive thinking, and will surely change my life and my business... Thank you very much!
        Thanks. I'm not sure if this is the perfect thread to put it in but I'm glad you liked it.

        I wrote that 10 or so years ago and haven't updated it since 2003 but it's still a decent summary I think.

        Thanks again.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dietriffic
    Okay...I'm thinking this all through.

    I wrote the Healthy Eating Handbook to a woman. Jane is her name.

    Jane has been married for seven years and has two kids. She's 30 years old, so she married quite young. She doesn't have a tertiary education, because she had no real ambition to get one. Instead, she worked in an office after finishing school, where she stayed until she married a man on $30,000/year, and had her first child. She returned to work, but only in a part-time capacity.

    Jane finds cooking a bit of a chore. She doesn't hate it, and sees it as her responsibility to make dinner for her children and her husband, but it's not something she enjoys. She gets by with fries, burgers, crumbed chicken, etc all of the frozen variety. Fruit and veg is occasionally bought, but often isn't eaten.

    After her first pregnancy, she never managed to lose all the weight she gained during the pregnancy. Conscious of her weight, she tried meal replacement shakes for a while, but without any real success. After her second child, she gained more weight, and although she puts on a brave face, she is still conscious of the extra 20 pounds she's carrying since she was married. Every-so-often she wonders if her husband doesn't like the way she looks now, although he assures her that he does.

    Jane needs help and she knows it. However, she doesn't feel she has the time for the gym, and is sort of sceptical about diet claims.

    ---------------------------------------

    Having written that, let me go through your questions.

    Is it URGENT that they free up some time?
    At minimum it would be a perk.

    Are they ALREADY MOTIVATED to stop eating junk food and start eating health?
    There's an inner desire for sure. Jane would stop eating junk if she a) fully recognised junk food, b) knew what to replace it with.

    What are your target market's LIFE-CONSUMING PROBLEMS.
    [this is tough for me to answer] Feeling like she has a never ending list of things to do, but also feeling that there's nothing that can be done about it.
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    • Profile picture of the author docsulo
      Originally Posted by Dietriffic View Post

      Okay...I'm thinking this all through.

      I wrote the Healthy Eating Handbook to a woman. Jane is her name.

      Jane has been married for seven years and has two kids. She's 30 years old, so she married quite young. She doesn't have a tertiary education, because she had no real ambition to get one. Instead, she worked in an office after finishing school, where she stayed until she married a man on $30,000/year, and had her first child. She returned to work, but only in a part-time capacity.

      Jane finds cooking a bit of a chore. She doesn't hate it, and sees it as her responsibility to make dinner for her children and her husband, but it's not something she enjoys. She gets by with fries, burgers, crumbed chicken, etc all of the frozen variety. Fruit and veg is occasionally bought, but often isn't eaten.

      After her first pregnancy, she never managed to lose all the weight she gained during the pregnancy. Conscious of her weight, she tried meal replacement shakes for a while, but without any real success. After her second child, she gained more weight, and although she puts on a brave face, she is still conscious of the extra 20 pounds she's carrying since she was married. Every-so-often she wonders if her husband doesn't like the way she looks now, although he assures her that he does.

      Jane needs help and she knows it. However, she doesn't feel she has the time for the gym, and is sort of sceptical about diet claims.

      ---------------------------------------

      Having written that, let me go through your questions.

      Is it URGENT that they free up some time?
      At minimum it would be a perk.

      Are they ALREADY MOTIVATED to stop eating junk food and start eating health?
      There's an inner desire for sure. Jane would stop eating junk if she a) fully recognised junk food, b) knew what to replace it with.

      What are your target market's LIFE-CONSUMING PROBLEMS.
      [this is tough for me to answer] Feeling like she has a never ending list of things to do, but also feeling that there's nothing that can be done about it.

      OK. Now we're getting somewhere.

      I have to go for the day. But I'll be back to respond some more tomorrow.

      In the meantime...

      1. I see that your site for this book is live and that you have a link to it from your main site. Might I suggest you remove the text sales letter and leave just the video?

      2. Change the headline to something like I suggest above (since the main site calls it a "Mom's Guide")...

      ===
      Want to Prepare Healthy Meals For Your Family without Breaking the Bank But Can't Find the Time?

      This Single Paycheck Mom Uncovered the Simple System that Allows You To Prepare Healthy Meals In 20 Minutes or Less while Saving More Than 30% At Checkout.

      Watch this FREE PRESENTATION to regain your sanity, your time, and your family's health.
      ===

      It's not a great headline but I think it gets the message across that you were trying to convey in the original headline. I don't know why you have "Weird" in your original headline. Is it really that weird? And if it is - you need to pay that off in your video copy pretty quick with a story. Don't just say something is weird to sound different.

      Anyway - I'll be back tomorrow 'cause I'm going to spend a few days here at the Copywriting forum just for fun.

      -C
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      • Profile picture of the author Dietriffic
        Originally Posted by docsulo View Post

        OK. Now we're getting somewhere.

        I have to go for the day. But I'll be back to respond some more tomorrow.

        In the meantime...

        1. I see that your site for this book is live and that you have a link to it from your main site. Might I suggest you remove the text sales letter and leave just the video?

        2. Change the headline to something like I suggest above (since the main site calls it a "Mom's Guide")...

        ===
        Want to Prepare Healthy Meals For Your Family without Breaking the Bank But Can't Find the Time?

        This Single Paycheck Mom Uncovered the Simple System that Allows You To Prepare Healthy Meals In 20 Minutes or Less while Saving More Than 30% At Checkout.

        Watch this FREE PRESENTATION to regain your sanity, your time, and your family's health.
        ===

        It's not a great headline but I think it gets the message across that you were trying to convey in the original headline. I don't know why you have "Weird" in your original headline. Is it really that weird? And if it is - you need to pay that off in your video copy pretty quick with a story. Don't just say something is weird to sound different.

        Anyway - I'll be back tomorrow 'cause I'm going to spend a few days here at the Copywriting forum just for fun.

        -C
        I've done your suggestions. I left the text in for those at work who visit. But, I'm not even sure how willing people would be to actually buy stuff at work. I imagine many do research on stuff at work, and buy things when they get home. But as I said, I'm not sure.

        Hubby says he added 'weird' because
        i) It creates curiosity
        ii) It kinda is weird in its simplicity
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  • Profile picture of the author MontelloMarketing
    I'm going to give you a piece of advice I know isn't what you're looking for... But hopefully it will help you.

    I write a lot in your niche. My copy in health and fitness has generated more than $50 million U.S. to date...

    The fundamental problem i see is that you're selling something no one is looking to buy online...

    Health.

    Don't get me wrong... they're online looking to buy health related products all day long, that's for sure...

    But your main "feature/benefit" as I see it is the idea of health... being healthy... etc.

    IMEO you need instead to figure out what health means to them, and sell them that.

    You don't sell a middle aged man a sports car... you sell him the abundance of sex he'll be getting. You don't sell a flat-chested woman breasts, you sell her a new head-turning existence where all the men want her and all the women want to be her.

    You need to be selling them the thing that health brings them.

    Here's an example how to do that:

    Your product shows people how to eat healthier. If you can find a study from a university that says those who eat healthier live an average of 15 years longer... then you can stop selling health and start selling longevity.

    Understand?


    Originally Posted by Dietriffic View Post

    Hey guys!

    So we've now went with a written sales page + a video presentation.

    We haven't sent any traffic to the site yet, but I'm just wondering if there is anything fundamentally wrong with our site that will hinder conversion. Things we're not seeing because we're too familiar with it.

    Any help/advice appreciated.

    Healthy Eating Handbook
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    • Profile picture of the author ARSuarez
      Originally Posted by MontelloMarketing View Post

      I'm going to give you a piece of advice I know isn't what you're looking for... But hopefully it will help you.

      I write a lot in your niche. My copy in health and fitness has generated more than $50 million U.S. to date...

      The fundamental problem i see is that you're selling something no one is looking to buy online...

      Health.

      Don't get me wrong... they're online looking to buy health related products all day long, that's for sure...

      But your main "feature/benefit" as I see it is the idea of health... being healthy... etc.

      IMEO you need instead to figure out what health means to them, and sell them that.

      You don't sell a middle aged man a sports car... you sell him the abundance of sex he'll be getting. You don't sell a flat-chested woman breasts, you sell her a new head-turning existence where all the men want her and all the women want to be her.

      You need to be selling them the thing that health brings them.

      Here's an example how to do that:

      Your product shows people how to eat healthier. If you can find a study from a university that says those who eat healthier live an average of 15 years longer... then you can stop selling health and start selling longevity.

      Understand?
      Damn. Good reminder.

      And if you'd like to see this in action, with a product similar to yours, check out: The Sugar Solution

      If I'm not mistaken, Clayton Makepeace worked with these guys.

      Anyway, I would look over their site for inspiration.

      Sorry, s'all I have time for.

      Best,

      Angel
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    • Profile picture of the author Dietriffic
      Originally Posted by MontelloMarketing View Post

      I'm going to give you a piece of advice I know isn't what you're looking for... But hopefully it will help you.

      I write a lot in your niche. My copy in health and fitness has generated more than $50 million U.S. to date...

      The fundamental problem i see is that you're selling something no one is looking to buy online...

      Health.

      Don't get me wrong... they're online looking to buy health related products all day long, that's for sure...

      But your main "feature/benefit" as I see it is the idea of health... being healthy... etc.

      IMEO you need instead to figure out what health means to them, and sell them that.

      You don't sell a middle aged man a sports car... you sell him the abundance of sex he'll be getting. You don't sell a flat-chested woman breasts, you sell her a new head-turning existence where all the men want her and all the women want to be her.

      You need to be selling them the thing that health brings them.

      Here's an example how to do that:

      Your product shows people how to eat healthier. If you can find a study from a university that says those who eat healthier live an average of 15 years longer... then you can stop selling health and start selling longevity.

      Understand?
      Vin...that's a fantastic help to us, I think (i.e. if we're grasping it)

      So go with something along the lines of:

      Heart disease is the leading cause of death among men and women removing 631,636 loved ones from American families in 2006. A staggering 26% of all deaths!

      And the reason for most of these deaths? Diet.

      If your tired and struggle to get through the day, you're likely suffering from nutritional deficiencies. You might be able to cope with the lack of energy from day-to-day, but will you be able to cope with the almost inevitable diet related disease that will kill you?

      Obesity, high blood pressure, and lethargy are early warning signs. Your body is literally screaming at you to take action now!

      All these are eliminated with the right diet...


      and so on.

      Is that better?
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      • Profile picture of the author MontelloMarketing
        Not eliminated with the right diet... eliminated with the diet you're selling. And while you can't say this, you want to give them the idea that it's something special (almost magical) in your diet as opposed to others.

        For example you know all the diets that claim they can easily cure diabetes and get you off your meds permanently? Many of them are true but are incredibly hard (nearly impossible) to stay on forever. But, they don't say that. Instead they allude to it being magically simple (which it is).
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        • Profile picture of the author Dietriffic
          Originally Posted by MontelloMarketing View Post

          Not eliminated with the right diet... eliminated with the diet you're selling. And while you can't say this, you want to give them the idea that it's something special (almost magical) in your diet as opposed to others.

          For example you know all the diets that claim they can easily cure diabetes and get you off your meds permanently? Many of them are true but are incredibly hard (nearly impossible) to stay on forever. But, they don't say that. Instead they allude to it being magically simple (which it is).
          That's a great point, Vin.

          Hubby has been rewriting the whole video script today due to your collective advice.

          Anyone with skills willing to run their eye over it before it goes to the voiceover person?
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          • Profile picture of the author docsulo
            I'll start with - I think Vin's advice is great.

            I'll add that in general people don't buy prevention.

            Now I have to admit I had no idea this was a diet book based on the headline and the tidbits I read here and there in the letter.

            My first impression was that this book was for mom's that don't feel they have the time to cook, want to feed their family well and do it for the least amount of money possible.

            As I said initially I think that's too many appeals but none of those appeals said "diet" to me.

            I have more questions:

            Do you have a list based on your blog?

            What are the main reasons people visit your website? - is it for recipes, diet advice, etc?

            Do you have continual communication with them?

            ----

            And I'll read your sales letter.
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            • Profile picture of the author Dietriffic
              Originally Posted by docsulo View Post

              I'll start with - I think Vin's advice is great.

              I'll add that in general people don't buy prevention.

              Now I have to admit I had no idea this was a diet book based on the headline and the tidbits I read here and there in the letter.

              My first impression was that this book was for mom's that don't feel they have the time to cook, want to feed their family well and do it for the least amount of money possible.

              As I said initially I think that's too many appeals but none of those appeals said "diet" to me.

              I have more questions:

              Do you have a list based on your blog?

              What are the main reasons people visit your website? - is it for recipes, diet advice, etc?

              Do you have continual communication with them?

              ----

              And I'll read your sales letter.
              But, isn't prevention a type of 'fear of loss'? In essence you strongly highlight what they will lose if they don't take precautionary measures. Like life insurance, except in diet form.

              I say this, because this is the way we've been taking it today.

              Also, it's not a 'diet book' per se, in the sense of losing weight. It is a book of practical and educational instruction to enable people to eat right, whether they are trying to lose weight or not. If people follow it, going by the average diet people have, they will consequently lose weight because they are no longer eating junk.

              The practical principles will save them time and money, etc.

              I do have a list. Some of my highest ranking articles are for breakfast ideas, healthy lunch ideas, as well as hits for informative articles on legumes, becoming a runner, and so on.

              I write about 2 articles/week, and when people sign up to the list, I have over 20 emails on autoresponder, which probably spread out over a year or so.
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  • Profile picture of the author K.Callwood
    Have you considered turning the landing page into a squeeze page? You could do it by adding an Aweber form and offering a "Free 15-Minute Recipe Guaranteed to Melt in Your Mouth and Actually Help You Burn Calories AND an Eye-Opening Video Presentation That Will Dramatically Change the Way You Think About Healthy Eating" Then "Send Me The Recipe" or something like that as the button text.

    I am not a copywriter (see my sig. if you want to see my meager attempt), but I think you should take advantage of the fact that you are hoping people click something to actually arrive at the page they can order from. I doubt it will hurt your conversions and I bet you will be able to get more than a few people on a list you can then follow-up with.

    Here's to your success,

    K.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dietriffic
    Hi K!
    Yeah, we have thought about doing that. I think some affiliates doing like that too much, but I won't be ruling it out.

    My husband has finished the new video script.
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    Weight loss/fitness marketers earn 75% per sale with... The Fat Reversal Formula
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    • Profile picture of the author Dietriffic
      Okay, while the video script is revised, we've put up a 'written version' of the new direction of the copy.

      The headline is:

      The Statistics Suggest It's Highly Likely That Your Death Will Have Been Preventable...
      Discover How A Leading Dietitian Fights
      Heart Disease, Cancer, And Stroke In Her Family
      By Practicing An Unusual Technique That Takes Her
      Just 15 Minutes Each Week!


      In The Following Message, Melanie Reveals This Strategy
      To You For Free! Read It Now!

      Thoughts?
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      — Melanie (RD)

      Weight loss/fitness marketers earn 75% per sale with... The Fat Reversal Formula
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  • Profile picture of the author Obelisk
    Hello,

    Clean looking site, but holy mackeral do you have waaaayyyyy toooo much in the above fold!

    you are not marketing to marketers. Keep the headlines & benee's to bullet type stuff....address the foremost concern of your target market and put it in the headline/sub headline then proceed...

    If you have different segments of your market you are trying to target, then make separate LP's for each and drive traffic accordingly.

    The whole "one landing page for one market" WILL NOT WORK!

    Enter their minds and cater each page to their wants....

    Just my .02 cents as I watch UFC Drinking wine...har har har

    but it makes sense doesnt it?
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    • Profile picture of the author Dietriffic
      Originally Posted by smithsts View Post

      Hello,

      Clean looking site, but holy mackeral do you have waaaayyyyy toooo much in the above fold!

      you are not marketing to marketers. Keep the headlines & benee's to bullet type stuff....address the foremost concern of your target market and put it in the headline/sub headline then proceed...

      If you have different segments of your market you are trying to target, then make separate LP's for each and drive traffic accordingly.

      The whole "one landing page for one market" WILL NOT WORK!

      Enter their minds and cater each page to their wants....

      Just my .02 cents as I watch UFC Drinking wine...har har har

      but it makes sense doesnt it?
      Hi!
      I think I understand what you mean, but I'm not sure. Do you think there are mixed messages above the fold, or throughout the whole page, or what?
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      Weight loss/fitness marketers earn 75% per sale with... The Fat Reversal Formula
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  • Profile picture of the author Dean Jackson
    Hey Melanie, I just took a quick look at your page again.

    Anyway, I think what Vin is trying to get at is that you should be selling an END result. Not the process to get there or how easy it will be - but what the buyer will experience after getting it.

    Just take a look at the "make money online" niche, I'm sure you've seen your fair share of clickbank sales pages. Many of them don't even tell you about what the product actually is.

    They just go on and on about how getting the product will allow them to live life as they want, kill the drudgery of a 9-5, spend more time with the family, pursue their passions, be happier, live longer, go on vacation... blah, blah, blah.

    As somebody mentioned before, people don't pay for prevention. They pay for cures. Example? Skinny people don't worry about getting fat. So why would they care for a product that will help them stay skinny?

    So what could you sell as the END result from your product?

    Hope this clarifies the above points by Vin.

    Kind regards,
    Dean
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  • Profile picture of the author docsulo
    Okey dokey.

    I'm back.

    Read the copy and didn't like it one bit.

    You really are getting ahead of yourself though.

    I asked all the questions I did (in a previous post) because YOU should know the answers.

    Instead of depending on someone to come up with the sales appeal or angle for you - RESEARCH - HARD RESEARCH - TIME-CONSUMING RESEARCH - will often give the appeal to you in almost "ready to go" form.

    I'd venture to say that the hardest part in creating a pitch is the research. And the best copywriters know that.

    The reason I asked if you had a list and if you communicate with them is that THEY will give you a perfect avenue to do research.

    When I asked you to know who you were writing to I didn't want you to make it up - I wanted you to KNOW and you should if you communicate with your list at all.

    Who are your readers? What do they want? What are the things that eat them up every day? Is it that they don't have enough time to make healthy meals? - I don't know, but you NEED to. Stop guessing.

    Anyway - STOP worrying about the copy and get some info.

    I don't mean to be abrupt but from my brief perusal of some of the sales copy I've seen here - 80+% of the horrible sales letters could be cured with a little knowledge of the market they are trying to sell to.

    Which would you rather have?

    1. A list of tricks to make things sound 1000% more appealing

    2. A way to see inside someone's mind

    I'd go with the second one in a heartbeat and I hope you would too.

    Think if you can see a person saying inside their head "God my head hurts horribly and I'd do anything to make it stop."

    You wouldn't have to say a lot to this person - just something like "It looks like your head is hurting really bad would you like one of these 'stops a headache in 20 seconds' pills I'm selling?"

    You CAN see inside someone's mind to a limited extent through research and understanding what goes on in your customer's head.

    I would rather hire a person with no copywriting ability but understands what's going on in someone's mind and how my product ties into it - than 100 copywriters who can write well technically but can't research what appeals to people.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dietriffic
    doc,
    Could you be underestimating the skills necessary to do this type of research?

    Most of the people on my list (I can't speak for those who visit but don't sign up) are looking to lose weight.

    I have a targeted weight loss program in the pipeline.

    I wrote this product as a handbook to good health, with practical tips for organising family diets. It's not the super duper fat blasting program most are looking for, although people will easily lose modest 2 pounds/week following it.

    I know I created this product in the wrong way. My husband told me that long ago.

    Be that as it may, it exists, I've sold some copies already, and now I'd just like to put up some kind of sales page that converts to an acceptable degree, and then get on with something else.
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    Weight loss/fitness marketers earn 75% per sale with... The Fat Reversal Formula
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    • Profile picture of the author docsulo
      Originally Posted by Dietriffic View Post

      doc,
      Could you be underestimating the skills necessary to do this type of research?
      I could. You reminded me of a quote from James Webb Young:


      This I suppose, is because a real knowledge of a product, and of people in relation to it, is not easy to come by. Getting it is something like the process which was recommended to De Maupassant as the way to learn how to write. "Go out into the streets of Paris," he was told by an older writer, "and pick out a cab driver. He will look to you very much like every other cab dirver. But study him until you can describe him so that he is seen in your description to be an individual, different from every other cab driver in the world."

      This is the real meaning of that trite talk about getting an intimate knowledge of a product and its consumers. Most of us stop too soon in the process of getting it. If the surface differences are not striking we assume that there are no differences. But if we go deeply enough, or far enough, we nearly always find that between every product and some consumers there is an individuality of relationship which may lead to an idea.
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  • Profile picture of the author xennia
    I read the "deadly belly fat" and felt sad and willing to sit on a diet again)
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    • Profile picture of the author Dietriffic
      Originally Posted by xennia View Post

      I read the "deadly belly fat" and felt sad and willing to sit on a diet again)
      What do you mean?

      Believe it or not, hubby has rewritten the page AGAIN!!

      I'm not sure if you can be bothered to look at it.

      If you can: Healthy Eating Handbook
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      Weight loss/fitness marketers earn 75% per sale with... The Fat Reversal Formula
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  • Profile picture of the author Dietriffic
    doc,

    It's a habit I would guess, to generalise people. We tend to classify them and then regard a particular group as 'typical'.

    That's what you suggest is the problem, correct?
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    Weight loss/fitness marketers earn 75% per sale with... The Fat Reversal Formula
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