My First Squeeze Page - Review Required

94 replies
Hey Copywriters,

Just critique my first squeeze page..

http://mylistbuildingclub.net

It might be bad as hell no wonder.. or it might be good enough!

Just let me know your thoughts...

Ronak.
#page #required #review #squeeze
  • Profile picture of the author DannyDarwin
    Something is strange with that page... everytime I refresh, after some second, the page updates the font weight. Very annoying. Are you using some kind of advanced css/javascript to make the text antialiased/shadowed or anything?
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  • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
    I am using OptimizePress wordpress theme and impact font.
    Signature
    I AM YOUR Direct Response Ninja Kick-Ass Sales Copywriter.

    Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
    Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
    I'll Write YOUR Sales Copy AGAIN Till YOU Make MUCH MORE Than THAT. Guaranteed*.
    *Terms & Conditions Apply. Email me at ronak[at]ronakshah[dot]name right now.
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  • Profile picture of the author Oxbloom
    I'm kind of baffled by the line of inquiry, here.

    You throw together this half-hearted effort at a squeeze page, willingly acknowledging that you did so without bothering with any of the "rules of copywriting."

    Then you post it here, asking us to critique it? Why? Presumably, because many of us "do bother to use the rules of copywriting?"

    Is the goal here to see EXACTLY how little you can do in getting started, while getting others to carry the heavy timber for you? You've posted hundreds of times on these forums, practically all of them chasing some dream or another, asking what you need to do to get started.

    I'll point you in the right direction. Get started by going ahead and putting in at least a *teensy* bit of effort. Maybe by going ahead and bothering with the copywriting rules that have launched a million businesses before asking others to point the way for you. A number of them are posted in a sticky at the top of the forum, along with a note to "do this before you ask for help."

    Sooner or later, you've got to cast fear and laziness aside, dare to be accountable, and take those first steps on your own. Why not make it today?
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    • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
      Originally Posted by Oxbloom View Post

      I'm kind of baffled by the line of inquiry, here.

      You throw together this half-hearted effort at a squeeze page, willingly acknowledging that you did so without bothering with any of the "rules of copywriting."

      Then you post it here, asking us to critique it? Why? Presumably, because many of us "do bother to use the rules of copywriting?"

      Is the goal here to see EXACTLY how little you can do in getting started, while getting others to carry the heavy timber for you? You've posted hundreds of times on these forums, practically all of them chasing some dream or another, asking what you need to do to get started.

      I'll point you in the right direction. Get started by going ahead and putting in at least a *teensy* bit of effort. Maybe by going ahead and bothering with the copywriting rules that have launched a million businesses before asking others to point the way for you. A number of them are posted in a sticky at the top of the forum, along with a note to "do this before you ask for help."

      Sooner or later, you've got to cast fear and laziness aside, dare to be accountable, and take those first steps on your own. Why not make it today?
      I thought you would answer constructively with whether it is good or requires any improvement but no.. you expect me to go through the rules of copywriting even before I ask for a critique.

      I never expected that..

      Thanks a lot for your advice. I'll keep that in mind and craft the squeeze page again if the copywriters here ask me to.
      Signature
      I AM YOUR Direct Response Ninja Kick-Ass Sales Copywriter.

      Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
      Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
      I'll Write YOUR Sales Copy AGAIN Till YOU Make MUCH MORE Than THAT. Guaranteed*.
      *Terms & Conditions Apply. Email me at ronak[at]ronakshah[dot]name right now.
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  • Profile picture of the author DannyDarwin
    Everything that Oxbloom says...

    I'm not a copywriter but this is what i came up with in 10 minutes, rewriting your stuff.

    Make A Boatload of Cash Each & Every Month From The Comfort Of Your Home
    Get $5000 Each Month Using The Skills I Will Teach You And Kiss Your Boss Goodbye

    • Do you want to build your own list of eager buyers and start pulling in some serious cash? Yes!
    • Do you want to deliver quality content to your niche and be known as the one and only expert? Yes!
    • Do you want to command your subscribers to whip out their credit cards and immediatly send their hard earned money - to you? Definitely Yes!

    Then YOU will be happy to know that I will teach you EXACTLY how to attract subscribers, non-stop, 24/7, month after month after month... and ONLY if you sign up right here:

    [sign up]

    PS. This is NOT for everyone and we will expose some of the gurus secrets. Sign up ONLY if you are ready for the truth about list building.

    Yeah yeah, I know it sucks... but I do love to write
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  • Profile picture of the author Mark R Carter
    Ronak, PM me with your email and I'll send you a new, improved version of your squeeze page. I think you're off to a good start. Take a look at what I did and see how I've made it more compelling and dynamic by changing some of the wording and also the fonts.
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    • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
      I just sent you a PM containing my email address.

      Would be REALLY glad to see the new squeeze page from your end.

      I am using optimizepress so I don't have many options to choose a font for a squeeze page.
      Signature
      I AM YOUR Direct Response Ninja Kick-Ass Sales Copywriter.

      Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
      Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
      I'll Write YOUR Sales Copy AGAIN Till YOU Make MUCH MORE Than THAT. Guaranteed*.
      *Terms & Conditions Apply. Email me at ronak[at]ronakshah[dot]name right now.
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    • Profile picture of the author 247Copywriter
      Ignore my join date, I've been reading this section for years.

      Ronak Shah, I remember your username well.

      A little while ago, several months back you used to post in this section regularly.

      And in fact, back then, you were positioning yourself as the Squeeze Page Copywriter, you went on and on about it incessantly.

      Which begs the question, why are you here now asking for a critique (couldn't even say please I noticed) from other copywriters here?

      If you were the expert squeeze page copywriter, why? :confused:

      You advertised yourself as a copywriter in your own right, do you want me to dig up the posts and threads?

      Then you disappeared for ages, now you're back again seeking advice.

      Was you just jollying along before, trying to fool others with your so called expertise?

      Does this squeeze page copywriting and general copywriting expertise you claimed to own, exist or not? :rolleyes:
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      --->----->----->----->-----> MarkAndrews IMCopywriting <-----<-----<-----<-----<---
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  • Profile picture of the author 247Copywriter
    My First Squeeze Page - Review Required huh?

    http://www.warriorforum.com/copywrit...opywriter.html

    There seems to be a major disconnect with the title of this thread and the above linked thread in which you stated...

    Originally Posted by Ronak Shah View Post

    Hey Copywriters,

    I ain't like most of you here.

    I'm different than most copywriters.

    I like to work less, earn more. I like to save my time and relax for a while which is why I prefer writing squeeze pages.

    I love writing and re-writing squeeze pages from scratch. I am very good at it.

    All I want to do is build a squeeze page portfolio and make enough money that I can survive easily with it.

    I did get one client who asked me to write a squeeze page for him and he even offered a testimonial as well. He is on the warrior forum.

    He paid me $100 for the same. It took me 3 hours only.

    I am thinking of a strategy that can get me offers to write only squeeze pages on a daily basis.

    Any clues? How do I market myself well as a specialized squeeze page copywriter?

    I was thinking of offering a free trial to a few people within WF.

    I want to generate some money immediately and need help.

    Please advise. Please share your ideas.

    What can be my possible strategy?

    Thanks.

    Regards,
    Ronak Shah
    Which is it Ronak Shah?

    Which one is bending the truth?

    Is this really your first squeeze page?

    And if so, what of your comments above to the contrary?

    And if the other is true, why are you claiming this is your first ever writing of a squeeze page?
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    --->----->----->----->-----> MarkAndrews IMCopywriting <-----<-----<-----<-----<---
    http://www.IMCopywriting.com
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    • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
      Originally Posted by 247Copywriter View Post

      My First Squeeze Page - Review Required huh?

      http://www.warriorforum.com/copywrit...opywriter.html

      There seems to be a major disconnect with the title of this thread and the above linked thread in which you stated...



      Which is it Ronak Shah?

      Which one is bending the truth?

      Is this really your first squeeze page?

      And if so, what of your comments above to the contrary?

      And if the other is true, why are you claiming this is your first ever writing of a squeeze page?
      This is My OWN first ever squeeze page. I'd written a couple for clients. But for me, this is my own first EVER squeeze page. It's been a long time since that thread. I wonder why you guys want to destroy this thread?

      I wanted to become the squeeze page expert and I started that thread to become a specialized squeeze page copywriter. I think you better read it clearly and interpret it clearly.

      1 piece of advice: Save your time if you can't help me.
      Signature
      I AM YOUR Direct Response Ninja Kick-Ass Sales Copywriter.

      Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
      Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
      I'll Write YOUR Sales Copy AGAIN Till YOU Make MUCH MORE Than THAT. Guaranteed*.
      *Terms & Conditions Apply. Email me at ronak[at]ronakshah[dot]name right now.
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      • Profile picture of the author 247Copywriter
        Pull the other one, you just got caught red handed.

        It might help if you actually remember what you've written in the past. :rolleyes:
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        • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
          Originally Posted by 247Copywriter View Post

          Pull the other one, you just got caught red handed.

          It might help if you actually remember what you've written in the past. :rolleyes:
          You are here to put me down, isn't it?

          Did you even read the title of that thread "Specialization: How DO I Specialize As An Opt-in Page Copywriter?" I never said I am the squeeze page copywriter you/anybody would want.

          It's a question. I'm not ashamed of that thread anyway so catching me red handed makes no sense to me but stupidity. I think you're here to create trouble nothing else.

          If you don't want to help me, why don't you just save your time and energy while putting it for best use that will make you MORE money.

          I got the right to ask for a review either way.
          Signature
          I AM YOUR Direct Response Ninja Kick-Ass Sales Copywriter.

          Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
          Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
          I'll Write YOUR Sales Copy AGAIN Till YOU Make MUCH MORE Than THAT. Guaranteed*.
          *Terms & Conditions Apply. Email me at ronak[at]ronakshah[dot]name right now.
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          • Profile picture of the author 247Copywriter
            But I don't understand why you're asking for a review?

            You told everyone here over and over and over and over and over and over again that you were THE squeeze page copywriter, so much so it almost bordered on spam.

            If you were such an expert as you then claimed to be, why are you asking others for their opinions?

            Are you not the squeeze page copywriter 'guru' afterall?

            Were you not supposed to be earning thousands of doillars writing squeeze pages for other people?

            Were you not advertising yourself back then, positioning yourself as a full blown Warrior copywriter?

            You argued with everyone on the forum, if I recall correctly, yet now... here you are back again asking for a squeeze page critique?

            It just doesn't add up - far from it.
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            --->----->----->----->-----> MarkAndrews IMCopywriting <-----<-----<-----<-----<---
            http://www.IMCopywriting.com
            Mark@IMCopywriting.com
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            • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
              Originally Posted by 247Copywriter View Post

              But I don't understand why you're asking for a review?

              You told everyone here over and over and over and over and over and over again that you were THE squeeze page copywriter, so much so it almost bordered on spam.

              If you were such an expert as you then claimed to be, why are you asking others for their opinions?

              Are you not the squeeze page copywriter 'guru' afterall?

              Were you not supposed to be earning thousands of doillars writing squeeze pages for other people?

              Were you not advertising yourself back then, positioning yourself as a full blown Warrior copywriter?

              You argued with everyone on the forum, if I recall correctly, yet now... here you are back again asking for a squeeze page critique?

              It just doesn't add up - far from it.
              Sally, I never said I am THE squeeze page copywriter. I think your English is damn poor or it isn't so, right? I thought I am good at writing squeeze pages and I still think I can write a good squeeze page.

              Your mindless chatter makes me think you're out of business that's why you're fighting with me over and over and over.

              Another "fighting" post and I will report your post to mods. You're screwing my thread by posting stuff that doesn't make any sense at all.
              Signature
              I AM YOUR Direct Response Ninja Kick-Ass Sales Copywriter.

              Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
              Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
              I'll Write YOUR Sales Copy AGAIN Till YOU Make MUCH MORE Than THAT. Guaranteed*.
              *Terms & Conditions Apply. Email me at ronak[at]ronakshah[dot]name right now.
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              • Profile picture of the author ARSuarez
                Ronak,

                Sally made good points above. And I share her sentiments on many accounts (since I saw your original posts myself)

                However, I'm going to give you a critique:

                You're trying to sell from a squeeze page. And worse, you're telling them, on the squeeze page, that they have to work 40 hours a week.

                It's just lazy. There is no compelling copy. The bullets are worn-out and don't say anything unique.

                I'm sorry, but the truth is this: I am interested, personally, in list building products. This doesn't interest me at all.

                There also seems to be a disconnect from "My List Building Club" and the "work for money/biz opp" nature of the page.

                Here is what you do: use the squeeze page to make a simple offer for a free product. A video, a report, an MP3. Whatever.

                A squeeze page isn't the last/selling piece of your funnel. It's the introduction. This is a marketing sequence error.

                And please, be polite next time. Never make a post with a title like "My First Squeeze Page - Review Required."

                I can't even begin to guess how many people snorted in disgust and won't visit your thread because of that. And in addition, none of us are "required" to review your page.

                For proof, visit Bruce Wedding's thread: http://www.warriorforum.com/copywrit...copy-here.html

                Warm Regards Ronak,

                Angel Suarez
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              • Profile picture of the author 247Copywriter
                Originally Posted by Ronak Shah View Post

                Sally, I never said I am THE squeeze page copywriter. I think your English is damn poor or it isn't so, right?

                Another "fighting" post and I will report your post to mods. You're screwing my thread by posting stuff that doesn't make any sense at all.
                http://www.warriorforum.com/copywrit...opywriter.html

                I love writing and re-writing squeeze pages from scratch. I am very good at it.
                Reply #6
                I just wish to build myself as THE squeeze page copywriter.
                Reply #11
                I find squeeze page copywriting to be much more simpler and easier...
                Reply #17
                I just want to specialize as "THE squeeze page copywriter".
                I want to prove that I am THE squeeze page copywriter.
                I need clients to PROVE myself as THE squeeze page copywriter.

                I need to know how to position myself as THE squeeze page copywriter...
                Reply #30
                You're talking to a marketer and not just an aspiring squeeze page copywriting specialist.
                Reply #34
                I was thinking of offering a FREE critique on a couple of squeeze pages to clients who visit here...
                I can guarantee I can deliver a great squeeze page in 3 hours flat...
                I got a formula to critic the squeeze pages. Ready made. It's not a big deal for me. I can successfully critique a squeeze page.
                Reply #48
                For now, I am sticking to one strategy and looking to PEAK it.
                http://www.warriorforum.com/warrior-...opy-sucks.html

                I'm a freelance copywriter specializing in writing sales copy such as sales letters, opt-in pages, affiliate landing pages, email copy, press releases & related website copywriting services for online marketers like your self.

                My name is Ronak Shah
                I GUARANTEE you will be highly satisfied with the RESULTS achieved from my sales copy. Once you hire me, I GUARANTEE you will never ever have to look further for a sales copywriter ever again.

                Bonus #2 FREE Opt-In Squeeze Page Sales Copy loaded with magnetic objectives, features and benefits to attract your target customers and make them add their name and email address. You get up to 2 revisions. This Bonus Is Worth $249 Alone
                So you never said you were the expert squeeze page copywriter huh?

                You never positioned yourself as a copywriter, is this seriously what you are stating now?

                If you were, as you then claimed, such a copywriting expert... Why are you asking for a copywriting critique now?

                And you state, I'm not making sense?

                Signature
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  • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
    I never like to argue with copywriters here.

    Thankfully, Sally got to learn what she SHOULD have learnt it much before commenting on this thread.

    You never put someone down especially when most marketers like me are struggling to make ends meet by working online. I hate the repeated arguments and fighting.

    I have not been successful as a copywriter and I just wanted to make money online from writing squeeze pages because I thought it was easy to write them and could make a ton of money from them.

    But no.. the folks here said it wasn't so easy as you think.

    After that, I quit doing copywriting a long time ago and started doing affiliate marketing full-time.
    Signature
    I AM YOUR Direct Response Ninja Kick-Ass Sales Copywriter.

    Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
    Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
    I'll Write YOUR Sales Copy AGAIN Till YOU Make MUCH MORE Than THAT. Guaranteed*.
    *Terms & Conditions Apply. Email me at ronak[at]ronakshah[dot]name right now.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
    Originally Posted by Matt Jutras View Post

    Squeeze pages are shorter, but that doesn't make them any easier.

    You still have to hook your prospect with a killer headline, then reel them in with the first paragraph.

    Your squeeze page fails on both counts.

    The headline is generic...sets off the scam-radar....lacks a hook...and has zilch to do with list building.

    You will most likely lose 90% of the people who land on your page right then and there.

    You will lose an additional 9% at the opening paragraph.

    Your opening paragraph fails mostly because the headline fails. There's no rythm. No flow. No method to the madness.

    When someone leaps from your headline to the opening paragraph...they will tumble into a bottomless chasm. There is no bridge connecting the two ideas. It's like walking into a Donut Shop that sells pizza.

    The other 1% may browse your bullet points, which are also generic. And packed with fake benefits. Half of those people MIGHT join out of morbid curiousity. If the planets are aligned just so.

    To be honest, the biggest problem is your offer. There must be ten million websites and products about "building a list". This sort of offer is saturated to the point of being retarded (the word of the week).

    I wish you luck on the squeeze page and everything, but you must re-think your offer. Or discover a way to make it unique among the sea of other me-too list builders.

    Once you do that, it will be easier to write the squeeze page into something worthwhile. Until then, you get a D+.
    I simply appreciate what you're saying. The headline may not be as convincing as it has to be. Many people may not even believe it but it sounds like it will definitely generate curiosity. However, I'll change it when I have some new ideas coming my way.

    It does look very common but the squeeze page has been made, keeping in mind, for the people who've never known internet marketing or those who are desperate to build a list or make money online.

    I'll look into what I can do to make this squeeze page work for me.

    Matt, I am out of ideas right now so I don't really know what offer to put in.

    I'll definitely think it over and come up with a new offer.
    Signature
    I AM YOUR Direct Response Ninja Kick-Ass Sales Copywriter.

    Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
    Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
    I'll Write YOUR Sales Copy AGAIN Till YOU Make MUCH MORE Than THAT. Guaranteed*.
    *Terms & Conditions Apply. Email me at ronak[at]ronakshah[dot]name right now.
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  • Profile picture of the author nakkihillo
    Wow, alot of fighting Chill...
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  • Profile picture of the author havplenty
    Prehead: Warning: List-Building Is The #1 Skill Needed For Online Success

    Head: "Discover How Anyone Can Build A List Of Hungry Buyers, Generate Sales Over And Over Again & Dominate Any Niche With Very Little Effort!"

    Subhead: Mike Tyson Used Just One Of My Techniques And Got 2400 Subscribers In Just 24 Hours

    For you, FREE

    Good luck with your venture mate,

    Hav
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    • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
      Hi Ronak,

      For a squeeze page, your first effort while ambitious, needs help/work.

      1. First think about your competition's efforts. They are rocking it. I would do a lot of competitive research. And compete head to head.

      2. In terms of copy:
      a. Get to the point. The copy can obviously be improved. For instance "We will teach you"--no one wants to be taught. Train? Maybe. Just go for the jugular and get to the benefit.

      b. Your offer has to be explicit. I see the benefits, but I don't see the delivery mechanism. And you're not sharing. Videos, email, membership website?

      c. There are grammatical problems that need to be resolved.

      d. Shorten the number of bullets to JUST three. What's the three MOST IMPORTANT benefits or promises you can say regarding your offer? Tantalize. It lacks, and I don't know if this is the right word, but "precision". It's like you are using a shot gun, scatter shot approach to all the benefits. You may want to consider being a little more precise . Nail it. WHAT WILL PEOPLE REALLY GET?
      3. You need video,. How you get it done buddy, is up to you. But you need to compete.

      4. I like the format and graphics. I don't know if they'll convert but they ARE inviting and encouraging. Although the optin call to action just plain sucks.

      Hate to be so direct, but it's the best I can do today.

      - Rick Duris
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      • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
        Originally Posted by RickDuris View Post

        Hi Ronak,

        For a squeeze page, your first effort while ambitious, needs help/work.

        1. First think about your competition's efforts. They are rocking it. I would do a lot of competitive research. And compete head to head.

        2. In terms of copy:
        a. Get to the point. The copy can obviously be improved. For instance "We will teach you"--no one wants to be taught. Train? Maybe. Just go for the jugular and get to the benefit.

        b. Your offer has to be explicit. I see the benefits, but I don't see the delivery mechanism. And you're not sharing. Videos, email, membership website?

        c. There are grammatical problems that need to be resolved.

        d. Shorten the number of bullets to JUST three. What's the three MOST IMPORTANT benefits or promises you can say regarding your offer? TYantalize. It lacks, and I don't know if this is the right word, but "precision". It's like you are using a shot gun approach to all the benefits. You may want to consider being a little more precise . Nail it. WHAT WILL PEOPLE REALLY GET?
        3. You need video,. How you get it done buddy, is up to you. But you need to compete.

        4. I like the format and graphics. I don't know if they'll convert but they ARE inviting and encouraging. Although the optin call to action just plain sucks.

        Hate to be so direct, but it's the best I can do today.

        - Rick Duris
        My dearest Rick,

        I am happy to see your posts.

        Thank you SO much.

        I have always been happy to see you post because you are a neutral guy.

        I will just make the changes.
        Signature
        I AM YOUR Direct Response Ninja Kick-Ass Sales Copywriter.

        Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
        Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
        I'll Write YOUR Sales Copy AGAIN Till YOU Make MUCH MORE Than THAT. Guaranteed*.
        *Terms & Conditions Apply. Email me at ronak[at]ronakshah[dot]name right now.
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  • Profile picture of the author Daniel Scott
    Ronak,

    Are you using this method? Are you making $5k a month?

    If not... this whole thing is dead before you begin.

    Credibility is the big dog in the IM world. You need killer results just to compete.

    And it's obvious from the page you simply don't have the business skills needed to teach others how to make money online.

    I'm not trying to be a dick (man, I say that a lot...)... I'm just trying to save you a lot of heartache.

    Pick a new market dude, 'cause you ain't got a hope to make it in this one. At least not at this time in your career.

    -Daniel
    Signature

    Always looking for badass direct-response copywriters. PM me if we don't know each other and you're looking for work.

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    • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
      Originally Posted by Daniel Scott View Post

      Ronak,

      Are you using this method? Are you making $5k a month?

      If not... this whole thing is dead before you begin.

      Credibility is the big dog in the IM world. You need killer results just to compete.

      And it's obvious from the page you simply don't have the business skills needed to teach others how to make money online.

      I'm not trying to be a dick (man, I say that a lot...)... I'm just trying to save you a lot of heartache.

      Pick a new market dude, 'cause you ain't got a hope to make it in this one. At least not at this time in your career.

      -Daniel
      Thanks for your comments Daniel. I appreciate it.

      I wished I could create a video but there is no way I can do that Rick.

      haveplenty made the most amazing post.

      I am taking those lines and putting them on the page.
      Signature
      I AM YOUR Direct Response Ninja Kick-Ass Sales Copywriter.

      Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
      Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
      I'll Write YOUR Sales Copy AGAIN Till YOU Make MUCH MORE Than THAT. Guaranteed*.
      *Terms & Conditions Apply. Email me at ronak[at]ronakshah[dot]name right now.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
    Originally Posted by Matt Jutras View Post

    Ronak,

    You can still build curiousity and make it relevant to your offer...

    "Discover How a Toothless Iraq War Vet Banks $4320 a Month Online - Using Nothing More Than a Small Subscriber List - And Did It Less Than 60 Days"

    Or whatever.

    Not perfect by any stretch but illustrates the point.

    But Daniel's advice was best.
    Matt,

    I love the new headline as well as the pre-headline.

    The new headline offered by havplenty makes a lot of sense.

    I have access to FK's List Control, Eben's Guru Blueprint and there are a lot of newbies who would definitely take my offer. There are people looking to make money online and there are people looking for work from home jobs. My squeeze page suits them best.

    I have seen Tellman Knudson's squeeze pages and I can tell, mine is a lot better than his.

    I updated the page. I just need to get the opt-in box, the name and address fields in and my autoresponder code in there.

    Matt, I certainly appreciate your headline but I am not an Iraq war veteran whatsoever. I would have taken that headline as it's REAL SWEET but still, I am not a war veteran.

    I loved Havplenty's Mike Tyson subhead but I thought it would decrease the trust factor so I didn't put that in the squeeze page.

    I updated the page. I am looking for an appealing subhead. Matt, so glad to hear from you. Scott, Matt, havplenty and all other warrior forum members - wishing you a Merry Christmas in advance.
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    • Profile picture of the author ARSuarez
      Originally Posted by Ronak Shah View Post


      Matt, I certainly appreciate your headline but I am not an Iraq war veteran whatsoever. I would have taken that headline as it's REAL SWEET but still, I am not a war veteran.
      Ronak,

      Matt wasn't saying you were.

      He was giving you an idea of how to put curiosity into your headline.

      Regards,

      Angel
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  • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
    I am SO happy WOW! I got my first squeeze page almost ready. I just need to setup the autoresponder and add the autoresponder code. I get a GREAT feeling it's awesome to have my first ever squeeze page setup!
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  • Profile picture of the author MonsterZero
    How about:

    The Top Secret Killer Method That Will Build You A Billion Dollar List Without You Having To Lift A Finger ... Even If You Have A Photo Of Yourself On Your Website That Looks Like You Are Selling Yourself As A Magician!!!!


    I think that could work pretty well...
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  • Profile picture of the author lennoxtran
    i read somewhere that a squeeze page works better if a web user doesn't need to scroll down in the window...

    i thought that was helpful
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  • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
    I am ordering a video that will include all the headlines and benefits. Is it a good idea to include the video on the optin page?

    I cannot shorten the bullet points to just 3 Rick. Don't really know what to exclude because all bullet points are powerful. Have updated the squeeze page? Can the copywriters here review it and add their input?
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    • Profile picture of the author ARSuarez
      Originally Posted by Ronak Shah View Post

      I am ordering a video that will include all the headlines and benefits. Is it a good idea to include the video on the optin page?

      I cannot shorten the bullet points to just 3 Rick. Don't really know what to exclude because all bullet points are powerful. Have updated the squeeze page? Can the copywriters here review it and add their input?
      Ronak,

      Two things.

      1) Yes, squeeze pages have videos. Usually, short videos. Just a brief introduction of the person making the offer, some teaser about the free offer, and a call to action.

      2) You certainly can strip your bullets down to 3. All three of the bullets that mention newsletters can be condensed into a single, stronger bullet and the two remaining ones can be used separately with some improvement.

      Also, I'd get rid of the $ symbol in "$$$cash$$$." I will preface by saying this: I haven't tested it, so it's just my personal opinion. However, when I see too many of those in copy... it makes me skeptical. Almost screams "inflated hype."

      Best,

      Angel
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  • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
    AR,

    I just made the 5 bullet points condensed into 3 bullet points.

    Removed the $ sign from the squeeze page.

    Will order a video accordingly.

    How's the page now after your input Angel?

    Any inputs.
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  • Profile picture of the author Bruce Wedding
    I have to say, I'm impressed with your use of the word "required" in your subject line.

    I'm glad that so many are freely willing to meet your "requirements".
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    • Profile picture of the author Collette
      Originally Posted by Bruce Wedding View Post

      I have to say, I'm impressed with your use of the word "required" in your subject line.

      I'm glad that so many are freely willing to meet your "requirements".
      A man's gotta know his entitlements.
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    • Profile picture of the author ARSuarez
      Originally Posted by Bruce Wedding View Post

      I have to say, I'm impressed with your use of the word "required" in your subject line.

      I'm glad that so many are freely willing to meet your "requirements".
      Bruce "Copy Castrator" Wedding strikes again!



      Best,

      Angel
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  • Profile picture of the author Bruce Wedding
    At the moment, I require a great graphics artist, a PHP programmer, a layout artist, an article writer, a C# programmer, a general webmaster and a copy cub. Any chance I'll get any of that from the natural goodness of any Warriors hearts?
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    • Profile picture of the author Jack Bastide
      Originally Posted by Bruce Wedding View Post

      At the moment, I require a great graphics artist, a PHP programmer, a layout artist, an article writer, a C# programmer, a general webmaster and a copy cub. Any chance I'll get any of that from the natural goodness of any Warriors hearts?

      I can do all that stuff

      And Wash windows too!

      Jack
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      If you can drive Biz Op Phone Calls .... I'm Buying

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      • Profile picture of the author Bruce Wedding
        Originally Posted by Jack Bastide View Post

        I can do all that stuff

        And Wash windows too!

        Jack
        Awesome Jack! I'll send you all your assignments and deadlines via PM.
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      • Profile picture of the author Rezbi
        Originally Posted by Jack Bastide View Post

        I can do all that stuff

        And Wash windows too!

        Jack
        I don't need all that...

        ...but my windows are filthy.
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    • Profile picture of the author Rezbi
      Originally Posted by Bruce Wedding View Post

      At the moment, I require a great graphics artist, a PHP programmer, a layout artist, an article writer, a C# programmer, a general webmaster and a copy cub. Any chance I'll get any of that from the natural goodness of any Warriors hearts?

      Call yourself a copywriter?

      You don't even know the difference between C# and C+.

      Pah!
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      • Profile picture of the author Bruce Wedding
        Originally Posted by Rezbi View Post

        Call yourself a copywriter?

        You don't even know the difference between C# and C+.

        Pah!
        Actually I'm a software engineer by education so I do know the difference between C# and C++
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        • Profile picture of the author Rezbi
          Originally Posted by Bruce Wedding View Post

          Actually I'm a software engineer by education so I do know the difference between C# and C++
          I was kidding.

          But you knew that.

          I also knew it's C++ as I was in IT, too.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
    Can any copywriter review my updated squeeze page?

    I would really appreciate it.

    Ronak.
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    • Profile picture of the author Rezbi
      Originally Posted by Ronak Shah View Post

      Can any copywriter review my updated squeeze page?

      I would really appreciate it.

      Ronak.
      Ronak,

      I'm going to give you a little advice. And I hope you take it that way... not just as criticism.

      It looks to me, from your work, that you have no idea about the rules of copywriting. At all.

      If I was to take a guess I would bet you've never studied copywriting.

      Maybe I'm wrong and you have. But it doesn't show.

      Get yourself a good book, sit down, and study it.

      John Caples 'Tested advertising methods' would be a good one. Fourth edition or earlier is best. If you can't get that then 5th is fine.

      There are others, but that's the one I advise first.

      Whatever you do, you need to learn how to write copy before you try to position yourself as an expert.

      Otherwise you just make yourself look foolish.

      I hope you take that for what it is: Advice.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
    Can anyone suggest some bullet points?

    I think I need to change the bullet points.

    I am targeting newbies to internet marketing and especially those looking for a work from home business/job.
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    • Profile picture of the author Oxbloom
      Originally Posted by Ronak Shah View Post

      Can anyone suggest some bullet points?

      I think I need to change the bullet points.

      I am targeting newbies to internet marketing and especially those looking for a work from home business/job.
      Bullets, just like most other parts of a sales package, are based first and foremost on the specific content contained within your product.

      We don't know that content.

      For ideas on how to spin your product's content into powerful bullets, see Gary Halbert's classic letter on the subject.

      The Gary Halbert Letter

      Good luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author russells
    If it's any consolation, I'd opt-in ;-)
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    • Profile picture of the author Rezbi
      Originally Posted by russells View Post

      If it's any consolation, I'd opt-in ;-)
      Did you opt in?
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      • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
        Originally Posted by Rezbi View Post

        Did you opt in?
        I have not added the autoresponder code as yet.
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        Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
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    • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
      Originally Posted by russells View Post

      If it's any consolation, I'd opt-in ;-)
      This proves the squeeze page is good enough to opt-in. At least that's what many people via PM told me.

      Thanks.
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      • Profile picture of the author Jag82
        Originally Posted by Ronak Shah View Post

        This proves the squeeze page is good enough to opt-in. At least that's what many people via PM told me.
        Drive some traffic to your squeeze page and test
        the conversion. The data will give the answer you seek.

        Please split test at least 2 version. Or better still,
        do a multivariate test on a few variables if you want
        to get results fast.

        Let your market tell you, not just sorely based what others
        say on PM.

        - Jag
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        • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
          Originally Posted by Jag82 View Post

          Drive some traffic to your squeeze page and test
          the conversion. The data will give the answer you seek.

          Please split test at least 2 version. Or better still,
          do a multivariate test on a few variables if you want
          to get results fast.

          Let your market tell you, not just sorely based what others
          say on PM.

          - Jag
          I know what you're saying.

          Ultimately, it's the conversions.
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  • Profile picture of the author edhoyz
    Simple and clean design. I like it.
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  • Profile picture of the author tun80
    First thing I'd do is get rid of the words "train" and "Learn".

    Sounds too much like there's work involved.

    Nearly everyone wants this info handed to them on a plate.

    Keep that little nugget until they've signed up.

    You might want to rethink "according to your performance"... read above.

    You also might want to make the Warning a bit more of a warning instead of a statement of no urgency.

    Oh, and get rid of "Without Much Hype".
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  • Profile picture of the author Jess Alexander
    Remove everything below the bullets and opt-in form. Scrolling, or even just reading down, negates whatever momentum your headline and bullets build.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
    I did almost everything you guys mentioned.

    Looks like I WILL GET Opt-in's to this page because the page looks great and the copy sounds powerful.

    Looks like I'm done with the page. Any suggestions anyone?
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  • Profile picture of the author centarec
    Looks good, I think you have done a good job. Now you can test it and see the results you get.
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    • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
      Originally Posted by centarec View Post

      Looks good, I think you have done a good job. Now you can test it and see the results you get.
      I made some changes. Check now. Let me know what you think.
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      Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
      Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
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      *Terms & Conditions Apply. Email me at ronak[at]ronakshah[dot]name right now.
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      • Profile picture of the author Daniel Scott
        Originally Posted by Ronak Shah View Post

        I made some changes. Check now. Let me know what you think.
        I see all the same problems everything pointed out to you originally.

        But why are you asking our opinions? You're the list building guru, right Ronak?

        -Daniel
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        • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
          Originally Posted by Daniel Scott View Post

          I see all the same problems everything pointed out to you originally.

          But why are you asking our opinions? You're the list building guru, right Ronak?

          -Daniel
          Excuse me, you're just not helping me out.

          I am NOT a copywriting guru. lol! Get that clear right ON your face Daniel.

          Keep your arrogance deep in your pocket when you move around here.

          You can write any S**t you want if you don't want to help. I care a damn now.

          What a time waster you're.
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          • Profile picture of the author Rezbi
            Originally Posted by Ronak Shah View Post

            Excuse me, you're just not helping me out.

            I am NOT a copywriting guru. lol! Get that clear right ON your face Daniel.

            Keep your arrogance deep in your pocket when you move around here.

            You can write any S**t you want if you don't want to help. I care a damn now.

            What a time waster you're.
            Regardless of what he wrote in the last sentence, you seem to have missed his first line. Daniel is spot on in what he said.

            You'd do well to take the advice of those who know instead of replying like a child.

            Sorry that seems harsh, Ronak, but that is what you sound like with this type of retort.

            It's better to keep the ones who know their stuff on your side... and that's not the way to do it.


            Originally Posted by Daniel Scott
            I see all the same problems everything pointed out to you originally.

            But why are you asking our opinions? You're the list building guru, right Ronak?

            -Daniel
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            • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
              Originally Posted by Rezbi View Post

              Regardless of what he wrote in the last sentence, you seem to have missed his first line. Daniel is spot on in what he said.

              You'd do well to take the advice of those who know instead of replying like a child.

              Sorry that seems harsh, Ronak, but that is what you sound like with this type of retort.

              It's better to keep the ones who know their stuff on your side... and that's not the way to do it.
              Rezbi, He termed me a list building guru which I'm NOT. I don't call myself a list building guru anyway. Daniel was sarcastic hence rude and insulting.

              If you're just going to taunt me, to hell with it.

              After all, I am doing my best and if someone is telling me something, I am doing my best to do exactly what they're telling me to do. If I am not doing something, it's because I don't get what they're saying clearly.

              I'm NOT a copywriting genius anyway and I've seen squeeze pages that are worse than mine and still convert.

              If you want to help, just help rather than be sarcastic and hence, rude.

              That's so unprofessional. Rezbi, you seem to have missed the last sentence clearly.
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              • Profile picture of the author Daniel Scott
                Originally Posted by Ronak Shah View Post

                Rezbi, He termed me a list building guru which I'm NOT. I don't call myself a list building guru anyway.
                Oh. Sorry. I figured because you were selling a product on making $5k a month with a list, you were a list building guru. Seemed like a logical assumption to me.

                Or, could it be you HAVEN'T made jack... and are trying to trick gullible newbies into buying your crap that doesn't work?

                After all, I am doing my best and if someone is telling me something, I am doing my best to do exactly what they're telling me to do. If I am not doing something, it's because I don't get what they're saying clearly..
                Let me remove all confusion, then...

                It is 100% UNETHICAL (not to mention possibly ILLEGAL) to do what you're doing.

                You should NOT sell internet marketing stuff unless you've actually had success with the methods you teach.

                What you're doing is wrong and shameful... and the only saving grace is you're just not a good enough scammer to make it work.

                Usually... I leave well enough alone when people ignore advice.

                But this is worse, Ronak. What you're doing is down-right disgusting, and how you sleep at night is beyond me.

                There... clear enough for you?

                -Daniel
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                • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
                  Originally Posted by Daniel Scott View Post

                  Oh. Sorry. I figured because you were selling a product on making $5k a month with a list, you were a list building guru. Seemed like a logical assumption to me.

                  Or, could it be you HAVEN'T made jack... and are trying to trick gullible newbies into buying your crap that doesn't work?



                  Let me remove all confusion, then...

                  It is 100% UNETHICAL (not to mention possibly ILLEGAL) to do what you're doing.

                  You should NOT sell internet marketing stuff unless you've actually had success with the methods you teach.

                  What you're doing is wrong and shameful... and the only saving grace is you're just not a good enough scammer to make it work.

                  Usually... I leave well enough alone when people ignore advice.

                  But this is worse, Ronak. What you're doing is down-right disgusting, and how you sleep at night is beyond me.

                  There... clear enough for you?

                  -Daniel
                  I did not ask for your certification.

                  You don't know whether I will deliver the goods or not to my list.

                  And I WILL DELIVER because I do have all the resource to show them by the hand how to build their list.

                  I have gone through a list building course and I can teach newbies what they wish to learn. I don't see anything wrong in there.

                  There are so many people who just research a niche and build a list even though they have never been successful in that niche before. Same here. I don't see anything unethical neither do I see anything wrong with it.

                  As I said, I am NOT a list building guru.

                  Daniel, what you say does not matter to me because I never said I am a list building guru neither you need to be one in order to help other people build their list from scratch.

                  Daniel, unfortunately what you did was not enough to put me down or discourage me from doing what I wish to. LOL.
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                • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
                  Originally Posted by Daniel Scott View Post

                  Oh. Sorry. I figured because you were selling a product on making $5k a month with a list, you were a list building guru. Seemed like a logical assumption to me.

                  Or, could it be you HAVEN'T made jack... and are trying to trick gullible newbies into buying your crap that doesn't work?
                  oh'' keep your crap to your self. I have seen people like you from down under be NASTY to people from where I come from. I see that's what you're doing to me right now and I care a damn because neither you're SOME BIG GURU nor you're god.

                  What you say or write make 0 difference.

                  Originally Posted by Daniel Scott View Post

                  Let me remove all confusion, then...

                  It is 100% UNETHICAL (not to mention possibly ILLEGAL) to do what you're doing.

                  You should NOT sell internet marketing stuff unless you've actually had success with the methods you teach.


                  What you're doing is wrong and shameful... and the only saving grace is you're just not a good enough scammer to make it work.

                  Usually... I leave well enough alone when people ignore advice.

                  But this is worse, Ronak. What you're doing is down-right disgusting, and how you sleep at night is beyond me.

                  There... clear enough for you?

                  -Daniel
                  I have gone through List Control and a couple of list building courses before. I see no reason why I shouldn't build a list to teach exactly what I have learn't.

                  There is no rule that says you "should" teach stuff only if you're successful with it. After all, we see so many people making money from building a list and making money from it successfully. That is reason enough for me to teach exactly what I've learn't.

                  And this is a FREE newsletter which will teach them to at least setup a list and build FREE traffic to it.

                  So many people here rehash content and SELL the content. I am not even selling it. I am giving away much of the list building content in a different fashion for FREE as I have learn't it which does not make it a scam anyway.

                  Daniel, You're disgusting because you fail to see other people's point of view.

                  Ricky Ponting is a nasty guy who is rude, has a lot of air in his head & often insulting and I can see where you're coming from - looks like he is your BIG brother. Daniel, you don't even matter 1cent to me. Get that clear Daniel?
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                  Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
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                  • Profile picture of the author Daniel Scott
                    Originally Posted by Ronak Shah View Post

                    oh'' keep your crap to your self. I have seen people like you from down under be NASTY to people from where I come from.
                    You do know I don't actually know where you come from... right?

                    You don't have a location listed.

                    Is it Texas?

                    Ricky Ponting is a nasty guy who is rude, has a lot of air in his head & often insulting and I can see where you're coming from - looks like he is your BIG brother.
                    Really? Think I can use that resemblance to get free stuff at restaurants?
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                  • Profile picture of the author Jays80
                    Originally Posted by Ronak Shah View Post

                    Daniel, You're disgusting because you fail to see other people's point of view.

                    Ricky Ponting is a nasty guy who is rude, has a lot of air in his head & often insulting and I can see where you're coming from - looks like he is your BIG brother. Daniel, you don't even matter 1cent to me. Get that clear Daniel?
                    Ronak,

                    These type of comments/language is not going to take you anywhere.
                    trust me!!!
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                    • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
                      Originally Posted by Amfire View Post

                      Ronak,

                      These type of comments/language is not going to take you anywhere.
                      trust me!!!
                      Well, I hate Daniel Scott because he abused me by telling me that I'm trying to scam newbies which I ain't.

                      I am NOT selling any product for a disgusting price, it's something I am doing for free and helping people out. I can for sure see that the squeeze page is converting into subscribers and I am getting people readily to subscribe to the squeeze page. That says it all.

                      If people criticize me for the squeeze page that's all okay but Daniel hasn't won a friend in me.

                      He definitely deserves to be ignored so any post by him will be ignored by me henceforth. If he thinks he has done all good, he is wrong. He just won himself someone who will HATE him a lot.
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                      Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
                      Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
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          • Profile picture of the author ARSuarez
            Originally Posted by Ronak Shah View Post

            Excuse me, you're just not helping me out.

            I am NOT a copywriting guru. lol! Get that clear right ON your face Daniel.

            Keep your arrogance deep in your pocket when you move around here.

            You can write any S**t you want if you don't want to help. I care a damn now.

            What a time waster you're.
            Ugh.

            Ronak, responses like that make me regret giving you advice earlier.

            And Daniel didn't say "copywriting guru"; he said "list building." And a list builder does not have to be a great copywriter. A listbuilder only needs to know his list well and write decent copy that gets them in the gut.

            Warm Regards,

            Angel
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  • Profile picture of the author Oxbloom
    Despite everything, I don't think it's awful.

    It's boring...but I mean it's boring to someone like me, who has seen a trillion different list building squeeze pages. Chances are that 2 out of 3 people who visit your page will be newbies to the list building idea, and it should convert some percentage of those.

    Hope your content makes it worth their while.

    Good luck. I sincerely hope 2011 sees things get up and running in a satisfactory way for you, R.
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    • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
      Originally Posted by Oxbloom View Post

      Despite everything, I don't think it's awful.

      It's boring...but I mean it's boring to someone like me, who has seen a trillion different list building squeeze pages. Chances are that 2 out of 3 people who visit your page will be newbies to the list building idea, and it should convert some percentage of those.

      Hope your content makes it worth their while.

      Good luck. I sincerely hope 2011 sees things get up and running in a satisfactory way for you, R.
      Oxbloom,

      That's exactly what I'm looking at.

      I'm targeting those who want to work from home and those who are relatively new to IM.
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      I AM YOUR Direct Response Ninja Kick-Ass Sales Copywriter.

      Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
      Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
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    • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
      [DELETED]
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      • Profile picture of the author Oxbloom
        Originally Posted by Ronak Shah View Post

        Just added the autoresponder code for the first time. Yippee!

        This is going to be REAL fun and LOTS of $$$$$ too.
        I certainly can't criticize you for lack of enthusiasm.

        All I'd say is this: once you have it up and running, and IF it isn't fulfilling your wildest dreams right off the bat, don't come running back to ask what went wrong.

        Re-read this thread, look at the suggestions made as honest critiques by people who, in most cases, know what they're talking about, and want to help. (Not as personal attacks.) And APPLY some of those suggestions.

        Anyway, best of luck with your project.
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      • Profile picture of the author Jag82
        Originally Posted by Ronak Shah View Post

        Just added the autoresponder code for the first time. Yippee!

        This is going to be REAL fun and LOTS of $$$$$ too.
        Adding autoresponder code for the first time?

        And you are teaching people to make money from a list?

        Doesn't add up, Ronak.
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  • Profile picture of the author xtremarketer
    So you are creating your first squeeze page and you are showing people how to "make $1000, $2000 or even $5000 each month working full-time/part-time by building a SOLID list of targeted newsletter subscribers who will BUY stuff from your email promotions."

    Makes me sick...
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    • Profile picture of the author Collette
      Originally Posted by xtremarketer View Post

      ...
      Makes me sick...
      You'd have to get in line. Nothing like ripping off people to get your karma flourishing.
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  • Profile picture of the author Zentech
    The copy is not great, but passable. It's okay.

    The product fails to add up, though. I think you're selling people a big fat line. And remember, it doesn't matter whether you are doing that or not in terms of how I (as the prospect) see it. If I see it that way, then that ain't good.

    So, in a "technical" sense, the copy is okay. But in a pragmatic sense, it's bad because despite your generally decent use of selling points and what-not, I'm not convinced at all that this is for real.

    You're promising people the moon while setting up your first little model rocket. It smacks of baloney. It reminds me of the envelope-stuffing schemes, where you get rich stuffing envelopes with the same ad you responded to.

    You're selling me incredibly powerful list-building secrets - while building your list. You tell me, what part of this doesn't add up?

    Your product, if it is for real, would be much better marketed as a sales page rather than an opt-in. And if it's not for real, and this is really nothing more than just a list-building scheme for YOU, well then, have fun scamming.

    Why would I take such a harsh tone? Well, this:

    A little while ago, several months back you used to post in this section regularly.

    And in fact, back then, you were positioning yourself as the Squeeze Page Copywriter, you went on and on about it incessantly.

    Which begs the question, why are you here now asking for a critique (couldn't even say please I noticed) from other copywriters here?

    If you were the expert squeeze page copywriter, why? :confused:
    Looks like you have a history of trying to sell people a bill of goods. If I'm wrong, then I'm wrong and I apologize. But your squeeze page suggests I'm not.
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  • Profile picture of the author jtunkelo
    A few quick points:

    1. Your pre-head is already confusing the reader: warning? what warning? this kind of line should only be used to precipitate the telling of a story. just do it right.

    2. Everything about the copy seems a little cookie-cutter. I'm not just trying to be nasty, it's just that things like "build a list to make a ton of money online" really don't lift up anybody's skirt in this day. If you got something special, say it to create the expectation for it. That expectation will make people opt in.

    3. Your headline is promising three things all at once, pretty big things too. Are you really SURE what you're offering will do that for the prospect? In other words, you're probably undermining your believability right here, unless you have some extraordinary proof to back it all up. So choose one thing that's the OVERT benefit, and really sell THAT well.

    4. It's not clear whether the tips you're offering are actually something you've used and benefited from, or something gleamed from 'the gurus'. If it's the latter, why wouldn't the prospect just go straight to them instead (as they probably are)? The thing about list building is that it's all been rehashed so many times before, and right now the squeeze page seems to reflect just that. Show them what you got. What's unique, usable right now... tease them a little, instead of just hyping it!

    *If they're on the page already, they already know what list building is about and why they should do it. So don't sell list building, sell what specifically you have to offer!*
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  • Profile picture of the author Zentech
    That's really silly. Selling a product which claims to teach people how to make $5k a month building lists *implies* that you (the seller) are a list-building guru. Anyone and everyone would see this implication, and 100% of your prospects will certainly see it.

    Daniel was correct in everything he said. It's quite certainly unethical. It's based on totally misleading the prospect to come to conclusions that aren't true - such as the conclusion that you make $5k a month building lists and are qualified how to teach them to do the same. You don't, and therefore you ain't.

    That's unethical. I'm labeled as "ethical warrior" for a reason - ethics has been an area of interest of mine for over 10 years. And this isn't even close to a tough one. It's ethically bogus - blatantly.

    So you say you'll deliver the goods anyway. Okay, perhaps so. Let's hope so, because a flood of refund requests is a big hassle. I suspect you have what a certain someone might call a "frauduct," but I wish you no harm. Hopefully you really will deliver - because by doing business this way, you're putting yourself in a tough spot. You're risking being labeled a scammer, because you're acting like one.

    That's all I'll say, best of luck to you.
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    • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
      Originally Posted by Zentech View Post

      That's really silly. Selling a product which claims to teach people how to make $5k a month building lists *implies* that you (the seller) are a list-building guru. Anyone and everyone would see this implication, and 100% of your prospects will certainly see it.

      Daniel was correct in everything he said. It's quite certainly unethical. It's based on totally misleading the prospect to come to conclusions that aren't true - such as the conclusion that you make $5k a month building lists and are qualified how to teach them to do the same. You don't, and therefore you ain't.

      That's unethical. I'm labeled as "ethical warrior" for a reason - ethics has been an area of interest of mine for over 10 years. And this isn't even close to a tough one. It's ethically bogus - blatantly.

      So you say you'll deliver the goods anyway. Okay, perhaps so. Let's hope so, because a flood of refund requests is a big hassle. I suspect you have what a certain someone might call a "frauduct," but I wish you no harm. Hopefully you really will deliver - because by doing business this way, you're putting yourself in a tough spot. You're risking being labeled a scammer, because you're acting like one.

      That's all I'll say, best of luck to you.
      I am NOT selling anything, okay?

      I don't have a list building product of my own in my sales funnel. "Frauduct" LOL I think you've gone bonkers and are unmarried that's why you're driving me insane. Get your self checked up by a psychiatrist.

      Keep your assumptions at bay before even understanding what I'm doing by building a list from that squeeze page.

      Assumptions = making an ass of you and me. Don't assume until you see what good I'm doing to a lot of people who want exactly what I'm offering for FREE which they eventually end up paying $97 - $2000.

      The conclusion that anyone can make $5000 from their list is TRUE. People make much more from their list so don't assume stuff you've not even experienced.

      If I am selling a list building ebook for a price then obviously it's a scam but if you're teaching for FREE what you've learn't, no reason why you shouldn't teach exactly what you've learn't. Same here.
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      I AM YOUR Direct Response Ninja Kick-Ass Sales Copywriter.

      Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
      Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
      I'll Write YOUR Sales Copy AGAIN Till YOU Make MUCH MORE Than THAT. Guaranteed*.
      *Terms & Conditions Apply. Email me at ronak[at]ronakshah[dot]name right now.
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      • Profile picture of the author Oxbloom
        Originally Posted by Ronak Shah View Post

        Assumptions = making an ass of you and me.
        I'm pretty sure assumptions make an ass out of you and mptions.
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    • Profile picture of the author Daniel Scott
      Originally Posted by Zentech View Post

      Daniel was correct in everything he said.
      I think you're my new best friend.
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      Always looking for badass direct-response copywriters. PM me if we don't know each other and you're looking for work.

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      • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
        Originally Posted by Daniel Scott View Post

        I think you're my new best friend.
        Yea RIGHT!

        Looks like you need more psychiat**c help than he does. LOL
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        I AM YOUR Direct Response Ninja Kick-Ass Sales Copywriter.

        Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
        Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
        I'll Write YOUR Sales Copy AGAIN Till YOU Make MUCH MORE Than THAT. Guaranteed*.
        *Terms & Conditions Apply. Email me at ronak[at]ronakshah[dot]name right now.
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        • Profile picture of the author Zentech
          Well, I guess we're in luck, then. I'm sure someone on WF sells "psychic" services.
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  • Profile picture of the author Daniel Scott
    "When I Told Them My Troubles, They Started to Laugh.
    But When I Pulled the Gun..."
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    Always looking for badass direct-response copywriters. PM me if we don't know each other and you're looking for work.

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  • Profile picture of the author Zentech
    At least it leaves us with mptions. They're like options, but more mmm-mmm-good.
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  • Profile picture of the author Chris Worner
    Ronak, I can show you an exact layout/template which has converted at 82% over quite a long extended period of time(provided you have a intriguing headline and a compelling call to action) but judging by your refusal to accept help from those who have experience and your childish behavior and remarks I think such information would be wasted on you.

    Aussie Aussie Aussie....Oi Oi Oi!!!

    Chris
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    • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
      Originally Posted by Chris Worner View Post

      Ronak, I can show you an exact layout/template which has converted at 82% over quite a long extended period of time(provided you have a intriguing headline and a compelling call to action) but judging by your refusal to accept help from those who have experience and your childish behavior and remarks I think such information would be wasted on you.

      Aussie Aussie Aussie....Oi Oi Oi!!!

      Chris
      I dislike the way Daniel and Zentech are behaving.

      I am not refusing any help from anyone. If people write **** after assuming stuff they don't even know about, I am NOT going to keep quiet.

      They just think they're too smart which I really don't think so. BIG pessimist!

      I am quite receptive and I have changed my squeeze page quite a lot according to suggestions that I received on this thread.

      I am targeting newbies who are completely new to IM and list building. I am always open to good stuff and I sincerely appreciate all the help offered.
      Signature
      I AM YOUR Direct Response Ninja Kick-Ass Sales Copywriter.

      Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
      Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
      I'll Write YOUR Sales Copy AGAIN Till YOU Make MUCH MORE Than THAT. Guaranteed*.
      *Terms & Conditions Apply. Email me at ronak[at]ronakshah[dot]name right now.
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      • Profile picture of the author Kay King
        I dislike the way Daniel and Zentech are behaving.
        Unfortunately this thread is going the same way as previous ones you've started. You love the compliments even if they come from non-experts but if experts diss your copy or question your experience, you get defensive and childishly rude.

        You've already said you know enough about list building (though you don't seem to have done it) - so put the code on the site and see what happens. You built the page, rebuilt the page - now test it.

        No excuses then - either the copy is good enough or it isn't.

        If it works - you were right and the copy is good.

        If it doesn't - you can change it.

        kay
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        • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
          Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

          Unfortunately this thread is going the same way as previous ones you've started. You love the compliments even if they come from non-experts but if experts diss your copy or question your experience, you get defensive and childishly rude.

          You've already said you know enough about list building (though you don't seem to have done it) - so put the code on the site and see what happens. You built the page, rebuilt the page - now test it.

          No excuses then - either the copy is good enough or it isn't.

          If it works - you were right and the copy is good.

          If it doesn't - you can change it.

          kay
          It was not about criticizing my copy Kay.

          They were talking about scam and stuff which is blatantly untrue.

          They are no guru's nor god so they don't matter anyway anymore.

          If you think the copy is either way good or bad, I got no issues with it.

          If you read my OP, you'll see I wrote "Let me know whatever you think".
          Signature
          I AM YOUR Direct Response Ninja Kick-Ass Sales Copywriter.

          Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
          Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
          I'll Write YOUR Sales Copy AGAIN Till YOU Make MUCH MORE Than THAT. Guaranteed*.
          *Terms & Conditions Apply. Email me at ronak[at]ronakshah[dot]name right now.
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  • Profile picture of the author Zero
    Ronak, you're not doing yourself any favours here, in regards to your reputation and image. Even in the face of criticism you need to conduct urself in a professional manner.

    That being said, i like the look of ur page. Just start testing...send traffic to it and keep tweaking based on the results you get i.e Headline, body copy, the offer, dropping name field..using a different button etc

    Also, you should practice what you preach. Do whatever it is you're teaching them. Lead by example.
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  • Profile picture of the author Zero
    Its time to forget what others think and just do it.
    You learn by doing. Get down and dirty, if you're gonna fail then fail as fast as humanly possible.
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