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How Bad Does This Headline Suck

by Dan Williams
30 replies
How You Can Freeze Your Car Insurance Rates From Ever Going Up Again

From The Agent Who Brought You Huge Savings....Rate Protection Guarantee


We have access to a brand new "patented" endorsement that will allow clients to "lock in" their auto insurance rates(with a few limitations) and never again be subjected to a rate increase. Now I have to come up with a headline that will kick ass
#bad #headline
  • Profile picture of the author aaron_nimocks
    Not Only Do We Protect Your Car... Now We Protect Your Money

    Just another idea
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  • Profile picture of the author Bruce Wedding
    Originally Posted by Dan Williams View Post

    How You Can Freeze Your Car Insurance Rates From Ever Going Up Again
    This thing looks like it came from the Department of Redundancy Department. How about, "Freeze your auto insurance rates... Forever"
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    • Profile picture of the author Ross Bowring
      Originally Posted by Bruce Wedding View Post

      This thing looks like it came from the Department of Redundancy Department. How about, "Freeze your auto insurance rates... Forever"
      How about...

      "This Winter... Freeze Your Auto Insurance Rates... Forever".

      --- Ross
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      • Profile picture of the author Dan Williams
        Oh man...good stuff ! Thanks again to all
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        http://www.williams-agency.net
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      • Profile picture of the author vip-ip
        Originally Posted by Ross Bowring View Post

        How about...

        "This Winter... Freeze Your Auto Insurance Rates... Forever".

        --- Ross
        And you just got 25% of the business you could be getting with a better headline. Because if my insurance company is kicking my wallet's ass in March, I'm looking for an up-to-date solution now, not in December.

        Well, it is a negative presupposition, isn't it? Good point.
        Is that to suggest that a headline with a negative presupposition will always undersell a headline without it?

        Best Regards,
        vip-ip ...
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        • Profile picture of the author Ross Bowring
          Originally Posted by vip-ip View Post

          And you just got 25% of the business you could be getting with a better headline. Because if my insurance company is kicking my wallet's ass in March, I'm looking for an up-to-date solution now, not in December.
          Of course it's not suitable for year-round use. It's to use now... during winter... in frigid Northern PA... where it's currently colder than a witch's tit in a brass brassiere.

          --- Ross
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        • Profile picture of the author Marc Rodill
          Originally Posted by vip-ip View Post

          Is that to suggest that a headline with a negative presupposition will always undersell a headline without it?

          Best Regards,
          vip-ip ...
          No, I wasn't thinking of it that way. Just pointing it out.

          Marc
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  • Profile picture of the author auradev
    Yeah that headline really sucks.

    How about "No More Insurance Rate Hikes - Guaranteed!"
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  • Profile picture of the author MonsterZero
    Go with what Bruce said and ignore everything else.
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  • Profile picture of the author vip-ip
    How about

    Let Other Car Owners Deal With Insurance Price Hikes. Not You.
    Introducing: 'Price Freeze' - Accident Forgiveness Will Never Get Better Than This.

    Best Regards,
    vip-ip ...
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    • Profile picture of the author Dmaind
      Originally Posted by vip-ip View Post

      How about

      Let Other Car Owners Deal With Insurance Price Hikes. Not You.
      Introducing: 'Price Freeze' - Accident Forgiveness Will Never Get Better Than This.

      Best Regards,
      vip-ip ...
      Nice Hooking Headline.
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      • Profile picture of the author Dan Williams
        Go with what Bruce said and ignore everything else.
        If your all done a$$ kissing...


        I'd like to thank everyone for some great suggestions
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        http://www.williams-agency.net
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        • Profile picture of the author Rezbi
          Originally Posted by Dan Williams View Post

          If your all done a$$ kissing...


          I'd like to thank everyone for some great suggestions
          Woah!

          What brought that on?

          Having said that, I'd go with Bruce's suggestion, too: It's short and to the point.
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          • Profile picture of the author Dan Williams
            Maybe I jumped the gun... I thought the suggested headline was good as well....my BS radar might be a little off kilter today...thought I smelled a terd when I see a post with no merit other than simply "stroking"
            My bad


            I actually liked Mal's "with" the minor revision
            Lock In Your Auto Insurance Rates

            never again suffer with a rate increase

            Awesome to be able to get this kind of advice from experts
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            http://www.williams-agency.net
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            • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
              Banned
              Originally Posted by Dan Williams View Post

              Maybe I jumped the gun... I thought the suggested headline was good as well....my BS radar might be a little off kilter today...thought I smelled a terd when I see a post with no merit other than simply "stroking"
              My bad


              I actually liked Mal's "with" the minor revision
              Lock In Your Auto Insurance Rates

              never again suffer with a rate increase

              Awesome to be able to get this kind of advice from experts
              nah - "suffer" and "subjected to" are entirely different beasts. I stand by the original.
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          • Profile picture of the author Marc Rodill
            Originally Posted by Rezbi View Post

            Woah!

            What brought that on?

            Having said that, I'd go with Bruce's suggestion, too: It's short and to the point.
            Haha.

            Yeah Dan, do that, and split test against Mal's.

            Dan. He wasn't ass kissing. He was pointing you in the right direction.

            Marc

            PS. "Never again suffer a rate increase." I like it.
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        • Profile picture of the author MonsterZero
          Originally Posted by Dan Williams View Post

          If your all done a$$ kissing...


          I'd like to thank everyone for some great suggestions
          I'm so glad I took the time to single out the most productive suggestion for you.

          Look below. I'm not selling anything. I'm not linked to a website. I genuinely like helping people who seem polite and serious about delivering value tweak their copy so it's more effective.

          There's some good advice on this forum. There's also some terrible advice that will cost you a lot of time and money if you follow it.

          You know what usually gets the most attention and response? The bad advice.

          Good advice gets ignored, lost in the mix, or goes unappreciated.

          Or, bizarrely, is met with an insult.

          Well, that's okay by me. Some people can't be helped.

          I think I'm done here. Too many clowns.
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    You've said it yourself Dude -

    Lock In Your Auto Insurance Rates

    never again be subjected to a rate increase
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    • Profile picture of the author vip-ip
      Originally Posted by Metronicity View Post

      You've said it yourself Dude -

      Lock In Your Auto Insurance Rates

      never again be subjected to a rate increase
      I like this one, can't "suffer" replace your "be subjected to" though?

      Best Regards,
      vip-ip ...
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  • Profile picture of the author Dmaind
    Some contribution from me...
    "Do You Know How To Freeze Your Car Insurance Rates? If No Then I Will Help You To Freeze It - Read Now"

    "Give Me 2 Minutes And I Will Show You How You Can Freeze Your Car Insurance Rates Form Going Up"


    "Insurance Agent Reveals A Secret To Lock Down Your Car Insurance Rates Forever"

    "Learn How A Secret Insurance Plan Helps You To Lock Down Your Car Insurance Rates Forever"


    "Agent Reveals A Secret Insurance Plan Which Will Help You To Lock Down Your Car Insurance Rates Forever"

    "If You Give Me 5 Minutes Then I will Show You How To Deal With Insurance Rate Hikes And Save 20% or More On Your Next Insurance Premium"


    Regards,
    D Maind
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  • Profile picture of the author Bruce Wedding
    Be careful using the word "suffer" in a headline.
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  • Profile picture of the author Marc Rodill
    Well, it is a negative presupposition, isn't it? Good point.
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    Long Lost Warriors! The Secret Sales System! Act Now! Buy Now! Right Now!
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  • Profile picture of the author OnlineMasterMind
    [DELETED]
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  • Profile picture of the author 247Copywriter
    Your Car Insurance Premium Frozen for (insert time period) Years!

    Grab YOUR Insurance Rate Protection Guarantee Today

    Call Me... Dan Williams (business name) (tel #) Right Now to Find Out How You Can
    Take Advantage of this Awesome Cost Saving Insurance Deal of a Lifetime!

    Call Me Now... (tel # again)
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    --->----->----->----->-----> MarkAndrews IMCopywriting <-----<-----<-----<-----<---
    http://www.IMCopywriting.com
    Mark@IMCopywriting.com
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  • Profile picture of the author TheOcarlsen
    Introducing: One less worry. No more rate increase.

    Who else wants to put a permanent roof on their car insurance payments?

    ... have YOU "locked in" yet?
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    • Profile picture of the author sakari
      Spot on, exactly how I'd say it. Great stuff, TheOcarlsen!

      Originally Posted by TheOcarlsen View Post

      Introducing: One less worry. No more rate increase.

      Who else wants to put a permanent roof on their car insurance payments?

      ... have YOU "locked in" yet?
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  • Profile picture of the author WD Mino
    "Revolutionary Insurance Company Gives YOU The Power To Lock In Your Rates And Freeze Inflation Without Ever Leaving Your Home!"

    Lock your rates in now before your neighbor does
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    "As a man thinks in his heart so is he-Proverbs 23:7"

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