Would All These Clients Lie For Me?

by 36 replies
45
Having a full page print ad designed that will be all client testimonials about saving money on insurance w/pictures and I'm wondering if this headline is too strong? or not strong enough to pull a good response.

Other thoughts were:

Can You Say These Things About Your Insurance Agent?

(18)More Reasons to Call Williams Agency

Are You a Dumbass ? Then Why Haven't You Called ? (kidding)
#copywriting #clients #lie
  • Dan,

    You do NOT want the word "lying" or "lie" within 500 feet of your web site.

    Not even in humor.

    Instead of suggesting honesty, you would be putting the reverse idea in people's heads.

    Many people would think that a truly honest person would never come up with a headline like that.

    Marcia Yudkin
  • Banned
    Silly idea Dan. As Marcia says, "Lie" just puts that very suggestion into people's heads. I have an idea for you - but I'm not putting it down here. It's too good. Email me. I'll give you the idea for free but I'll upsell you to a page of copy at the same time. Using a "secret weapon" Steve Fullman's working on. Wait 'til you see this!
    • [ 1 ] Thanks
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    • It's an obvious play on "50,000 Fans Can't Be Wrong..." an Elvis album cover. And an effective one.

      That said, I agree with Marcia, keep the word "lie" away from your site.
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  • I agree with Vin and Marcia but...

    Yesterday I saw a banner on Drudge that was so good I saved it. The headline was "Did Obama Lie?"

    It was linked to an Agora Financial site. They know a little bit about copywriting.

    If you want to see it, just go to drudgereport.com and refresh until you get it.
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    • Good stuff.

      Edit: I originally posted the video. Removed because, on second thought, it's unethical to post it without a way for them to track the click rates. Instead, I've attached the banner only.
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    • They may be able to get away with that because of Drudge's audience...conservatives who are always interested in hearing about how Obama is lying.

      They would be attracted to the word "lie", not repulsed by it, as an insurance prospect may be.

      Virginia
  • Thanks, Angel. I'm mobile or I'd have done it myself. I also noticed they are using the "dictated" sales letter. Interesting.
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    • The letter is really good, I might add.

      IMO, a good swipe. Non-hyped, and speaks strongly to the market/audience it was put in front of.

      And not a problem, Bruce. Thanks for directing us towards it.
  • Thank you, Virginia. I understand how and why it works by knowing their audience.
  • Just got another from Mercola... "The 'calcium lie every woman should know about"

    These uses of the word are both pointing to an enemy, not at the prospect or product.
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    • I think "lie" or "lies" are "trigger words." They provoke. They agitate.

      For instance:

      Drew Kaplan. DTK. You can probably find the piece on hardtofindads.com. He wrote a brilliant piece. The Headline? "Greed, Lies, and Avarice"

      How can you not read that?

      But then again, he knew his audience to a "T".

      I don't know how best to respond, but I would need to noodle through the concept of "Lies." But again, "Lies" is just one of those words...

      I am saying this just to be a catalyst. I don't have the answer. Maybe someone else can come up with something better/more. There's a cool headline in there somewhere given the body copy.

      - Rick Duris


      PS: I also seem to remember a headline that went "Lies, Lies, and Damn Lies" Again, I am not saying it's applicable to this situation. It's just something to think about as you noodle through.
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  • OK so, let's have some fun, we've got a lot of good writers on board. What if the OP reworded it to say. Would All These Clients Lie To Themselves? It certainly drives curiosity. I could be totally off base but heck, I'd like to hear at least one response. I'm new, I have a lot of questions to be asked, so here is one.

    EDIT: I think I answered my own question, even presupposing that a client of theirs would be challenged to lie to themselves sounds possibly bad?
    • [1] reply
    • I don't think this one is bad in the sense that the first one is. I don't think this associates the "lie" in any negative sense with the business.

      I just don't think it's a particularly effective headline.

      If I'm curious at all, I'm curious about the psychology of the testimonial writers. And I'm not sure that's the most lucrative possible audience I can draw into the body of my copy.

      In "Lies, Lies Lies!", the sub-head is doing the heavy lifting. Lies! is just an attention getter. A full-on headline size-n-scale sub is what's qualifying readers and bringing them on board.
  • Remember Fortin's headline for Traffic Secrets?

    PROOF!
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  • Hate to spoil a good conversation but...Mal's on the case! We'll see if he can conjure up a headline that will grab people by the %^$#

    what do you think about...

    What's The Secret to Getting Folks to Spill Their Guts About You ?

    Why These People Trust Me With Their Money
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    • Banned
      Nah...distil it right down. Head the testimonials page with something like -

  • Here's the promo behind the Obama banner ad...

    -> 1,354 Years in the Making: The "NEW" War That Could Rocket Oil Past $220 Before 2011

    Close the window and you'll get the option to go to the text file, for printing or PDF'ing. Written by the right honorable John Forde:

    -> "Learn to Sell or Else..."

    It's been updated a couple of times, but I think the "idea" is a 2-year control, so worth swiping for sure.

    Dan, how about...

    "[YOUR TOWN] Insurance Broker EXPOSED!"

    I wrote a similar ad for my old company. I have no idea how it done, but it was modeled on a supposedly successful Dan Kennedy template.

    I'm not for using "Williams Agency" anywhere in the headline, because it assumes readers are aware of your company and what you do.

    Colm

    [EDIT]

    Better still...

    "[YOUR TOWN] Auto Insurance Broker EXPOSED!"

    "[YOUR TOWN] Home Insurance Broker EXPOSED!"

    Etc.
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    • Used and re-used the "exposed" headline only thing left would be to actually put me in a trenchcoat facing partially away from the camera with the "EXPOSED" headline Not sure my wife...or girlfriend would go for that one:p I'm sure the rest of the chicks would "dig it" though
      • [1] reply
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    Would All These Clients Lie For Me?

    Having a full page print ad designed that will be all client testimonials about saving money on insurance w/pictures and I'm wondering if this headline is too strong? or not strong enough to pull a good response. Other thoughts were: