Please critique by video sales letter script (written)

by ruch1v
3 replies
Hey guys

I'm about to put up my first ever sales video and I've been writing out my copy script that I'm going to read out (alongside power points slides). I was planning to shoot the video and then paste it here asking you guys to critique,but I thought it makes more sense if you saw my written notes and THEN I shoot the video as I'd have to film it multiple times otherwise.

Would love to know your opinion of it, be as brutal as you wish

Thanks alot guys, really appreciate it


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#critique #letter #sales #script #video #written
  • Profile picture of the author Bill Eliott
    From a consumer's view point first, writer second.

    Have you timed the script ? My skim was a speed read.
    Is it too long, would it be more effective broken up and released in teaser segments ? Building anticipation.

    Reads okay grammatically, pretty smooth, not a lot of comic relief and snap but your not doing stand-up or selling ''sham whammies''.

    I'd be interested enough to press the button....

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  • Profile picture of the author ruch1v
    Thanks for the tips, I haven't timed it, but my guess is it's around the 10 minute mark or possibly lower.

    What type of comic relief would you suggest?
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    • Profile picture of the author Bill Eliott
      I've been writing out my copy script that I'm going to read out (alongside power points slides).
      Comedy, misplaced word perhaps, the first read didn't move me much, nothing wrong with the writing just seemed to be lacking some zip.

      With that said and not having seen a sample video, your on camera presence may be enough to inject the animation your words need, you could be a natural.
      Inflection, voice timbre, small facial nuances, posture, these all count and can lift a droll script to new heights. Hey, the camera could love 'ya!

      You have a start on the 18 video series or perhaps finished so I imagine you have had positive feedback so far.

      I was visualizing how you were going to present the sales video; see quote.
      Will you be like a news reader, seated? So I'm thinking, maybe a bit "stiff"?

      Yep a short ten minutes sounds 'bout right, a lot to memorize. Your method with slides may be the best choice.
      Unless you broke up the presentation into easier to manage segments, two minutes each. Easier to get down pat.

      Don't know a whole lot about your "studio" set-up. If you have help get a cue card guy or some sort of a screen teleprompter to refer to as you go along.

      At any rate it is a plucky undertaking and you gotta admire that.

      Throw up a sample and see how it plays.
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