32% conversion rate... Critique required

19 replies
I want you opinion on these simple, yet effective email blasts I sent the other day:

Blast 1:

Subject:
Turning your pictures into masterpieces...with #productname!

Copy:
"Do you remember the last time you took a trip and was amazed at the beauty of the scenery... and it was so incredible that you just had to take out your camera and capture that magnificent view... only to come home to upload the picture to your computer, to find that what you got was a flat, dull looking... even boring picture of that great place?

I know the feeling. Well, I used to know the feeling.

You see, I knew there had to be a way to process my pictures that would allow me to recreate that delicious, fascinating view of that memorable trip.

And it turns out I did find it...

Is called #productname from the guys at #productmaker

I mean... with just one click is like going back in time and experience in full, vivid color detail, what a magnificent view that was. Is just... astonishing.

In case you haven't seen it, take a look at what can be done right now

Your family will love you for it!

Hope you enjoy improving your pictures with the amazing power of #productname

Until the next time... thanks for reading!

Signature"

Stats:
64% opens
32% CTR
This email blast generated well over 1k for me in less than a week.



Blast 2:

Subject:
Private lessons for the #technique Master, #nameofmaster!

Copy:
Dear fellow photographer,

You need to pay close attention to this... this email can seriously boost your photography skills.

#nameofmaster, World #technique guru, has just made available for immediate download his exclusive #technique DVD series for the incredible price of $99!

Let me repeat that:
For $99 you have immediate access to the secrets of #technique photography by the master of #technique, #nameofmaster!

Think about it for a second...

This is a once in a lifetime opportunity to have #nameofmaster, the creator of #internetproperty, in your living room teaching you the inner workings of #technique photography for less than 0.20 cents a day!

I have just purchased it and all I can say is WOW! This Christmas sure are going to be colorful :-)

Check out #nameofmaster website for more information about the DVD and the different versions you have available.

Click here to download the world class #technique DVD from the master himself, #nameofmaster!

Until the next time, thanks for reading!

Stats:
53% opens
24% CTR
This email blast generated near 1k for me in about two weeks.


The reason I'm posting this here is two fold:
  • I looking for critiques
  • I want to get in the copywriting business but have no idea what should I charge being a ghost and all

Fire away!

Thanks,
Webghost
#32% #conversion #critique #immediately #rate
  • Profile picture of the author davemiz
    interesting... the open rate is *crazy*... most of the time we're getting 8-15%...

    totally different style than mine... but there more than 1 way to skin a cat...

    if it works it works.
    Signature

    “Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.”
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

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    • Profile picture of the author Webghost
      Originally Posted by davemiz View Post

      interesting... the open rate is *crazy*... most of the time we're getting 8-15%...

      totally different style than mine... but there more than 1 way to skin a cat...

      if it works it works.
      It seems to be working

      Thanks for your feedback!
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  • Profile picture of the author Oxbloom
    Originally Posted by Webghost View Post

    Blast 1:

    Stats:
    64% opens
    32% CTR
    This email blast generated well over 1k for me in less than a week.



    Blast 2:

    Stats:
    53% opens
    24% CTR
    This email blast generated near 1k for me in about two weeks.
    I've seen all I need to. These are perfect. Don't change a thing.
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  • Profile picture of the author Webghost
    Thanks for your suggestions. I do commit some "grammar crimes" from time to time, mainly because English is not my main language.

    I'm working on the active and picture painting. I fully understand their value.

    Thanks!
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  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    What an absolutely RUDE REQUEST!
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    • Profile picture of the author Webghost
      Originally Posted by travlinguy View Post

      What an absolutely RUDE REQUEST!
      Sorry if you feel that way.

      My intention is not to be rude at all

      Let's remove the "immediately" part.
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  • Profile picture of the author Vincenzo Oliva
    You must of built or acquired a highly targeted and highly responsive list. Because these are the types of email I teach NOT to send. Blatant promo sales piece.

    Otherwise you failed to tell where you are at in this mail sequence. You might have send 3 great, relationship building, story telling, trust enhancing emails then this one sealed the deal. Which is it?
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    • Profile picture of the author Webghost
      Originally Posted by Vincenzo Oliva View Post

      You must of built or acquired a highly targeted and highly responsive list. Because these are the types of email I teach NOT to send. Blatant promo sales piece.

      Otherwise you failed to tell where you are at in this mail sequence. You might have send 3 great, relationship building, story telling, trust enhancing emails then this one sealed the deal. Which is it?
      Thanks for your input. I'm curious to know what is it exactly about the way I write that you feel the need to teach specifically not to do it.

      Besides that I'll take as a compliment that you consider me capable of sending "3 great, relationship building, story telling, trust enhancing emails" My rate just went up

      But no, actually this are emails number 2 and 3 of my photography newsletter. I'm going to send another blast early January and post the stats as well.

      - W.
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      • Profile picture of the author Zentech
        This thread is wrongly titled. It should be titled:

        "32% conversion rate... Critique NOT required"

        Don't fix what ain't broke. If you're doing this well, the last thing you want to do is let anybody convince you to change anything.
        Signature
        * Stupid Offer: Killer Sales Letters ***$897*** Just For Warriors. Ethical Clients & Legit Products Only. *
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        • Profile picture of the author Webghost
          Originally Posted by Zentech View Post

          This thread is wrongly titled. It should be titled:

          "32% conversion rate... Critique NOT required"

          Don't fix what ain't broke. If you're doing this well, the last thing you want to do is let anybody convince you to change anything.
          thanks for that!

          I agree that I'm getting good numbers... however, I would like to get some actionable feedback (as usually when you ask for a critique - that's what I love about this forum!) and encouragement or a reality check into the possibility for me to get into the copywriting business.
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  • Profile picture of the author maximus242
    ... who cares what you teach, the only thing that matters is what makes money
    Signature

    xResponsive Advertising Agency | Direct Marketing | Online Advertising | Create Breakthrough Campaigns for Your Business http://xresponsive.com

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  • Profile picture of the author Zentech
    Anybody fit to write copy for clients wouldn't be asking others to tell them whether they are fit to write copy for clients. I don't mean to insult you, of course. If you're doing as well as you say, then you very likely *could* do quite well in copywriting. But I wouldn't advise getting into it until YOU feel that is the case, rather than looking for someone else to give you the go-ahead.

    Writing anything for clients and accepting money for it takes a certain amount of chutzpah. You have to feel strongly convinced you're worth it, or else you'll choke when you ask for payment or even try to set a price. Nobody else can instill that confidence in you. It comes from what you know about yourself.

    I turn clients down if I don't feel up to the job. Yes, that means I do turn down some clients. If prospective clients are put off by that, maybe they need to think about whether they really want someone working for them who isn't sure they can cut the mustard but takes the payment anyway. And yes, I believe there are times when this happens to *every* writer. Nobody can offer the best service to every single client.

    If you want to break in, you could always just get started and take the clients you feel you can do great work for. Can't go wrong with that. Might not make you a ton of money straight out of the gate, but hopefully that's not what you're expecting anyway.
    Signature
    * Stupid Offer: Killer Sales Letters ***$897*** Just For Warriors. Ethical Clients & Legit Products Only. *
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    • Profile picture of the author Webghost
      Originally Posted by Zentech View Post

      Anybody fit to write copy for clients wouldn't be asking others to tell them whether they are fit to write copy for clients. I don't mean to insult you, of course. If you're doing as well as you say, then you very likely *could* do quite well in copywriting. But I wouldn't advise getting into it until YOU feel that is the case, rather than looking for someone else to give you the go-ahead.

      Writing anything for clients and accepting money for it takes a certain amount of chutzpah. You have to feel strongly convinced you're worth it, or else you'll choke when you ask for payment or even try to set a price. Nobody else can instill that confidence in you. It comes from what you know about yourself.
      You are absolutely right... but here is the thing...

      English is not my native language.

      This is what's making me seek validation from other copywriters.

      I've been doing my own thing for quite some time and I'm getting good results. But, the minute I think about charging someone else for my services I get anxious because of the language thing.

      Anyway, I just offered a re-write or a test sales letter on my other thread. If anyone is interested... shoot me a PM.

      I guess I'll pop the cherry, dominate my fear and kick ass all around

      Thanks!
      -W
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  • Profile picture of the author Webghost
    Originally Posted by Matt Jutras View Post

    Listen to this: you write MUCH better than most native English speakers. So whatever you do, don't be discouraged.

    Just tighten your writing up a bit and you're good to go.

    A good resource you can grab for free is 'The Elements Of Style'.

    Google it.

    Then go to Amazon and pick up "Effective Writing" by Bruce Ross-Larson. It's a hardcover priced at around $30.00 but worth every penny, especially if you want to make money writing.

    Good luck.
    Thanks for the encouragement. I'll start the year with some good literature

    I just finished Cashvertising, On Writing and Maria Veloso's book (which frankly seems more like a book on what to avoid).
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  • Profile picture of the author Zero
    Include multiple links in your email. Tats the 1 way i believe u can boost ur CTR. Include 1 again at the end of your email after ur signature in ur PS..
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