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Which one? Pick the better headline!

by Li Weng
14 replies
"Discover How An 20-Year-Old Punk Made Over $15,000 In Five Days With This Easy To Use Hidden Technique!"

OR

"Learn The Push-Button Method Used By An 20-Year-Old High School Dropout To Make $15,000 Under A Week!"


Which one would you pick?
#headline #pick
  • Profile picture of the author Michael G Perry
    Li,

    I read both of these... I like:

    Learn The Push-Button Method Used By An 20-Year-Old High School Dropout To Make $15,000 Under A Week!"

    Here is why: this main headline invites the reader without the hype.. Now, the sub titles should lend SOCIAL PROOF elements to the copy: here is why.. You want to intellecutally stimulate the reader to entertain the thought (based on desire) to make money..and make certain each sub title crescendos down farther and into the copy... then "after the sub titles, tell the story..

    Let me know if you need help... I will be glad to assist you.

    Best,
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  • Profile picture of the author Nick Doyle
    Choose the second one. Judging from the target market your hitting ... go with the one that has less Hype, which would be the second.

    The first one has been chewed through the grinder too many times in that market. The second reads more like something you would tell to your buddy. Much better.
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  • Profile picture of the author Harry Spencer
    Hi Everyone,

    I'm no sales page expert and my first products letter needs a lot of work but I like the seocnd one too.

    I've been thinking of creating a video to go on my sales page I thought it might be easier to keep the attention of visitors as I have no experience in writing sales copy.

    Cheers, Harry
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  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    They're both pretty generic and unexciting. If you do go with either, you'll want to change "...An 20-Year-Old High..." to A 20-year old.

    Grammar, you know...
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  • Profile picture of the author J.Knight
    You need to test, but possibly the second one.

    However, change 'Learn' to 'Discover'.

    'Discover' always works better than 'learn' because it appeals to our curiosity. Also, the word 'learn' reminds most people of work and study, and most people don't like that.

    JK
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  • Profile picture of the author cupbucket
    Banned
    second one
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    • Profile picture of the author MaskedMarketer
      Originally Posted by travlinguy View Post

      They're both pretty generic and unexciting.
      - Exactly...

      If you don't want an honest opinion then stop reading.

      Out of the 2 mentioned, i'd test as our opinions might not be right.

      Both of those headlines put me to sleep and made me think of every other "guy that made 15k in 4 days". YOU DO NOT STAND OUT. NOT BELIEVABLE.

      If you don't have a USP/ competitive advantage then you don't matter. "Differentiate or Die." Whats your positioning? Competitive advantage? Maybe you can communicate a USP in your headline?

      I understand the concepts of using what works, but it can lose its effectiveness depending on your market. If you plan on marketing that on the warriorforum or something similiar- and you don't have a USP/competitive advantage/ believability- go back to the drawing board.

      Be original- but effective.

      And no offense, but judging by your other post in another topic talking about copy writing, and with the 2 headlines you proposed, you're not an effective copy writer. If what your doing is working, then thats awesome, but I do see more potential in what your trying to do. Not trying to be an a$$, but your in a competitive market and if you dont offer more value for less money and you dont have a clear USP/competitive advantage- you're the exact same as every other marketer out there.

      Please tell me what makes you better than your competitors?

      What information, products, services do you provide, that your competitors do not?

      If those answers aren't clearly communicated to your market, your market will most likely go with someone that is clear on there business goals
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  • Profile picture of the author Eric Johnson
    They both need work. One thing that I would do though is to give a specific number in the amount earned. $15,435.32 is MUCH more believable that "over $15,000"

    Good luck mate.
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    • Profile picture of the author TajwarAlexander
      "Discover How An 20-Year-Old Punk Made Over $15,000 In Five Days With This Easy To Use Hidden Technique!"

      OR

      "Learn The Push-Button Method Used By An 20-Year-Old High School Dropout To Make $15,000 Under A Week!"


      It should be Discover How A 20-Year-Old...not AN
      That would already give me a disconnect starting from the beginning.

      And in the second headline it should be Make 15,000 IN under a week...minus the font.

      Of the two, the 2nd one is better. Honestly, they are both quite bad.

      Believability is a big thing here. People are far more likely to believe they can make 100-500 in a week then 15,000. Even if what you are saying is true I would definitely scale that down and leave your customers with a surprise when they end up making that much money.

      Also, I would right more than 2 headlines. Write at least 50. Then choose the best one on each page. Put all of those on one page and then rank them from worst to best.
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  • Profile picture of the author Li Weng
    Hey thanks for the suggestions. I'm not creating these for any products, just doing some random testing and fine-tuning of certain techniques. There are some great posts here.
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    • Profile picture of the author MaskedMarketer
      Originally Posted by Li Weng View Post

      Hey thanks for the suggestions. I'm not creating these for any products, just doing some random testing and fine-tuning of certain techniques. There are some great posts here.
      Good luck.. lets us know how the results turn out..
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  • Profile picture of the author ArTsYwRiTeR
    for me I like the first one "Discover How An 20-Year-Old Punk Made Over $15,000 In Five Days With This Easy To Use Hidden Technique!" it gets my attention
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  • Profile picture of the author spressnell
    I like the second one--more direct without the hype.

    Shirley
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  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    I don't like youth-focused appeals. Your readers will jump to conclusions:

    - that you are too young to have a well-developed sense of ethics - associating
    yourself with "PUNK" associates you with smoking, drinking, cussing, stealing,
    homeless rebel liars who SCARE people.

    - that you are a super-smart computer whiz kid who never had to struggle
    to understand the internet or anything about computers because you
    learned it at age 3.

    - that you have no adult responsibilities and tons of time to play with computers

    Now I DO like the "high-school dropout" appeal - and similar ones
    that lead into a story of your once dead-end existence in a dreary
    job.
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