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Can Anyone Critique This Sales Page

by fated82
10 replies
Hi guys,

My partner have created this sales page and I want to know what you guys think...Thanks!

Secrets to Facebook Marketing - A 7-Step PROVEN Formula to Generate More Leads and Profits from Facebook
#critique #page #sales
  • Profile picture of the author Devid Farah
    Here is what i think:

    -I would improve the design of the header...

    -I think there are too many "add to cart" buttons. I counted 9!

    -"As a buyer" i perceive the first video testimonial as "fake".
    My advice is that if you don't have REAL testimonials simply don't put them.

    -I don't see P.S. in your sales letter; p.s. have a great persuasive power and you could remind your reader of the deal or special offer.
    You can add multiple post scripts (P.S., P.P.S.) to call more attention to the postscript area.
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    • Profile picture of the author jayuk76
      Banner is off putting

      I can just about understand what the guy in the video is saying [No offence]

      Make it clear,concise and engaging.
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  • Profile picture of the author fated82
    Thanks guys....I am constantly looking for ways to improve the sales page....The feedback are valuable!
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    • Profile picture of the author Summertime Dress
      Above the fold has washed out appearance. I agree with video also. May be better to have a voice over? I'm also not crazy about oversized videos. Seems very spammy. I think if you're selling to marketers...marketers are used to a certain look/style that is authoritative (like the minisite911.com -- although have never used before).
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  • Profile picture of the author JanPat
    The headline seems a little watered down with "Secrets to Facebook marketing." Not specific like the following sentence "Seven Step Proven Formula..."

    Reading stops right there.
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  • Profile picture of the author jtunkelo
    First impressions:

    - Yes the header is a little weak, I'd replace it or better yet lose it and improve the headline and make that more prominent and hard hitting.

    - You create all this value, pile on bonuses and even consulting... and then sell it for 19.95? You lose all credibility right there. Either it really is near worthless, or you've vastly under-pricing it.

    - I'd recommend slashing the width of the page by about 1/4 to 1/3. Now the main text area is so wide the eye loses focus before it gets to the end of a line. Because of that, the quality of your actual copy doesn't really matter because people are put off by this, unconsciously.

    - If you do believe in the 7 steps you outline, I'd advise to rename each of the steps to something a little less... well, yawn inducing. I don't mean to be nasty, but the people have seen this stuff so many times their eyes just glaze over.
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    • Profile picture of the author fated82
      Originally Posted by jtunkelo View Post

      First impressions:

      - Yes the header is a little weak, I'd replace it or better yet lose it and improve the headline and make that more prominent and hard hitting.

      - You create all this value, pile on bonuses and even consulting... and then sell it for 19.95? You lose all credibility right there. Either it really is near worthless, or you've vastly under-pricing it.
      Thanks Junkelo, I have made a huge change to the sales page. have removed the video and even increase the price to make it more valuable and credible. May remove the header based on Warrior's opinion since most of you think it's not strong enough (I agree).

      Here is my updated sales page, please continue critique it so I can improve.

      Secrets to Facebook Marketing - A 7-Step Proven Formula to Generate More Leads and Profits from Facebook
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      • Profile picture of the author Zentech
        Hi.

        Headline is still boring. Very generic and puts me to sleep. Let me skim the offer and try to cook up something better for you...

        Okay, just off the top of my head:

        Is Ben Franklin On Your Friends List? He Will Be After You Discover The Killer Facebook Secrets You've Been Missing While Others Are Making Up To XXXX.00 Per Week Just By Updating Their Facebook Pages!

        {Can use a $100 bill image, maybe doctored to include some kind of cute Facebook theme just under this, if you want to accessorize it}

        It's not my best work, but it's not bad for 2 minutes of thought, and better than what you have.

        The copy itself is kind of iffy. It doesn't shine. In other words, it doesn't grab me by the throat and neckhole-punch me into rushing to the Order Now button - but maybe that's a bit much. If you want to be a little more conservative, that's fine, but you still need more spark. The sentence structure and usage is a bit dodgy, too.

        Like a lot of sales letters, this one actually gets stronger further in. Most of your weakness is concentrated early on - precisely where it hurts most. Fix that and you'll be in much better shape.

        How, specifically? Well, I'd basically have to give you a free re-write to tell you that, and I can't do that, but if you want to go it alone, then just follow the basics of copywriting. If you don't know what those are, browse this forum for free e-book recommendations - there are several good ones.
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        * Stupid Offer: Killer Sales Letters ***$897*** Just For Warriors. Ethical Clients & Legit Products Only. *
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  • Profile picture of the author Bremaine
    I think it's well made. I think it could use a nicer header, but otherwise it's a great looking site.
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  • Profile picture of the author Marvin Johnston
    A couple of impressions;

    I don't think the above the fold information would make someone want to read further. And at that point, they really don't have enough information to make a decision. And so why use that valuable space to put a buy banner?

    Skimming the page showed up white lettering on a black background so nothing jumped out at me from whatever you were trying to do at that point. My understanding (at this point) is do not use white lettering on a black background ... it is too hard to read.

    Skimming further, I saw "Results" jumping out at me, but I was left with a void. The font size of any other information was too small.

    As I looked at the bonuses, the prices looked inflated compared to almost everything else in the market ... including the Guru's .

    Something I've heard is effective, especially to reduce refunds, is to massively over deliver. What you might try is not even mentioning the bonuses, but when someone actually buys, put some of it on an autoresponder to be delivered weekly or so. And of course letting the buyer know in advance that something else of value would be coming in the near future.

    Frank Kern did this with Mass Control. You find out that the price includes free admission to the San Diego event (appears to have been timed to occur after the refund period.) Then videos of the seminar were included for download. etc.

    Marvin
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