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A craigslist ad example

by Sebastion
9 replies
Here is a piece I wrote for a craigslist ad some time ago. I wrote this in five minutes. I got one reply. I have not altered it. This is one of dozens on my hard drive. I also do dating coaching.

This is before I read anything on this forum.

My idea was to keep it short and sweet.

How bad is it?
---------------------------------

January Bootcamp Special

website url

What if you had the ability to instantly attract the women you desire? Life would be great.

There are lots of internet marketers claiming they have the magic lines, the special tactics. Here is the truth about seduction:

It takes PRACTICE

You have blind spots. Things about yourself you can't see. These blind spots are hindering you from success.

Your friends won't tell you--they don't want to hurt your feelings.

Women won't tell you--they don't want to hurt your feelings either.

I am not afraid to hurt your feelings.

Email me today for a free coaching session. You won't regret it. The only thing you will regret is doing nothing...again, and again, and again.


website url
#craigslist
  • Profile picture of the author AdmiralGloom
    Is your title "January Bootcamp Special"? If so it tells me nothing of what it will offer me.

    A title should either be about how you will decrease unpleasant feelings and/or actions or how it will benefit the client.

    The first few sentences don't CATCH me, and at the point it makes me want to stop reading when it should be one of the most enticing parts of your ad.
    Signature
    Phone: 507-593-9123
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    • Profile picture of the author Sebastion
      Of course. Duh.


      So...Learn To Attract Amazing Women
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  • Profile picture of the author Collette
    Originally Posted by Sebastion View Post

    ...How bad is it?

    How bad do YOU think it is? Now that you've been poking around the forum?

    You wrote it in 5 minutes. You got 1 reply. That, in itself, answers your question. Your ad didn't bring in the business you wanted, which tells you you missed your message by a mile.

    Better for you: Rewrite this ad. Take more than 5 minutes to do it. Sell us on your coaching service. Then come back here with something that may be worth evaluating.

    And - don't worry - we're not afraid to hurt your feelings. :p
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    • Profile picture of the author Sebastion
      Alright. I'll write something that works.

      I basically gave up on craigslist as I pull all my coaching clients off of niche forums.

      But It's time I learned.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ross James
    where is mr. subtle when you need him





    headline could be: Let This January Be A Month She Wont Soon Forget

    or

    Dust Off Those Unused Condoms And Put Some Life Into Her

    I'm not sure how that would fly on craigs,

    just a thought

    Best,

    Ross
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  • Profile picture of the author Prosechild
    basically you're asking your prospects to pay you to hurt their feelings and point out their flaws, since their friends and women won't ...

    you didn't communicate that you have the knowledge to help them fix their blind spots, you didn't position yourself as an expert, paint the picture of how you'll help them ease their pain, and you didn't tap into their dream of attracting any women they choose, easily and effortlessly.
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    • Profile picture of the author Ross James
      Originally Posted by Prosechild View Post

      basically you're asking your prospects to pay you to hurt their feelings and point out their flaws, since their friends and women won't ...

      you didn't communicate that you have the knowledge to help them fix their blind spots, you didn't position yourself as an expert, paint the picture of how you'll help them ease their pain, and you didn't tap into their dream of attracting any women they choose, easily and effortlessly.
      Go easy, he is fresh meat.
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      • Profile picture of the author 247Copywriter
        Very mediocre Sebastion.

        I mean seriously, you're asking us to critique something which you just threw together in 5 minutes? And this is supposed to be a good example of your work?

        Come on man. You want to get into this industry, you're gonna have to do a lot better than that.

        Stop treating advertising and copywriting like a joke and get serious.
        Signature
        --->----->----->----->-----> MarkAndrews IMCopywriting <-----<-----<-----<-----<---
        http://www.IMCopywriting.com
        Mark@IMCopywriting.com
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  • Profile picture of the author Ross James
    Here is another tip, write like you are at a bar, pitching an idea off of broken piece of card board

    Forget about imagining the professor that failed you is looking over your shoulder as your words come out on paper. Write like you were in a conversation between you and a good friend.

    Best,

    Ross
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