$800,000/yr Copywriter - What Do You Think of This Swipe?

I couldn't agree more. And I would bet a fair number of those intelligent people will look at it and react to the big, fat NO that enters their heads upon reading it...

Sorry I don't agree. You aren't your target market. They have different hot buttons and different ways of conversing than the copywriter who is writing the copy.

The line in question... In my opinion, it's conversational in tone and how many people talk to each other.

Fair enough?

I broke your paragraph down into three bits, because I thought it relevant to do so.

The bolded part is absolutely true. Especially where intelligence is considered. All populations over a trivial size conform to a bell curve. A relatively small number of people will be well below average. A relatively small number will be well above average. And the vast majority will be lumped in unceremoniously with the great, mediocre mass of humanity.

The CAPITALIZED part, therefore, is completely and utterly wrong. There's a reason you've been instructed your whole life to keep sentences and paragraphs short. To keep reading level at elementary-school levels. To use short words, and to play to emotions rather than logic, primarily. It's because not merely most of your readers, but the HUGE majority of your readers are simple read-and-react types of magnificently average intelligence. They're not dissecting whether they're being manipulated. If a copywriting trick is anything shy of grossly overt, it will go unnoticed by anyone but those at the very top of the curve, or those who've had special training. (Like you!)

So then the last, unbolded, unCAPITALIZED sentence? The answer is copywriters AREN'T treating readers like morons. They're treating them like average readers. Average readers of average intelligence, and average capacity for detecting coercion. Readers who prefer mental pictures to logical prose styling. Readers who prefer conversational to academic in tone. Readers who will both IGNORE and REACT TO having their strings pulled by the merchants of manipulation.

I've been copywriting long enough that just the mention of "WHO ELSE WANTS TO...?" in a headline makes me want to vomit.

But on a baser level, I know it still works. Because the rock-simple premise that "Who else?" suggests pre-conditioned social proof DOES actually succeed in short-circuiting the logic processors that ought to be saying, "Wait a minute, who was first?"

Or...it short-circuits them for the bulk of that bell curve, anyway.

We ain't selling to Carlton, Makepeace, and Bencivenga. We're selling to Joe Average. Respect his intelligence enough to show him you get who he is. But not so much that you hurt your own efforts to convince.

Read the whole page and look at the context. The whole thing is written in a very informal tone. The portion of the page with that quote is on the bottom right next to a picture of the author who is looking right at you and smiling. When you read that phrase on the site odds are you'll be hearing it in an imagined female voice. It makes it personal. Context is what matters. That one little phrase makes the guarantee congruent with the rest of the page's content. It has nothing to do with the intelligence of the reader or any such b.s. It simply reflects the tone of the entire page.

Her guarantee is way better than most, that's for sure. I don't think
it's swipe worthy... probably because that's the type of thing I do.

I do like her controls, a lot.

The phrase in question is: "I think that's fair, don't you?"

The problem is those last two words. It's the kind of dumbed-down phrasing you would use to persuade a 5-year-old...

"You want to grow up to be big and strong, don't you? Then you had better drink your milk."

It's condescending and the intent of those extra two words is manipulate the reader. The problem is it's so transparent, that it's laughable.

The point of my post is very simple -- it's that you would be better off taking your reader's side by helping to guide them, than making a thinly veiled attempt at coercion.

But, if you really think that's grade "A" copy, then run with it...

-John

Not usually. When the iPad launched, you could have sold a TON of them with a sales letter that said little more than... "Buy This!" That's because the traffic was heavily presold.

There are a large number of other factors involved. The sales letter is extremely important, of course, but it's not the only factor.

-John

I too joined in with a giggle....

This is a great lesson for those out there who think they know the
marketplace. It's not the IQ of the reader that is an issue, it's
the time they will give our ads. More effort equals less engagement.

To think we know what they think is crazy (without thorough research)...
totally insane thinking 90% are to your thinking/rationality.

Look at you Johnny, your bad spelling just divorced you from your
90% group (in our minds). Careful when trying to look smart (while
your at it try using a basic copywriting technique known as proof-reading)

No, I wouldn't "feel better." On the one hand, because I don't feel badly about it to begin with.

But on the other, significantly more important hand, because either number shows that there's mathematical flaw in the way you're perceiving the universe. It's not a bad flaw. In fact, it's probably an emotionally healthy one. You're overestimating the average person.

In truth, it's probably a nice, optimistic way to go through life.

But where it comes to writing copy, you're hamstringing yourself unnecessarily. What you're perceiving as "talking down" to people...insulting their intelligence and sales-acumen...is tried, tested, and true sales mechanics. Sales is a bag of tricks, and you can draw the line where you want, trickiness-wise. But don't fool yourself into thinking you're doing otherwise.

When you offer a headline meant to grab somebody's attention for no more altruistic reason than that you intend to offer them a solution to their problems that will also line your pockets, you're tricking them into lowering their defenses.

When you offer up social proof through testimonial or endorsement, you're tricking them into lowering their defenses.

When you tell them a compelling story about yourself or whoever, and get them engaged and trusting you, you're tricking them into lowering their defenses.

And when the guy above says, "...don't you think?" by way of coercing the prospect into silent agreement, he's tricking them into lowering their defenses.

If one particular trick or another doesn't suit your code of ethics or whatever, toss it out of your bag.

But recognize that those tricks you've seen around for ever and ever have been there that long for a reason. It's not because most people are too savvy to fall for them, and see them as condescending and cheap.

It's because they help move product. And they don't do that unless the lion's share of that bell curve you're fond of is gobbling them up, hook...line...sinker.