by gareth
76 replies
Ok I finally am selling this book now.

What do you think of my sales page and video ?

I'm about to start driving traffic.

http://www.ironpowerpalm.com/test3.html
#gonad #kick
  • Profile picture of the author Nathan Alexander
    Uh...If you know how to do that stuff, in NO WAY would I ever kick your gonads or kick you anywhere.
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    • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
      Originally Posted by Nathan Alexander View Post

      Uh...If you know how to do that stuff, in NO WAY would I ever kick your gonads or kick you anywhere.
      Hmmmm...that would depend actually. If we were fighting and I only had one shot to bring you down before you got all crazy on me with that stuff, I'd go for the gonads.

      ....and with steel toes I might add.
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    In one word? Horrible. Lame-Duck headline followed by an amateurish video followed by an order button with the laughable heading "I'm sold --how much is the investment?" We critiqued this before, Gareth. I couldn't be arsed trying to find it but I'm sure we gave you good advice - which you appear to have ignored. So my advice now - get a copywriter. This page will bomb.
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    • Profile picture of the author ARSuarez
      Originally Posted by Metronicity View Post

      In one word? Horrible. Lame-Duck headline followed by an amateurish video followed by an order button with the laughable heading "I'm sold --how much is the investment?" We critiqued this before, Gareth. I couldn't be arsed trying to find it but I'm sure we gave you good advice - which you appear to have ignored. So my advice now - get a copywriter. This page will bomb.
      Sorry Gareth, but Mal is right. The page is weak. The audio is impossible.

      One important point: your bonuses, as they stand, are worthless. You have given no value, no reason why they are important.

      If you want to see successful/effective sales copy in your market (fitness, martial arts), check this out: Close Combat Training | Self Defense | Martial Arts Training | Captain Chris

      or

      Captain Chris' Law Dog

      There's one guy, too... Dr. Something. It was, like, how to hit a man 100 times in a second or something. Anyway, he was very successful. Look up his stuff.

      I like your layout - it's clean, very good looking.

      But layout doesn't sell bad copy.

      Regards,

      Angel
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  • Profile picture of the author Daniel Sanchez
    I'm a martial artist.

    Your video is booorrring.

    If I wanted a iron palm product, I would want to see YOU use it.

    There are tons of problems with this sales letter.

    To sum it up: You have no idea why someone wants to learn iron palm and have no idea what questions an average person who doesn't know what iron palm would ask.

    Like:

    Who is this guy? Why is he talking about this asian guy and why should I care about "his" method of iron palm? What is iron palm? What are all of these things he's rambling about like "external" and "jow" and "pellets"?

    You aren't selling - You are rambling BIG TIME!

    PLEASE STOP IT!

    I would be a bit nicer but I'm a martial artist and this is a disgrace. If this is real iron palm, you need to educate and educate and educate some more and then SHOW people why it's so exciting to learn iron palm and why it's the best thing in the world! (which by the way it is)

    You also don't stand out as an authority.

    Seems to me you took an old out of print book and recycled it and can't do iron palm period. If you can, you convinced me in the opposite direction.

    Follow Mal's advice: Get a copywriter!


    @ angel - It's Dr. La Tourette. Scammer since forever. Sold tons of direct mail products since I can remember. Did one on poison hand/ pressure points then got into Huna and psychic arenas. That speed hitting ad is great copy. I still remember the excitement I got after reading it.
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    • Profile picture of the author ARSuarez
      Originally Posted by Danniboy View Post

      @ angel - It's Dr. La Tourette. Scammer since forever. Sold tons of direct mail products since I can remember. Did one on poison hand/ pressure points then got into Huna and psychic arenas. That speed hitting ad is great copy. I still remember the excitement I got after reading it.
      Thanks Danni!

      I studied his stuff pretty heavily when I was working on an MMA product for a client.

      And yeah, big scammer. Similar to T.J. Rohleder - awesome marketer and copywriter... wouldn't buy a damn thing he sold.

      I really should freshen up on La Tourette again.

      Warm regards,

      Angel
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      • Profile picture of the author Nick Brighton
        Originally Posted by ARSuarez View Post


        If you want to see successful/effective sales copy in your market (fitness, martial arts), check this out: Close Combat Training | Self Defense | Martial Arts Training | Captain Chris
        Wow man, that's one of the best pieces of copywriting I've ever seen. Now THAT is how to sell.
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        • Profile picture of the author ARSuarez
          Originally Posted by Nick Brighton View Post

          Wow man, that's one of the best pieces of copywriting I've ever seen. Now THAT is how to sell.
          For sure.

          Don't quote me, but I think Ben Settle wrote it. I'm pretty sure he wrote the "Law Dog" ad, too.
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  • Profile picture of the author gareth
    Wow my gonads hurt now. But I know you are right. I hate to say but I would never buy that close combat course either looking at that page all I am thinking is BS.

    So I will pay for a vid and I have someone that will do the copy.

    After that I will get conversion prophet and test the hell out of it.
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Originally Posted by gareth View Post

      Wow my gonads hurt now. But I know you are right. I hate to say but I would never buy that close combat course either looking at that page all I am thinking is BS.

      So I will pay for a vid and I have someone that will do the copy.

      After that I will get conversion prophet and test the hell out of it.
      Gareth,

      If you watch his video, he doesn't slam you
      with a big promise and not back it up.

      Far from it.

      He brings in reasons why different martial arts
      alone aren't the answer when your heart rate is
      pumping in the black zone. The point when you are
      are facing death.

      Then he brings in credible people as authorities
      on the subject and which international special forces use the method.

      Not only that, he builds his case before stating something
      which would be unbelievable had it been said alone.

      There are a lot of nuances to that promo which are easilly missed.

      Wish you well on tracking down a pro copywriter for your market.

      Ewen
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  • Profile picture of the author gareth
    OK korypearman on WF is doing excellent videos & I have two people that have offered to do the copy at a very good price.

    These guys should be able to do the magic for me.
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  • Profile picture of the author Nick Brighton
    god this thread is depressing...
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    • Profile picture of the author cbrauer
      As a martial artist (Kenpo...not the Ed Parker crap) I would be inclined to buy if the video was not of a book. the video should be of a real person practicing real techniques or kata. I only watched about 15 seconds of the video and that was it for me. I would rather see real demonstration techniques in real situations.

      As a black belt I would also suggest a very stern life or death clause.
      (To be used in self defense in life threatening situations only)

      All it would take is one 15 year old to do a ridge hand temple strike on his friend to show him how cool he is and BAM.......Mom and Dad want 25 million for wrongful death.

      There are reasons in martial arts we work our way up from the bottom. Just cutting loose deadly heel,palm,ridge hand, knife hand, claw, and other injury inflicting strikes to the public without propper training is dangerous.


      Just my 2 cents.
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      • Profile picture of the author ARSuarez
        Hi Gareth,

        Here is another decent example of selling martial arts courses: Muay Thai Training DVD - The Complete Muay Thai Home Study Course

        Scott does a decent job on the site. The video and language are good, so is the free lesson (thought I don't like it being on the sales page).

        The copy definitely could use some improvements, but, overall, a strong effort.

        Good stuff.

        Also, if you sign up on his list... you'll see Scott has a pretty good email sequence in place.

        Best,

        Angel
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  • Profile picture of the author gareth
    That Muay Thai page is broken in my firefox browser - but I would be more inclined the buy that than the close combat one.

    I'm gunna see what my conversion rate is with the sucky sales page.
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    • Profile picture of the author ARSuarez
      Originally Posted by gareth View Post

      That Muay Thai page is broken in my firefox browser - but I would be more inclined the buy that than the close combat one.

      I'm gunna see what my conversion rate is with the sucky sales page.
      Just google it as "Scott Sullivan Muay Thai Home Study."
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  • Profile picture of the author gareth
    Yeah I sound like a boring wall flower in that video - my voice does not record well.
    On top of this I have better things to do than piddle around with recording and putting a PPT together. I will just outsource it.

    But once I have the sales page outsourced it will rock - the book itself is very good.
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  • Profile picture of the author Daniel Scott
    Half your problem here is positioning.

    Very few people (except hardcore MAs) want to do the iron palm thing.

    But imagine if your headline was a more polished variant of:

    47-Year-Old Malibu Man Rediscovers Ancient Chinese Techniques Guaranteed to Transform Your Body into a Living Weapon!


    That's right...

    Forget about carrying knives... bars... or any other weapon that can be used against you...

    ...because these long-forgotten secret techniques will arm you with xyz years of bone-shattering... face-smashing... take-no-prisoners combat techniques that will send even the toughest thug screaming for his mommy!



    That was off the top of my head, so it sucks. But hopefully that gets the idea across.

    You need to go for the jugular with this market dude, not muck around with tiny segments. Find the big hook... the huge promise... and sell the crap out of it.

    And you need to outsource to people who know what they're doing. Hoping you'll get a killer video... awesome copy... a brilliant design... or anything else for peanuts is just wishful thinking.

    People who are good at stuff charge more money. It's simple supply and demand.

    Want this project to be successful? Get serious about this business. Get all your ducks in a row, and invest in good people... make it a hit.

    -Daniel
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    Always looking for badass direct-response copywriters. PM me if we don't know each other and you're looking for work.

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  • Profile picture of the author gareth
    Daniel your hired dude...

    heh heh - I redid the video and thats it for me - I don't have the time.

    It will make sales in this pathetic state - just low conversion, but I'll use the cash to pay for a better job. I have found the people who will do the work but anybody is welcome to PM an offer.

    As for it costing big money - well I paid $100 for a $2000 typeset and the same for the translation. I'm getting the hard copy cover for $17 not $150 and all of its good quality.

    So I dont anticipate paying a great deal for the copy - hard reality of globalization sorry.
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  • Profile picture of the author Daniel Scott
    I just wanna be clear here, Gareth...

    I'm not shooting for the job.

    Fact is... I'm booked out about 3 months in advance... and am most likely way out of your budget.

    If you think you can get copy that converts for cheap... by all means, roll the dice. No skin off my nose... nor any other copywriter here.

    But ask yourself this...

    If YOU were a copywriter - a master of SELLING - doesn't it make sense you'd charge the most money you can?

    So if you find a guy doing $200 salesletters.... that's all he can get... which means he can't sell for crap.

    Is that who you want writing your copy? A guy (or girl) who can't make a sale?

    As a guy who pays his house with the checks my clients write, I'll tell you right now (as I did in the above post) your whole angle is wrong.

    If you think some cheap copy's gonna fix everything... you're dreaming. It's that simple.

    Your whole funnel and strategy needs an overhaul... and the people who have the skills to do that do NOT come cheap.

    Honestly... if I were you... I'd put this on the back burner for a bit. Study some books on marketing and copywriting... even if it's just to get an idea of how to aim for a market and put an offer together.

    Because if you try and keep going with this, it WILL turn into a train wreck.

    I'm not trying to be a dick here... I'm trying to help you... and save you a ton of wasted time and effort.

    Feel free to ignore it if you want... but I seriously hope you'll at least strongly consider what I've said here... for your own sake.

    -Daniel
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    Always looking for badass direct-response copywriters. PM me if we don't know each other and you're looking for work.

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  • Profile picture of the author gareth
    The same can be said for any profession - so its simply not true. Like I said I can get $2000 typesetting for $100, same for translation services.

    These are university graduates.

    Its OK.
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    • Profile picture of the author ARSuarez
      Originally Posted by gareth View Post

      These are university graduates.
      I'll go ahead and buy the tombstone for you.

      Regards,

      Angel
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  • Profile picture of the author Alex Barboza
    The advice given here is right. I would hire a pro. I do like the graphics!!!

    Where did you get those animated 3D guys done??? I could need that service very soon

    Originally Posted by gareth View Post

    Ok I finally am selling this book now.

    What do you think of my sales page and video ?

    I'm about to start driving traffic.

    IronPowerPalm - Advanced Kung Fu & Qi Gong Iron Palm Training Secrets
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  • Profile picture of the author chasnsx
    I have to agree with Daniel Scott on this one. Copywriting is kind of like acting. You are only as good as your track record, for one thing, and if you are that good, you don't stay in some third world country earning small money.
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  • Profile picture of the author gareth
    The 3d guys are done in poser - its very easy to setup and use.

    Anyway, with regard to the target market for this project, I don't want to target some guy that does not know what Iron Palm is. Pretty much every body into kung fu knows what "Iron Palm" training is, as do most people into karate or tae kwon do.

    I don't want to target a total newbie to all martial arts training.

    I also don't want to target anyone with more than a year or two of Iron Palm training, because while they will still get something out of it - it wont be as useful to them, and I want happy customers.

    OK so my target knows what the training is for, maybe not exactly how to do it, they may know already but need specific info on aspects of the training. 95% of my target is male, age 18-50.

    The target market is broad in that there is a lot of traffic in the market of martial arts. All people doing wing chun and kung fu are "supposed" to do "Iron Palm" but many do not because of time or lack of a teacher, or bad advise from the sifu. Some may be scared of injury.

    Other martial arts groups are interested in "Iron Palm" also like karate and tae kwon do as they do breaking also but their traditional methods often cause arthritis - so the Chinese method is of great value to them.

    Many MMA guys are interested in "Iron Palm" as an adjunct to their training. Pancrase uses palm strikes in the ring.

    There is also interest from boxers who want to harden the hands and deliver more power in their strikes but many boxers will not have heard of it.

    What other info would a copywriter need to know regarding the target market ?

    I will give them the book to explain the technique of course.
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  • Profile picture of the author RichRecluse
    Perhaps the best positive criticism and the most help I can offer is a to send you a free copy of Bob Serling's (no relation to Rod) Power Copywriting for the Internet. Willie Crawford sells it for $147. If that doesn't kick your gonads, I don't know what will. Contact me at PowerCopywriting@gmail.com
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  • Profile picture of the author MonsterZero
    [So I dont anticipate paying a great deal for the copy - hard reality of globalization sorry]

    Uh huh.


    [What other info would a copywriter need to know regarding the target market ?]

    I'd like to help you with this, but I'm not really in the mood to give you any freebies. Perhaps you should ask your dirt cheap copywriter. Hard reality of globalization, sorry.
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  • Profile picture of the author gareth
    No - just tell me what info a copywriter will need to write the copy.

    What do they need to know about my market ?

    I have too much stuff on my plate to learn copy writing. I study electronics and computer science at university.

    I have put some ideas above - what else will they want to know - Do they need detailed demographics or more info like I have above. I'll actually put a proper document together for the copy writer.

    You copy writing guys here have a major ego problem.

    I'm gunna have to palm some of you.

    How about a free viral report - "21 things your copy writer needs to know about your target market to get top results"

    .. or something to that effect.
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  • Profile picture of the author tun80
    Gareth, I'd ditch the vid and just put most of it in the copy.

    Quicker to read as sub-heads or bullet points than it is to wait for the video to bore the tits off them.

    Plus, look out for the spelling mistakes. Small point but some people will get turned off (if they watch that long) by it. Make's you look like an amateur. The one I saw was "Includes Excepts From This Famous Book" about 40 secs in.

    I didn't read much else. I stopped watching the vid right after you show "A Celebrated Chinese General" (whose name must have escaped you for the moment) demonstrating a break.

    I figure the rest of your copy goes along the same lines.

    I don't agree with everyone here. Why not give it a shot and see what happens?

    But I do agree that your header sucks.

    I didn't really catch the "97 days to deadly skull smashing power" until I looked at it a couple of times. It's sort of lost in the graphic.

    You say your target market are all experienced martial artists, to a certain level, and they know what Iron Palm is. But do they know what Gong Fu is?

    I'm not a martial artist in the Kung Fu, Wing Chun area... but I'd be interested in getting more power into my strikes... throws/takedowns... transitions... submissions etc.

    If you're after the guys who want to show their skills through demonstrations, tell them how they'll break boards into splinters... rocks into dust... how you can ram a guys head so far up his own ass, he'll be wearing himself as a hat for months!!!

    Seeing as this thread is turning into a linkfest: How to Hit Like a Freight Train | Strongerman

    OK, off to wrap some more presents so my six-year-old can grow even fonder of a hairy old guy, who climbs down your chimney in the middle of the night to watch you sleep, then fills your stockings before he buggers off to some place called "lap-land".

    Man, weekends in Vegas are Seeweet!
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  • Profile picture of the author MonsterZero
    [You copy writing guys here have a major ego problem.]

    Actually, let me amend my ad hominem response.

    Here's my problem with you and it ain't an ego one.

    You come here and almost sneeringly tell everyone that there's no need for you to pay much for a copywriter.

    Then you try to mooch ideas off of copywriters that charge more than the people you're giving your business to.

    The sheer gall of that just blows my mind.

    Here's an idea: If you believe that a cheap copywriter gives you as much value as a more expensive one, then why don't you put your money where your mouth is?

    Go ask your cheap copywriter these questions and stop looking for freebies.
    \
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    • Profile picture of the author Daniel Scott
      Originally Posted by MonsterZero View Post

      [You copy writing guys here have a major ego problem.]

      Actually, let me amend my ad hominem response.

      Here's my problem with you and it ain't an ego one.

      You come here and almost sneeringly tell everyone that there's no need for you to pay much for a copywriter.

      Then you try to mooch ideas off of copywriters that charge more than the people you're giving your business to.

      The sheer gall of that just blows my mind.

      Here's an idea: If you believe that a cheap copywriter gives you as much value as a more expensive one, then why don't you put your money where your mouth is?

      Go ask your cheap copywriter these questions and stop looking for freebies.
      Are you a woman? Because if you are, I want to marry you.

      -Daniel
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      Always looking for badass direct-response copywriters. PM me if we don't know each other and you're looking for work.

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    • Profile picture of the author ARSuarez
      Originally Posted by MonsterZero View Post

      [You copy writing guys here have a major ego problem.]

      Actually, let me amend my ad hominem response.

      Here's my problem with you and it ain't an ego one.

      You come here and almost sneeringly tell everyone that there's no need for you to pay much for a copywriter.

      Then you try to mooch ideas off of copywriters that charge more than the people you're giving your business to.

      The sheer gall of that just blows my mind.

      Here's an idea: If you believe that a cheap copywriter gives you as much value as a more expensive one, then why don't you put your money where your mouth is?

      Go ask your cheap copywriter these questions and stop looking for freebies.
      Wooh!

      I think I need a cold shower.
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  • Profile picture of the author davemiz
    look at matt fureys copy... he sells similar type of stuff....
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  • Profile picture of the author gareth
    LOL if you weigh what this guy does how could you hit like anything else

    How to Hit Like a Freight Train | Strongerman

    Thats an excellent website
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  • Profile picture of the author gareth
    Warriors for hire is where you sell your services.

    This forum is for discussion as I understand it. The problem is EGO for many copywriters or at least the BS hype they try to project.

    Anyway go look in another thread if you cant handle the truth.

    Which is that with a few hundred bucks, 2-3 CHEAP copywriters, some copy writing software and a script like conversion prophet anybody can make sales pages that equal or out perform many of those written by "expensive" writers that charge 1-2 grand or much more.

    Seriously do an experiment and see for your self.

    In fact I'm sure thats all some of the blow asses on here do anyway.

    Cost breakdown:

    Cheap copy writer #1 $100

    Cheap copy writer #2 $120

    Cheap Video Maker $120

    AdcopycreatorPro $47

    BURPPIES $ 97

    Conversion Prophet 2 $ 197 --> pro does tamaguchi etc

    Total: $681

    I already have two of the software applications which brings it down to $537.00

    I get multiple sales pages, and software that I can use on future projects, and full conversion tracking, URL tracking and keyword tracking. Split testing and optimization on a minimal adwords budget.

    Doesn't this approach make sense to you ?

    Why would I spend $5000.00 and end up with the same conversion rate ?

    Once you own the software it will only cost $300-$400 per project to get your sales page complete with video and written copy.
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    • Profile picture of the author Daniel Scott
      Originally Posted by gareth View Post

      Which is that with a few hundred bucks, 2-3 CHEAP copywriters, some copy writing software and a script like conversion prophet anybody can make sales pages that equal or out perform many of those written by "expensive" writers that charge 1-2 grand or much more.
      Out of curiosity... how much are you making per month using this method?

      -Daniel
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    • Profile picture of the author ARSuarez
      Originally Posted by gareth View Post

      Warriors for hire is where you sell your services.

      This forum is for discussion as I understand it. The problem is EGO for many copywriters or at least the BS hype they try to project.

      Anyway go look in another thread if you cant handle the truth.

      Which is that with a few hundred bucks, 2-3 CHEAP copywriters, some copy writing software and a script like conversion prophet anybody can make sales pages that equal or out perform many of those written by "expensive" writers that charge 1-2 grand or much more.

      Seriously do an experiment and see for your self.

      In fact I'm sure thats all some of the blow asses on here do anyway.

      Cost breakdown:

      Cheap copy writer #1 $100

      Cheap copy writer #2 $120

      Cheap Video Maker $120

      AdcopycreatorPro $47

      BURPPIES $ 97

      Conversion Prophet 2 $ 197 --> pro does tamaguchi etc

      Total: $681

      I already have two of the software applications which brings it down to $537.00

      I get multiple sales pages, and software that I can use on future projects, and full conversion tracking, URL tracking and keyword tracking. Split testing and optimization on a minimal adwords budget.

      Doesn't this approach make sense to you ?

      Why would I spend $5000.00 and end up with the same conversion rate ?

      Once you own the software it will only cost $300-$400 per project to get your sales page complete with video and written copy.
      Man, you better keep this secret to yourself!

      Why, Agora, Phillips, Guthy-Renker, and all the other Major Mailer sand Big Sellers might stop paying Makepeace and his lot $25k for copy.



      Regards,

      Angel

      PS. I find it quite funny that you post here asking US for help, and now have the nerve to make a post like above.

      Funny. Very funny.
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    • Profile picture of the author Jag82
      Originally Posted by gareth View Post

      Conversion Prophet 2 $ 197 --> pro does tamaguchi etc
      It's actually Taguchi. I think you might have confused it with
      Tamagotchi - Tamagotchi - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


      Originally Posted by gareth View Post

      MOST people on this forum will not pay you $1000 for a sales page. So why are you trying to sell that ?
      I understand your point.

      But to be fair...most of the competent copywriters here
      cater to the market that pays well for good work.

      It's not so much about the cost...but about the
      potential return on investment.

      You are buying experience and expertise that ensure you
      get the most bang out of your buck.

      Writing a long copy-style sales letter takes a lot
      of time and effort. And we have not even talked about
      the research portion yet which itself can be extremely time consuming.

      Even at $1,000...it might not be worth the time
      (of course this is dependent on the project).

      You are certainly entitled to make your own decision on
      your marketing budget. I think you will probably have better
      luck getting copywriters within your budget at Elance.

      Best,
      Jag
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    • Profile picture of the author Ashley Gable
      Originally Posted by gareth View Post

      In fact I'm sure thats all some of the blow asses on here do anyway.

      Cost breakdown:

      Cheap copy writer #1 $100

      Cheap copy writer #2 $120

      Cheap Video Maker $120

      AdcopycreatorPro $47

      BURPPIES $ 97

      Conversion Prophet 2 $ 197 --> pro does tamaguchi etc

      Total: $681

      I already have two of the software applications which brings it down to $537.00

      I get multiple sales pages, and software that I can use on future projects, and full conversion tracking, URL tracking and keyword tracking. Split testing and optimization on a minimal adwords budget.

      Doesn't this approach make sense to you ?

      Why would I spend $5000.00 and end up with the same conversion rate ?

      Once you own the software it will only cost $300-$400 per project to get your sales page complete with video and written copy.
      Your whole argument of low cost copywriters seems
      to hinge on testing software? Right?

      But if you cant write a letter that converts in the first place,
      how are you going to know what to test?


      If your first headline sucks, why would your second or third be any better?
      If your first try at writing the bullets falls flat how are you going to write the next bunch?
      If your first close doesnt make the sale will you magically be able to write a better one?

      It doesnt make much sense. I am pretty sure the guys
      over at Saint Judes do a whole lotta testing as well, but
      that certainly doesnt mean I could just walts in there
      and start cracking the disease, does it.

      I hired a $47 copywriter a few months ago,
      out of the sheer curiosity of it. I had a product
      that had been sitting there for months, I didnt
      have time so I thought I might as well try it out.

      It has only made about 5 sales so far, so it has
      paid for itself. And the only reason it has is because
      I get a lot of organic traffic. It converted around .2%.

      At that rate I wouldnt bother sending any paid traffic to it. And no amount
      of testing will help it. Especially when the person doing the testing is another
      cheap copywriter.

      I will end up writing a whole new letter.

      Do you see what I am getting at? If you (or your copywriters) cant
      write out a decent full sales letter, what makes you think you or
      they can write out the new tests?

      Ashley
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    • Profile picture of the author Bruce Wedding
      Originally Posted by gareth View Post

      BURPPIES $ 97
      You owe me a monitor! I just sprayed egg nog all over mine!
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  • Profile picture of the author gareth
    HELLooooo Is anybody listening ?

    MOST people on this forum will not pay you $1000 for a sales page. So why are you trying to sell that ?

    I will not pay that for a sales page. Even better - I may never have to.

    Anyway I'll let you know when I have my el cheapo sales page with a decent conversion rate up and will share the stats and stuff.

    For now I will bid you farewell.
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  • Profile picture of the author MonsterZero
    Ah yes, Conversion Prophet. Directly from the sales page...

    By tracking the length of time visitors stayed on the page, I could get a good idea about which part of the AIDA formula was breaking down on me...


    Yes, that should do it. By analyzing hot keywords and tracking how long people stay on your crappy McDojo inspired martial arts sales page, you'll definitely be able to smooth out that outsourced sales copy.

    Hahahahahaha!

    Good luck with that, Karate Kid. And Merry Christmas.
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  • Profile picture of the author gareth
    OK man Here it is...

    http://www.ironpowerpalm.com/test4.html

    I did it in Kompozer so the fonts didn't come out quite the same. But that can be fixed up.

    It took many hours but basically I just went over http://www.scribejuice.com/ and converted it for my product.

    This is the best sales page I've ever done by 100,000% and I didn't even know I could do this.

    PS: I didnt use scribejuice software - I just swiped the entire page. All that I need now is testimonials.
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    • Profile picture of the author ARSuarez
      Originally Posted by gareth View Post

      OK man Here it is...

      IronPowerPalm - Advanced Kung Fu & Qi Gong Iron Palm Training Secrets

      I did it in Kompozer so the fonts didn't come out quite the same. But that can be fixed up.

      It took many hours but basically I just went over Powerful Sales Copy - Automated and converted it for my product.

      This is the best sales page I've ever done by 100,000% and I didn't even know I could do this.

      PS: I didnt use scribejuice software - I just swiped the entire page. All that I need now is testimonials.
      Hm.

      Let us know how it goes on the roll-out.

      Me making any other comment, as well as anybody else, is useless. You'll keep using the same argument as above.

      So, let us know.

      Regards,

      Angel
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      • Profile picture of the author Daniel Scott
        Originally Posted by ARSuarez View Post

        Hm.
        Agreed.

        Also, Gareth, I"d be very very careful you don't get burned for plagarism on this one...

        ...I know if I was Fortin, I'd be seriously considering legal action if I ever found this page.

        -Daniel

        P.S. A bit of a holiday contest...

        Can anyone else see why this page is likely to bomb like crazy... even though it's swiped (well, stolen really) directly from Michel Fortin?
        Signature

        Always looking for badass direct-response copywriters. PM me if we don't know each other and you're looking for work.

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  • Profile picture of the author gareth
    Plagiarism .. pull the other one.

    I think it still needs a quality video above the headline - and a bunch of testimonials further down
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    • Profile picture of the author Collette
      Originally Posted by gareth View Post

      Plagiarism .. pull the other one.

      I think it still needs a quality video above the headline - and a bunch of testimonials further down
      You need to look up the definition of 'plagiarism'. What you have done most definitely is plagiarism. You have stolen someone else's content and are passing it off as your own.

      This is the best sales page I've ever done by 100,000% and I didn't even know I could do this.

      PS: I didnt use scribejuice software - I just swiped the entire page. All that I need now is testimonials.
      YOU didn't do a damn thing except steal someone else's work. YOU have not "done" a sales page. You've merely mugged someone and taken their hard work.

      Because - no - YOU can't "do this". YOU can't write like Michel Fortin. YOU don't even have the writing chops to do a decent swipe.

      I'm sure your 'testimonials' will be just as 'real' as your sales copy.

      What's truly astonishing is that you're a liar and a thief - and proud of it.

      P.S. Look up the meaning of 'copyright' while you're at it. Because every element of that page is copyrighted.

      Copyright © 2007 ScribeJuiceTM. All rights reserved.|
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    • Profile picture of the author Zentech
      Good lord...

      Anyway go look in another thread if you cant handle the truth.

      Which is that with a few hundred bucks, 2-3 CHEAP copywriters, some copy writing software and a script like conversion prophet anybody can make sales pages that equal or out perform many of those written by "expensive" writers that charge 1-2 grand or much more.

      Seriously do an experiment and see for your self.

      Cost breakdown:

      Cheap copy writer #1 $100

      Cheap copy writer #2 $120
      LOL. Yeah, please do.

      Look, I'm a high three-figure per letter guy, which is low-end. I'm about as cheap as you're going to get and end up with copy that actually sells. If you go with someone like Daniel or one of the other higher-end guys (or ladies), you'll sell even more. That's the truth of it and I'd be silly to pretend otherwise.

      This business of $97, $197, $297? Yeah, feel free to believe you can get copy that sells for that price. $100 sales pages? Sheesh - I started out in Elance hell and never even charged that little. But hey, please do test it by all means.

      The writers here will be still be here after the tsunami of 6 sales trickles in. It's not about "ego." Dude, I'm basically a frigging Buddhist. Ego doesn't enter it. The issue is that $100 sales letters are being written by people working for less than what Mickey Dees pays (unless maybe they are just blatantly copy/pasting). What kind of quality can you possibly get?

      It's asinine.
      Signature
      * Stupid Offer: Killer Sales Letters ***$897*** Just For Warriors. Ethical Clients & Legit Products Only. *
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  • Profile picture of the author gareth
    For x's sake you guys make me sick

    I'll run it through a damn plagiarism checker then and alter any thing that needs it. Which wont be much I may add ~ !!!

    Seems to me the best way to write copy for newbies is to do as I have done, but use several pages then mix it up using the tracking software to end up with an optimized page.

    AND IT COSTS NOTHING !!!
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  • Profile picture of the author bryce84
    You wanted your gonads kicked... looks like your getting it.
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  • Profile picture of the author gareth
    Yes but its motivating me...

    OK I have found 16 small word groups that come up - more than I expected.

    They will be gone by tomorrow.

    Is plagiarism...

    Directly copying headlines, unique sentences, graphics, paragraphs and slogans.

    Is not plagiarism...

    Copying the page structure.

    Copying the flow and overall gist.

    Using bullets points, paragraphs, headlines and subheads in the same place for the same reason.

    If Fortin's page was for a kungfu product no way would have I have swiped it - get real. Same if I was making this page for copywriting software.

    Swiping rocks - I like it.

    IN FACT ---->

    Now that I know what to do I can outsource it to the Philippines and get sales pages done for next to nothing.

    Its a system now.

    1. Find the pages to swipe

    2. Re write them for your product

    3. Run a plagiarism check and correct them

    4. Load them into conversion prophet or similar

    5. Drive traffic and optimize (mix & match) on autopilot

    So thats how to get maximum bang for your copy writing buck.

    Knowing my Phillippino's this could be done by one person in a week for $100.00 and the page you get in the end would be first class.

    The final page would be rewritten by hand, plagiarism checked and split / multivariate optimized & mixed up with elements from several other pages.

    A unique optimized page for $100. If you had 5 of them working it could be done over night still for $100.
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  • Profile picture of the author gareth
    bare with me...

    I don't need to spend that much on PPC either.

    I'm a tight *******.
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  • Profile picture of the author Daniel Scott
    Quick! Someone call Agora and tell them they could be getting better results with guys from the Phillipines.

    Seriously though... thanks Gareth. This thread has been very, very entertaining.

    I love how someone who has no idea what they're doing is suddenly espousing the "secret" to getting great copy.

    Maybe you should run a WSO...

    ...assuming you can put together the cash for the listing.

    -Daniel
    Signature

    Always looking for badass direct-response copywriters. PM me if we don't know each other and you're looking for work.

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  • Profile picture of the author cypherslock
    take your business seriously. If you think you can do a better job, then by all means actually WRITE your sales page. Don't swipe other people's hard work. You mention you're at college/university? Work on that...because with your attitude, this business is not for you. And it is people like you that give IM in general a bad name.
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  • Profile picture of the author gareth
    Whats gives IM a bad name is people putting great sales pages on garbage products.

    .. hence OVER CHARGING people for a product or service.
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    • Profile picture of the author ARSuarez
      Originally Posted by gareth View Post

      Whats gives IM a bad name is people putting great sales pages on garbage products.

      .. hence OVER CHARGING people for a product or service.
      Man, what are you rambling about?

      Follow my lead.

      Stop commenting until you've run the page and then tell us the conversions (or a small estimate, if you don't feel comfortable sharing your exact numbers, for some reason).

      Heck, if we are wrong - I'll be the first to say it.

      But I'll be expecting the same professionalism.

      Regards,

      Angel
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  • Profile picture of the author BrianMcLeod
    My prediction for 2011...

    The next thread will be a rant about some scumbag in a foreign country stealing the product and knocking it off - rewriting a few words here or there - and calling it their own.

    That could be a loss of... hundreds of dollars.

    Brian
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    What's with the apostrophes whacked in on the plurals? It's driving me crackers. As in "Gonad's"..."Skill's".

    Here - learn how to use them - WarriorForum - Internet Marketing Forums - Metronicity
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  • Profile picture of the author davemiz
    HAHA.... dude if it was just as easy as stealing someone elses copy, switching a few words to make it seem like its 'original'... everyone would be rich.

    you're looking for a shortcut, there aint one... its called hard work.

    i think you'll find that out for yourself.

    my hunch bigtime FAIL.

    oh man, I have this MAJOR A**hole, dbag, fat attorney... he'd have a field day with this if someone swiped my stuff like that. (seriously)

    And who is gonna help you on here now?

    Who in their right mind wants to help someone who blatantly steals others work?

    lame.
    Signature

    “Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.”
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

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    • Profile picture of the author ARSuarez
      Originally Posted by davemiz View Post

      HAHA.... dude if it was just as easy as stealing someone elses copy, switching a few words to make it seem like its 'original'... everyone would be rich.

      you're looking for a shortcut, there aint one... its called hard work.

      i think you'll find that out for yourself.

      my hunch bigtime FAIL.

      oh man, I have this MAJOR A**hole, dbag, fat attorney... he'd have a field day with this if someone swiped my stuff like that. (seriously)

      And who is gonna help you on here now?

      Who in their right mind wants to help someone who blatantly steals others work?

      lame.
      I was wondering who was going to tell him.
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  • Profile picture of the author davemiz
    lol.... you know me... i always call it like i see it.

    BUT, the op did post some valid stuff early on.... getting a few writers, testing them all... great idea.

    there is a way to swipe a letter... and a way to steal a letter.
    Signature

    “Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.”
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

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  • Profile picture of the author MonsterZero
    I have to admit, this goon is cracking me up. Shamelessly stealing someone's copy and bragging about it on a public forum. What a piece of work!

    But you know what's even funnier? How easy it would be to torpedo this whole project.

    I mean, anyone can post negative reviews about his little McDojo martial arts video, right? No need to buy it to trash it.

    And what's to keep someone from stealing it? I could buy it and swipe it just as easy as he swiped that copy. Of course, I'd have to make sure to return it for a refund first.

    I mean, these are the new rules, right?

    Okay, cool. Sounds like fun. I love mischief.
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  • Profile picture of the author Marc Rodill
    Good news. Based on the content of this thread, I was able to piece together the OP's technique. I have since gone and tested it myself, and came out with a whopping 332% conversion from cold traffic. That's right.

    In a recent survey of my customers, many were so compelled they bought twice. In a frantic, dizzying attempt to get their money back, they realized that I had an explicit no-refund policy, and happily passed the buck on to their friends.

    This in itself brought good fortune, because many later accidentally bought, again, through the link in the product's footer. Weird huh? No matter. It works so good it's like getting paid to drink beer.

    Well, anyway I'm busy. I've got to go plan for my retirement.
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    Long Lost Warriors! The Secret Sales System! Act Now! Buy Now! Right Now!
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    • Profile picture of the author Collette
      Originally Posted by Marc Rodill View Post

      Good news. ...I have since gone and tested it myself, and came out with a whopping 332% conversion from cold traffic. That's right.

      ...

      Marc - I, too, would like to experience this kind of success - but without doing any actual work.

      Would you be kind enough to post the link to your sales copy? I'd like to steal it word-for-word.

      Plus, stealing your copy would save me the expense of a $10 offshore sales copies writer. Think of it as sharing the fruits of your success. With me.

      Also, since I'm too cheap to spend a dime on adspend, I need to steal all the help I can get.

      Don't think of it as me ripping you off. Rather, embrace the karma.

      P.S. On second thoughts, I require you to post the link to your sales copy. No thanks necessary.
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      • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
        Originally Posted by Collette View Post

        Marc - I, too, would like to experience this kind of success - but without doing any actual work.

        Would you be kind enough to post the link to your sales copy? I'd like to steal it word-for-word.

        Plus, stealing your copy would save me the expense of a $10 offshore sales copies writer. Think of it as sharing the fruits of your success. With me.

        Also, since I'm too cheap to spend a dime on adspend, I need to steal all the help I can get.

        Don't think of it as me ripping you off. Rather, embrace the karma.

        P.S. On second thoughts, I require you to post the link to your sales copy. No thanks necessary.
        This is such a giggle. Especially the karma part. LMAO.

        Collette, this IS your best work. Truly.

        Related to karma:

        I have a client. I just got off the phone with her. Sells high-end designer dresses. Admittedly, I don't have a girlfriend or a wife.

        She says "Rick, when you do? You just have her come on in and we'll take care of her. It would be my pleasure. Even accessories for your mother or relatives would be fine. Just come in."

        Now I may not have another girlfriend in my life. But if I do, it will be a fun day for her.

        Embrace the karma. Become one with it.

        Collette, I also appreciate your other points, more than you can imagine. They resonate.

        - Rick Duris

        PS: "sales copies" LMAO So true.
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        • Profile picture of the author Collette
          Originally Posted by RickDuris View Post

          This is such a giggle. Especially the karma part. LMAO.

          Collette, this IS your best work. Truly.

          ...
          Collette, I also appreciate your other points, more than you can imagine. They resonate.

          - Rick Duris

          PS: "sales copies" LMAO So true.
          Not sure if you thought my sarcastic "karma" point was a dig at you. Not so. I really do believe what goes around, comes around.

          And when someone steals from other people or otherwise rips them off... well, that's some bad juju there.

          Personally, I just won't help people who are blatant fakes. I'm picky that way. :rolleyes:
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      • Profile picture of the author Jag82
        Originally Posted by Collette View Post

        Marc - I, too, would like to experience this kind of success - but without doing any actual work.

        Would you be kind enough to post the link to your sales copy? I'd like to steal it word-for-word.

        Plus, stealing your copy would save me the expense of a $10 offshore sales copies writer. Think of it as sharing the fruits of your success. With me.

        Also, since I'm too cheap to spend a dime on adspend, I need to steal all the help I can get.

        Don't think of it as me ripping you off. Rather, embrace the karma.

        P.S. On second thoughts, I require you to post the link to your sales copy. No thanks necessary.

        Collette, I salute you.
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      • Profile picture of the author Jess Alexander
        Originally Posted by Collette View Post

        On second thoughts, I require you to post the link to your sales copy. No thanks necessary.
        So much requiring going on lately.

        Requiring things (critique, etc) seems like a pretty effective (if nervy or rude) headline technique to me. At least on WF! But it's one that wore out its welcome immediately. Will be interesting to see if (and how) it continues to be used over the next weeks/months. And what the response continues to be to it! Seems like thread headings that require something do get a lot of responses.
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        • Profile picture of the author Collette
          Originally Posted by Neal Megson View Post

          So much requiring going on lately.

          Requiring things (critique, etc) seems like a pretty effective (if nervy or rude) headline technique to me. At least on WF! But it's one that wore out its welcome immediately. Will be interesting to see if (and how) it continues to be used over the next weeks/months. And what the response continues to be to it! Seems like thread headings that require something do get a lot of responses.
          As long as people respond to preremptory demands for freebies, rude posters will keep on posting. Maybe people respond in the hope of atracting a client. I dunno.

          Although, frankly, I fail to see why anyone would want someone who begins an interaction with that much rudeness and sense of entitlement as a client. Respect is a two-way street.

          Even if the OP's first language isn't English, some of the first words most people learn (in any language) are "please", and "thank you".
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    • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
      Banned
      Originally Posted by Marc Rodill View Post

      Good news. Based on the content of this thread, I was able to piece together the OP's technique. I have since gone and tested it myself, and came out with a whopping 332% conversion from cold traffic. That's right.
      Just saw your sig. That's funny - when I first started on The WF my sig was "I taught Frank Kern everything he knows" but I took it down before the Mods saw it.

      BTW I don't know much about anything.
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  • Profile picture of the author LastBeatleBug
    Hi Gareth
    I am going to come from a different angle.
    Firstly I was impressed by your artwork. I didn't read the copy which I should but your subject is not my thing.

    2 (maybe) small things i didn't like

    Firstly The Pre headline

    WARNING: Do Not Buy Another secret system For
    Iron Palm training Until You Read This Message!!!

    sounded so contrived and fake and seen so so many times.

    Secondly (monor point from a purely visual perspective) the red ticks (check marks) really annoy me. (maybe it is just me). Green is for go - red is for stop. Red x's make sense green ticks make sense. But i see it a lot so take that as a grain of salt

    Most importantly I only read this post PURELY because of your post title "Kick my Gonad's"
    It piqued my curiosity - I wanted to find out what this is about. If you could get that in your sales page heading WOW!!!

    Maybe that is your real personality coming through and again, maybe, you could put more of that (your personality) into the sales page.

    Paul
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