Kick my Gonad's

Uh...If you know how to do that stuff, in NO WAY would I ever kick your gonads or kick you anywhere.

In one word? Horrible. Lame-Duck headline followed by an amateurish video followed by an order button with the laughable heading "I'm sold --how much is the investment?" We critiqued this before, Gareth. I couldn't be arsed trying to find it but I'm sure we gave you good advice - which you appear to have ignored. So my advice now - get a copywriter. This page will bomb.

I'm a martial artist.

Your video is booorrring.

If I wanted a iron palm product, I would want to see YOU use it.

There are tons of problems with this sales letter.

To sum it up: You have no idea why someone wants to learn iron palm and have no idea what questions an average person who doesn't know what iron palm would ask.

Like:

Who is this guy? Why is he talking about this asian guy and why should I care about "his" method of iron palm? What is iron palm? What are all of these things he's rambling about like "external" and "jow" and "pellets"?

You aren't selling - You are rambling BIG TIME!

PLEASE STOP IT!

I would be a bit nicer but I'm a martial artist and this is a disgrace. If this is real iron palm, you need to educate and educate and educate some more and then SHOW people why it's so exciting to learn iron palm and why it's the best thing in the world! (which by the way it is)

You also don't stand out as an authority.

Seems to me you took an old out of print book and recycled it and can't do iron palm period. If you can, you convinced me in the opposite direction.

Follow Mal's advice: Get a copywriter!


@ angel - It's Dr. La Tourette. Scammer since forever. Sold tons of direct mail products since I can remember. Did one on poison hand/ pressure points then got into Huna and psychic arenas. That speed hitting ad is great copy. I still remember the excitement I got after reading it.

Wow my gonads hurt now. But I know you are right. I hate to say but I would never buy that close combat course either looking at that page all I am thinking is BS.

So I will pay for a vid and I have someone that will do the copy.

After that I will get conversion prophet and test the hell out of it.

OK korypearman on WF is doing excellent videos & I have two people that have offered to do the copy at a very good price.

These guys should be able to do the magic for me.

god this thread is depressing...

That Muay Thai page is broken in my firefox browser - but I would be more inclined the buy that than the close combat one.

I'm gunna see what my conversion rate is with the sucky sales page.

Yeah I sound like a boring wall flower in that video - my voice does not record well.
On top of this I have better things to do than piddle around with recording and putting a PPT together. I will just outsource it.

But once I have the sales page outsourced it will rock - the book itself is very good.

Half your problem here is positioning.

Very few people (except hardcore MAs) want to do the iron palm thing.

But imagine if your headline was a more polished variant of:



That's right...

Forget about carrying knives... bars... or any other weapon that can be used against you...

...because these long-forgotten secret techniques will arm you with xyz years of bone-shattering... face-smashing... take-no-prisoners combat techniques that will send even the toughest thug screaming for his mommy!


That was off the top of my head, so it sucks. But hopefully that gets the idea across.

You need to go for the jugular with this market dude, not muck around with tiny segments. Find the big hook... the huge promise... and sell the crap out of it.

And you need to outsource to people who know what they're doing. Hoping you'll get a killer video... awesome copy... a brilliant design... or anything else for peanuts is just wishful thinking.

People who are good at stuff charge more money. It's simple supply and demand.

Want this project to be successful? Get serious about this business. Get all your ducks in a row, and invest in good people... make it a hit.

-Daniel

Daniel your hired dude...

heh heh - I redid the video and thats it for me - I don't have the time.

It will make sales in this pathetic state - just low conversion, but I'll use the cash to pay for a better job. I have found the people who will do the work but anybody is welcome to PM an offer.

As for it costing big money - well I paid $100 for a $2000 typeset and the same for the translation. I'm getting the hard copy cover for $17 not $150 and all of its good quality.

So I dont anticipate paying a great deal for the copy - hard reality of globalization sorry.

I just wanna be clear here, Gareth...

I'm not shooting for the job.

Fact is... I'm booked out about 3 months in advance... and am most likely way out of your budget.

If you think you can get copy that converts for cheap... by all means, roll the dice. No skin off my nose... nor any other copywriter here.

But ask yourself this...

If YOU were a copywriter - a master of SELLING - doesn't it make sense you'd charge the most money you can?

So if you find a guy doing $200 salesletters.... that's all he can get... which means he can't sell for crap.

Is that who you want writing your copy? A guy (or girl) who can't make a sale?

As a guy who pays his house with the checks my clients write, I'll tell you right now (as I did in the above post) your whole angle is wrong.

If you think some cheap copy's gonna fix everything... you're dreaming. It's that simple.

Your whole funnel and strategy needs an overhaul... and the people who have the skills to do that do NOT come cheap.

Honestly... if I were you... I'd put this on the back burner for a bit. Study some books on marketing and copywriting... even if it's just to get an idea of how to aim for a market and put an offer together.

Because if you try and keep going with this, it WILL turn into a train wreck.

I'm not trying to be a dick here... I'm trying to help you... and save you a ton of wasted time and effort.

Feel free to ignore it if you want... but I seriously hope you'll at least strongly consider what I've said here... for your own sake.

-Daniel

The same can be said for any profession - so its simply not true. Like I said I can get $2000 typesetting for $100, same for translation services.

These are university graduates.

Its OK.

The advice given here is right. I would hire a pro. I do like the graphics!!!

Where did you get those animated 3D guys done??? I could need that service very soon

I have to agree with Daniel Scott on this one. Copywriting is kind of like acting. You are only as good as your track record, for one thing, and if you are that good, you don't stay in some third world country earning small money.

The 3d guys are done in poser - its very easy to setup and use.

Anyway, with regard to the target market for this project, I don't want to target some guy that does not know what Iron Palm is. Pretty much every body into kung fu knows what "Iron Palm" training is, as do most people into karate or tae kwon do.

I don't want to target a total newbie to all martial arts training.

I also don't want to target anyone with more than a year or two of Iron Palm training, because while they will still get something out of it - it wont be as useful to them, and I want happy customers.

OK so my target knows what the training is for, maybe not exactly how to do it, they may know already but need specific info on aspects of the training. 95% of my target is male, age 18-50.

The target market is broad in that there is a lot of traffic in the market of martial arts. All people doing wing chun and kung fu are "supposed" to do "Iron Palm" but many do not because of time or lack of a teacher, or bad advise from the sifu. Some may be scared of injury.

Other martial arts groups are interested in "Iron Palm" also like karate and tae kwon do as they do breaking also but their traditional methods often cause arthritis - so the Chinese method is of great value to them.

Many MMA guys are interested in "Iron Palm" as an adjunct to their training. Pancrase uses palm strikes in the ring.

There is also interest from boxers who want to harden the hands and deliver more power in their strikes but many boxers will not have heard of it.

What other info would a copywriter need to know regarding the target market ?

I will give them the book to explain the technique of course.

Perhaps the best positive criticism and the most help I can offer is a to send you a free copy of Bob Serling's (no relation to Rod) Power Copywriting for the Internet. Willie Crawford sells it for $147. If that doesn't kick your gonads, I don't know what will. Contact me at PowerCopywriting@gmail.com

[So I dont anticipate paying a great deal for the copy - hard reality of globalization sorry]

Uh huh.


[What other info would a copywriter need to know regarding the target market ?]

I'd like to help you with this, but I'm not really in the mood to give you any freebies. Perhaps you should ask your dirt cheap copywriter. Hard reality of globalization, sorry.

No - just tell me what info a copywriter will need to write the copy.

What do they need to know about my market ?

I have too much stuff on my plate to learn copy writing. I study electronics and computer science at university.

I have put some ideas above - what else will they want to know - Do they need detailed demographics or more info like I have above. I'll actually put a proper document together for the copy writer.

You copy writing guys here have a major ego problem.

I'm gunna have to palm some of you.

How about a free viral report - "21 things your copy writer needs to know about your target market to get top results"

.. or something to that effect.

Gareth, I'd ditch the vid and just put most of it in the copy.

Quicker to read as sub-heads or bullet points than it is to wait for the video to bore the tits off them.

Plus, look out for the spelling mistakes. Small point but some people will get turned off (if they watch that long) by it. Make's you look like an amateur. The one I saw was "Includes Excepts From This Famous Book" about 40 secs in.

I didn't read much else. I stopped watching the vid right after you show "A Celebrated Chinese General" (whose name must have escaped you for the moment) demonstrating a break.

I figure the rest of your copy goes along the same lines.

I don't agree with everyone here. Why not give it a shot and see what happens?

But I do agree that your header sucks.

I didn't really catch the "97 days to deadly skull smashing power" until I looked at it a couple of times. It's sort of lost in the graphic.

You say your target market are all experienced martial artists, to a certain level, and they know what Iron Palm is. But do they know what Gong Fu is?

I'm not a martial artist in the Kung Fu, Wing Chun area... but I'd be interested in getting more power into my strikes... throws/takedowns... transitions... submissions etc.

If you're after the guys who want to show their skills through demonstrations, tell them how they'll break boards into splinters... rocks into dust... how you can ram a guys head so far up his own ass, he'll be wearing himself as a hat for months!!!

Seeing as this thread is turning into a linkfest: How to Hit Like a Freight Train | Strongerman

OK, off to wrap some more presents so my six-year-old can grow even fonder of a hairy old guy, who climbs down your chimney in the middle of the night to watch you sleep, then fills your stockings before he buggers off to some place called "lap-land".

Man, weekends in Vegas are Seeweet!

[You copy writing guys here have a major ego problem.]

Actually, let me amend my ad hominem response.

Here's my problem with you and it ain't an ego one.

You come here and almost sneeringly tell everyone that there's no need for you to pay much for a copywriter.

Then you try to mooch ideas off of copywriters that charge more than the people you're giving your business to.

The sheer gall of that just blows my mind.

Here's an idea: If you believe that a cheap copywriter gives you as much value as a more expensive one, then why don't you put your money where your mouth is?

Go ask your cheap copywriter these questions and stop looking for freebies.
\

look at matt fureys copy... he sells similar type of stuff....

LOL if you weigh what this guy does how could you hit like anything else

How to Hit Like a Freight Train | Strongerman

Thats an excellent website

Warriors for hire is where you sell your services.

This forum is for discussion as I understand it. The problem is EGO for many copywriters or at least the BS hype they try to project.

Anyway go look in another thread if you cant handle the truth.

Which is that with a few hundred bucks, 2-3 CHEAP copywriters, some copy writing software and a script like conversion prophet anybody can make sales pages that equal or out perform many of those written by "expensive" writers that charge 1-2 grand or much more.

Seriously do an experiment and see for your self.

In fact I'm sure thats all some of the blow asses on here do anyway.

Cost breakdown:

Cheap copy writer #1 $100

Cheap copy writer #2 $120

Cheap Video Maker $120

AdcopycreatorPro $47

BURPPIES $ 97

Conversion Prophet 2 $ 197 --> pro does tamaguchi etc

Total: $681

I already have two of the software applications which brings it down to $537.00

I get multiple sales pages, and software that I can use on future projects, and full conversion tracking, URL tracking and keyword tracking. Split testing and optimization on a minimal adwords budget.

Doesn't this approach make sense to you ?

Why would I spend $5000.00 and end up with the same conversion rate ?

Once you own the software it will only cost $300-$400 per project to get your sales page complete with video and written copy.

HELLooooo Is anybody listening ?

MOST people on this forum will not pay you $1000 for a sales page. So why are you trying to sell that ?

I will not pay that for a sales page. Even better - I may never have to.

Anyway I'll let you know when I have my el cheapo sales page with a decent conversion rate up and will share the stats and stuff.

For now I will bid you farewell.

Ah yes, Conversion Prophet. Directly from the sales page...

By tracking the length of time visitors stayed on the page, I could get a good idea about which part of the AIDA formula was breaking down on me...


Yes, that should do it. By analyzing hot keywords and tracking how long people stay on your crappy McDojo inspired martial arts sales page, you'll definitely be able to smooth out that outsourced sales copy.

Hahahahahaha!

Good luck with that, Karate Kid. And Merry Christmas.

OK man Here it is...

http://www.ironpowerpalm.com/test4.html

I did it in Kompozer so the fonts didn't come out quite the same. But that can be fixed up.

It took many hours but basically I just went over http://www.scribejuice.com/ and converted it for my product.

This is the best sales page I've ever done by 100,000% and I didn't even know I could do this.

PS: I didnt use scribejuice software - I just swiped the entire page. All that I need now is testimonials.

Plagiarism .. pull the other one.

I think it still needs a quality video above the headline - and a bunch of testimonials further down

For x's sake you guys make me sick

I'll run it through a damn plagiarism checker then and alter any thing that needs it. Which wont be much I may add ~ !!!

Seems to me the best way to write copy for newbies is to do as I have done, but use several pages then mix it up using the tracking software to end up with an optimized page.

AND IT COSTS NOTHING !!!

You wanted your gonads kicked... looks like your getting it.

Yes but its motivating me...

OK I have found 16 small word groups that come up - more than I expected.

They will be gone by tomorrow.

Is plagiarism...

Directly copying headlines, unique sentences, graphics, paragraphs and slogans.

Is not plagiarism...

Copying the page structure.

Copying the flow and overall gist.

Using bullets points, paragraphs, headlines and subheads in the same place for the same reason.

If Fortin's page was for a kungfu product no way would have I have swiped it - get real. Same if I was making this page for copywriting software.

Swiping rocks - I like it.

IN FACT ---->

Now that I know what to do I can outsource it to the Philippines and get sales pages done for next to nothing.

Its a system now.

1. Find the pages to swipe

2. Re write them for your product

3. Run a plagiarism check and correct them

4. Load them into conversion prophet or similar

5. Drive traffic and optimize (mix & match) on autopilot

So thats how to get maximum bang for your copy writing buck.

Knowing my Phillippino's this could be done by one person in a week for $100.00 and the page you get in the end would be first class.

The final page would be rewritten by hand, plagiarism checked and split / multivariate optimized & mixed up with elements from several other pages.

A unique optimized page for $100. If you had 5 of them working it could be done over night still for $100.

bare with me...

I don't need to spend that much on PPC either.

I'm a tight *******.

Quick! Someone call Agora and tell them they could be getting better results with guys from the Phillipines.

Seriously though... thanks Gareth. This thread has been very, very entertaining.

I love how someone who has no idea what they're doing is suddenly espousing the "secret" to getting great copy.

Maybe you should run a WSO...

...assuming you can put together the cash for the listing.

-Daniel

take your business seriously. If you think you can do a better job, then by all means actually WRITE your sales page. Don't swipe other people's hard work. You mention you're at college/university? Work on that...because with your attitude, this business is not for you. And it is people like you that give IM in general a bad name.

Whats gives IM a bad name is people putting great sales pages on garbage products.

.. hence OVER CHARGING people for a product or service.

My prediction for 2011...

The next thread will be a rant about some scumbag in a foreign country stealing the product and knocking it off - rewriting a few words here or there - and calling it their own.

That could be a loss of... hundreds of dollars.

Brian

What's with the apostrophes whacked in on the plurals? It's driving me crackers. As in "Gonad's"..."Skill's".

Here - learn how to use them - WarriorForum - Internet Marketing Forums - Metronicity

HAHA.... dude if it was just as easy as stealing someone elses copy, switching a few words to make it seem like its 'original'... everyone would be rich.

you're looking for a shortcut, there aint one... its called hard work.

i think you'll find that out for yourself.

my hunch bigtime FAIL.

oh man, I have this MAJOR A**hole, dbag, fat attorney... he'd have a field day with this if someone swiped my stuff like that. (seriously)

And who is gonna help you on here now?

Who in their right mind wants to help someone who blatantly steals others work?

lame.

lol.... you know me... i always call it like i see it.

BUT, the op did post some valid stuff early on.... getting a few writers, testing them all... great idea.

there is a way to swipe a letter... and a way to steal a letter.

I have to admit, this goon is cracking me up. Shamelessly stealing someone's copy and bragging about it on a public forum. What a piece of work!

But you know what's even funnier? How easy it would be to torpedo this whole project.

I mean, anyone can post negative reviews about his little McDojo martial arts video, right? No need to buy it to trash it.

And what's to keep someone from stealing it? I could buy it and swipe it just as easy as he swiped that copy. Of course, I'd have to make sure to return it for a refund first.

I mean, these are the new rules, right?

Okay, cool. Sounds like fun. I love mischief.

Good news. Based on the content of this thread, I was able to piece together the OP's technique. I have since gone and tested it myself, and came out with a whopping 332% conversion from cold traffic. That's right.

In a recent survey of my customers, many were so compelled they bought twice. In a frantic, dizzying attempt to get their money back, they realized that I had an explicit no-refund policy, and happily passed the buck on to their friends.

This in itself brought good fortune, because many later accidentally bought, again, through the link in the product's footer. Weird huh? No matter. It works so good it's like getting paid to drink beer.

Well, anyway I'm busy. I've got to go plan for my retirement.

Hi Gareth
I am going to come from a different angle.
Firstly I was impressed by your artwork. I didn't read the copy which I should but your subject is not my thing.

2 (maybe) small things i didn't like

Firstly The Pre headline


sounded so contrived and fake and seen so so many times.

Secondly (monor point from a purely visual perspective) the red ticks (check marks) really annoy me. (maybe it is just me). Green is for go - red is for stop. Red x's make sense green ticks make sense. But i see it a lot so take that as a grain of salt

Most importantly I only read this post PURELY because of your post title "Kick my Gonad's"
It piqued my curiosity - I wanted to find out what this is about. If you could get that in your sales page heading WOW!!!

Maybe that is your real personality coming through and again, maybe, you could put more of that (your personality) into the sales page.

Paul